More Than I Can Bear (20 page)

Paige let out a nervous chuckle. Ryan just stood there lost in her words.

Paige's words were all over the place as she continued talking ninety miles per hour. “But of course I didn't think of that at the time, so I didn't call you. Not only that, but it probably wasn't a good idea at the time. I don't think I was being honest with myself in thinking that I wanted you to do more than just fill a void in my life. That would not have been fair to you at all. You seemed like such a really nice guy and all. I mean, you still do, it's just that . . .” Paige went on and on and on. Five minutes later she ended with, “You know what I'm saying?”

“No,” Ryan said, trying hard not to laugh in Paige's face, but letting one slip out. Shaking his head he said, “I have absolutely no idea what you are saying.”

Samantha, clearing her throat, walked up next to Paige and Ryan. “What she's saying, Ryan, is that if you're still down for it, she'd loved to go to dinner with you.”

Ryan put his head down as if he didn't want anyone to see him blushing. Paige tightened her lips and elbowed Samantha.

She shot her a look and mouthed, “What did you do that for? I didn't need your help.”

“Like heck you didn't,” Samantha said out loud.

“Excuse me?” Ryan said.

Samantha put her hands on her hips and sighed. “Look, Ryan, in a minute here I'm going to charge you money for my time, so either you want to take my sister-in-law here, the mother of my two beautiful nieces, out to dinner or you don't. Either way, I'd like to finish this photo shoot. I hate to break out my Paris Hilton spoiled brat alter ego, but dude, I frickin' have a date after this, so could we please wrap this thing up?” Samantha threw her arms up in the air, and let them drop as she rolled her eyes and stomped away, mumbling “Geesh,” under her breath.

So now stood Paige and Ryan face to face.

“Well, what she said,” Paige spoke.

“Well, to answer your initial question then”—Ryan gave Paige the once-over with wanting eyes—“I'm starved.”

Paige exhaled. She could breathe again. That awkward moment of asking Ryan out on a date . . . or not necessarily asking him out on a date but accepting his proposal to go out on a date a year ago . . . or whatever it was, was over. Ryan agreed he wanted to have dinner with her and that's all that mattered.

“Great.” Paige clasped her hands together. “I'll, uh, give you my number and everything before you head out.”

“Oh, no need to,” Ryan told her. “I still got your number.” He winked and then finished his business at hand.

“Well look at you,” Mrs. Robinson said when she opened the door to find Paige dressed to the nines with Adele and Norma in tow. “You clean up fabulous! And did you lose more weight? Girl, what did I tell you about all that insanity workout business? It's just that; insane. I don't want you killing yourself trying to lose weight for no man or—”

“Mom, stop. You're doing it again,” Paige said, putting her hand up, then leading the girls inside her parents' house. “We've been there, prayed that. It's about me now, what I like and what makes me happy. It's not about what other people think, will think, or might think. It's especially not about a man,” Paige assured her mother as she walked into the living room. “I have not been doing no insane workouts. I follow this personal trainer named Andre LaVelle on Facebook. He teaches that being healthy and staying healthy is a lifestyle that goes beyond sixty days of madness.” Paige cleared her throat. “Now thank you very much for the compliment, and thank you for agreeing to keep the girls while I go out with Ryan.”

Following her daughter in complete “I told you so” mode, Mrs. Robinson said, “See, now ain't you glad you waited until the time was right before you decided to give Ryan the time of day? You're in such a better place now. You're so happy with yourself and your life that now you can be happy with someone being in your life. Timing is everything.”

“Yes, it is, and yes, you were right, Mother. You are always right,” Paige said, laying down the girls' overnight bags next to the couch. Even though Paige's dinner date with Ryan was at seven, she hadn't planned on being at the restaurant with him more than a couple hours. It was Friday night and the girls didn't have preschool the next day or anything, but Mrs. Robinson still thought it would be a better idea if they just spent the night instead of Paige dragging them out at midnight—her words—tired and half asleep. Holding on to the mantra that her mother was always right, Paige simply agreed. Besides that, what single mother didn't want to take advantage of sleeping in on a Saturday morning?

“Are you being sarcastic with me?” Mrs. Robinson, with a look of uncertainty, raised an eyebrow.

“No, Mom, you always are right, and boy oh boy do I learn the hard way.”

“Awwww, sweetie.” Mrs. Robinson wrapped her arms around her daughter and just hugged her.

Paige's eyes got bugged. She was not used to this type of physical connection with her mother. Growing up, her mother was not the “hug on and let's say I love you” type of mother. That was something Paige had resented her mother for for so long. Fortunately, once Paige got into church, got saved, and learned about deliverance, she was able to let go of that foolishness. Slowly, and almost awkwardly, Paige put her arms around her mother.

