Mother Be The Judge (15 page)

Adrian looked at Tiffany's pink lips puckered up before him. He felt the desire heat in the soles of his feet and begin to rise through the very marrow of his bones, filling each pore of his being. It built and swelled, pushing its way up past his already swollen penis, his heart hammered in his chest, his lungs drew in deep breaths. The desire in him continued to work its way up to his throat causing him to let loose a low growl. His eyes rolled in their sockets and once again he felt as though he was watching a scene playing out in front of him. The snuff movie he had been writing in his mind for the last four years since Savannah's death now began to play out before him.

-x-

He kissed Tiffany roughly on the lips. She pulled away, not liking the stubbly feel on her soft lips. "Adrian." She began to protest but then saw in front of her not the boy she had fallen in love with but a daemon. Adrian's eyes were rolling in his head and his face had taken on an evil expression. "Adrian what's wrong?" Tiffany asked, she thought maybe he had hurt himself. Suddenly Adrian reached out and grabbed Tiffany around the throat, his fingers dug tightly into her neck and Tiffany realised she had made a huge mistake. Adrian didn't love her, he was the stranger her parents had always warned her about; the big bad wolf that blew the house down and ate Little Red Riding Hood's grandma. Adrian was squeezing harder and harder and Tiffany was also vaguely aware of an intrusion in her private area. The light in Tiffany's eyes began to form a tunnel with just Adrian's face at the end of it. She tried to get some words out of her mouth, she wanted to plead with Adrian to stop what he was doing, but no words could get out. Tiffany's last thoughts strangely were of her pet mouse she had had when she was five. It was the first death she had ever experienced and she had wondered at the time if her mouse had gone to the same heaven people went to. Tiffany knew she was about to find out for herself. She concentrated on looking at Adrian's face hoping he would see her plea and stop this dreadful act. He looked intently at her, waiting for the moment when her lights went out.

-x-

'Mum, I'm not coming home 2day. I can't take the bullying any more so have run away. I luv u x x'

Adrian put Tiffany's phone into his jeans pocket then continued to wrap her up in the green tarpaulin he had stolen off an allotment. He picked her up in his arms and moved her over to an abandoned patch, then using a shovel he had taken from the blue shed; he dug a deep ditch to lay Tiffany to rest. On each dig Adrian relived flashes of what he had just done. Dig; him pushing his penis into Tiffany's slack, dead mouth. Dig; him biting into Tiffany's flesh, tasting the sweetness of her blood. Dig; the sweet release as Adrian reached the climax he had sought for so long. Adrian spent the next half hour digging deeper and deeper, wallowing in his deed. No part of him felt remorse or regret; he believed in his love for Tiffany and was convinced he had fulfilled both his and Tiffany's destiny. Once the hole was deep enough, he lay Tiffany in her final resting place and waved her a fond goodbye before replenishing the earth he had removed. It was getting dark and Adrian was feeling hungry. He walked away from Tiffany's grave and gave a silent curse as he realised he hadn't filmed himself with her. Once again he had gottten carried away in the moment. Adrian decided he would have to plan things better the next time an angel came to him.

He sauntered along the road wondering what shitty meal his mother had concocted; all thoughts of Tiffany now wiped from his mind and replaced with visions of a warm dinner.

'A mother loves her children even when they least deserve to be loved.'

Kate Semperi 'Mothers'

16
th
May 2012

18:30 hours

Jocasta sat at the table still waiting for Adrian to arrive home. She had finished all the chocolate in the cupboard and had also eaten three packets of salt and vinegar crisps, some crackers with pate and was now considering something sweet to combat the savoury taste in her mouth. She tried to keep only thoughts of food in her head so she wouldn't have to dwell in the whirlpool of suspicion her find in Adrian's bedroom had instilled in her.

