Mother Be The Judge (14 page)

Reaching for the chocolate, Jocasta chose to lose herself in some gorging of the brown loveliness. As she felt the warm glow of chocolate fill the hole in her soul, Jocasta gave a silent prayer that she was doing the right thing.

Chapter 19

'Evil is unspectacular and always human and shares our bed and eats at our own table.'

W.H. Auden, Herman Melville.

16
th
May 2012

15:30 hours

Adrian sat in his favourite chair inside the library, waiting for Tiffany to show. He didn't know for definite that she would be there, he had made a concerted effort to keep all contact with her confined to the library. All the shows he had watched on television told him that computers could be checked, CCTV could be found in all corners of the atmos. and people loved to give their two pennies to the Press and
then
to the police.

His spot in the library was chosen not only because it was near to the study tables but also because it was out of sight of the surveillance camera. As a library was rarely a conduit for violence, the camera had been placed in the main reception just because it was
de rigueur;
it served no real purpose and only covered the entrance and exit of library visitors. Adrian didn't know where the CCTV's blind spots were but knew there was no way it covered the area he frequented.

Adrian wondered if today would be the day that Tiffany gave herself to him. She had visited him in the library every week day since that first conversation. They spoke and laughed with each other, Adrian would listen to Tiffany's daily woes and her agony at the hands of the bullies. He would console and cushion the emotional blows, buoying Tiffany's confidence with compliments; she had even commented that nobody understood her the way he did and he had encouraged this way of thinking. When he had reached over to place his hand on Tiffany's knee she had not recoiled, in fact she had not even registered his touch with anything other than a slight smile. Adrian had then waited a day before professing his affection for Tiffany. He told her that no one came close to her and that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He thought he may have pushed his luck making that extravagant comment; surely Tiffany owned a mirror. Tiffany
had
rolled her eyes, but accepted the compliment in the spirit it was offered. After a few weeks Adrian realised that he really did love Tiffany. She was so caring and funny, able to smile every day despite the merciless torture at the hands of her bullies. He admired her for her ability to switch from a bullied wretch to a smiling confidante in his presence. Adrian had finally, joyfully, found the girl who would fulfil his fantasy; she would unlock the hidden treasure and allow him to experience the explosive release of passion and desire. She was 'the one', of that he was certain.

-x-

16:00 hours

Tiffany arrived at the library. She was animated as she reached her usual study table, immediately engaging Adrian in conversation; her shyness in the earlier days had vanished now that she had an affinity with him.

"Hi Adrian," she enthused, "How was Big Value today?"

"Yeah it was alright." Adrian looked downhearted as he shifted his gaze from tome to Tiffany.

"Oh, what's wrong?" Tiffany asked, she immediately sensed that Adrian was not in his usual affable mood.

"I got sacked from Big Value," lied Adrian, crinkling his chin so the dimples of crying would appear.

"Oh, how did that happen?" Tiffany made to leave her chair but stopped when Adrian lifted his hand as if to ward off her advances.

"I just made a silly mistake." He informed her, "All I did was put the broccoli where the cauliflower should be, the manager doesn't like me. She was looking for any excuse to get rid of me."

Tiffany could relate to that; any bad mark she received from tutors she always put down to the fact that they didn't like her.

"What are you going to do?" She asked him.

"I don't know, my mum is going to kill me." Adrian now began to cry in earnest, all pretence of stoicism lost in his dismay. He silently patted himself on the back for doing such a good acting job.

"Oh Adrian, I just want to cuddle you." Tiffany said, she yearned to leave her chair and put her arms around him.

"You can't do that in here Tiffany." Adrian told her. "I've told you before, people would think it was weird someone your age cuddling someone my age. You know how horrible people can be, they would never understand."

"I don't care what people think." Tiffany said. "It's only a cuddle, you could be my brother; how would they know?"

"The librarian knows my mother." Adrian lied again. "If she saw us cuddling she would think there was something wrong and then you would never be allowed to come to the library again."

Tiffany couldn't bear the thought of being denied seeing the one person in the world who made her feel good. She desperately wanted to comfort the boy who had been more understanding than her father and more loving than even her mother. She felt so grown up now she was eleven. She was capable of so many things, proficient in most things adult - cooking, cleaning, reading and writing. In Africa and other such countries children of her age lead adult lives and brought up younger siblings, she had seen it on the telly. Tiffany was cross that her age was preventing her from taking full advantage of her new found love. She decided if she could not console Adrian in a public place then she would find somewhere else. Somewhere away from the prying eyes of adults who thought they understood what was going on and who thought that Adrian wanted more from her than just her friendship. Tiffany believed she knew better. Adrian was her one true friend, the person who had lifted her from the depths of despair and who day by day restored in her the flames her bullies had extinguished.

"Why don't we go outside?" she asked him.

"What for?" asked Adrian back. He wanted to be certain it was Tiffany's idea to leave the library; he didn't want her to feel trapped in any way.

"Yeah come on." Tiffany replied, "We don't have to stay here, why don't we go to the park and then we can talk without nosy people looking at us." Tiffany stood and began to put back the books she had taken out of her bag.

"Where will we go?" asked Adrian.

"We can go to the park; there are loads of benches there."

And people, thought Adrian; "I know a better place." He said, "What time do you have to be home?"

"5:30 for dinner."

"Ok, well we can get there on the bus and then get a bus back."

Adrian got out of his chair then remembered buses had CCTV. He had intended to take Tiffany to a wooded area in Olinsbury Heath but had almost made a terrible error of judgement by travelling together with Tiffany on a bus.

"Have you got a mobile phone?" He asked Tiffany, fingers crossed and breath held awaiting her response.

