Moments (Breath of Life Book 3) (8 page)

Paxton let her hands drop and she pulled his shirt up over his head. Clearly she was lost in the moment with him. She wasn't hesitant and she started taking charge. She then slowly unbuttoned his jeans. There was a small look in her eyes now about whether or not they should continue, but then he felt her hands glide down his hips as she pulled his jeans off. Duke saw the smile on her lips as she realized he was commando beneath the denim fabric. He was thankful he stopped by the house to shower and change.

Paxton looked up at him and her smile widened as she slowly stood scraping her nails against his skin. It was pure pleasure and when she stood. He quickly stripped her of clothing. He turned her around and bent her over the desk she had in the library. A giggle escaped her at the sudden turn of events between them. He found himself smiling as he stood behind her. Plunging into Paxton's moist core, Duke lost himself in her.

***

Duke stared at the ceiling of the library. He and Paxton were laying on the floor, wrapped up in each other. He turned his head and looked over the doorway, knowing he should be going soon because Paxton was still Jack's and they both just betrayed him. He felt guilty about what happened between them and Paxton was now sleeping in his arms. Jack was his best friend, but at the same time, he was thankful that this happened. It gave him some temporary relief from what he was feeling, a few moments of happiness.

Movement in the door startled him. He rubbed his free hand over his eyes. There in the corner stood Ella, looking disappointed. She hung her hand and turned towards the open doorway. Duke felt his chest tighten and he panicked. He sat up quickly and Ella began quickly fading into thin air.

"No, please!" he reached out for her.

"Duke?" Paxton said groggily as she sat up. He turned and looked at Paxton. "What's going on?"

Duke turned back to the corner where Ella was, but she had disappeared. He hung his head. The look in Ella's eyes tore through him.

"Duke?" Paxton tilted her head. Duke just shook his head and stood. Paxton followed his lead and gathered her clothes. Duke knew that their little bubble they built was now popped and they were facing the consequences to their actions.

"I gotta go." Duke grabbed his clothes piled on the floor and started getting dressed.

"Are you okay?"

"No, but I didn't mean for us to go this far," he tried to placate her. "I'm sorry Pax."

He turned and walked out the door before she had a chance to say anything.

THIRTEEN

Duke sat there staring at the wall. Ryan hadn't moved or said anything since they sat down in his living room. Duke was surprised by Ryan's visit as it was unexpected and he told Duke that Paxton called him. Apparently she was worried after he ran out on her. Duke remembered the disappointed look on Ella's face. It pierced him straight to the heart.

"So what happened? I haven't seen you this quiet in a long time."

"Yeah sorry." Duke looked down at the floor. How was he going to explain himself? His life has turned completely upside down and spun around a few times, to the point where he was dizzy from it.

"What's going on it that head of yours?"

"Chaos," Duke answered. He didn't have to look at him to feel the weight of Ryan's stare bearing down on him.

"I don't understand. Paxton called saying you went to see her at the hospital but she didn't tell me why. Duke talk to me."

Duke didn't answer. His mind was going a mile a minute trying to process everything that has happened. He was trying to pin point the moment that Ella started appearing in his life, the moment where he lost himself. Maybe then he could figure out why Ella was appearing to him, why he let himself get lost in Paxton. He heard Ryan sigh.

"When is Jack going to be back home today?"

"He's out of town. Monthly trip to New York," Duke answered automatically. He felt another guilty pang as images of what happened in the library at the cabin filled his mind. He vaguely heard a knock on the door but made no move to answer it.

"Duke?" Paxton's voice entered his thoughts. He looked up. He didn't want to see her right now.

"Pax, I think I just need some time to myself, to process what's going on."

"That's why I'm here. Dr. Maclyn called me. He thought I was with you."

"You're fine Duke, physically at least but we both think you need to see someone. I can talk to see if Dr. Keeler has an opening."

"No, I'll be fine. I just need time."

"Duke, you should listen to her."

Duke looked between Ryan and Paxton. He felt cornered. "Nothing is wrong with me, Dr. Maclyn just confirmed it. So I am just stressed."

"Duke, please,"
Paxton pleaded.

"I need time to process things. I wanted a baby with Ella, I wanted a future with Paxton, but I obviously don't ever get what I want," he looked over at Paxton and looked her in the eye. "Just glimpses and touches of it. I only get pieces of happiness and it's not fair," he stared at Paxton. She caught on to the meaning behind his words.

"Stop," her voice was stern. Duke saw the unspoken, conflicting emotions behind her stare.

Her phone suddenly rang. "Andrews," she answered. "On my way." She hung up the phone. "I have to go but we are going to talk later." She turned and left before he could give her a response.

"I'm going to go too. Let me know if you need anything," Ryan said a few moments after Paxton left.

Duke headed to his room. He laid down in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He was finally able to pinpoint where the change happened. It was Jennah. When she appeared into his life, that's when Ella came back to haunt him. She was so eerily similar it had to be the trigger of everything. He saw Ella in everything she did, from their similar looks, to her smile, her laugh, even every once in a while her mannerisms. The life that he and Ella could have had was no longer a possibility. Jennah was the reminder of that. It ripped his heart apart a little bit more.

The shrill of his phone filled the silence in his room. He picked it up and saw the unknown number. He answered knowing that he shouldn't. It would probably just be a telemarketer.

"Hello?"

"Duke?"

Duke sat up straight in bed. He knew that voice. "Jennah?"

"Yeah, um," she paused. "Well, I was just calling to see how you were."

Duke wasn't sure what to say. He didn't think she was going to call after this long. He remembered leaving a note when he and Drew were at the bar and grill.

"I'm doing okay. How are you?"

"Feeling dumb. I think this was a bad idea."

