Mistress of Mellyn (23 page)

” I sometimes blame myself,” she said, as though she were talking to herself; and indeed her blue eyes looked beyond me as though she were looking back over the years and was quite unconscious of my presence.

” The question is,” she went on, ” how much should one interfere in the lives of others.”

It was a question which had often interested me. I had certainly tried to interfere in the lives of people I had met since I entered Mount ” Alice was with me after the engagement,” she went on. ” Everything could have changed then. But I persuaded her. You see, I thought he was the better man.”

She was being a little incoherent, and I was afraid to ask her to elucidate lest I broke the spell. She might remember that she was betraying confidences to a young woman who was more curious than she should be.

” I wonder what would have happened if she had acted differently then.

Do you ever play that game with yourself, Miss Leigh? Do you ever say, now if at a certain point I . or someone else . had done such and such . the whole tenor of life for that person would have changed? “

” Yes,” I said. ” Everybody does. You think that things would have been different for your niece and for Alvean.”

” Oh yes … for her Alice more than most. She had come to a real turning-point. A crossroads, one might say. Go this way and you have such and such a life. Go that way and everything will be quite different. It frightens me sometimes because if she had turned to the right instead of the left … as it were … she might be here to-day. After all, if she had married Geoffry there would not have been any need to run away with him, would there?”

“I see you were in her confidence.”

” Indeed yes. I’m afraid I had quite a big part in shaping what happened. That’s what alarmed me. Did I do right?”

” I am sure you did what you thought was right, and that is all any of us can do. You loved your niece very much, did you not?”

” Very much. My children were boys, you see, and I’d always wanted a girl. Alice used to come and play with my family … three boys and no girl. I used to hope that she might marry one of them. Cousins though. Perhaps that would not have been so good. I didn’t live in this house then. We were in Penzance. Alice’s parents had a big estate some few miles inland. That’s her husband’s now of course. She had a good fortune to bring to a husband. All the same, perhaps it would not have been good for cousins to marry. In any case they were set on the marriage with the TreMellyns.”

” So that was arranged.”

” Yes. Alice’s father was dead, and her mother she was my sister had always been very fond of Connan TreMellyn … the elder I mean.

There have been Connans in that family for centuries. The eldest son was aways given the name. I think my sister would have liked to marry the present Connan’s father, but other marriages were arranged for them, and so they wanted their children to marry. They were betrothed when Connan was twenty and Alice eighteen. The marriage was to take place a year later. “

” So it was indeed a marriage of convenience.”

” How odd it is! Marriages of convenience often turn out to be marriages of inconvenience, do they not? They thought it would be a good idea if she came to stay with me. You see, I was within a few hours’ riding distance from Mount Mellyn, and the young people could meet often like that … without her staying at the house. Of course you might say, why did not her mother take her to stay at Mount Mellyn? My sister was very ill at that time and not able to travel. In any case it was arranged that she should stay with me.”

” And I suppose Mr. TreMellyn rode over to see her often.”

” Yes. But not as often as I should have expected. I began to suspect that they were not as well matched as their fortunes were.”

” Tell me about Alice,” I said earnestly. ” What sort of girl was she?”

” How can I explain her to you. The word light comes to my mind. She was lighthearted, light-minded. I do not mean she was light in her morals which is a sense in which some people use the word. Although of course, after what happened … But who shall judge? You see, he came over here to paint. He did some peautiful pictures of the moors.”

” Who? Connan TreMellyn?”

” Oh, dear me, no! Geoffry. Geoffry Nansellock. He was an artist of some reputation. Did you not know that?”

” No,” I said. ” I know nothing of him except that he was killed with Alice last July twelvemonth.”

” He came over here often while she was with me. In fact he came more often than Connan did. I began to wonder how matters stood. There was something between them. They would go off together and he’d have his painting things with him. She used to say she was going to watch him at work. She would be a painter herself one day. But of course it was not painting they did together.”

” They were … in love?” I asked.

” I was rather frightened when she told me. You see, there was going to be a child.”

