More Letters From a Nut (13 page)

Dear Mr. Nancy,

The Padres thank you for your letter of September 3. John Moores and Larry Lucchino are committed to the fan, and they have done several things to prove this since purchasing the team in 1994.

Please give me a call at 283-4494, extension 239, at your convenience. I would like to discuss your letter further.

Thank you again for writing, and we hope that this response is timely.

Sincerely,

Mark Ferguson

Fan Services Representative

SAN DIEGO PADRES BASEBALL CLUB

P.O. BOX 2000, SAN DIEGO, CA 92112-2000 • 9449 FRIARS RD., SAN DIEGO, CA 92108-1771
TELEPHONE: 619-283-4494 • FAX: 619-282-2228

Dear Best Western Hotel Reservations:

I will be arriving by boat Mar 1, 1996 and wish to make accomodations at your grand hotel for one night, Mar 10.

How can I be sure that I will be treated with utmost respect? I know your hotel prides itself on guest services. Can someone help me with my needs when I check in? Can I get the proper respect due me? I chose your hotel because of its dedication to its guests. Others have told me of your devotion to service.

How can I be sure that I will get this service? Can I be sure that I will be given the proper respect?

Mar 10 is the date I like. Can that be arranged? If not, can a suitable date be arranged? Do you offer this service? Can I be afforded the respect due me when I check in? How will I know? Who can assure me of this? Will I be respected?

Please advise me if that date is secure. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

Dear Mr. Nancy.

Thank you for your interest in our hotel. I can assure you that you will be treated like all other patrons that stay with us, and that is with respect.

Our staff is ready to help with your needs when you check in, as much as is possible.

As of this date we do have availabilty of Mar 10. If you would like a reservation for that date, please contact me and I would be more than happy to help you. Our phone number is 702-329-1001.

Respectfully

Vincent Catapano

P.S I hope you are aware we do not have any docking facilities for your boat.

Thank you once again!!

Dear BVD Underwear:

I recently bought some of your underwear.

You say your leg openings stretch as you move. For me this is wrong. When I move, my leg openings stay in the same place. Why?

Am I not moving my legs correctly? Please advise on how I should move my legs. I have been moving my legs the same way for my entire life. I don’t want to move them differently now to accommodate any underwear.

MY UNDERWEAR LEG OPENINGS ARE NOT STRETCHING!! Perhaps I am doing it wrong. I think you have the best underwear out there. I wear a clean pair every day. Sometimes two a day if I have a meeting. (Not at same time).

Thanks for getting back to me on this. I do not want to go back to wearing ladies cotton underwear because their leg openings stretch as I move.

What does BVD stand for? I have been trying to figure it out for some time. Every once in a while I go back to it but I still don’t know. I can come up with the B and D but I never can figure out the V.

Please, let everyone there know they make some good shorts. Could be the best. Write me with leg opening info. Thanks.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy