Melting The Ice (28 page)

“I want to know why.” He stated baldly, his eyes angry and accusing.  She hesitated before nodding, wishing the tears would stop but nothing seemed to be helping. 

“You’re only twenty-seven years old, Cian.  I will be forty in six months.  My only child is twenty-one years old.  I had a tubal ligation several years ago so more children would be impossible…”

“Bullshit!  Those are reversible…”

“But I don’t want to reverse it.” She cried softly, her words broken. “I don’t want to have any more children…and that’s not fair to you.”  He looked at her incredulously before tossing back another scotch.  He kept staring at her for several awkward minutes before finally breaking the silence.

“What’s not fair to me is you didn’t even care enough to discuss it with me.  You just decided
for
me
that you couldn’t be with me because you can’t give me children…I swear to God, Ava…you really piss me off.” He growled in frustration.  If looks could kill, she would have blown into a million pieces in front of his blazing eyes.

“I should have talked to you about it…”

“Too late now.” He interrupted her, his expression disdainful. “For the sake of tying up any loose ends between us I will tell you that if you had discussed this
concern
with me, I would have told you I really don’t care about having children of my own.  I would have told you the most important thing to me was having you in my life and nothing else mattered…of course I would have been wasting my breath because you would have found some other stupid ass excuse so why bother?”

“That’s not true!” She wailed, hurt beyond reason that he believed she was just grasping for any reason to keep them apart.

“Keep lying to yourself if it makes you feel better.” His voice was tired and strained, as he blew out the candles and switched off the music.  They stood staring at each other in the sudden silence, neither knowing what to say to the other when it was obvious there would be no compromise.  Finally, she dropped her eyes and spoke.

“I’m so sorry.” She murmured sorrowfully.  His lips were compressed in a thin line when she put the ring box on the table and turned to leave, her shoulders slumped tiredly, tears continuing to seep from her eyes.  She turned to look at him one last time and he smiled an evil smile and shook his head.

“You’re not near as sorry as you will be.  You think getting over that piece of shit Patrick Corbin was bad…wait until you’re trying to get over somebody that actually loved you.” He spat the words at her as he shoved the ring box back in his pocket and walked away.  She slid down the wall and buried her face against her knees, crying copiously as the truth of his words hit her. 

Chapter Forty-Four

Ava had never felt so sad and alone in her entire life.  The last seven weeks without Cian had been nearly unbearable.  All the crap Patrick had dished out to her didn’t compare to Cian walking away from her.  Oh, she knew he hadn’t actually walked away; more like got shoved away.  It was completely her fault but some part of her couldn’t help but be just a little angry and irritated with him, nonetheless.  One would think he’d never been turned down before…God, she was such a bitch.  He told her he had never loved another woman and had never asked anyone to marry him, so how could he have experienced rejection?  As her friends were only too delighted to tell her, she was the only woman in the world dumb enough to let Cian Secord go.  They were right.  Lena hadn’t even met him but after talking to Macy at length, Lena had jumped on the “Ava is a Dumbass/Cian is a Saint” bandwagon.  She couldn’t even work up the energy to argue with them.  Her reasons for letting him go were lame; she knew that now.  Her commitment issues hadn’t mattered before because they hadn’t cost her anything important.  That had changed with Cian. 

After the emotional scene on the boat, he had taken the ski boat and headed for the marina.  By the time Ava had arrived back at the house, he had cleared out all his belongings and left without leaving a note, a message or any sign that he’d ever been in the house.  Knowing that there would be no point in trying to talk to him that night she had went to bed and cried herself to sleep, thinking she could try and talk to him the next day.  She had awakened the next morning to find he hadn’t just left the house, he’d left the state.  According to Macy, Tate Ross, Cian’s team owner, had sent his private jet to Yeager Airport that morning and Cian had flown back to Boston.  He had stopped at Macy’s to tell her and Maddie goodbye but had refused to go into any detail about his evening with Ava.  When she had filled in the blanks, Macy had been so furious with her, she hadn’t spoken to her for several days.

