Mia Like Crazy (21 page)

“What happened?” My heart was beating so hard it felt like it would come out of my chest.

“The girl started crying and pleading, and he empathized with her,” the doctor continued. “He couldn’t do it. He got up, and as he was leaving the room, two other boys burst in, wildly intoxicated. From what they told Drew later, they both had sex with her that night.”

“Why didn’t any of this come out at the trial?”

“The girl was so drunk and stoned, she wasn’t much help. All she could remember was Drew. He never denied it, so he became the notorious rapist Drew Larson.”

“Why in the world wouldn’t he tell the truth?”

“Here’s where you have to understand about his upbringing, and the bizarre ‘rules to live by’ his father taught him,” Valerie explained. “The worst thing you could be to Jack Larson was weak. If someone crossed him in any way, he would take revenge on them, period. As a little boy, Drew didn’t show much aggression. In fact, he spent a lot of time drawing, and wanted to be in the kitchen with his mom. His father was embarrassed by what he perceived to be a ‘sissy’ living under his own roof. He constantly berated Drew for everything from letting other kids take his toys to talking too much.”

“Talking too much? If he would have talked to me last night, none of this would be necessary.”

“Mia, Drew’s father would hurt him if he did more than speak when spoken to. Jack Larson hated everything about him. He called him weak and told him if he didn’t toughen up he’d always be a loser. He was often beating him when he said these things. To set the right example, I suppose.”

“That explains all those blue ribbons in everything. He had to compete and win, or else,” I said. “But what did that have to do with the night at the party?”

“At the time it all happened, Drew was still living under Jack Larson’s roof, as he always had. He was ashamed for his father to know he couldn’t go through with the attack on the girl who had injured his pride so badly. In his world, this would prove to his father, once and for all, that he was a weakling. He couldn’t dole out the punishment, even when it was so obviously deserved.”

“My God!” I exclaimed. “Better to be a rapist than a weakling?”

“It gets worse. When Jack Larson heard what Drew was supposed to have done, he, privately, congratulated him. He told Drew, ‘she had it coming to her.’ Then he publicly denounced him. I’m sure the other boys were more than happy to let him take the rap. They knew she was fine when Drew left her. They kept his secret. He kept theirs. And, apparently, when Drew was arrested, he retreated so far into himself, he didn’t even care what was happening to him anymore.”

I was dumbstruck. On one hand, I was thrilled to learn the man I loved wasn’t a rapist and I wasn’t crazy to have felt that way all along. On the other, I wondered how he could let himself be branded in such a terrible way and never speak up about it, not even to me.

The doctor interrupted my thoughts. “Mia, I believe I know what you’re thinking, but in Drew’s heart, he deserves the scorn of the world, even if they have the wrong reason. His father convinced him he was unworthy, unattractive, unlovable. This way, at least people stay away from him, and he doesn’t have to try to interact, compete, or relate in any normal way. He avoids the possibility of being hurt again.”

“But he brought me into his house. He cooks for me, wants to spend time with me, spends money on me…” I wondered out loud.

“And I think therein lies the answer to your other question. Knowing everything you know about Drew, do you really think he would do these things if he didn’t love you?”

“In that case, there’s one more thing I need to ask you about. It’s kind of humiliating and personal, but I guess you hear everything.” My eyes dropped to the tissue in my hand. “He’s barely touched me since we’ve known each other. We’ve never—”

“I know,” Valerie interrupted, saving me from having to complete the sentence.

“Why?” I asked. “What does he say about it?”

“I’m afraid we don’t have an answer to that one yet. He was finally able to bring it up to me in his last session.” Valerie looked genuinely sorry she couldn’t help me more. “I know he desperately wants to be close to you, though.”

I was out of questions and had an awful lot to think about. In a daze, I stood and thanked the doctor for taking the time to see me. Valerie followed me to the door.

As I reached for the doorknob the doctor said, “Mia, for the first several months Drew came to me, he answered every attempt I made to get through to him with a rude, sarcastic comment. Then, one day, he walked in and started talking. I hated to tell him when his time was up, afraid it might never happen again, but he’s been talking ever since. That was about four months ago.”

“I came here four months ago,” I said.

“I know.”

Chapter Thirteen

I had a lot to think about on my cab ride home. I now knew things about Drew that Meridith didn’t even know. My emotions were all over the place as I played the conversation with the doctor over and over in my head.

Drew wasn’t the young man who raped a girl ten years ago. He was the one who couldn’t go through with it. He was a gentle child, but it may have been beaten out of him. He probably loved me, but who knew if he could ever show me that love in a normal way. My head was swimming.

When I was only a few blocks from the apartment, I realized I would have to face him, knowing secrets he’d hidden away from the world for a decade. If I hadn’t blackmailed him into it, would he ever have told me?

I tried to formulate a plan of action. Should I take the cue from Drew and Meridith and pretend nothing happened? That really wasn’t my style. Should I take the bull by the horns, immediately, and discuss everything I’d learned with him?

When the cab pulled up to the front door of the apartment building, I still wasn’t sure what I would do.

