Missing Linc (18 page)

and to thank him for rescuing him once again.

His flight from Puerto Rico had arrived at LaGuardia at nearly eleven o”clock last night.

Once he finally made it to his hotel and checked into his room, it was well after midnight —

too late to contact Mitch and Tomi. Besides, he”d been far too exhausted and nervous to do

anything more than crash for the rest of the night.

Although the heavy curtains blocked the windows, Linc knew it was morning, and

time for him to do what he came here for. He picked up his cell phone from the table by the

bed and dialed Mitch”s cell number from memory. Linc didn”t know exactly where they

lived, so calling them was the only option he had.

The phone rang once before Mitch”s recorded voice message began. Damn, just the

sound of the man”s voice made Linc”s heart race. At first, he wasn”t sure if he felt happy or disappointed when Mitch didn”t answer, and he considered hanging up without leaving a

message and waiting until later to call him again. Linc was still weighing his options when he

heard a beeping sound, and before he knew it, he started talking.

“Hi, this…it”s Linc. Um…” He paused, suddenly so nervous, he could barely form a

complete sentence. “Listen, I, uh…I”m here…in New York. I flew in for the day, and I was

hoping to see you and Tomi before I leave in the morning. I know I”m the last person you

ever thought you would hear from again. I wouldn”t blame you if you deleted this message as

soon as you heard my voice, but I hope that you won”t do that without listening to what I

have to say first. I know that this won”t automatically fix things between us, and I know that

I could say I”m sorry a million times, and it still wouldn”t be enough to reverse the damage

I”ve caused. I just…I hope that you and Tomi can find it in your hearts to forgive me. But” —

Linc swallowed hard — “if you both still decide that you never want to see me again, I”ll

understand.”

He blew out a breath. “Man.” He chuckled uncomfortably. “This is a lot harder than I

thought it would be.” Linc leaned against the headboard and closed his eyes. When he

opened his mouth again, he spoke straight from the heart.

“There”s not a single minute that goes by since you and Tomi left that I don”t think

about the two of you. I remember every moment down to the smallest detail of the time we

spent together. More than anything, I remember that day when I hurt you and Tomi, when I

said things to you that make me feel disgusted with myself. You have no idea how much I

wish I could take back what I said that day, to take back the hurt and anger and pain that I

caused you and Tomi.” His throat tightened, his voice thickened with emotion as he tried to

hold it together long enough to say what needed to be said.

“You were right about me, Mitch. I lied to you, to Tomi, and to myself. I was too afraid

to tell you the truth, too afraid to let you know how much I loved you both — how much I

still love you — or to allow myself to even dare to hope that you and Tomi could ever love

me in return.” A computerized voice interrupted Linc, warning him that he only had thirty seconds

left to finish his message.

“God, I miss you both…so much,” he whispered hoarsely. “I am not the same without

you; my life is not the same without you and Tomi in it. Everything I do, everything I see,

reminds me of you, and I”d give anything, do anything, to be with you both again, to be a

part of your relationship again.” He sighed heavily before he continued.

“There”s one last thing I want to tell you before I hang up. You were wrong about one

thing, Mitch. I didn”t just use you and Tomi and then walk away. The two of you have

owned me since the moment I saw you. In those weeks we spent together, you became a part

of me, and losing you feels like I”ve lost a part of myself. Regardless of whether we ever see

each other again, you and Tomi deserve to know that you mean so much more to me than

just a convenient piece of ass. You have a right to know that I love you and want forever

with you, even if that isn”t possible.”

Linc quickly left his hotel information and his cell phone number, whispering, “I love

you,” just before he heard a beep signaling the end of his message. He disconnected his call

and laid the phone on the bed before he got up and headed for the bathroom. No use in

sitting here, driving himself crazy while he waited.

As Linc stepped into the shower, the same thought repeated in his mind, like a mantra:

God, please let them call.

*

He spent his day reacquainting himself with the city he”d called home for years, the

place he”d sworn never to set foot in again. Linc”s first stop was just a few doors down from

his hotel at the Roxy Deli on Broadway, his favorite breakfast spot.

He grabbed a sandwich and coffee to go before he continued his walk down memory

lane. Linc passed the CitySpire building on West Fifty-sixth Street, where he once lived with

Ava and Paul, the Bamboo 52 bar, on Fifty-second Street, where he used to meet his lovers and friends for dinner and drinks, until he finally reached the place where his life changed

forever.

Linc stood at the site of Ground Zero, so overwhelmed with memories that he couldn”t

speak. Somehow, he found the courage to go inside the memorial museum, searching

through the victims until he located Paul and Ava”s names.

He lost track of time, unsure of how long he stood there, reliving that day several years

ago, alternating between outbursts of laughter and uncontrollable tears as he remembered

both the good and bad times he had had with his lovers before they died. By the time he

finally left, his heart felt a little lighter, his conscience a little clearer, now that he”d finally

gotten the chance to say good-bye.

His last stop was his parents” home in Brooklyn. Linc showed up unannounced,

knowing that if he”d given them advance warning, his mother would have spent the entire

day cooking. As it was, her regular meal was far more than enough to feed the three of them,

and Linc enjoyed his first dinner in their home in more than a decade.

As they ate, Linc updated them on the rest of the family in Puerto Rico. Although he

talked to them regularly on the phone, Linc had not seen his parents in over a year. His

father”s health wasn”t as good as it used to be, forcing them to cancel their yearly trip to

Puerto Rico. Linc wanted them to move to the island permanently; he”d even told them they

could live with him. He definitely had more than enough space. So far, he had not been able

to convince them to do it. As he once used to, his parents loved the big city life and weren”t

ready to give it up just yet.