Her beautiful home that had once been her sanctuary had started feeling like a prison.  She had never minded being alone before but she had become accustomed to having Cian with her and now it felt like she was just doing time.  She had finally packed some things and joined Lena in Cancun.  Mexico was one of her favorite places and even though Lena had kept her busy, nothing kept her mind from constant thoughts of Cian.  She had relived that final scene over and over; imagining how it would have ended if she had just had the courage to give him a chance.  Could they really have made it work? After three weeks of sun and sand with Lena, she had flown to New Orleans for some shopping and hanging out with some old college friends that lived close by.  Her visit coincided with Jameson’s parents’ weekend which she never missed.  Her son had asked her some pointed questions regarding Cian but she had refused to discuss it with him.  The last thing she needed was her own child telling her she was a dumbass.  Two things had happened over the course of parents’ weekend to make her realize what a mistake she had made; first when she arrived for the weekend, it was to find Patrick had decided to visit this year.  Jameson had such a love/hate relationship with his father but seemed happy to have him there.  To make matters worse, Chase’s parents were there as well.  She had always liked the Secords and gotten along with them well.  She was very uncomfortable being around Cian’s parents, knowing they were fully aware of her relationship with their son but they had treated her no differently than before.

She had been stuck setting beside Patrick at dinner on Friday night.  He had been his usual asshole self keeping up a running commentary on her love life.  That wasn’t unusual.  The unusual part was that she couldn’t have cared less.  No matter how offensive his comments became, she had laughed it off and continued to enjoy her evening.  She realized now that she had never loved him; not in the way she loved Cian.  Her upbringing had made her feel like she had to be with Patrick because they had a child together.  She had put up with all his crap only to find out in the end she didn’t love him at all.  Some of it had been stubbornness on her part; no one was going to stop her from having the man she wanted.  It made her ill to think of all the wasted years with him.  After an hour of doing his worst and getting no response, he had become infuriated and stormed out of the restaurant, so angry he left without even telling Jameson goodbye.

After dinner, they had all went to a local club to hear some live music and she had found herself seated next to Denise Secord.  Conversation had been impersonal and infrequent due to the loudness of the music until Ava had went to the bathroom.  When she came out of the stall, Denise was waiting for her. “I wanted to talk to you for a moment alone.”  Ava had nodded her agreement.  Denise had immediately gotten to the point. “My son is miserable and from the looks of you, you’re not doing much better.  He told me he asked you to marry him and you refused.” She paused for a moment. “God knows if I could pick a woman for Cian, it would be someone closer to his own age that could give him children.”  She had hung her head, nodding in understanding.  Someone finally agreed with her reasoning but it made her feel no better.  Denise’s next words had her head jerking up. “My son is a good man and he loves you, Ava.  I believe you love him as well.”  Ava had gaped at her in shock.  Swallowing hard, she had managed to ignore her embarrassment and respond.

“I do love him.” She had said softly.  Denise had smiled and moved forward to enfold a stunned Ava in a quick hug.

“Then forget all the reasons you came up with to say no and go after him.”

“He hates me now…”

“He doesn’t hate you; he’s hurt and angry.  And like every other man on earth, when he’s hurt and angry he acts like a wounded bear.” Denise stated knowledgeably.  Ava had listened to her make her case in support of her son and had finally agreed to at least think about calling him.  She had left Baton Rouge feeling hopeful about Cian but the next few weeks had killed that hope.  He wasn’t taking her calls.  He wasn’t returning messages or responding to texts or emails.  She didn’t know what else to do besides show up in Boston and confront him and she wasn’t sure that was such a good idea.  The hockey season was in full swing and Ava had purchased the NHL package so she could watch his games.  As hot as he was off the ice, there was just something about him in full hockey gear with that look of utter concentration on his face that made her melt.  It had been hard to follow the action at first but after looking up the rules on the Internet she understood better and actually enjoyed it.  Cian was wildly popular with the Boston fans.  As soon as he stepped on the ice, the cheers from the home crowd were deafening.  There were hundreds of fans in the stands wearing his jersey; a lot of them female and the sports commentators talked about him incessantly.  The scandal with Lani Mason was mentioned at times but mostly, they talked about his leadership on the ice and skill as a player.  Every time they showed him during the games, he looked mad and from the way he was checking guys into the wall and dropping the gloves at the slightest provocation, mad didn’t begin to describe it.  She had heard one of the sportscasters remark that he had spent more minutes in the penalty box this season than any other in his career.  He had even passed Max in penalty minutes which apparently was considered to be an unbelievable feat amongst hockey fans.