“There's my two favorite girls,” Mr. Robinson said, entering the room and greeting his granddaughters. The girls immediately ran over to him.

“Well, what are we? Chopped liver?” Mrs. Robinson joked.

“I know, right,” Paige agreed. “I remember the days when I was his favorite girl.” Paige playfully poked out her bottom lip and pouted.

“Oh, now, you know you're still my favorite girl too.” Mr. Robinson went and planted a kiss on his daughter's cheek.

“Thanks, Dad.” Paige bent down and held her arms out. “Come here, girls. Give Mommy a kiss bye-bye.”

The girls ran into their mother's arms. They planted kisses on both her cheeks.

“I love you, girls,” Paige said, returning their kisses. “Tomorrow when I come pick you up, I'll have a lunch packed and we'll go to the park. Okay?”

“Ooooh, yes, Mommy.” Adele clapped. “I love it when we go to the park. Can you push me on the swings first this time, and not Norma in that dumb baby swing?”

“I'm not a dumb baby,” Norma said, poking out her lip.

“I didn't say you were a dumb baby. I said the swing was dumb, but you're too scaredy to ride the big girl swings like me.”

“I'm not a scaredy.”

“Then prove it. Ride the big girl swing with me tomorrow.”

“I will.”

“Bet you won't, 'cause you're a scaredy.”

The girls argued.

Figuring it was time to break them up, Paige interjected. “Don't worry. Mommy has plenty of time to push you both on the swings, whether it's the big girl swing or the baby girl swing. As long as we're together and having fun is all that really matters, right?”

“Right, Mommy,” the girls agreed, now back on good terms.

“All right, Mom.” Paige stood up straight. “I'll be by to pick them up around two o'clock tomorrow afternoon.”

“Okay, sounds good. Depending on how much they wear me out, I might go to the park and picnic with y'all.”

“That would be nice.” Paige turned to the girls. “Girls, wouldn't y'all like Grammy to come to the park with us tomorrow?” She looked at her father and winked. “And perhaps Grandpa, too.”

“Yay!” the girls cheered.

“Hey, how'd I get caught up in this?” Mr. Robinson asked.

“Oh, come on, Dad. Remember how you used to take me to the park and push me on the swings?” Paige leaned in and said softly, “The big one and the stupid baby one?” Paige and her father shared a laugh, and at the same time a memory.

“Those were the days,” Mr. Robinson said, staring off with a sentimental look in his eyes.

“And God is so good, you get to relive them with your grandchildren. Now how many people get blessed enough to experience that?” Paige added.

“All right, you've talked me into it. Picnic tomorrow at two,” Mr. Robinson agreed.

“Yay!” the girls cheered again.

“Now, girl, go on and get out of here before you be having the neighbors join us tomorrow and it turns into an all-out block party,” Mrs. Robinson said. “And don't worry about packing a picnic. I'll take care of that.”

“Sounds good to me,” Paige said. “All right everybody. I'm out of here.” Paige gave her girls one last hug and then was out the door.

It took her about twenty minutes to get to the restaurant where she was meeting Ryan. She was ten minutes early, but to her surprise, he was already there waiting when she walked inside the restaurant.

“Man, where is my camera when I need it?” Ryan said when he saw Paige enter with her nice-fitting red trousers that flared at the bottom, black patent pumps, and royal blue puffy sleeved blouse. Her gold handmade earrings she'd gotten from a lady at church who had her own jewelry business went perfectly with the bracelet her wrist don that she'd picked up from Burlington Coat Factory. She'd watched on television that it was no longer the style to match her purse with her shoes, so she opted to carry a neutral-colored patent Versace bag. It was just one of the few items she had kept that Blake had purchased for her.

“Well, hello to you too.” Paige smiled and kissed Ryan on the cheek. This was their third date since reconnecting at the photo shoot a couple of months ago. They'd talked on the phone several times in getting to know one another. So far Paige liked everything she knew about Ryan. The fact that he had children from a prior relationship didn't bother her any more than it bothered him that she had two children from a prior relationship as well. Paige hadn't told him, though, her entire baby daddy issue. She just always referred to Norman as both the girls' father. She'd mentioned the fact that Norman was her second marriage, but again, she didn't go into full details. Although they were getting close, they just weren't quite there in their relationship where she felt comfortable sharing everything.

Not Ryan though. He was an open book. What Paige saw would be exactly what she got. Nothing more and nothing less. “I know how women are,” Ryan had told her on their first date. “You might as well tell them everything or don't tell them anything at all. Either way they'll swear up and down you're hiding something from them. So I just choose to keep it one hunid out the gate.”

