Mine to Fear (13 page)

I take a closer look at the baby and realize
why she's frozen. Her plan for another little sister has been
exchanged for two siblings. But not just two sisters. For the first
time in her life, Serena has a brother.

W
e do the best
we can cleaning up Pernilla and the babies.

Serena takes a look at Pernilla's face and
gives a sigh, the first sign of emotion I've seen from her since
her brother was born. “You're face paint is everywhere.”

“
I need to fix it,” Pernilla
says.

“
Mother, there really isn't a reason
for you to keep wearing it.”

Pernilla sniffs. “Tradition.”

I hand the baby girl to Pernilla while I
help Serena clean up. Once finished, I take the baby back. It takes
some time, patience, and magic, but we manage to get them back to
the safe house. Chadwick and a guard returns and carries Pernilla
there.

The whole time, Serena seems to return
to her dazed state. Pernilla does as well, but I don't think it's
because her newest is a male. She's barely conscious from loss of
blood. What is she going to do when she realizes she not only had
twins but finally had a boy? That, after all those years of Stephen
being angry and punishing her and Serena for all those daughters.
And when they finally escape from his reach, he finally gets a
s
on
.

If
he
discovers this, how much more will he try and come after
them?

As soon as we enter the door, the girls
surround Serena and the baby, all talking at once.

“
Two babies!”

“
Ah, she's so cute.”

“
What's her name?”

“
And what's hers?”

“
Why are they so wrinkly?”

“
Can she play soon?”

Serena stares at them, numb. Who can blame
her at this point?

“
Girls, let's give Serena and the
babies some space.” It's not my place to correct them. I may be
practically family, but practically isn't the same as being real
family.

Several groans fill the air, but they
quickly all settle themselves around the room, quietly distracting
each other. Too quickly and too quiet
ly
. What has their father done to them? Has he
hexed them since I was away? How I'd like to get my hands on
h
im
.

Pernilla is taken to a back room to rest.
Serena is still standing, gazing at nothing. I gently go over to
her and take the baby from her arms so I have two, one in each arm.
“Tawny, why don't you make some chocolate for Serena and her
mom?”

She jumps into action, years of being served
not enough to stop her from knowing how to make a few basic things.
I take the babies back to Pernilla, who is more awake than before.
I help them both get settled, not saying a word about the twins or
her newest child's gender. Whether that's for the best or not, I
don't know. But for now at least, they're all settled.

Then, I finally get Serena alone. The rain
has subsided so I take her outside, far enough from the house that
we can't be heard but close enough to see it. Serena is a little
less pale and has her cup of chocolate in hand, half gone.

“
How are you?” I ask her.

“
I'm well.”

Of course she's not. “Do you want to talk
about your newest siblings?”

Serena sips more of her chocolate. “I don't
know.”

I can't imagine what she must be feeling. It
shouldn't matter whether a child is a boy or a girl, but of course,
here, it matters too much. And to have two babies to care for on
top of everything else going on. I'm about to say something, when
she continues.

“
It's strange. There hasn't been
enough time to have an impact yet. For it to make sense. But I
already know one thing.” Her expression becomes fierce. “I will do
everything in my power to ensure my sister knows her
wor
th
and values herself and
my brother doesn't grow up to be like my father and every other
Chardonian male who only value women as property.”

That one little statement packed with such
fierceness behind it makes me feel like maybe I have helped do some
good. She's not the same girl I came to help a year ago. There's
something that isn't just changing here, but has already changed,
and for so much the better.

“
I'm certain you'll be able to teach
him that, and I'll help however you need.” I give a wry smile. “I
always wanted a little brother to tease.”

“
Good. He'll need someone to do that.
The rest of us are likely to spoil him to bits.”

“
Oh, I'll do that too.” Even though I
only held him for a short time, his tiny cheeks are so
kissable.

We fall into a silence while I think about
how sweet it was holding him in my arms. I never did have a younger
sibling, and while there were some babies that Mom took us to
visit, there weren't many I spent much time with. There's something
so precious about a new little one. No wonder the girls were
melting over him, even if they don't know it's a brother.

Brother. It's difficult to even think on
mine and what he could be going through right now. I clench my
fists.

“
Waverly, about Zade…” Serena's
thoughts must be taking the same turn mine are.

I wish I had something to offer her. Comfort
or hope. I wish I had those things to give myself. But all I have
is truth. “We don't know what they've done to him exactly. Or if
they are even sticking to the Grand Chancellor's rule about the
tournament or if they've gone against it anyway and he's no
longer…”

Her expression is stone-like, but her reply
is drenched with heartache. “Alive.”

The tightening of my throat is so thick and
heavy, it's impossible to reply.

“
I know it's a possibility. That even
thinking about saving him is suicide. But we have to do something.
If there's a chance, even a slim chance, we have to think of
something. I don't know what to do.” She places a hand on her
pocket where I know she keeps her gun. “But whatever it is, I'm
going to be fighting the entire way.”

At this moment, she is so much stronger than
me. I want to do the same, but I'm so broken. It’s hard to even
think about him, let alone plan an escape. “If Zade knew you were
risking yourself like that, we'd see the worst of his temper.”

“
I'd take his temper any time after
this.” She shrugs. “Besides, he won't know. He's not
here.”

Right. I want to see his temper again.
Want to enjoy his wrath over risking our lives to save him. I can
do this. There's time. “Do you think we need to involve
Cynth
ia
in this?”

