Moments (Breath of Life Book 3) (10 page)
Read Moments (Breath of Life Book 3) Online
Authors: Sara Marion
Jennah got caught up in moving when she realized she was running late. She needed to get ready for Chase's banquet. He reminded her several times already since he had gotten home from his half-day of school, yet here she was running late after she said she wouldn't be.
She left her dress and bathroom stuff at Audra's place. She knew her house would be a mess and hard place to get ready. She raced the last couple of blocks to Audra's house. Pulling up to the drive she saw that they had already left. It was 6:45 now and she needed to be there in fifteen minutes. It was about a ten minute drive so there was no way she could make it without being a little bit late.
Rushing into the house she ran to the bathroom first to get her hair and make up done. She grimaced when she looked in the mirror. Her roots were starting to show again and he hair was an awful mess from being thrown up all day. Jennah decided to leave her hair up. She put a little serum in it to smooth it out and placed it in a bun on the crown of her head. A few strands fell in her face but she left them as they enhanced the look. Jennah then tended to her makeup. She didn't wear a lot, just the basics: foundation, mascara, eye shadow, and a
natural shade of lipstick. She liked the natural look. It didn't take long to throw the makeup on. After looking in the mirror, satisfied with her hair and makeup, she headed down to her room.
On her bed she noticed a dress laid out and a shoebox next to it. A note was laying on the shoebox. She picked it up and unfolded it.
Jennah Mae-
Not sure if this is you or not but I thought you might like it. It called out to me for you. Enjoy the boots as well. It's my 'Congrats on the new house' present.
-A
Jennah smiled at the thought of her sister. She looked at the dress laying on her bed. It was a simple white dress with a lace overlay. She loved it. She wasn't sure it was meant for tonight's event, didn't seem dressy enough but she would definitely find a reason to wear it. She opened the shoebox and found a pair of cowboy boots. They were simple as well, a dark brown with light brown embroidery on them.
Perfect
, she thought. Audra did well. Putting it aside, she pulled the dress out of her closet that she would wear tonight.
It was a dress she picked out at the store, but had nothing to wear it to at the time. She was glad she could finally use it for something. It was a strapless dress with a sequin body. It had a sweetheart neckline that she loved and it stopped about five inches above her knee. There was an empire waist where sheer red fabric was overlaying the sequin bodice. It was short in the front to show the sequins and her legs but was longer in the back. It gave it a flowing look. She just loved it. She paired her dress with a pair of black heels, not too high but high enough to give her legs that mile-long look. She loved her look and checked the clock. It was seven. She hoped Chase would forgive her for being late.
***
When she sat down Chase frowned over at her for a moment. "I'm sorry, I tried to make it as quick as I could, time got away from me, kid," she quietly explained as Duke just finished his speech and announced dinner would be served any moment.
"I figured, just glad you showed up. I didn't want you to miss me getting any awards I was nominated for by the team," he smiled. Jennah was thankful he wasn't angry.
They sat back as the servers finished bringing out the food for the buffet line. Soon tables started getting up to get their fill. Chase, Audra, and Jennah soon followed suit. Jennah felt her stomach rumble as they waited in line.
"Jeez, Jennah when was the last time you ate?" Audra laughed.
"Sorry, like I said, time slipped away from me. I think I could eat a whole cow right now," Jennah laughed.
"Please don't," Audra teased. "You would be ripping that beautiful dress to shreds!"
"I know, I know. Maybe next time I will wear my stretchy pants," Jennah winked. She began to laugh as she heard Chase groan at them. Jennah figured they were embarrassing him in front of his friends.
They moved forward throughout the line, filling their plates. Jennah was waiting for the server to finish carving the meat selection they were offering when she heard Duke's hearty laugh behind her. She turned out of curiosity and saw his arm intertwined with another woman's. She stared at them, unable to take her eyes off of Duke. She didn't really pay attention to him when he was speaking as she entered the room earlier but now, he had her full attention. The way he looked in his vest and tie sent her insides on going up and down as if they were on a rollercoaster. She felt like a hormonal teenager reacting to their crush. Her heart raced and her stomach dropped. He was drop dead gorgeous in his black attire. He looked over at her smiling. She quickly turned back to her sister and Chase and proceeded through the line. She felt like she was caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. She was embarrassed that he caught her ogling him.
