Misfit (Death Dwellers MC #6) (36 page)

“Definitely cheating,” Fee said, drawing both of their gazes. “I didn’t know how involved you two were when we got together, Cash.” She raised her hands in supplication to Stretch. “I’m so sorry if what we did hurt you. You say you were going to bring a girl in. Choose me,” she said simply. Judging by their confusion, they didn’t understand her meaning. She wanted
both
of them to choose her, not only Cash. She wanted it to be clear that this was about inclusion and not exclusion.

“You’re already chosen, Fee,” Cash said.

“No, Cash,” Stretch said, staring at her. “She means both of us.”

“Yes, I do.”

This was a do-or-die instance, made on the spur of the moment after hearing Cash’s apology. She’d come into the relationship
after
. Had the situation been reversed, she would’ve been devastated and betrayed, and would’ve ended things in self-righteous outrage. However, as the
other
in this relationship, she’d been so sure of her power. She’d convinced herself that if Stretch made Cash happy, he wouldn’t have taken up with her.

She admired Stretch’s tenacity. He loved Cash, so he’d been willing to listen to what he needed, accept her to a point, even after Cash went back on his promise that they both choose a woman.

The thought of losing them left her hollow, but Stretch deserved respect. Having a say in the woman in their relationship gave him what he should’ve had all along.

“If you
both
aren’t in agreement that I should be with you, then I’m leaving. You have deep, strong feelings for Stretch, and he loves you a lot, as much as I do. That’s what I want. I don’t want to be second. I want to be equal. If I’m not what
both
of you want, I’m out.”

“You’re out?” Cash sneered. “How have we gone from you accepting
my
terms, to threatening to walk away?”

“Because of the change in our relationship, dickhead,” Stretch snapped. “You can’t say you’ve been unaffected.”

Cash frowned. “We’ve done nothing but sit and talk.”

“That’s what she’s talking about,” Stretch argued. “We haven’t been just about sex.”

“So now you’re talking for her, asshole? First, I find you two sneaking time together, without me, and now you’re both coming at me with this.”

Fee lost her patience at Cash’s arrogance and their name calling. “Stop being so damn childish. The way you two call each other asshole and dickhead is kind of…”

“Insulting?” Stretch provided.

“Yes,” she answered.

Stretch thrust his fingers through his hair, a lighter brown than hers. “It’s our terms of endearment for one another.”

Shaking her head, Fee chuckled, her mood lightening at Stretch’s quip. “You guys are awful.”

“We’re so bad, we’re good,” Stretch replied, his mouth tipping up in a half smile.

“Fuck.” Cash glared between them. “You two are flirting with each other.”

“Fuck off, Cash,” Stretch snapped. “What’s your problem anyway? Your jealousy is showing.”

Face reddening, Cash opened his mouth.

“Cash!” It concerned Fee that he might say something so nasty Stretch would leave before they finished this important discussion. “Okay, at the risk of being accused of backseat analyzing, you have issues, dude. I know it doesn’t matter if you lose me.”
Passive-aggressive much?
She ignored the little taunt to herself, needing to find a way to discover his true feelings. “You don’t want to lose Stretch.”

“Fee, he doesn’t want to lose you, either. He just doesn’t believe he’s equipped for a relationship.” Stretch smirked at Cash. “Now I’m talking for you. Feel better?”

Cash flipped Stretch off, stood, then stalked to the kitchen.

Tired of standing, Fee returned to her seat on the sofa, although she put a little distance between her and Stretch. Nervous at how he’d taken her honesty, she twisted strands of hair around her fingers. She couldn’t make that final step of leaving. Based on Stretch’s silence and Cash’s disappearance, she should make her excuses. If she ran from this now, however, she’d never know the truth.

“Fee?”

Stretch’s soft voice halted her. “Yes?”

“Thank you.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to him, kissing her mouth. “You’re so special. Amazing. You bared your soul to us. That took so much courage. More than I’ll ever have.”

His sadness compelled Fee to wrap her arms around him. “You’re very courageous,” she whispered, settling her head on his shoulder. “You fought to survive.”

“Sometimes I wish I hadn’t. I didn’t deserve it.”

“If you hadn’t deserved to survive, you wouldn’t have.”

He kissed her forehead. “Spiritual advice?”

Was it? She hadn’t meant it that way. Her mother taught her to never push her beliefs on anyone. “I was brought up to never discuss religion and politics in polite company.”

“Polite company? You’d have to be around polite people first,” he said dryly, tucking hair behind her ear.

She laughed, her insides warming when he laughed, too. “Do you know what I’ve always wondered?” she started, lulled by the sound of Stretch’s voice and the feel of his body against hers. This could be a fleeting moment. When Cash returned, they might decide she was out, something she’d have to accept.

“What have you always wondered?”

“Your road name. How’d you get it?”

“From his asshole father,” Cash answered, his voice startling her and Stretch apart.

Cash leaned against the doorframe.

“His father?” she repeated, wondering how long he’d been there, unable to detect his thoughts with his closed expression. “I thought you were given your name based on your personality, or something.” She couldn’t remember Meggie’s explanation.

Walking back to his chair, Cash sat, placing another six pack of beer on the table. Instead of lining them up like little soldiers, he slid the carton closer to her. “Normally, that’s how you get your road name.”

When she didn’t move to take a beer, Cash took one and handed it to her, then grabbed a second and held it out to Stretch.

Stretch accepted the cold bottle. “Thank you.”

Cash got one for himself and opened it. “Stretch didn’t get his road name from us, though. He was once tall and skinny. His mother said it seemed as if he went to sleep one night and had his body stretched on a machine.” Relaxing against his seat, he took a casual sip of beer. “His father went with it and the name stuck. Later, the asshole turned the name into something ugly and dirty.”