Trying to stay busy so she wouldn’t just mope over Cian, she had agreed to help Macy decorate her house for Halloween.  With Maddie, every holiday was a big deal and the entire house had to be decked out with every tacky decoration known to mankind.  Macy had hired a professional firm to come in the previous year, thinking to save herself some work, but Maddie had pitched such a fit Macy had sent them home.  Since no one wanted to witness another Maddie meltdown, Ava and Macy spent hours with Maddie spooking up the house.  They were putting on the finishing touches when Lora Talbot showed up to take Maddie shopping with her.  Once Lora and Maddie left, Ava and Macy collapsed on the overstuffed furniture in the solarium with a bottle of wine.

“I heard from Max today.” Macy stated with a grin as she poured.  Ava’s eyes widened in surprise.

“I didn’t know you stayed in touch with Max.”  Macy laughed at her friend’s shocked statement, passing her the full glass before settling back into the sofa cushions.

“Why wouldn’t I?  Max and I became pretty good friends while he was here.  Besides, you and Cian were so wrapped up in each other, somebody had to entertain him.”

Ava eyed Macy speculatively. “Did you…”  Macy snickered and shook her head.

“No, I didn’t, though I’m sure Max would have been a real good time.  I’ll leave the hot young hockey players to you.”  Ava chuckled at Macy’s teasing words.

“So how is Max?”

“Full of himself, as always.  How does he make arrogance look so adorable?” Macy seemed to ponder that for a moment before shrugging. “He was in Florida on a road trip…though you probably know that since you’ve become such a
hockey
fan
.”  Instead of laughing at Macy’s sardonic words, Ava laid her head against the back of the arm chair to stare at the cloudy sky outside of the windows. 

“What am I gonna do, Mace?”
             

“About what?” Macy’s nonchalant words were belied by her knowing look.  The glare Ava shot in her direction had her laughing.

“Don’t be a bitch.  What am I gonna do about Cian?”

“What do you want to do about him?” Macy inquired, leaning forward to watch her friend closely.  Ava looked at her for a long moment before taking a deep breath.

“I want to tell him I love him, ask him to forgive me for being such a chickenshit and…”

“And what?” Macy was completely focused on Ava’s answer, wondering if her best friend had finally realized what a mistake she’d made when she hadn’t snatched up
Cian Secord when she had the chance.

“And tell him I want to spend the rest of my life with him if he still wants me.” She sighed with relief at finally saying the words out loud to someone. 

“Thank God!” Macy leaped up from the sofa to do a little dance, grinning ear to ear. “I’m so happy for you…” Macy noticed that Ava wasn’t smiling.  Instead she looked dejected. “Why am I the only one here that is happy?”

“He won’t talk to me.” Ava declared plaintively, tears coming to her eyes.  Macy returned to the sofa and sighed heavily. “I’ve left messages on his phone, I’ve sent him texts and emails…his mother says he’s hurt and angry…I don’t know what else to do…other than show up in person and make him talk to me.”  Macy studied her as if she were trying to see inside her head.

“You’re sure you want him?” Macy questioned her tone serious. “You’re not gonna change your mind?”  Ava vehemently shook her head in denial.

“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.”  Macy grinned broadly, grabbed her IPhone off the table and dialed a number, putting the phone to her ear while she waited for the call to connect. “Who are you calling?”

“The man that’s gonna save your ass…” Macy’s words halted and she begin to laugh. “No, Sweetheart.  I didn’t call because I have finally realized I missed out on the greatest experience of my life.”  Macy giggled and rolled her eyes. “You are so full of it.  Now be serious.  I need you to focus on someone other than yourself for a few minutes.”  She shook her head, still grinning. “Yes, Max. I appreciate the great effort you’re expending…here’s the thing.  You’re going to help get Cian and Ava back together…”