They all returned to the table. Chase was talking to one of his teammates that was sitting at the same table. Jennah tried to listen to the adult's conversation, but something was nagging at her. She kept looking over in Duke's direction. There was something about him tonight. Something that was pulling at her and she didn't know what the cause of it was. She played with the food in front of her. She took a few bites, but nothing seemed appetizing right now.
Jennah didn't realize how much time passed but Duke got up to start presenting awards with his fellow coaches. She noticed the atmosphere in the room changed. It sizzled with anticipation from the players. Her skin felt the buzz but it was for a totally different reason. Duke smiled directly at her.
"My oh my, the crowd has gotten even more beautiful," he winked at her and then looked around. "All the ladies in the room look quite nice tonight. Gentlemen, well, you look pretty good too," he laughed. The crowd joined in. He continued his speech but never made eye contact with her again. One by one, Duke handed out awards. Chase had received two already, Most Improved Batter and Best Outfielder. With each award there were 2-3 pictures of that player in action. Chase was up for the Player of the Year award on the team, so were his best friends Ryan and Peter. Jennah hoped Chase would get it. This was the one he wanted the most.
"And the award goes to..." Duke looked down. "Ryan!" The crowd broke out in applause. Ryan had an amazing season from what Audra and the other parents were saying. He had the most strikeouts this season then he had in previous years he played.
"Sorry, kid," Jennah leaned over to Chase.
"It's okay. Ryan deserves it. I voted for him," he smiled. "Besides Ryan is graduating and I'm still here next year." Jennah couldn't help but laugh. Her nephew was something else.
"I hope you all had a fantastic night. I am very much looking forward to next season. We still have about twenty minutes until they kick us out, so feel free to stay and chat for a bit," Duke finished.
"Alright kid, I need to go get your cousin. She's been at the sitter's all day and I'm sure she is feeling like I abandoned her."
"Sounds good. Thanks for coming Aunt Jenn."
"Anytime," she winked before getting up. She said a quick goodbye to Audra and made her way out of the banquet setting without seeing Duke. She knew she wouldn't be able to stay away from him any longer if she stayed. She needed to keep her distance. She didn't need anybody coming in and complicating her life, especially if Josh was still chasing her.
"Ready for this?" Jack smiled.
"Yea, there's no going back now," Duke laughed as he watched Paxton head towards them.
Jack leaned into him, "How did I get so lucky meeting that girl?"
"I ask myself the very same thing," Duke answered as the music changed. The doors at the other end of the aisle closed, preparing for the bride to come down.
Duke smiled out onto the crowd. He was about to lay eyes on his bride any moment. He hadn't seen her since the rehearsal dinner the night before and he couldn't wait to see her in her gown. He was like a kid on Christmas morning about to open up the biggest and best present they would get. He saw everyone turning, looking towards the back of the chapel. They were waiting for her entrance when her uncle would walk her down the aisle.
The room had Ella's touch everywhere. From the flowers, the bows, the color and even the photography around them. She insisted on having pictures of her parents around. He thought that wouldn't be a good idea but looking around now, he can see that it was. Somehow she made everything flow so well, but that was Ella. She was creative like that. He figured she would put them on easels like they did in the movie Armageddon but she went one step further and had them suspended from the ceiling. They hung low enough for everyone to walk by and see them.
The rest of the room was filled with a deep purple, black and crème colored scheme. Ella created the perfect wedding. The roses that surrounded them were mixed bouquets of the deep purple and crème. She had them dye to a certain crème color since she was unsatisfied with the shade they did have. She said they were off, but Duke thought it looked fine. Duke remembered having to drag her away from the florist that day before she got arrested for an assault.
The doors opened. Duke was pulled from his thoughts. His bride was coming. The pianist started playing an acoustic version of a song he didn't recognize
at first. It wasn't until the singer stood and began the lyrics to it. She picked out the song he would sing to her randomly. Joe Cocker's
You are so Beautiful
. He waited for her to appear.
