Meant To Be (42 page)

Barbara's lip trembled.

‘But if you do –
whenever
you do – I'm always here. I want you to know that it's okay to talk. If you want. And if you don't, that's fine too.'

Barbara nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. ‘Thanks,' she said with a gulp.

Emily smiled sadly at her friend before releasing her. It was chilly out of the sun and surrounded by stone, so they made their way back inside and she locked the doors behind them.

‘I'm just going to test out the loo,' she said, and headed to the toilet with her head down.

‘Are you okay?' Barbara asked when Emily emerged a few minutes later.

‘Yeah, fine,' she said, avoiding eye contact.

‘Twice to the loo in one hour?' Barbara continued.

‘Must be the cold weather,' she replied, still unable to look Barbara in the eye. It had been the first thing that had come to mind.

They walked slowly back to the main house, long silences again the norm.

‘I fancy some cheese,' Barbara declared when they were back inside.

‘I'm afraid I've only got ordinary cheddar,' Emily said apologetically.

‘No you don't,' Barbara said with a mischievous glint. She went to Emily's fridge and brought the paper bag to the table.

Emily retrieved a wooden chopping board from the open cupboard above the bench and put it on the table. She held her breath whilst hoping Barbara's selection didn't include anything soft. After her chat with Thora, she'd started swotting up online about pregnancy. She'd read that expectant women shouldn't eat soft, blue-veined or semi-soft cheeses like fetta and ricotta. Apparently they were more prone to growing bacteria, like listeria, that was harmful to unborn babies.

‘We picked these up in Whyalla on the way home,' Barbara said, rubbing her hands together in anticipation. ‘I've been craving
soft cheese. I guess that's what happens when you deny yourself something. Avoiding cheese certainly didn't help me, though, did it?' she added bitterly, as she extracted a box of water crackers from her handbag and put it on the table.

Emily was without words. All she could do was offer her friend a sympathetic look. She focussed on unwrapping the package of cheeses and then stood staring at the four packets, only one of which wasn't soft.
Uh-oh.

‘Are you okay?' Barbara asked.

‘Um, yep, fine, just got distracted for a moment,' Emily said, tearing her gaze away and moving to the utensil drawer to look for the cheese knife.

Think, Emily, think
, she told herself as she pretended to fossick through the assorted implements for the cheese knife – which was clearly visible at the front of the drawer, right by her hand.

She couldn't claim to be on a diet; Barbara knew she didn't believe in them. She couldn't claim to have gone off cheese, because that would raise too many questions.

Oh God. Would it be easier just to eat the damned cheese? How great is the risk anyway?
If only she'd got Jake to ask the doctor. But of course when he left she'd had no idea she'd be facing this dilemma an hour or so later.
Shit, shit, shit!
She felt like banging her head against the cupboard in frustration.

‘Just a normal knife will do,' Barbara said.

‘Got it,' Emily said, making a show of holding up the cheese knife as she shut the drawer. She reluctantly sat back down in front of the platter of unwrapped cheeses. Her mouth was watering. She handed the knife to Barbara.

‘Which one can I cut for you?' Barbara asked, knife poised.

‘Just a piece of the cheddar, thanks.'

‘What, no blue vein or double brie?'

‘No thanks,' Emily said, shaking her head. ‘We had a big breakfast.'

‘What's going on?' Barbara asked, eyeing her warily.

‘Nothing,' Emily said, accepting the wedge of cheddar on a water cracker, but avoiding her friend's gaze.

‘Don't you dare tell me you're on a diet,' Barbara said.

Emily shrugged.

‘There's something you're not telling me. What is it?'

A sudden wave of nausea came over Emily and she bolted from the room like a rabbit in front of a pack of greyhounds. She made it to the toilet just in time.

Barbara was staring at her when she re-entered the kitchen a minute later. Emily failed to hide a sheepish look.

‘What's wrong with you?' Barbara asked again.

She sat back down. ‘Milk must have been off,' she lied, still feeling her friend's gaze.

‘But I had milk with my tea and I'm fine.'

Emily looked up tentatively after Barbara had been silent for ages. Her friend's eyes were wide and still upon her.

‘You're pregnant, aren't you?'

All Emily's resolve left her. She nodded slowly, and then put her head in her hands on the table.

‘Oh my God! You're pregnant. I can't believe it,' Barbara said. And then, ‘But what's wrong? Aren't you happy? You're in a committed relationship, why wouldn't you be happy?' she asked, clearly perplexed.

Emily looked up with eyebrows raised in a knowing expression.

‘Oh. Oh! You're worried about upsetting me?' Barbara said. She put a hand over her mouth.

‘Oh Barbara, I didn't know how to tell you,' she said, and burst into tears.

‘God, what sort of friend would I be if I couldn't be happy for you?'

‘But it's so soon.'

‘I'm sure you didn't plan it that way,' Barbara said, smiling kindly at her friend.

‘So you're okay with this?' She wiped her nose.