"Yeah, my mum gave it to me for emergencies, why?"

"Oh, just in case we're late and you have to ring your parents." He began to walk to the library doors, staying ahead of Tiffany so they didn't look like they were together. He had changed his mind about where to go with Tiffany. The one sure way to evade capture was to go somewhere deserted away from the prying technological eye of cameras. Somewhere Adrian could be free to do what he wanted and where he could have Tiffany without always looking over his shoulder wondering whether she had been discovered yet. Although he had used it before, the allotment was the perfect place for what he wanted; it was even more deserted now than it had been four years ago. Some people had given up their allotments, not being able to dig and sow knowing a girl may have been killed on that very piece of soil where their cabbages grew. There was no CCTV, the unused plots were full of heavy vegetation and Adrian rarely saw visitors to the allotments on a week day; gardening it seemed was a weekend pursuit. Adrian had also invented a way to stop people searching for Tiffany; having a mobile phone belonging to her and given her parents refusal to accept Tiffany was bullied, Adrian had now planned to keep in contact with Tiffany's parents for as long as he could, purporting to
be
Tiffany. He would let them think she had run away but was safe and well and not wanting to be found. This should delay any search parties and snoopers and stop the police coming to his door.

He got outside the library and turned to see Tiffany just coming out of the doors. She looked up at him and gave a sunshine smile. It pleased Adrian that Tiffany was glad to be in his company. An overwhelming feeling of love came over him and he reached out to Tiffany, only managing to pull himself together and get his hand away from her at the last minute.

"Not here." He said as her hand was left empty. "Come on, I know a place."

They walked together, Adrian chatting about carrots and cabbage, Tiffany talking about school and bullies. A few times Adrian realised he was speaking about work in the present tense and was worried Tiffany may discover his lie but her age meant suspicion was not yet a learnt habit so she walked on oblivious to his mistakes.

"Adrian please slow down." Tiffany called out to him. In his excitement at what was to come and his desire to not be seen with Tiffany, Adrian had walked a lot faster than Tiffany and was almost about to turn the corner whereas she was still fifty metres behind him. Adrian wanted to keep Tiffany interested so slowed at the corner of Twockford Road and waited for her to catch up before they turned into Migdon Lane. Although there was a shopping complex on the opposite side of the road, Adrian was happy there was no CCTV on the residential side of the street where they walked together. Adrian and Tiffany continued to walk side by side along Migdon Lane, both with their noses curled up in distaste at the smells emanating from the nearby sewage plant. Because Adrian lived in the area, he rarely smelt the vile smell, his nose being used to it, but today was hot and windy, the perfect combination for the sewers to really impress the nose.

"Oh that's bad," said Tiffany.

"It wasn't me," said Adrian, lifting his eyebrows in mock innocence. Tiffany giggled and they both continued to walk into the shadow of the rugby ground and down the alleyway leading to the allotments.

"What is this place?" enquired Tiffany.

"It's gardens." Adrian told her. "People who don't have one can pay for a square and then plant stuff on them."

"Oh, I didn't know you could do that," said Tiffany.

"Yeah, I'm getting one." Adrian said. "But my mate owns this one." He led her to his favourite blue shed with the cast iron bench outside. "He lets me sit here and sometimes I dig for him."

"Cool." Said Tiffany and looked as if she actually meant it. It pleased Adrian; he felt he had made the right choice. Tiffany was a wonderful caring person who didn't mock him and liked the things that he liked.

"I love you Tiffany." Adrian blurted out. The air seemed to still in the space between them.

"I love you too." Tiffany said and smiled up into Adrian's face.

Adrian was shocked. It had been a mistake to proclaim his love for her, she could have walked away, but her acceptance of his love and confirmation of her own made Adrian's heart sing with joy.

"We shouldn't be in love though." He told her, "I am older than you, no one will understand."

He sat on the bench and patted the space beside him, inviting Tiffany to sit alongside. She did so immediately.

"I don't care about other people." Tiffany said, "I don't care about my age either." And she didn't, Tiffany didn't feel eleven. She didn't know what it was to
feel
eighteen, but found it hard to believe it would feel much different. Tiffany knew her feelings for Adrian were real; he had been her shoulder to cry on, the only one who understood her, who didn't treat her like a child. She had definite feelings for Adrian and had no problem identifying those feelings as love.

"When you are older we can run away together." Adrian told her. He turned his body towards her and rested his arm along the back of the bench. Tiffany moved into the space created by Adrian's arm moving; pushing herself up into his body and allowing Adrian's arm to cuddle around her. She enjoyed the warm feeling, both physical and emotional, which she got from his embrace.

"Why don't we run away now?" asked Tiffany and she meant it. She really did feel as though her place was meant to be with Adrian. She knew she was too young to get married and have children but she thought Adrian may wait for her. As long as they were together that's all that mattered.

Adrian took a deep long breath through his nose. Tiffany was now close enough he could smell her. He took in the flowery aroma of her shampoo and continued to smell her feminine odour, even imagining he could smell a slight whiff of urine from her, probably where she hadn't wiped herself properly. Adrian found himself becoming aroused, his penis was hardening in anticipation and he had to work hard not to touch himself in front of Tiffany. She wasn't ready for that yet.

"We will run away together then." Said Adrian, "But first you have to prove you love me."

"How can I do that?" asked Tiffany.

"Well you can kiss me." Adrian told her.

Tiffany had never kissed anyone before, but she wanted to kiss Adrian. She thought this would show him that she really loved him and then they could be together, just the two of them. She lifted her head in Adrian's direction and puckered her lips to await his tender kiss.