Memories (27 page)

 "No, Michael. It's just better for me to leave now before…" she hesitated.

 "Before what?"

 Dani sighed. "It's just time to go back to my life. To reality. Okay?"

 Michael drew closer to her and placed his hands on her arms. She dropped her suitcase and let the bag fall to the floor.

 "To reality?" he asked. "This is reality, Dani. You and I, here, right now."

 "No, Michael, it isn't. This is all fun and nice right now, but we both know it won't last. It never does."

 "And last night?" he asked her, still confused by what was happening. "Didn't that mean anything?"

 Dani finally looked at him, her eyes sad. "Last night was beautiful, like it always is when we're together. But yesterday was such an emotional day for you. For me, too. We were caught up in the emotions of the moment. It was inevitable we ended up together."

 Michael pulled her closer. "No, Dani, this isn't like the other times. When I told you I loved you last night, I meant it. And I mean it now. I love you, Dani." He dropped his lips to hers and kissed her hard, pulling her close so she was pressed against him. Unable to reign in her own emotions, she responded, opening her lips to his, savoring his taste, his touch. But when Michael pulled away, all he saw was sadness in her eyes.

 "What can I do to convince you?" he whispered hoarsely. Then, suddenly, his eyes lit up and a small smile fell on his lips. "I know," he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her down the hallway to the back stairway.

 "Michael, what are you doing? Wait," Dani protested. But her words fell on deaf ears as he led her down the stairway, across the hall and into his office downstairs. It was the same thing he'd done almost a year ago at the party. Dani wasn't sure what he was up to.

When they entered the office, he let go of her hand and walked quickly to his desk, opened the top drawer and lifted something out of it. Dani stood in the morning sunlight that drifted through the windows, watching him as he circled the desk and came back to her. The portrait of Vanessa smiled down on them from above.

 "I meant it when I said I love you, Dani," he repeated. "I knew I still loved you since that first night last September. But I didn't know what to do about it then. I've had a lot of time to think about it over the past few months, and I know now what I want." He handed her a small, black velvet box.

 Dani looked from the box back to him, confused. "What is it?"

 "Open it," he said, that mischievous look in his eyes again.

 She slowly opened the box and gasped when she saw what was inside. Against the black velvet lay a brilliant cut diamond solitaire ring in a sparkling gold setting.

 "I remembered a long time ago when you and I passed a jewelry store on the wharf. You pointed to a ring just like this one and said if you ever got married, you'd want a ring like this. Simple but elegant, you'd said. Here," he pulled the ring from its case and slid it on her finger. It fit perfectly.

 Dani looked down at the ring as it sparkled in the sunlight, then back up at Michael, shock and surprise registered on her face.

 "Dani," Michael started softly, clasping her hands in his. "I know I can't make up for all the pain I've caused you, or for all the lost years between us. But I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy. I want to share my life with you, my work with you and everything I have. I want to share Michelle's childhood with you. Dani, will you marry me?"

 The room seemed to enfold them as Dani searched the gray depths of his eyes, trying to absorb what he was saying. Marry him? Did he really mean it? She could hardly believe it, yet he looked at her so intently, his eyes so sincere, she knew he was serious.

 "Oh, Michael," was all she could say. She stared down at the ring, then back up at him. "I don't know." She was at a loss for words.

 "Just say yes," he told her, smiling down at her.

 Dani dropped her eyes, unable to look at him and that smile that always reached her soul. Here she was, standing with the only man she had ever truly loved, being asked to share his life forever after nineteen years of waiting; yet, she was unable to answer. It should be so easy, she thought, so simple, but it wasn't.

 "I can't," she said finally, her head still bowed so he couldn't see the tears that were forming in her eyes.

 "Why not?" Michael asked, then a thought occurred to him. "Don't you love me, Dani? Is that it? No, I can't believe that. Not after last night. You love me, too, don't you?" He placed a hand under her chin and brought her eyes up to meet his. "Dani?"

 Tears spilled as she answered him. "Yes, Michael, I love you. I've loved you since I was eighteen, and even through all those years that I thought I hated you, somewhere deep inside, I loved you. I never stopped loving you."

 "Then what's the problem?" he smiled again, happy to hear she did love him. "We're together now, and we can stay that way forever."

 Dani turned her head away and pulled her hands from his grasp. "No, Michael, it's not that easy. It's too soon. So much has happened. I need some time to think."

 "Too soon!" Michael gave a short laugh. "Dani, we've been waiting nineteen years for this moment. Why make the wait any longer? We still love each other after nearly twenty years, and we've survived the pain. Who deserves happiness more than we do, together?"

 She turned to face him. Her voice wasn't angry, only sad. "And if you decide in a week, or a month, or a year from now that it isn't right? What then? There have never been any guarantees between us before, what makes now any different?"

 Michael bridged the gap between them and pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry I hurt you before, Dani. But I promise you, I won't hurt you again. After all I've been through, I've changed. You have to believe me. I'm not the same man I was years ago, even months ago. Even you've seen that. You said so yesterday."

 Yes, he had changed, Dani thought as she let him hold her close. But enough to make a lifetime commitment? Enough to know that it was her he wanted to share that life with? Or was she expecting too much to want a hundred percent guarantee? Everything was happening too fast, she needed some time to clear her head.

 Pulling away from his embrace, Dani slipped the ring from her finger and gently placed it into Michael's hand.

 "I'm sorry," she told him, her blue eyes reflecting her sorrow. "I need time to think. It's all too much right now."

 He stood quietly for a moment, staring at the ring in his hand. The ring he had picked out just for her, when he thought they could live happily ever after just like a fairy tale.

 "At least wear the ring a while?" he asked her. "Until you decide."

