Mind Gym (11 page)
Authors: Sebastian Bailey
Imagine suffering a nightmarish journey into the office: a roadside accident leaves you stranded for an extra twenty-five minutes in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Then, when you finally get to the office, rather than answering an urgent email, you decide you need coffee and maybe a donut. But that’s still not enough to release your tension before you tackle the email. So, you wander to the water cooler to chat with a coworker—to gripe about the traffic jam—before you can get in the right mood to work. And maybe you’ve already had some bad luck this week, so you’re anxious about making any big decisions.
Today is not the day I should be responding to important emails. And I was going to start my diet today, but not after what I’ve been through
.
The problem with waiting for a perfect moment is that it never arrives. There will always be another good reason to put things off. Maybe you’re trying to cut back on going out for drinks after work. But today isn’t the day to stop because you are under too much stress. Or you’ve earned it because you are stressed and your buddy Tommy got a promotion. Wait a month. The chances are you’ll wait another month, and then another—those stressful days and traffic jams and important emails will keep coming. And the excuses will come with them. Basically, there’s never going to be a perfect moment to face the fire, start your diet, or answer an important email.
One way to overcome emotional barriers is to imagine the outcome of not doing something immediately. You might be the sort of person who thinks
I’m too stressed to start this project now
, but consider how much more stressed you’ll feel if you leave the project until the last minute.
I’m very busy, so I must be making some progress
.
No one appreciates quite how much I’ve done
.
There’s so much to do, I just can’t stop
.
An action illusionist, as the name suggests, is the magician of the procrastinating world. But rather than waving a wand to make people or rabbits or the Statue of Liberty vanish, they use all their sleight of hand to make time disappear. They’re the sort of people who, rather than studying for exams at school, will spend endless hours writing and rewriting their study schedule, and then say, “I just didn’t have enough time.” Or they’ll pop onto the Internet to do some research and will still be there hours later, answering emails that have no correlation to their project. When challenged, these crafty people repeat their mantra: “I have done a lot with my time!” This, of course, is the biggest illusion of all, because they didn’t accomplish the one thing they were supposed to do.
The most interesting thing about suffering from action illusion is that you can quite often spend more energy not doing work than it would take to get your task done.
If you’re an action illusionist, the key to breaking this type of procrastination is to understand that you are not doing what needs to be done. You may technically be working: you keep checking your inbox; you have another look at the monthly data; you even reorganize your desk because the clutter is somehow imposing on your goal of completing your task. Yes, you are busy doing work-type tasks, only they’re not the tasks that really need to be done.
Break this type of procrastination by deciding what would be a successful outcome from your effort. Decide what you can do first that would most help you achieve your goal. Do that one thing first, and then decide what would be the next step toward completing your task. Don’t let anything come between you and your objective.
The secret to overcoming procrastination is to find out how, in any given situation, you are procrastinating. Then, it’s just a short step toward working out what you can do to teach yourself new habits.
To find out what your excuse is, think about something you’re putting off. Then, consider the following fifteen statements, and circle the number that represents how true you think each statement is for the situation you’re thinking about.
Mark each statement in the following manner:
Circle 1 if the statement is
Not at all true
.
Circle 2 if the statement is
Rarely true
.
Circle 3 if the statement is
Sometimes true
.
Circle 4 if the statement is
Often true
.
Circle 5 if the statement is
Totally true
.
1. This doesn’t concern me much. 1 2 3 4 5
2. I’m not going to enjoy doing this at all. 1 2 3 4 5
3. I really won’t be able to do this properly. 1 2 3 4 5
4. I’m too stressed/tired/excited to do this now. 1 2 3 4 5
5. I’m very busy, so I must be making some progress. 1 2 3 4 5
6. It’s not very difficult, I can do it anytime. 1 2 3 4 5
7. I’m not in the right frame of mind. 1 2 3 4 5
8. I’m very busy, so the results should follow soon. 1 2 3 4 5
9. It won’t take very long, so I’ll fit it in later. 1 2 3 4 5
10. I’ve failed at this before, so I’m bound to fail again. 1 2 3 4 5
11. This is going to take a really long time. 1 2 3 4 5
12. I’m just not in the mood to do this right now. 1 2 3 4 5
13. It’s a big step, and I’m scared I may not be able to cope. 1 2 3 4 5
14. It’s really unpleasant, so I’ll start another time. 1 2 3 4 5
15. I know what I have to do, so I’m already halfway done. 1 2 3 4 5
Add up the numbers you chose for the statements as follows:
Statements #1 + #6 + #9 = ______ (Complacency)
Statements #2 + #11 + #14 = ______ (Avoiding discomfort)
Statements #3 + #10 + #13 = ______ (Fear of failure)
Statements #4 + #7 + #12 = ______ (Emotional barriers)
Statements #5 + #8 + #15 = ______ (Action illusion)
The total for each group of answers should be between 3 and 15. The nearer your total is to 15, the more you lean toward that form of procrastination. If any total is below 8, then you probably don’t need to worry about it too much. But if your total is 12 or more, reconsider and reread the corresponding portion of this chapter. And please, don’t wait to read it later!
After learning about the five main reasons we procrastinate and taking the previous quiz, you may have found that you tend to procrastinate for one reason in one part of your life (e.g., at work) and another reason in another part of your life (doing chores at home). Or maybe you are inclined toward a mixture of two or more types. As important as it is to understand why and how you procrastinate, it is even more important to use some general tactics to try to remedy your type.