Cash stared at Stretch, a message—a
question
—in his eyes.

“You remembered that?” Stretch asked in a quiet, incredulous voice, explaining Cash’s look. It seemed to say ‘
I hear you more than you know.’

“Yes.” Cash sidled a glance at Fee. “I know that you cut your hair quite short and kept it in gelled spikes to get out of Zoann’s shadow. You wanted to have your own identity, separate and apart from her. I know you love her deeply, that she’s the one you always felt closest to, but didn’t like how your mother compared you to her. I know you felt obligated to stick with your sisters when your mother was killed, despite your feeling that you all were deserting your brother.”

“Cash,” she breathed, moved beyond words. They’d discussed her family and where she felt she fit, only once. In recent months, her belief that Cash listened to her, had wavered. He’d been so focused on physical pleasure.

“I remember everything the two of you have ever told me. At times too well.” He had no hint of arrogance, or condescension, or any assholery. “I don’t believe that I have what it takes to make a relationship work,” he repeated for the countless time. “I’ve never really tried, especially with us. It can’t work, Ophelia. You shouldn’t have to be hidden away. As long as you’re with us, you can’t be out in the open. Not only would your brother have a problem, but so would the entire world.”

Christopher would be a problem. His opinion mattered to her. But the world’s?

How would she respond to the criticism, the whispers, and the conclusions? If she couldn’t withstand that, stick by her lost boys and defend them with conviction, then she should walk away right now.

Kendall had already said a lot. Zoann would say even more. Fee would have to protect Cash and Stretch better than she had. The burden would be on her to make it seem as if the two men had nothing to do with each other, when, in actuality, Cash was the dominant one. He’d just have to let it seem as if
she
ruled, that
she
was their center.

“Christopher’s happy with Meggie. As for the entire world, you’re the last person I believed would give a damn about what anyone else thought.”

“I don’t give a fuck about what civilians say. My brothers, though? I care a lot about what they think, especially Outlaw. He’d never stop
you
from going after whoever the fuck you want. But he’s forbidden me to get close to you. I never want to piss him off again. Ever. In life.”

Not after the beating he’d received and Daphne’s shooting. However, it sounded as if the way Cash conducted their relationship in private also depended on her brother.

“You care more about what he says than how I feel?” she asked incredulously.

“I care about being in the club, Fee. If I survived Outlaw’s wrath, he’d make me choose between you and it. Why would I do that when I’ve witnessed so many fucking relationships falling apart? If we got together and said fuck the world, fuck Outlaw, we’re going to live together as man, man, and woman, and we didn’t work out, what would I have left? Memories. I’d be alone.”

“Suppose Christopher agreed?” Long shot, but anything was possible.

“Outlaw would never agree to you being in a threesome,” Stretch answered.

“It’s
my
life,” she gritted. “If I want to live in a nudist colony, he can’t say anything.”

Cash gave her a half smile. “Tell you what. Go to your brother, convince him you don’t want to be married. You don’t want kids—”

“But I do!” she interrupted.

“Exactly.”

“I get what Cash is saying,” Stretch admitted on a sigh.

“I don’t. I can still have kids with you two. We can still marry.”

“Really?” Cash’s assholeness had returned. “Which one of us would you marry? Not that it matters. You want to bring up cheating, then get married and screw another man.”

“It would be with everyone’s consent!” Fee protested. “That doesn’t qualify. It would be for legalities and…and to legitimize our children. That’s it. It wouldn’t mean anything else.”

“It would mean a fuck of a lot else,” Cash snapped. “The couple would have the advantage. Either me or Stretch would be the odd man out.”

“What about the kids?” Cash continued. “Who would you choose as the father?”

“I could marry one of you and the other would father our kids,” she said, putting this together as she went along. “That would give both of you equal stakes, but in different ways.”

“It wouldn’t be the same thing,” Cash insisted. “This is why Outlaw doesn’t want me near you, sweetheart. He knows what you want. We all do. He also knows I have a roving eye. It’s encoded in me.”

“Cheating isn’t a stupid gene, Cash,” she almost snarled. “It’s a choice. You choose to have a wandering eye. This is an excuse to not go to Christopher.”

“I don’t need an excuse. I have facts. He’ll fuck me up. If I thought we could last, I’d take the risk. We can’t.”

“Of course we can’t,” she said. “Not if we keep our relationship in the dark and not if you’re so determined to undermine it.”

“Fuck the family you want. Fuck the complications of a marriage,” he said, losing patience and returning to another argument. “What about what the world would think? You may not want to live in Zoann’s shadow, but you want her approval. Just as you want Outlaw’s approval, in spite of what you’re saying now.”

“They didn’t seek my approval when they chose the people they’d marry. As if it would matter what I thought. I feel the same way,” she fumed, her bravery stemming from the hypothetical situation. In real life, she wouldn’t be as firm, face-to-face with Christopher, Zoann, or Johnnie.

“Calm down, baby.” Stretch placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “He’s just pointing out what we need to address, Fee.”

She jerked away. “Are you sure you’re not bringing this stuff up to push me out, without actually saying the words? Is this your roundabout way of telling me you don’t want me?”

“Ophelia, I don’t want you. You have no place in my life or my relationship with Stretch, so we end now.”

Her mouth dropped open and her heart slammed against her chest at Cash’s harsh words. Her breath came in short pants. She’d risked everything in fairness to Stretch, but she found out what she needed to know. She sagged, feeling as if her stomach had bottomed out.

“See how easy that was?” Cash glared at her. “If that’s what the fuck I meant, I would have no problem saying those words to you.”

“Jesus, Cash,” Stretch said in disbelief.