 But Dani shook her head no. "It wouldn't be fair to you. Wearing it would be like a silent promise I'm not sure I can keep."

 Michael walked back to the desk and slipped the ring back into its velvet case. But he wasn't going to give up so easily. He believed they belonged together and he was determined to make her understand that. But he didn't want to press her further, he'd give her the time she needed.

 Slipping the ring case into the pocket of his blazer, he turned back to her. "Promise me you'll think about it. You won't go home and pretend this never happened and let the miles between us separate us. Because you know I'll be calling you day and night, reminding you I'm here and waiting for an answer." His tone was half-teasing, but she believed that he really would.

 "I promise," she said.

 Michael looked at the clock and sighed. "Then I guess I'd better take you to the airport or you'll miss your plane." He walked across the room and stood looking at her a moment, then walked past her and she followed him out into the hallway.

 "I'll go up and get your things," he offered, heading up the back stairs. "Why don't you wait for me in the entryway?" He was gone before she could answer.

 She made her way down the oak paneled hall out into the sunny entryway. As she caught sight of the foot of the grand stairway, she saw Michelle and Mrs. Carols heading up the stairs from breakfast.

 Michelle saw her, too, and pulled away from her nanny, running down the steps and up to Dani. "Hi, Dani," she blurted out, coming to a halt at her feet. She was wearing soft green bib overalls that enhanced her emerald green eyes and her mass of red curls were tied back with a big green bow. Dani wanted to pick her up and squeeze her tight.

 "Hi sweetheart," Dani said, dropping to her knees to face her eye to eye. "Did you have a good breakfast?"

 Michelle vigorously shook her head up and down. "We had pancakes today. Do you like pancakes?"

 Dani smiled. "I love pancakes," she told her.

 "Are you and Grampa ready to go walking again? I can get Fruff and we can go."

 Dani looked tenderly at the little girl in front of her. She looked so much like Vanessa, it hurt. More than anything she'd love to be a part of this little girl's life. Yet, was it enough just to want it?

 Michelle shifted her feet, anxiously waiting for a reply.

 "I'm sorry, honey," Dani finally told her. "I'm leaving today. Your Grandpa is getting my suitcase now." It hurt her to see Michelle's face drop, but in an instant it lit up again.

 "Will you come back?" she asked innocently.

 "I'll try," was all Dani could tell her.

 "Good," Michelle said with a finality that made it sound as if she had said yes. She looked up at Mrs. Carols then back to Dani and lowered her voice as if in some sort of conspiracy. "It makes Grampa happy when you're here."

 "Did your Grandpa tell you that?" Dani whispered back, surprised by the little girl's words.

 "Nope, I just know." Then, with the spontaneity only a child has, she wrapped her arms around Dani's neck in a big hug.

 Dani held her tight for several moments, enjoying the feel of her affection. Then Michelle drew back and headed over to Mrs. Carols again. "Goodbye," she said, waving her small hand.

 "Goodbye sweetheart. Take good care of Grandpa, okay?"

 Michelle giggled and Mrs. Carols nodded at Dani and said goodbye. Then the two headed up the stairs, hand in hand. Dani's heart ached as she wished it was her walking up with the little girl instead.

 Slowly, she stood up again and was smoothing her slacks when Michael came up behind her.

 "Ready?" he asked, setting down her suitcase and bag and handing over her coat and purse.

 Dani put a hand to her chest. "You scared me!" she told him. "I thought you were coming down the front stairs.

 "Sorry. I came down the back way to see if I could catch Michelle. But she had already left the breakfast table."

 "She just went up with Mrs. Carols. I said goodbye to her."

 "Oh," he acted nonchalant, but the truth was he had been standing in the shadows of the hallway the entire time, watching them. He figured it couldn't hurt to have Michelle pull a few heart strings, too.

 "Well, we'd better go," he said. He helped Dani slip into her black wool coat. She hadn't wanted to wear the red coat again, unable to bear wearing it when she said goodbye.

 Picking up Dani's suitcase and bag again, Michael headed out the door with Dani trailing behind. She took one last longing look up the staircase and then headed out the door into the March sunlight.

 The drive to the airport was a quiet one. Both sat in thoughtful silence, he trying to think of ways to talk her into staying, she telling herself all the reasons why she should leave.

 Behind her lay the dream of a husband and family, something she had yearned for over the years. Ahead of her loomed a job she no longer found stimulating or exciting, an empty apartment and a life full of lonely weekends. Beside her sat a man who had professed his love for her and asked her to share his life with him. The same man who she had loved so wildly in her youth, who she still found deeply exciting yet comfortable and easy to be with. Would she ever again find another man she could feel this passionate about? If she chose to stay, would it be for love, or out of desperation that this was her last chance for happiness?

 When they arrived at the airport and parked, Dani looked over at Michael and he at her, and for several seconds they only stared at each other. She knew then, looking into those warm, gray eyes, that if she chose to stay, it would be for the love she felt for him, and for nothing else.

 Their gaze broke and Michael stepped out of the car and carried her bags into the terminal for her. Together they checked her in and checked her bags. The woman behind the counter told her that the plane was leaving in ten minutes and they were already boarding. They walked side-by-side to the boarding gate, neither touching, then turned and faced each other one last time.

 "I love you, Dani," Michael said, placing his hands on the smooth wool arms of her coat. "I'll be waiting here for you, whenever, whatever, you decide." He placed a light kiss on her cheek, then let her go.

 Indecision filled her eyes. She glanced at the gate she was about to walk through, then back at the man she was about to leave. She took a short breath.

 "Goodbye, Michael," she whispered, then turned and walked with determined steps toward the line of passengers waiting to board the plane.