I had barely made it inside, when I was accosted by Drew. “You need to start getting ready because Meridith wants us at some stuffy shindig tonight.”

Did he actually use the word “shindig”?

“
You’re
going to a party?”

“I know. Crazy, huh? It’s some charity thing. Meri’s getting an award and she wants some family there.”

I had a sneaking suspicion Meridith might have cooked this up to take some of the awkwardness out of this evening. After all, she must have known about the party before today and our presence hadn’t been required. Regardless, it would be a relief to have a chance to let my new-found knowledge sink in before I had to deal with it.

“Oh, yeah,” he said. “It’s a formal thing and Meridith didn’t think you had anything here to wear, so she had a dress shop send some stuff over for you to pick from.”

I thought fast. “Well, if you want me to go, you’ll have to come help me decide on the dress. Meridith has exquisite taste, and I’ll never get to the party if I have to choose alone.”

He appeared surprised his opinion could be helpful in this situation, but he didn’t seem to want to deny me anything after his behavior the night before.

We went up to my room and I gasped at the dazzling array of dresses. I knew these were not random choices sent over by the dress shop. Meridith had somehow chosen them or, at least, described what she wanted, because each one was of my personal taste. “They’re stunning,” I whispered.

“Yeah, I think you should keep all of them.”

“Drew, there are eight designer dresses here. They may cost thousands each, for all I know. Besides, how many formal occasions are you planning to take me to?”

He smiled. Maybe he was happy to hear me referring to a possible future together. “You could wear them around the house. Meri can afford it.”

I laughed at the idea of traipsing around the house in evening gowns. I looked them over carefully and narrowed the eight down to three. “Okay, I’ll put them on and you can tell me what you think.”

Drew’s eyes widened in surprise when I began peeling off my blouse, quickly followed by my pants. I was pleased to note that he didn’t look away. I got the first dress on and asked him to zip it up for me. It took longer than it should have because of the bandages he wore across his knuckles, but that was fine with me. I wanted him to stare at my nearly naked backside as long as possible.

The dress was a lovely strapless in iridescent ivory. It was straight across the top, with a skirt that flared out only a bit from the waist. I felt like a princess. “Oh, I love this one,” I said. “But I don’t think I have the jewelry for it.”

“Oh, yeah,” Drew said. “Meridith sent some of her stuff over she thought would match. It’s right behind you.”

I didn’t know how I could have missed all the beautiful things sparkling on my dresser. I didn’t even know what to call most of them, or if they were real or costume jewelry. But they were all lovely, and one pair of earrings looked as though it had been made for the dress. They were elongated and dangling and were exactly the right color. I turned around to show him.

“What do you think?” I asked hopefully.

“I think guys will be trying to look down your dress all night,” he replied. “You don’t want me to have to beat up any more cars at Meri’s big party.”

I couldn’t believe he was joking about what happened the night before. “I’ll take that as ‘You look incredible Mia—I won’t be able to take my eyes off you,’” I said sarcastically.

“See, if you’d translate like that all the time, everything would be great.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

I tried on my other two favorites. On the third zipper, Drew’s thumb accidentally grazed my back and the sensation was so delicious I involuntarily arched and gasped.

“Sorry,” he said.

Sorry?
“It felt good, Drew.”

After trying on all three gowns, I went back to my first choice. Drew put on the tux he wore on our wedding day. Since the cuts on his hands were less noticeable now that the excess blood was gone, he removed the bandages. He looked fabulous to me. Every time I glanced at him, I felt warm all over.

As we stepped into a waiting limo, I chuckled inwardly at how Meridith had pulled out all the stops to ensure this evening blotted out the previous one. I wondered if Drew knew how lucky he was to have a sister who cared so much for him.

The ride over was unusually quiet, since neither of us was ready to discuss what I’d learned from the psychiatrist. Right before we reached the front of the hotel, he turned to me and gazed into my face with an intense expression. His lips parted once, and then again, but otherwise, he was completely still. I became concerned he wouldn’t be able to face the crowd inside.

“What is it, Drew?”

He reached into my lap and took my hand, his gaze never leaving mine. “You’re…too beautiful.”

I was surprised when his mouth covered mine in a soft kiss. The tender caress of his fingertips on my cheek made me realize how poignant intimacy could be with him. And when his tongue pressed into mine, I could imagine him inside me. I wished we could turn around and go back home.

As the driver opened the door, Drew released my lips, and whispered in my ear, “Thanks for still being here.”

“This is where I want to be.” I peered into his eyes to try to determine whether or not he believed me.

He looked at me as though my words caused him physical pain. Then, he squeezed my hand so tightly I almost cried out. I hoped this was a sign he was ready to let go of some of the solitary agony he’d held on to for so long.

“Sir?” The driver attempted to pry Drew’s attention from me. “We’re here.” Drew took a deep breath, stepped out of the car, and offered a hand to me.

I was in high spirits as we entered the ballroo
m
. As I suspected, there was no reason we had to be at the event that night. Meridith was getting an award, but I got the impression from the other guests that my sister-in-law won an award practically every night of the week.