He heard a click on the phone. "Jennah?"

No answer, "Jennah, you there?" He pulled the phone back and saw that she disconnected the call.

He saved her number and tried to call her back. He got her voicemail, "It's Jennah, you know what to do." Duke hung up. She called for a reason. With the chaos going on within him, he felt a strong desire to run towards Jennah right now. The only issue was that he only knew where she worked. Outside of that, they saw each other at baseball games. Since the season is over, he would only see her when they ran into each other in public, if they ever did.

He rolled over facing the wall of his room. He glanced up at the nightstand and it was about 10:30pm. He sighed knowing that sleep would escape him again. Duke needed to get out and clear his mind, reset himself so-to-speak. Climbing out of bed, he got dressed and headed out the door to the one place he knew he could run to.

FOURTEEN

Duke walked into the bar and sat in his usual spot. He looked around knowing that he might run into a couple of the guys here at Athens but then again, maybe not. He hoped to have just a night to himself to drown out everything and just not feel anything for once.

"Hey stranger," Lexi came up. "Where've you been? It's been awhile."

He smiled. "Yeah, life has gotten a little crazy."

Lexi glanced at him trying to decide if he was telling the truth. "Are the boys coming tonight?"

"No, it's just me today."

"You seem a little down. Let me grab us some beers, I was just about to take off for the night when I saw you walk in. "

"Sounds good," he realized he didn't want to be alone after all. The thought of having someone to hang out and talk with lifted his spirits.

Lexi came back within a few minutes, a beer in hand and Duke told her about the last few days and Ella's appearances. He didn't know why he felt the need to spill everything out to Lexi but he was glad someone was willing to listen and not interrupt. He purposely left out the part where he slept with Paxton.

"So you are seeing Ella now?" Her voice was uncertain. Duke knew it was farfetched and he must sound crazy but there was also something in her voice that said she was concerned.

"Basically, am I crazy?"

"No, you're grieving. Trust me. I know all about that."

Duke stared at her. He realized he didn't know much about Lexi and her past. She told him one night they has similar situations but he never asked. He saw
how selfish he had been and one-sided their relationship was. "Who did you lose that was close to you?"

Lexi hesitated, but then started telling the story of how she lost her fiancée three days before their wedding. He got into a bar fight at his bachelor party and it turned ugly. Her fiancée died of head trauma and a stab wound to the chest. Duke sat there amazed. He had no idea about this and it just opened his eyes to how he was badly handling everything. Here Lexi was a year and half later, happy and having a no-strings relationship with him. She told him about her good days and bad, but she said the good days and the good memories keep her going. Lexi admitted that Duke helped her out of dark spots a few times they were together. She divulged that she liked how their relationship worked, two broken souls using each other to fill a need in one another.

"Wanna get outta here?" She asked as they finished another round of beers.

"Yeah, back to my place? Jack's outta town right now."

"Sure," Lexi smiled. Duke couldn't help but smile back.

They paid their bill and as always left a good tip. On the cab ride over, something changed between them. The solemn seriousness of the night was turning into a hormone-driven need to strip each other naked and get lost in one another. He knew he needed something to wash away Paxton and the visions of Ella.

Duke paid the driver as they arrived back at his place. Unlocking the door, Lexi was already kissing the back of his neck and she strained up on her tippy-toes to reach the bare spot. He swung the door open and quickly turned around. Duke picked her up with ease and as she wrapped her legs around him, he turned and walked them through he door. He felt their needs become something more urgent.

Duke's lips crashed against hers after setting her down in the living room. He kicked the door shut behind him, not skipping a beat with Lexi, They began to move towards the couch as they both started stripping each other out of the fabrics that separated their skin from touching the other. She giggled as her legs hit the arm of the couch and she fell backwards dragging him down with her before he can finish unbuttoning his jeans.

She pushed him up so he could finish his task and she could take off her thong that she was grateful she chose over something less sexy. Duke looked up as movement caught his attention. His smile fell. Lexi noticed and she sat up looking at the vacant spot across the room where Duke was staring.

"What's wrong?"

Duke shook his head and stared across the room again. No one was there, "Nothing." He smiled back down at her and removed his jeans throwing them over the coffee table. He leaned over and started kissing her neck.

"No, wait Duke," Lexi place her hands on his chest and tried pushing him up. Duke looked down at her. "You saw her didn't you? That's why you paused a moment ago."

Duke didn't know how to respond. He didn't want to ruin the evening but he couldn't deny that Ella appeared. He looked over at the now empty spot and sighed.

"It's okay. Maybe this wasn't meant to happen tonight. I'll just go." Lexi pushed him up and Duke sat back on the couch as she stood. He watched her start to gather her things and he felt bad for ruining the night.

"Wait," he pleaded as she started pulling on her jeans. "Don't go."

"Duke, I can't compete with her. I can't. There is something going on in your head right now. I was fine when you couldn't see her and we were just filling needs, but this change in you," she paused. "This is something I don't want to be tangled up in. She is appearing for a reason and I don't want to get on the bad side of fate or your wife. She wants you to stop for a reason, probably a good one. The Fates have decided something for you and Ella is trying to get you to that point."

Duke realized that he really didn't know the wonderful woman standing in front of him. Tonight he had learned many things about Lexi and her beliefs, her background. Maybe she was right. Maybe Ella was trying to push him to wherever he needed to be. It was twice now that she stopped him from being intimate with a woman. First Paxton when he kissed her and now Lexi.

While lost in his own thoughts, he heard the front door close. Looking up, he saw that Lexi left before he could even respond. Duke sighed, "Ella, what are you doing?" He asked the empty room, almost expecting her to answer, but she never did. She didn't appear to him at all after Lexi left and Duke went to bed more frustrated than ever.