Microsoft Word - At Last A Life Final Copy 16-03-09 (16 page)

chance to refresh itself.

People sometimes say “But how can I get up and do things when I

feel so numb and empty? I just want to hide away”. My answer is

always the same. Go along with the numbness and emptiness, it’s a

normal progression of the condition. Don’t wait until you are better to

start living. Living your life is what brings back the old you.

Accept recovery can take time

This is a very important point, so please read through this section

very carefully and absorb the contents. No matter how many times I

tell people to step back and let recovery take care of itself, they still

try to stop symptoms coming and try to rush feeling better.

Let me explain something. What I had was a nervous breakdown.

This basically occurs because your body can only take so much.

When you are going through a prolonged period of stress and worry,

your body cannot cope so it shuts down. It has reached breaking

point and has said enough is enough. This may lead to feelings of

anxiousness, feelings of panic and feelings of detachment. It does

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not matter what the symptoms are, it is your body saying “I can take

no more”. This is where the word breakdown comes in, because that

is really all it is. Now all your body is asking for is a rest and time to

rejuvenate itself. Do we give it that time? No! Through no fault of our

own, we then worry about these symptoms, worry we are going mad

and wonder why we feel so tired and emotionless. This puts more

worry and strain on our already tired body and we may begin to feel

worse. We tell ourselves we must get a grip of this thing, so we fight

it and worry even more. Well I think you can now see why these

symptoms persist. This is exactly what I did for all those years while

I suffered. In fact I was worrying because I had been ill for so long

and my days were filled with fighting and worry.

One day I just accepted that okay, this is me now. I actually

understand why I feel like this. I need to give my mind and body a

rest. I need to stop trying to make myself feel better and stop

worrying about how I feel. So I just started to accept it and, not only

that, I also accepted it may take a long time for my body to repair

itself. This is exactly what your body needs - ‘a break’. It did take

time for me to feel better and it came in layers. Sometimes I

experienced the worst day I’d had for a long time, but I never let it

bother me. I just accepted the good days and the bad ones equally.

What I did notice over time was that my mind became a little clearer.

The odd emotion would return and my anxiety eased a little. This is

when I finally realised I was doing things the right way and it all

made sense to me. The feeling of strangeness was the hardest to

accept, but I became an expert at not letting it bother me. So,

remember, it does not matter how long it takes to feel better, just

start to give your body the well deserved break it so needs and it will

take care of itself
.

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BORN TO WORRY

Some people have a strong tendency to worry from a very young

age. Every day they find something to worry about and as soon as

one problem is resolved, they move on to something else. It’s as

though they don’t feel happy unless they are worrying.

People in this category tend to strive for perfection in their lives,

bending this way and that way to please others, putting tremendous

pressure on themselves to be perfect, both at work and at home.

They are constantly seeking approval from other people and want to

be a success, forever plaguing themselves with questions such as:

What if I lose my job?

What if my new mother in law does not like me?

What if my partner gets bored of me and leaves?

What if I upset my neighbours with the barbecue on Saturday night?

They spend each day worrying about things over which they have

no control, but at what cost? All the worrying builds up and can put

a tremendous strain on their bodies - day in, day out, worry, worry,

worry. When will it ever stop? How often have you heard people

say, “I don’t know why I worry, I just do”. What they need to realise

is that worrying does not change one situation. That’s right, you can

worry about something but the outcome will always be the same, so

all that negative energy is a total waste of time. Worry is the most

useless, destructive emotion we possess, but as I found out, like any

other habit, we can change the worry habit.

Those who don’t have a tendency to worry are much calmer people.

They mainly enjoy a better, stress free life because they understand

this concept. This is not to say that if there is a major drama in your

life that you should not worry, this is natural, but do not waste

precious energy worrying about those things that are just not worth

worrying about. Worry just brings stress, and it was one of the first

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things I stopped doing when I was on the road to recovery. I knew it

was just counter productive and it would do me no good at all. The

less I worried, the easier it became. Now I have reached the point

where, if I know I can’t change an outcome, I just let it go. I just tell

myself ‘what will be, will be’ and, nine times out of ten, these worries

come to nothing anyway.

Below, I have given an example of two different people facing the

same scenario.

Two friends start a job on the same day in the same office. Mrs X,

who tries to please and has a tendency to worry about things and

Mrs Y. After they have settled in, their boss approaches Mrs X and

says, “Hello Mrs X. I know this is your first day, but I wondered if you

would like to come out for a few drinks tomorrow night. We usually

get together once a month and tomorrow is that day”.