I caught my breath in surprise. Alvean, I thought. No wonder he could not bring himself to love her. No wonder my statement that she possessed artistic talent upset him and Celestine.

” She told me two weeks before the day fixed for her wedding. She was almost certain, she said. She did not think she could be mistaken. She said, ” What shall I do. Aunt Clara? Shall I marry Geoffry? “

” I said: Does Geoffry want to marry you, my dear?” And she answered: He would have to, would he not, if I told him. “

” I know now that she should have told him. It was only right that she should. But her marriage was already arranged, Alice was an heiress and I wondered whether Geoffry had hoped for this. You see the Nansellocks had very little and Alice’s fortune would have been a blessing to them. I wondered … as one does wonder. He had a certain reputation too. There had been others who found themselves in Alice’s condition, and it was due to him. I did not think she would be very happy with him for long.”

There was silence, and I felt as though vital parts of a puzzle were being fitted together to give my picture meaning.

” I remember her … that day,” the old lady continued. ” It was in this very room. I often go over it. She talked to me about it … unburdening herself as I’m unburdening myself to you. It’s been on my conscience for the last year … ever since she died. You see, she said to me: What shall I do, Aunt Clara? Help me…. Tell me what I should do.”

” And I answered her. I said : There’s only one thing you can do, my dear; and that is go on with your marriage to Connan TreMellyn. You’re betrothed to him. You must forget what happened with Geoffry Nansellock.” And she said to me:

‘ Aunt Clara, how can I forget? There’ll be a living reminder, won’t there? ” Then I did this terrible thing. I said to her:

‘ You must marry. Your child will be born prematurely. ” Then she threw back her head and laughed and laughed. It was hysterical laughter.

Poor Alice, she was near breaking-point. “

Great-Aunt Clara sat back in her chair; she looked as though she had just come out of a trance. I really believe she had been seeing, not me sitting opposite her, but Alice.

She was now a little frightened because she was wondering whether she had told me too much.

I said nothing. I was picturing it all; the wedding which would have been a ceremonial occasion; the death of Alice’s mother almost immediately afterwards; and Connan’s father had died the following year. The marriage had been to please them and they had not lived long to enjoy it. And Alice was left with Connan—my Connan—and Alvean, the child of another man, whom she bad tried to pass off as his. She had not succeeded—that much I knew.

He had kept up the pretence that Alvean was his daughter, but he had never accepted her as such in his mind. Alvean knew it; she admired him so much; but she suspected something was wrong and she was uncertain; she longed to be accepted as his daughter. Perhaps he had never really discovered whether she was or not.

The situation was fraught with drama. And yet, I thought, what good can come of brooding on it? Alice is dead; Alvean and Connan are alive. Let them forget what happened in the past. If they were wise they would try to make happiness for each other in the future.

” Oh, my dear,” sighed Great-Aunt Clara, ” how I talk! It is like living it all again. I have wearied you.” A little fear crept into her voice. ” I have talked too much and you, Miss Leigh, have played no part in all this. I trust you will keep what I have said, to yourself.”

” You may trust me to do so,” I assured her.

” I knew it. I would not have told you otherwise. But in any case, it is all so long ago. It has been a comfort to talk to you. I think about it all sometimes during the night. You see, it might have been right for her to marry GeofEry. Perhaps she thought so, and that was why she tried to run away with him. To think of them on that train! It seems like the judgment of God, doesn’t it?”

” No,” I said sharply. ” There were many other people on that train who were killed. They weren’t all on the point of leaving their husbands with other men.”

She laughed on a high note. ” How right you are! I knew you had lots of common sense. And you don’t think I did wrong? You see, I sometimes tell myself that, if I had persuaded her not to marry Connan, she wouldn’t. That is what frightens me. I pointed the way to her destiny.”

” You must not blame yourself,” I said. ” Whatever you did you did because you thought it was best for her. And we after all make our own destinies. I am sure of that.”

” You do comfort me, Miss Leigh. You will stay and have tea with me, won’t you?”