“That's all good,” Paige had replied. “But I hope you don't mind if I spoon-feed you. Sometimes less is more. Besides, if I told you absolutely everything about me so soon, that would take all the fun out of the getting to know each other stage.”

“No, it won't. It will just mean that the past will be laid out on the table and we can get on to making a future . . . together.”

Paige loved how Ryan never even had to think about what he wanted to say to her. It was like the words were just right there on the tip of his tongue waiting to spill out. And every word Ryan spoke to Paige felt like Bible to her.
He couldn't make up a lie that fast if he wanted to,
she had told herself. And even if he could, Paige could sit and listen to his lies all night, and that included tonight.

“Shall we?” Ryan said, extending his bent arm for Paige to loop her arm through. She did just that and he escorted her over to the hostess booth. “My party has arrived,” he told the two chatting hostesses who stood behind the podium.

Paige smiled a huge smile. The way he strutted her over there, one would have thought he was escorting Miss America down the runway. She felt so wanted and desired.

“Party of two,” one of the hostesses said while grabbing two menus. “Right this way.”

Ryan released Paige's arm and instead guided her with his hand on the small of her back. She hoped to God the tingling electric sensation going through her body did not transfer to his hand. Or perhaps it was actually an electric current running from his hand to her back. She had no idea. All she knew was that their energy flowing together felt right.

The hostess sat the couple at a table and their waitress did a follow-up by taking their drink orders. Ryan ordered a glass of wine while Paige, who didn't drink alcohol, ordered a Coke product. Ten minutes later they were sipping their drinks, had given their food orders, and were partaking in an engaging conversation as always.

“You know, we've been getting to know one another for a couple months now. I know that's not a long time, but it's been long enough and I'm just surprised that there's something you haven't yet offered.”

All of a sudden the pit of Paige's stomach felt like someone had hidden an Easter egg that nobody ever found and now years later here it sat rotting in Paige's belly. So Mr. Playa Playa was just trying to be smooth all along. All the while Paige thought he had really been trying to get to know her, and what he'd really been trying to do is get in her—

“And here are your entrees,” the waitress said, setting their requested meals in front of them. “Is there anything else I can get you right now?”

“No, I'm fine,” Ryan said.

“No. Maybe a doggie bag here in a minute because I think I'm about to lose my appetite.” Paige folded her arms.

“Okay,” the waitress said in a sing-song voice with a look on her face like she needed to get out of the line of fire and fast. She had obviously walked into the middle of something and now she wanted to disappear as quickly as she had appeared. “I'll be back to check on you guys in a bit. Enjoy your meals.” She shot them a quick fake smile and then hurried off.

“What was that about?” Ryan asked. “That little comment you made to the waitress about losing your appetite. Did I do something wrong? Say something wrong?”

“No,” Paige said, shaking her head.
Not yet.

“Okay. Just checking,” Ryan said before blessing their food and then taking a bite of his steak. “Anyway, like I was saying before the waitress brought our food . . .” He paused and chewed.

“Yeah, what were you saying?” Paige said, anxious for him to finish sticking his foot in his mouth. He'd already had a taste of his toes.

“Well, we've been hanging out for a bit and I'm just surprised that there's something you haven't yet offered.” He took in a forkful of his potato and chewed while staring at Paige. She 'bout hoped he choked on it before he could get out the words she knew he was about to say. What she didn't know was exactly just how Mr. Smooth Operator was going to word it. “You haven't offered me an invitation to your church.”

Paige's mouth dropped. “Is that it? Is that what you've been expecting from me? An invitation to my church?” She burst out laughing.

“Am I missing something?” Ryan asked, cutting into his steak. “Was there something else I should have been expecting after two months?” Before two seconds could even pass Ryan caught on. “Ohhhhhhh. I get it. You thought . . .” Within seconds both Paige and Ryan were laughing hysterically at Paige's assumption.

Paige's subconscious drifted back to the time she thought Norman was telling her she was hot-as in looks. She'd felt more like he was laughing at her than with her. But with Ryan, she knew he was laughing with her. There were no doubts in her mind that he was for her and not against her; not that she ever felt Norman was against her. Then again she'd never felt Blake was against her and yet he'd been her greatest enemy. But life was good. Life was fresh. Life was new and no remnants of her past would be permitted—the good parts or the bad. And she certainly wouldn't compare Ryan to any other man in her life—the good or the bad.

Paige wanted something different with Ryan, something she'd never had before. Something she never even prayed for, asked for, or wanted. She wanted God to surprise her. She liked surprises. And as she melted in Ryan's laughter, eyes, and conversation, she just hoped the surprise was all good. She'd had enough bad ones to last a lifetime.