“
She'll be furious if we don't.
Besides, she's already proven how good at magic she is. We need her
if we want even a hope of success.”

Even the tiniest bit of hope would be
something to cling onto right now. “What about your other sisters?
Have you told them?”

Her face crumples with pain. “No. I need to,
but I often think they enjoy his company more than mine. They won't
take it well.”

Not that we are either. It still
doesn't even seem real. How can I even tell Mom and Dad? That was
the worst thought I could have had. I can't tell them. In Dad's
weakened state, the shock and strain of it could kill him. Zade
wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Dad getting sick. The guilt
of having Zade come in his place because of falling sick would be
even worse.
I can't tell them he's been
captured.

But if the worst should happen, if Serena
and I don't succeed…

“
I wish we could keep them from it.”
It takes me a moment to realize Serena is talking about her sisters
and not my parents. “Not to keep them in the dark like women always
have been kept, but so they don't have the fear and worry we
do.”

Exactly. “If only such a world were possible
without becoming like the warlocks here. We can send them to Envado
where they can at least be safe while we try and rescue Zade.”

“
And who's to take them? You're the
only one I trust that knows the way, but I know I can't ask you to
take the time off when it could be spent helping Zade.”

And I can't bring myself to offer. “There's
Chadwick.”

“
Please. He's more like a sibling to
Zade than I sometimes think you are.”

“
They don't fight enough for that to
be true,” I counter. And then I think on all those times I did
fight with him. The moments that didn't even matter, but I still
got so upset over. Why did I ever yell at him? “I should have never
fought with him. What have I done? I may never see him again and
that's all he'll remember of me.”

“
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset
you. He knows you care, probably more so because you aren't afraid
to say what you want to around him and are comfortable teasing
him.”

It's true, even if guilt is bothering me
now. And here she is, comforting me when it's her fiancée that's in
danger.

“
How did you spring the girls from
your father's?” I ask.

She shrugs. “I was going to get them today
anyway. It just ended up being good timing with all that's going
on. I figured I couldn't leave them there any longer. It was too
hard on them. Plus, I thought if Mother had a baby girl…”

I give her shoulder a squeeze, remembering
how punishment from their father can get.

“
Since father had a council meeting
today,” she continues, “it was the best chance to help them escape.
It was easier than I thought. He didn't even leave any
guards.”

“
Thank goodness the man doesn't know
how to protect his most precious possessions. Did you check with
all the girls and your mother to make sure they didn't leave
anything important behind?”

“
I did. It turns out father destroyed
all of their things in a fire. Even Mother's. They only had one
change of clothes. Nothing else.”

“
Well, we'll have to fix that the best
we can under the circumstances.” I want to spit on that horrid
man.

“
So you think your family needs to
stay here for now. Do you think that it is safe?”

“
Nothing is safe.”

C
ontrary to
how Serena reacted to finding out the baby is a boy, the other
girls are all excited to have a brother. They ohh and ahh over him
as much as they can. Serena was right. He’s going to be a very
spoiled boy, though his sister is getting just as much attention.
Abigail, or Abby as the girls like to call her, and Benjamin. Ben
is a fussy baby but sleeps well, while Abby is a content little
girl who doesn't like to sleep at all.

Still, everyone pitches in to help and love
the babies. Pernilla, on the other hand, doesn't seem to know how
to react to having a boy. She seems numb to it like Serena was at
first, only it doesn't seem to want to pass.

A few days pass quietly this way, the
girls fawning over the babies and everyone trying to keep up with
the chores. Cynthia com
es
to
me after spending a long time talking with Serena.

“
Luk
as
and I are going to try and find out information on Zade and
Daniel,” she says without any preamble.

“
Do you think it's safe?”

“
Nothing is safe in this country, but
I can't just sit back and do nothing.”

That's true, but still. I don't want her in
danger if she doesn't have to be. Of course, I also want my
brother. “What does Serena think?”

“
She wanted to go herself, but I
insisted she let me. I have more power and knowledge. I should be
able to get in and out of places better than she would. Besides,
I've been learning more about the safe houses and people we're
working with than she has. I will know where to go to find
answers.”

“
Maybe I should go with
y
ou
.” I'm so torn. I want to
be with her, but I've been so busy here helping take care of the
girls and Ben. Zade needs me, though. He needs us all if we're to
save him.

“
If you think it's best, though
there's a lot that needs to be done and watching over here. I'd
feel better if you were with my family.”

My throat tightens. “But Zade is my family.
I have to take care of him. I have to save him.”

She takes hold of my hand. “I promise we'll
do the best anyone can do.”

I bite my lip and nod, unable to say
anything further. I gather her into a hug. “Stay safe.”

“
We will.”

She and Lukas leave. It's a sad farewell.
The days start to pass, slow and agonizing. The longer they're
gone, the more I worry. What if something happens to them? What if
they're not able to get any news on Zade and Daniel? Or worse, what
if they get news but it's bad news? I try not to dwell on it, but
it's hard not to.

Chadwick returns with Jack after getting
supplies from town. It's easier for Jack to blend in than Chadwick,
but neither of them trust the other. I'm not entirely sure what to
think of them both now, but at least I trust them with our safety.
Jack more than earned that with everything he’s done. If he hadn't
stopped to cut the spell off my leg, I'd probably be locked up
right now.