She thinks, “Oh, I can’t, I have promised my friend that I would go

round tomorrow as she has just separated from her partner and

needs some support, but I don’t want to appear ungrateful and

boring on my first day and let my boss down. Oh dear, what shall I

do?” She thinks about it and then says, “Yes, OK then, thanks”.

Immediately, she starts to worry, thinking, “oh no, what did I say that

for? I promised my friend and now I am going to have to let her

down.” She is now angry with herself for feeling weak and saying

yes.

She goes home and rings her friend telling her what has happened

and apologises for having to cancel her visit the following evening.

Her friend is not really happy and tells her she really needed that

chat. When Mrs X comes off the phone, she feels awful and then

worries that she has let her friend down, fearing that her friend will

have fallen out with her. She hardly has any sleep, worrying about

her dilemma, and considers telling her boss that she can’t make it,

but worries that doing that would make her feel worse - oh dear!

She arrives at work the next day, feeling tired through lack of sleep

and guilty for letting her friend down. She goes out with her work

colleagues, as arranged, and enjoys none of it. Her mind is

elsewhere and she just wants to go home.

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The same day the boss approaches Mrs Y and asks the same

question.

Mrs Y replies, “No thank you, I have promised my friend I would go

round tomorrow and comfort her as she is having a bad time”. Her

boss replies “Oh that’s very good of you, no problem at all, we will

see you tomorrow”.

She then goes round to her friends and they have a good night. Her

friend then thanks her, she goes home, has a good nights sleep and

is at work the next day, ready and refreshed.

There is a story of two very different people facing the same

situation. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what the best approach

was.

If you see a part of yourself in that story, remember that you can’t

please everybody, so don’t try. Don’t strive for perfection; it’s not

worth the effort. Just be happy with who you are. Do not worry

about things you cannot change and ask yourself the following

questions:

Has worrying about something ever done me any good?

Has worrying ever changed anything?

Has worrying ever made me feel better?

I think we all know the answer to these questions! To quote a lady

who once wrote to me: “Paul I have just realised I can live and

survive without worry”. You have more power than you think to

change your thought patterns. You may not think so as you probably

always see the worst in every situation, but that is just a habit that

you have developed and you have the power within you to change.

Let’s look at some examples of were we could change our thought

patterns:

Instead of saying, “Oh, I will never be better, I will always feel like

this”, why not say, “Many others have recovered, why not me? I now

have the tools to do it”.

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Instead of saying, “I hate feeling like this”, why not say, “Yes, it’s not

great, but I can’t do anything about it for now. In time, with a new

approach, these feelings will subside, just as they did for the author

of this book”.

Trust me when I say that positive thinking can become your new

habit and in time it will overtake all the negative thinking. Through

my recovery I was told the importance of positive thinking and

climbing out of the rut of always thinking the worst, but I never

understood how thinking positive could make me feel better. Well I

am far wiser now and realise how closely your thoughts are

connected to the way you feel. A lot of the depression we may feel is

because this condition has dragged us down. We have had nothing

to think positive about and hence we feel depressed. Well begin to

let the positive thoughts back in and you may be surprised by how

they can become your new habit and your whole outlook towards

the way you feel can improve. It takes a little effort, but being

positive instead of negative can have a great impact on how you feel

and it can also give you that extra incentive to recover. Also adding

positive things into your life can have the same effect. I decided to

get fit and went from not being able to run 20 yards to eventually

doing a half marathon. I felt great for getting fit and a real sense of

achievement when I crossed that line.

I am not going to dwell too much on the subject of negative thoughts

as it has been written about before, but I want to show you that you

do have the power to change the way you think and to feel better

about yourself. When you first attempt to alter your thought

processes, your positive thinking will feel very weak and come

without conviction, but the more you do it, the more it overrides the

negative thinking and becomes your new voice, your new habit.

Remember positive thinking is far more productive than negative

thinking. Think of the child that plays so happily without a care in the

world. Well this is because, at that age, they have no reason to

worry, so they enjoy life. People who keep this principle going into

adult life have the right idea, so next time try and replace the

negative thoughts with something more positive - you do have the

power.

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Let this be your new motto: It’s time to ‘stop worrying and start

living’.

Recovery can be an up and down affair

I always feel that it is important to let people know that when they

are on the road to recovery, it can be a bit of an up and down affair.

Sometimes I would think that I had taken one step forward only to

take two steps backwards. Here are some of the mistakes I made,

so hopefully you can avoid them. You may not come across them all

during recovery, but I have included them just in case you do.

I felt so good yesterday, why do I feel so bad today?

It is often said that recovery means taking two steps forward and

one step back, which is basically the way the body recovers. It takes

a little patience to allow for this adjustment, but is well worth it.

This is why it is imperative that you accept how you feel at any given

time and just carry on with your day. Eventually you will wake up and