More Letters From a Nut (9 page)

Hyatt Regency San Diego
On San Diego Bay
One Market Place
San Diego, CA 92101 USA
Telephone: 619.232.1234
FAX: 619.239.5678

September 30, 1996

Dear Mr. Nancy
,

Thank you for your letter dated September 9th, 1996 requesting reservations at our hotel. Due to the content of the letter we are unable to offer you accommodations.

Sincerely
,

Gordon G. Redding

Director of Security

560 North Moorpark Road
#236
Thousand Oaks, California
91360

Dear Cruise Booker,

My friend and I would like to book passage on your magnificent sea voyage. I have a situation which I need to address.

My friend has been diagnosed with multiple personalities. He has 9 distinct personalities. But let me tell you, he’s a great bunch of guys. His name is Frito.

In a controlled atmosphere he is okay. It’s when he gets back to the room that’s when he sometimes gets belligerent and I have some trouble with him and he may need supervision.

Frito has been my companion forever. I don’t go anywhere without him. We have traveled extensively throughout the Pacific Rim. He is a sensitive, caring individual but he has 9 personalities. Sometimes he is angry, sometimes sad. Sometimes he blushes, sometimes he is very argumentative. But that is the way Frito is. What can I do?

Can I get a reservation for the two (9) of us? Do we need that many rooms? How many stewards can we be assigned? Let us know the cost. We want to sail the week of September 15th, 1996 when the waters are ice cold.

Please write and let me know if Frito and me are accepted on your sea vessel. Thank you for understanding our needs. I will show up by myself the day of the cruise then Frito will come later.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

(Frito hates limes!)

Dear Ted L. Nancy.

I am writing to invite you to sail with Seabourn Cruise Line and join the most exclusive group of international travelers in the world, the
Seabourn Club.

The Seabourn Club is distinguished by its members—the Seabourn guests who have sailed our world since we began cruising in 1988. We are proud of our guests. They bring a level of travel experience, worldliness and intellect we believe to be unrivaled by any other group of travelers. And we are honored that they trust Seabourn again and again to deliver the vacation experience and level of service that they recognize as uncompromising and unsurpassed.

But, Seabourn Club Membership carries a price: thus its exclusivity. As part of our 1997 membership drive, we are offering a one-time savings of $500 per person on a Seabourn 1997 vacation of choice* to vacationers that have not yet sailed with us, and hold no future reservation. This translates into $1,000 savings on a double occupancy suite.

After you have cruised with us once, you are a Seabourn Club Member and the benefits accumulate quickly. Members are entitled to an automatic 10% savings on designated Club sailings and friends that sail on the same voyage with a Club Member save 5%. What’s more, once a Member has sailed 28 days with Seabourn, they are entitled to a 25% savings off of their next cruise. After 70 Days at Sea, a Member saves 50% on their next cruise, and after 140 Days at Sea, the subsequent 14 day sailing is complimentary, regardless of destination or published price. (There is never a “black-out” on Club Award sailings.) Members also receive the award-winning quarterly magazine,
Seabourn Club Herald
, reduced travel insurance, and recognition gifts and parties.

Enclosed is a brochure to give you a taste of the Seabourn experience and a Membership Savings Invitation. We look forward to welcoming you aboard and into the Seabourn Club.

Sincerely,

Larry Pimentel

President

P.S. This is a limited one-time offer only valid on a new reservation made and deposited between November 30, 1996 and January 31, 1997 by a non-Club Member. You must present the enclosed invitation to your travel agent or Seabourn to receive the savings. *The 1997 voyage must be 5 or more days in length. A handful of dates are blacked out due to being already sold-out or holiday departures, but good space still exists on most other sailings.

55 FRANCISCO STREET, SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA 94133
PHONE: (415) 391-7444 • TELEFAX: (415) 391-8518
TELEX: 205838 SEBRN UR