“So, how long are you in town, hijo?” his mother asked.

“Not long. I”m just here for the day. I flew in to see a couple of friends.”

His father looked at him thoughtfully. “They must be some very special friends, if they

got you to fly all the way here just to see them.”

“Yes, Papá,” he said quietly. “They are.” His father nodded, as if Linc”s answer explained everything.

An hour later, Linc said good-bye to his parents and prepared to leave. At the door, his

mother asked, “Are you happy, Lincoln?”

Linc paused. Her question caught him off guard. “I”m trying to be, Mamá,” he finally

said. “Hopefully, I will be by the time I leave in the morning.”

“Good.” She smiled, and kissed his cheek. “You deserve to be happy.”

It was the second time in as many days he”d heard that. Linc desperately wanted to

believe it was true.

He rode the train from Brooklyn and by the time he reached Manhattan, it was already

after ten o”clock. As he walked to his hotel, Linc refused to think about Mitch and Tomi or

the fact that he had not heard from them yet. When he reached his room and found no

messages from them, he ignored the disappointment he felt. And when he woke up Saturday

morning and realized that they still had not responded, he headed to the airport alone,

finally admitting to himself just how devastated he truly was.

Tomi rolled over and reached for Mitch, finding only empty space next to her instead.

Her eyes blinked open, and she stretched, smiling when she felt the tenderness in her body,

knowing it was the result of the lovemaking marathon she”d indulged in during the previous

day.

Her smile broadened. God, just thinking about the things he”d done to her yesterday

made her wet all over again. No one ever loved her body, her mind, her very soul, the way

this man did. Well, she could think of one man who came surprisingly close, who could

make her body throb, her heart race in ways she never thought possible with anyone other

than Mitch.

Tomi refused to go there. Thoughts of Linc already invaded her mind on a regular

basis. Voluntarily thinking about him only made things worse.

Her thoughts turned to Mitch again, always trying to make sure she was okay, always

willing to do whatever it took to make sure she stayed that way. She knew he worried about

her, especially since they”d come home from Puerto Rico. The feeling was mutual for her as

well. This thing with Linc had been hard — harder than either of them would ever have imagined. Some days, it felt as if the pain and longing would never go away. There was

nothing worse than wanting, needing someone so bad, and not being able to have them.

Thankfully, they had each other, and no matter how much she would like to have Linc

in their life, Tomi had no regrets that it was just Mitch and her. Even in her wildest dreams,

she could not have imagined a better, stronger, more caring man to spend her life with than

Mitch. He was, by far, the best thing that had ever happened to her.

She climbed out of bed and went in search of the source of her current state of wedded

bliss. Finally, she found him in the living room, sitting on the couch, staring at his cell

phone.

The look on his face stopped Tomi in her tracks. “What is it?” She finally convinced

her feet to move and went to Mitch, sitting next to him on the couch. “What”s wrong, baby?”

He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but no words came out. Finally,

he held the phone out to her. Tomi looked at him questioningly as she took the phone from

his hand.

“Press number one.” Tomi did as he instructed and put the phone to her ear, listening

to the familiar voice on the other end. For the next several minutes, she sat with her mouth

open, barely able to believe what she was hearing. When the message ended, she played it

again, needing to make certain that she wasn”t imagining this, trying to be sure that she

hadn”t misunderstood when Linc said he was there for them, dying to know that she wasn”t

just dreaming that Linc said he loved Mitch. Loved her.

After replaying the message twice more, Tomi finally disconnected the call and looked

at Mitch. “I…I…”

“I know.” Mitch took the phone out of her hand and set it on the table. “That was my

reaction as well.”

“I just can”t believe he came all the way here to New York to see us.” This city held so

many memories for Linc, and most of them were bad. Tomi knew that. She”d discussed it several times with Linc. The fact that he would disregard the promise he made to himself

about never returning here in order to see them again was more shocking, more humbling,

than she could express.

Mitch”s hand slid around her shoulders, and she automatically leaned her head against

his shoulder. “I guess the real question is whether this changes anything between him and

us.”

Tomi thought about telling him that it didn”t change anything between them, she had

everything in her life that made her happy. She thought about saying many other things, but

they all would have been lies, and they both knew it. She opted for the truth instead.

“When we first went to Puerto Rico, I thought we”d never need a third person in our

lives again. Then we met Linc, and suddenly I found it hard to imagine our life without him

in it. Don”t get me wrong, the way he treated us in the end was incredibly shitty, and how I

felt afterward was even worse, but I stopped being angry with him a long time ago. I won”t

pretend that I don”t wish every single day that things had turned out differently with him

and us.”

Tomi stared into his eyes, praying that she wasn”t hurting him with her admission, but

refusing to be anything but honest about how she felt.

“God knows I love you, Mitch, more than I can even begin to articulate, but it doesn”t

change the fact that since we came home, I feel…incomplete, like something”s —”

“Missing.” Mitch finished her sentence for her. There was no judgment or anger in his

voice. He pulled her tighter against him. “I know what you mean. I think we both know that

something is Linc. Although he acted like a complete dick the last time we saw him, and

despite the fact that I”m still more than a little pissed off at him, I won”t deny that I love him

as much today as I did last month.” He cupped her face with both hands. “I suspect you do as

well.”

Tomi nodded. “I do.” “Then, there”s only one thing left to do.” He picked up his cell phone and replayed the

message, writing down the number Linc left.

Tomi watched anxiously as he called the hotel, silently hoping that Linc was still there.