Murmurs in the crowd began when Ella was a no-show. He fidgeted from foot to foot. Where was she? When she didn't appear after a few more moments, Duke stepped forward. He walked up the aisle towards the door, a panicked feeling settled over him. Then suddenly she appeared, but not in her wedding dress. The scene around him shifted.
He was standing in the funeral home. It was the day they were having the viewing. They opted for a closed casket because she was unrecognizable. Duke remembered going to view the body. It wasn't his Ella but they said they identified her by the tattoo on her hip. No matter how closely he looked he couldn't find a trace of Ella but the tattoo and Paxton's identification, there was no hope for him.
"Duke?" He heard his name. The scene shifted again. This time Ella was surrounded by light, her belly swollen with his child. She smiled as she took a step towards him. They were in their house. She reached out and touched his cheek. Her hand was warm. Duke relished in the touch.
"I miss you," he whispered as he leaned in towards her. His forehead touched hers, his hand finding her belly, but it wasn't a warm sensation. It was cool but barely there. He stepped back confused, closing his eyes, scenes of the funeral came back. She was gone. She couldn't be there.
"I'm still here, right in front of you. Open your eyes." Duke knew he had to be dreaming. He needed to wake up. "Duke, I'm here, I'm alive, open your eyes! OPEN YOUR EYES!" she yelled. Duke fought. He felt his heart speed up.
"Please, Duke, just open them!"
Duke opened his eyes. Darkness surrounded him but his heart was still racing. He took a deep breath as he tried to focus on his surroundings. His dream was too intense. He couldn't remember the last time that he had a dream that felt so real. He could still feel her touch on his cheek. His dream was so real and vivid, but he knew Ella was gone. She'd been gone for two years. He was torturing himself and he couldn't do anything to stop it. Rolling out of bed, he knew he needed to wash away the dreams, the night sweats. He headed towards the shower, noting the time. It was 5:30 in the morning.
He stepped under the hot water flowing out of the showerhead. He just stood there, trying to clear his head. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on the water flowing over his muscles. He put one hand on the wall and leaned forward. He let the water run over his back.
Duke.
His head shot up as a quiet voice filled his head. Looking through the steam, Ella vaguely appeared.
"What do you want from me?" he pleaded.
She stood there staring at him. A vague smile on her lips.
Open your eyes. I'm here.
Duke didn't understand. How could she be there? He buried her two years ago. Anger started to boil within him. He just couldn't understand what his wife was doing to him. "What? Why do you torture me like this Ella? I love you, I miss you every single day, why do you do this to me?"
She reached out and pressed her hand against the glass before disappearing. He saw the handprint with jagged scar that was under her left thumb, left behind on the glass door. Duke let out a growl of frustration, "What did I do to deserve this hell? Huh? Ella, why are you just appearing now?"
He fell to his knees in the shower and just let the tears roll. He had given up. Ella was breaking him. For the first time, he felt like a completely broken, irreparable man. There was no way to pick up the pieces of his life. As hard as he tried, the pieces of his heart, his soul, were splintered around him. He felt so fragmented that there was no way to repair himself, not unless someone granted him a miracle.
***
Duke found himself walking into Dr. Keeler's office. He called after he had managed to get himself out of the shower this morning. Picking up the receiver he knew he hit rock bottom. Paxton was right, he needed to talk to someone. Dr. Keeler took him in as an emergency. He was thankful for the early afternoon appointment.
"So Duke, I was surprised to hear from you after all this time."
Duke sat on the couch opposite of her. He stared at her, formulating a response for her. "I don't know what is going on with me."
"You said on the phone this had something to do with your late wife, Ella. As you know, I know about the accident as I worked with Paxton. So I know how it happened and that Paxton told you about it. From what I understood, you were handling it quite well."
"I was and then her two year anniversary came up," Duke shied away from expanding on that right now. He pulled his left ankle up to rest on his right knee. His foot then began to fidget.
"What happened that day?"
"I found out that I was going to be a father," he paused waiting for her reaction. She didn't blink, she didn't react. She was waiting for more clarification. "Ella was pregnant when she died." Again, no reaction from Dr. Keeler. Duke wondered if Paxton had confided in Dr. Keeler about her secret.