Jocasta was battling with her conscience; she couldn't shake the image of Savannah's mother from her mind. Imagining what she must be feeling at the loss of her child was causing Jocasta real heartache. She remembered again how she felt when Adrian was sick, how images of his dead body would flash in her mind. To lose Adrian would be a devastating blow, her world would be turned upside down and all her reasons for breathing would disappear in the blink of an eye. Savannah's mother was often seen by Jocasta, staggering around the Fern Bridge estate; her son Andrew following in her wake. Mae West was the shell of the woman she had once been, her skin had taken on a yellow tinge where her liver wasn't able to cope with the incessant battering from alcohol. Andrew was a lost little boy, no longer cared for by his bigger sister and not able to take over the role of carer for the drunken mother. Mike the step father was nowhere to be seen; suspicion had pushed its way into his relationship with Mae and she was unable to coexist with a person she believed possibly involved in the murder of her daughter.

Now believing that Adrian was in some way the cause of the pain Savannah's family lived with, Jocasta felt the weight of responsibility heavy on her shoulders. She had an overwhelming urge to go and visit Savannah's family, to help them with their pain and to make recompense for the loss that had been forced upon them. Only her love for Adrian kept her firmly anchored in her kitchen chair; no amount of grief or guilt could take away her adoration of him. She knew Adrian was a good person and believed it must have been a terrible accident. Jocasta had finally come to the decision that she was going to confront Adrian about Savannah. She would not allow herself to shy away from her responsibility as Adrian's mother. He was suffering a terrible burden of guilt and it was her role to relive that burden. Adrian should be allowed to speak and offload his burden onto her. She would take his woes onto her shoulders and comfort him.

Jocasta heard the front door open and turned to welcome Adrian who was walking towards her.

"What's for dinner?" Adrian asked.

"I ate it," said Jocasta. "You weren't here and it got cold."

Adrian turned into the bathroom and called out from behind the door. "Can you make me something then, I'm just having a shower."

"In the middle of the day?"

"Yeah, I've had a busy day." Adrian smiled to himself as he began to remove his clothing, keeping Tiffany's blue knickers tightly in his hand as he walked into the shower.

Jocasta got up from the table and rushed to retrieve the knickers she had found earlier under Adrian's bed. She made a quick egg and chips and put them on the table, then sat with the knickers secreted in her hand waiting for Adrian to finish his shower.

-x-

Adrian washed himself using his newly acquired knickers as a flannel. He spent a long time reliving the moment that life had left Tiffany and serenity had set in. Adrian felt like a God and realised his real pleasure was in the taking of life. The carnal pleasure he got after the act of killing was like his reward for bestowing the gift of peace on Tiffany. No longer would his angel suffer at the hands of bullies or bad parenting, he had delivered her from evil. Adrian finished his shower, wrapped himself in a towel, returned to his room and quickly started to put on his pyjamas. He threw Tiffany's knickers into his desk drawer; they would have to dry before he could put them in his hiding place under the mattress. As Adrian dressed he noticed that his sheets had been changed and the usual detritus was missing from his now clean room. The Pig had been inside his inner sanctum. He lifted the mattress to check what was underneath and found Savannah's knickers were missing. Adrian realised that the Pig must have found them; he wondered what she must be thinking. He walked from his room and saw his mother sitting back at the kitchen table, a plate of food awaited him and he could see her hands held tightly together in her lap. Uncertain how to approach the situation because he didn't know what his mother may suspect, Adrian decided to play the long game and allow the Pig to play her hand first.

"Egg and chips," he stated as he sat at the table, and then began to eat in his usual silence. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach in anticipation at what was to come; would his mother have the guts to confront him, he wondered.

"Adrian I need to ask you something." Jocasta said.

"What?" he stopped eating; placed his knife and fork on the plate and sat back in his chair. Jocasta put her clenched hands onto the table and then slowly opened them allowing the pink material to drop onto the table. As there was no element of surprise for Adrian, he remained level in both expression and manner. He decided to say nothing; he wanted to hear what his mother would say.