” It is kind of you, but I think I should be back before dark.”

” Oh yes, you must be back before dark.”

” It grows dark so early at this time of year.”

” Then I must not be selfish and keep you. Miss Leigh, when Alvean is well enough, you will bring her over to see me?”

” I promise I shall.”

” And if you yourself feel like coming over before that….”

” Depend upon it, I shall come. You have given me a very pleasant and interesting time.”

The fear came back into her eyes. ” You will remember it was in confidence?”

I reassured her. I knew that this charming old lady’s greatest pleasure in life must have been sharing confidences, telling a little more than was discreet. Well, I thought, we all have our little vices.

She came to the door to wave me on when I left.

” It’s been so pleasant,” she reiterated. ” And don’t forget.” She put her finger to her lips and her eyes sparkled.

I imitated the gesture and, waving, rode off.

I was very thoughtful on the way home. This day I had learned so much.

I was nearly at Mellyn village when the thought struck me that Gilly was Alvean’s half-sister. I remembered then the drawings I had seen of Alvean and Gilly combined.

So Alvean knew. Or did she merely fear? Was she trying to convince herself that her father was not Geoffry Nansellock which would make her Gilly’s half-sister? Or did her great desire for Connan’s approval really mean that she was longing for him to accept her as his daughter?

I felt a great desire to help them all out of this morass of tragedy into which Alice’s indiscretion had plunged them.

I can do it, I told myself. I will do it.

Then I thought of Connan with Lady Treslyn, and I was n filled with disquiet. What absurd and impossible dreams I was indulging in. What chance had I—a governess—of showing Connan the way to happiness?

Christmas was rapidly approaching, and it brought with it all that excitement which I remembered so well from the old days in my father’s vicarage.

Kitty and Daisy were constantly whispering together, and Mrs. Polgrey said that they nearly drove her crazy, and that their work was more skimped than usual, though that had to be seen to be believed. She went about the house sighing ” Nowadays….” and shaking her head in sorrow. But even she was excited.

The weather was warm, more like the approach of spring than of winter.

On my walks in the woods I noticed that the primroses had begun to bloom.

” My dear life,” said Tapperty, ” primroses in December be nothing new to we. Spring do come early to Cornwall.”

I began to think about Christmas presents and I made a little list.

There must be something for Phillida and her family, and Aunt Adelaide; but I was mainly concerned with the people at Mount Mellyn.

I had a little money to spend, as I used very little and had saved most of what I had earned since I had taken my post at Mount Mellyn.

One day I went into Plymouth and did my Christmas shopping. I bought books for Phillida and her family and had them sent direct to her; I bought a scarf for Aunt Adelaide and that was sent direct too. I spent a long time choosing what I would give the Mellyn household. Finally, I decided on scarves for Kitty and Daisy, red and green which would suit them; and a blue one for Gilly to match her eyes. For Mrs.

Polgrey I bought a bottle of whisky which I was sure would delight her more than anything else, and for Alvean some handkerchiefs in many colours, with A embroidered on them.

I was pleased with my purchases. I was beginning to grow as excited about Christmas as Daisy and Kitty were.

The weather continued very mild, and on Christmas Eve I helped Mrs.

Polgrey and the girls to decorate the great hall and some of the other rooms.

i The men had been out the previous day and brought in ivy, holly, box and bay. I was shown how the pillars in the great hall were entwined with these leaves and Daisy and Kitty taught me how to make Christmas bushes; they were delightedly shocked by an ignorance like mine. I had never before heard of a Christmas bush! We took two wooden hoops one inserted into the other and this ball-like frame work we decorated with evergreen leaves and furze; then we hung oranges and apples on it; and I must say this made a pretty show. These we hung in some of the windows.

The biggest logs were carried in for the fireplaces, and the house was filled with laughter, while the servants’ hall was decorated in exactly the same manner as the great hall.

“We do have our ball here while the family be having theirs,” Daisy told me; and I wondered to which ball I should go. Perhaps to neither.