The following simple tactics will help you tackle the primary types of procrastination. Some tactics will work better for some people than others, so it is worth experimenting to find the right one that works for you.
Five minutes is nothing—it’s just three hundred seconds. It’s the length of a song, the time it takes to boil an egg, and a commercial break on TV. Pick up a project you’ve been putting off and give it just three hundred seconds of your time. Once the five minutes are up, stop and reassess. Do you want to give it another five minutes? If so, carry on for another five. Stop and assess again. Continue in five-minute increments. And each time assess your progress. After a while, the momentum of beginning the task will carry you forward, and you’ll forget about all those five-minute chunks.
During the day, or even portions of the day, set goals and rewards for yourself. Each time you hit a goal, you earn a reward—a short break, a hilarious YouTube video, a quick round of your favorite mobile phone game, or some other treat. It’s important that the goals are realistic and the rewards are in proportion. Make sure you select a time to review your progress and adjust your targets accordingly.
Sometimes, if you find yourself buried in work, you might feel upset with yourself for not having started the work earlier. Try taking this one step further and imagine a conversation between “you today” and “you tomorrow.” If “you tomorrow” (let’s call him Saturday Tom) could chat with “you today” (let’s call him Friday Tom), what would he have to say about your procrastination? If Friday Tom is leaving all the work for Saturday Tom, then Saturday Tom is not going to be a happy guy. So, be nice to Saturday Tom: make sure that Friday Tom does his fair share as well.
Another tactic is to make the consequences of inaction so unbearable that you have no choice but to get busy now. You could write a donation check to someone or something you really dislike: a rival team, if you’re a football fan, or an opposing political party. Give the check to a friend with strict instructions to send it if you do not achieve your goal. Or be creative with your punishments: send flowers to a celebrity you despise or join the fan club of a pop group you think are awful. The more embarrassing and humiliating, the more incentive there is for you to get the task done.
In the same way that weddings are public ceremonies, with friends and relatives there to celebrate but also to reinforce the vows the bride and groom are making, so is “going public” with your goal. If your goal is to go on a diet, do you feel more pressure when you don’t tell a soul about it or when you announce it to all your friends, with strict instructions to refuse you if you ask for a french fry? It may seem an obvious way of making yourself feel guilty, but it can also be highly effective. Share your goal online as well. Post it on Facebook. Ask your connections to support you if you make your goal, or criticize you if you don’t.
Procrastination is the unspoken slayer of dreams. We all have different reasons and excuses for why we procrastinate. We all suffer from the consequences of procrastination in some area of our lives. It may sound a bit ironic, but now is the time to deal with your procrastination. You won’t be able to fix it easily or forever with one attempt. However, if you keep seeking to understand and fix your procrastination, you’ll soon jump-start many areas of your life.
GIVE YOUR MIND A WORKOUT
If you are procrastinating over a situation, write down the task that you need to get done. Then work through the following questions to see if you can come up with a solution:
• Why is it important to get this done?
• How does the thought of starting to work on this issue make me feel?
• How does the thought of completing work on this issue make me feel?
• Which procrastination attitudes are getting in the way? Why?
• What tactics could I use to get over this?
• When will I get it done by?
• Who will be my witness?
• When will I review my progress?
The beginner exercise was about a particular task; this exercise is about the whole picture—the procrastination habit itself.
Grab a paper and pen before starting.
1. Why do you procrastinate? Go back through the five main reasons for procrastination and figure out which you are most guilty of. Pick your top three reasons and list them in the order in which you use them.
2. Get specific. Write down exactly what sorts of things you procrastinate about and what you say to yourself to justify procrastinating.
3. Identify your beliefs. If you know what underlying beliefs you hold about the reasons you procrastinate, you can try to change them. Use “The Six Steps of Arguing with Yourself” method beginning on page 40 (chapter 2) to help you change the root belief that is holding you back.
4. Change your language. Now that you’ve started changing your beliefs, write down a different way to talk to yourself about the tasks you habitually avoid. Imagine your most effective self. What would he or she say to your procrastinating self?
5. What is the first action step in changing your procrastination habit? Arguably, changing how you think and talk to yourself about this habit is the very first step. But take a moment here to decide on the first tangible action step you can take. This will vary depending on your core reason or justification for procrastinating. For instance, if your core reason is action illusion and you mostly procrastinate at work, then the first action step for you might be to regularly document at the start of every task what counts as real effort and what counts as procrastination.
6. What’s the reward? Habit changing succeeds when rewards are built into it. Pick a reward that will motivate you to change your procrastination habit.
Deepen Connections
S
HE WANTS to slow down. He wants to jump in.
He rolls his eyes. She crosses her arms.
We all know that relationships are complicated. But should we just resign ourselves to complications? Or should we really dig in to create stronger, more enriching, and rewarding relationships—that don’t have so many complications? Can we create healthy relationships that are energizing instead of depleting? Can we build relationships that are fun to work on instead of something we feel obligated to work in?
Whether you want to deepen connections with friends, family, colleagues, or a significant other, this part offers you insights into your relationships and gives you the tools to improve them. When you improve your relationships, something else amazing happens: Your whole life feels more rewarding. You see the world differently and more positively. You feel more energized not only in those relationships but in everything else you do—your work, your hobbies, and your goals. But the process of improvement all starts with you. You’re the person who is involved in every one of your relationships.