"I see. How did you find this out?"
"Paxton." Duke saw her shift in her seat as he let Paxton's name slip past his lips. "I suppose you may have known that though. Right, doc?"
"I did. She told me and I encouraged her to tell you as soon as she divulged the information to me."
"I get it. I can see now why she wanted to keep it from me. I mean look where I am," he looked around the office. "No offense though."
"None taken. So is this what brought you in? The secret of your baby?"
"No it's not, well not really," he paused. He knew this next part would probably send him to the looney bin. "Ella, I see her. I've seen her over the last month or so. Just appearing, then disappearing, never saying anything. My dreams, they haunt me. She's in them. Then last night she started talking to me."
"Was there anything repetitive going on when she showed up? Was there a certain trigger for you?"
"She shows up in various places, times. Usually if I am with a woman."
"With a woman intimately?"
"Yes."
"Do you think its guilt? Like you are going to move on and forget her?"
"No. I've been intimate with one woman, for a while, but then a few weeks ago, Ella started appearing."
"What changed a few weeks ago?"
"Well I got hit in the head by a baseball at a game, I also met someone who can almost be the spitting image of Ella. Her voice, I swear if I close my eyes, Ella was standing in front of me." He closed his eyes, conjuring up a picture of Jennah. "This woman can give anyone a run for their money. She could pass as a relative for Ella," he opened his eyes back up and stared at Dr. Keeler.
"Have you had a doctor rule out that these hallucinations aren't due to your head injury?"
"Yes," Duke sighed. "I was hoping it would just be that. Every time I see Ella...a piece of me breaks. I just want her to go away. I mean, not the memories, just seeing her."
"I see," Dr. Keeler wrote something on her pad of paper. Duke wondered what it was.
"Do you think that this has something to do with Ella's look-a-like? Like this woman is stirring up feelings because she reminds you of Ella?"
"Possibly. I mean, I feel a pull towards her. I'm attracted to her but I think it's because of Ella. She makes it possible for me to see Ella."
"Hmm," she scribbled something else down. "Maybe you should keep your distance from this woman."
"I try but we always run into each other. The other strange thing is Ella doesn't appear when she's around. I mean mentally she does, but I don't see her. I did when I was with Paxton and once with Lexi, but never Jennah."
"I thought Paxton was with Jack now, that they were back together?"
"They are, it's complicated. I was initially angry with Paxton, cutting her out of my life. It wasn't fair to Jack so I was trying to move on and forgive her. I realized that I still have feelings for her and I made a move on her, one she didn't deny. That sent me into another tailspin because she chose Jack, so why would she give into me?"
"So you are struggling with mixed feelings for Paxton, plus this other woman you are still seeing, then there is Ella's look-a-like. Are you still teaching?"
"Yea, I am but finals are this upcoming week. I'm not doing summer school this year so I'm about to have a nice long break."
"Good. I think maybe stress has something to do with this. How are you sleeping? You said you dream of Ella, are they peaceful dreams or do they border on nightmares?"
"Beautiful nightmares," Dukes voice was soft. "Last night I had a dream that she was here in front of me. She was well into her pregnancy. She was telling me to open my eyes. I wanted to open them because I knew I was dreaming, but at the same time, I wanted to stay in the dream, be with her."
"How many hours of sleep have you been averaging?"
"Four to five."
"Okay. I want you to get some melatonin. It will help you sleep. If that doesn't work, I can get you something stronger. Now I want to back track a bit. You said you found out about the baby. How did you handle that?"
"Not well, I felt like I lost Ella all over again. I was angry and I went on auto-pilot."
"I think some of that is because from what Paxton said, you always wanted to be a father. The loss must have hit you hard."
"My future died with Ella. My family," Duke felt his emotions build up. "I became fractured that day. I didn't realize how fractured I was until today. Ella and Paxton have completely broken me. How that's possible, I'm not sure, but I don't think I can break any further. I think all the pieces are as tiny and lost as they can get."
"No one can get so broken they can't repair themselves. You reached out to me. This is the first step. It can only get better from here."