"Adrian I found these today when I was cleaning your room for you. I know I shouldn't have gone in there but I got a new job today and was feeling happy so wanted to do something for you." Jocasta looked at the table, unable to stare into Adrian's eyes; she didn't want to see the reproach that must be in them. She took a deep breath and continued.

"When I moved the bed these knickers were there with that disgusting magazine. Please tell me why you have them, where did you get them from?"

Adrian knew Jocasta was asking him to give her a reasonable explanation for why he possessed such an item. She wanted him to soothe her fears, tell her some inane story for why he had them so she could retreat back into her world of ignorance and continue to love him unquestioningly. But today Adrian was a God; today Adrian had achieved the climax of love which his mother had tried to take away from him when she had allowed doctors to remove his most masculine part. Today Adrian was going to let his mother know just what he had done to little Savannah - not Tiffany, he was not ready to share her yet. He was going to give his mother a blow by blow account of every minute detail of Savannah's demise. He was going to let her know it was her fault and that she had turned him into the person he was today. Adrian
had
been carrying this tale around with him but it wasn't a burden. It was like a Gospel which needed to be written, a story to be heralded; his magnificent achievement in creating angels. Love in its purest form - death making it eternal.

Adrian told his mother everything that had happened between himself and Savannah. He stopped her when she tried to excuse the death as an accident and reminded her that Savannah was not only murdered but raped, sodomised and bitten. He reminded her of how he had joined the search party and found Savannah's body; how he had delivered Savannah into the hands of the police and told his mother why that was such a clever thing to do.

"And you." he accused, "You knew. You spoke to that copper and told him I was with you that night. You
knew
I had killed Savannah, just like you knew I had touched Charmaine. I
told
you I had touched her and you wouldn't listen. You did this, it's your fault you fucking stupid cunt." Adrian spat out the last word. He had become progressively louder and more animated as he relived his story and anger had swelled in him as he realised that he did actually blame his mother for some of what had happened. Maybe if she had reprimanded him in the police station all those years ago he would have some sense of right and wrong. If she hadn't have bought him a computer he definitely wouldn't have learnt so much or been able to communicate with Savannah like he had.

Jocasta took every word of Adrian's rant like a target receives an arrow. Each word hit home deep and hard. The barriers of denial were torn from their foundations in her brain and were replaced with dark truths; sharp, clear images of the evil deeds Adrian had committed buried themselves deep into Jocasta's brain. Now embedded, they were never going to leave. Every possible excuse Jocasta had consoled herself with in the past was ripped away from her. Jocasta felt empty, she had nothing inside her but a void of desperation. She didn't know what to say to Adrian; how could she make things go back to the way they had been before she had opened her mouth and confronted a truth which she hadn't wanted to hear? She knew there was no way back, her son was a monster, a beast that preyed on young girls. A dark daemon whose desire in life was to rape, maim and murder sweet innocent children.

"Adrian, you must tell the police what you have done," whispered Jocasta.

Adrian looked at Jocasta in disbelief, "Are you actually listening to me Pig?" he slammed the table with the palm of his hand, causing Jocasta to jump in her chair. "I just told you, all of this is
your
fault. You have been a bad mother, a dirty whore who gave herself to the first man who paid her any attention. You are a loser, you have no friends, you are ugly, you made me ugly and you let the doctors
destroy
me. If I was normal this wouldn't have happened." Adrian walked around the table and put his hands around his mother's chubby, clammy neck. He yearned to squeeze the life out of her right there at the kitchen table but knew there was no way he could get away with it and prided himself on having more self-control than that. Instead he held her in a firm embrace and then leant down to whisper in her ear.

"And now you want to send me away to prison where I will be beaten and fucked by big hairy monsters. You want to send me away from you so you can have the life you always wanted without me in it. You did this to me and now you're making me go. I thought you loved me."

Jocasta began to weep. She wept for Savannah, she wept for Savannah's parents and she also wept for Adrian. Could it be true that it was really all her fault? Everything Adrian had just accused her of was true; maybe if she had fought harder to save Adrian from having his testicles removed then he would be leading a normal healthy sex life. She knew that at the time when he was sick, the doctors had told her it was the best thing to do, but had she really bothered to question them? No, she had blindly accepted what they had told her; the same way she had blindly accepted Adrian's innocence in all things because she loved him. And she did love him; she loved him so much it hurt. Jocasta knew that Adrian had committed a grievous sin, but she agreed with him that if he went to prison then he would probably suffer daily at the hands people with evil in their veins. No matter what Adrian had done, she couldn't bear to think of him being tortured and also could not bear to consider him out of her own life. If Adrian went to prison he would be dead to her, she would be alone again with only her guilt and disgust to keep her company.

"What are we going to do Adrian?" She asked; "That poor child."

"She was no child." Adrian sneered. "You know what those girls are like on the estate."

"Well they do dress like little tarts." Jocasta agreed.

Adrian could see that Jocasta was now looking for him to guide her in what she should do next. Her momentary mention of police was had been quickly scuppered with his imagery of being tortured by the inmates. Adrian could see that his mother
wanted
him to manipulate the situation. She wanted him to put the words into her mouth which would make everything go back to normal. He knew now why he despised her; she was probably enjoying all the attention he was giving her right now. It didn't matter that they were discussing a subject most other people found abhorrent, any attention from Adrian was good attention in his mother's eyes.

"Listen mummy, I'm sorry for everything that has happened. To be honest I don't know why I did it. I think I'm sick. I need help. People outside won't understand, I need you to help me mummy." Adrian knelt on the floor of the kitchen and put his head on his mother's knee. Jocasta's hands recoiled from where they had been placed and she sat, silently waving them in the air, not knowing where to place them. Eventually her maternal instinct took over and she put her hands on Adrian's head, running her fingers through his hair like she had done when he was a child.

"Ok Adrian, I will help you." She said silently. Adrian gave a hidden grin, believing he had won and had been able to manipulate his mother once again. He silently rocked backwards and forwards at his mother's knee, enjoying her embrace and considering how he would continue in his endeavours with his angels. He thought it may even be possible to start to bring the girls to his house now that his mother was so firmly on his side, but that would take a lot of planning and a lot of manipulation. He started to hum an old nursery rhyme his mother used to sing him every night; he thought it would be useful to remind her of the love she had for him at every possible opportunity.

-x-

Jocasta listened to Adrian humming and felt the bristles of his hair. She looked blankly at the wall, however, deep in thought at how she was going to help Adrian. When she had made that promise to him, she actually meant that she would help him to never commit his foul crimes again. Her love for Adrian as her son had not dissipated, she still adored the very bones of him, but Jocasta was a good person. She knew that what Adrian had done to Savannah was the most heinous of crimes. There was nothing in Jocasta that could excuse or forgive what Adrian had done. Now that he had admitted his sins to Jocasta, she had nothing to take the images of Savannah away from her. She once again considered Savannah's mother and the terrible pain which Jocasta's own flesh and blood had bestowed upon her. Jocasta knew it was her duty now as Adrian's mother to ensure that he would never again commit any atrocities. Whilst she knew she could not commit him to a life in prison, Jocasta decided she could keep Adrian in her own home grown version of one. She started her new job on Monday; it would be the perfect place to research medicines which she could give to Adrian to control his urges and to keep him at home. Jocasta did not believe Adrian was safe to be out on the streets any longer. He needed to be protected from the desires he could not control. Children had to be protected from him and Jocasta knew it was now her role to ensure that she kept the children safe. No more would the fruit of her blackened womb be allowed to hurt. No more would he be allowed to kill. She would do her job and she would do it well. Jocasta promised herself that she would make things right and keep her baby at home where he belonged.