‘Of course I am. Honestly, Em, I'm happy for you. Yes, I'm sad and bitterly disappointed for my own situation, but that doesn't mean I don't want good things for you. I love you. You're my dearest friend in the whole world.'

‘Oh Barbara,' Emily said, ‘I've been tying myself in knots about how and when to tell you.'

They got up together and hugged across the corner of the table.

‘I thought you'd be upset.'

‘I
am
upset, but not at you, silly,' Barbara said. ‘So, when are you due?' she asked when they were once again seated.

‘I'm not sure,' Emily said, wincing.

‘Oh, so not planned then?'

‘No. I'm so sorry.'

‘Don't be, Em, please. Please don't pity me; I couldn't bear that. I'll just have to be the best auntie in the history of the universe.'

Emily nodded.

‘Well, this changes everything, doesn't it?' Emily was trying to figure out Barbara's tone when her friend reached for the cheese knife. ‘Looks like I get to pig out on the creamy cheese all by myself,' she said, offering Emily a wan smile.

They spent another hour together. Whilst Emily was relieved that everything was out in the open, she still had the gnawing feeling that Barbara's ready acceptance of her pregnancy was the calm before the storm. She really hoped she was wrong.

When David arrived back to pick Barbara up, they hugged goodbye.

After Barbara and David had left, Emily paced around the kitchen for a few minutes. Where the hell was Jake? Why hadn't he come back around the same time as David? She couldn't settle. She wanted to walk off her angst, but was afraid he might return while she was gone.

Finally she heard the ute and raced out to meet him. She flung her arms around him as soon as he was out of the vehicle, almost unbalancing him.

‘Easy tiger,' he said. ‘What's up?'

Tears filled Emily's eyes. ‘Oh Jake. I'm so glad you're home.'

‘What's wrong? It's not the baby is it?'

Emily shook her head. ‘I'm fine. But Barbara knows. About the pregnancy.'

‘Yeah, so does David,' he said sheepishly.

‘You told him?' She didn't know whether to be annoyed or relieved.

‘He caught me coming out of the doctor's. It just sort of came out.'

‘So how did he react?'

‘He was fine. What about Barbara?'

‘She was fine too.'

‘So what are you so upset about? It's good that it's out in the open, and even better that they're okay with it.'

‘But what if they're pretending?'

‘Of course they're pretending, Em. They're putting on a brave front, but inside their hearts will be breaking all over again. They'll be wondering why we got pregnant at the drop of a hat when they struggled, and why their baby was taken from them. Every time we talk about our child it's going to remind them of what they have lost. But they will put all that aside to be happy for us, because they are kind, considerate and unselfish people, and because that's what good friends do.'

‘I just feel so terrible,' Emily said.

‘I know. But they wouldn't want to take away from our happiness.'

‘It's just not fair,' Emily wailed.

‘No it's not. Life often isn't,' Jake said sagely. ‘But we have each other. And they have each other. We'll all get through this. In a way I'm glad it came out now; hopefully it means that the dust will settle sooner rather than later,' he said. ‘You know what them knowing means, though, don't you?'

‘What?' Emily asked, genuinely baffled.

‘We have to tell your parents as soon as possible. It's really not fair other people knowing when they don't.'

‘Oh, God. Tomorrow?'

‘Tomorrow. But no later.'

Emily remained silent, mulling it over for a few moments.

‘So how did Barbara find out anyway?' Jake asked suddenly.

‘Cheese. Bloody cheese!' Emily said, throwing her hands up in the air and letting them drop.

Jake frowned quizzically at her.

‘She brought us a treat since she can now eat soft cheese again,' Emily said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head in exasperation.

‘Oh, and now you can't,' Jake said, thinking aloud.

‘Exactly.'

‘But I can!' he said, giving her a squeeze and leading her up the path and into the house.

All the way to Hope Springs, Emily talked with Jake about the project and launch of the business. But it did little to keep the tension at bay. How would Enid feel about the prospect of being a grandparent?

‘Don't worry about it. She'll be thrilled to be a granny,' Jake had said when Emily had voiced her concern the night before.

Since then, she had kept her fears to herself. She did tend to catastrophise, but was doing her best to be more positive. Her life was pretty damned perfect after all – a loving fiancé, an exciting new business venture, good friends. She was even starting to feel differently about her baby. After all, she had felt maternal about Grace from the instant she met her. How exciting would it be to meet someone who had been growing inside her belly for nine months?

At that moment, her relationship with her mother was the only thorn in her side. She really hoped Jake was right; that bonding over the baby might be a turning point in their relationship. She knew how important grandparents were, and she wanted her child to have the sort of relationship she'd had with hers.

‘She's been through it all before, Emily. She might have a lot of good advice. And Des,' he'd said.

‘Hmm,' Emily had said.

Des greeted them at the door and led them through to the kitchen. There was not a dish in sight, but Enid was at the sink with cloth in hand wiping furiously. How much time could one woman possibly spend wiping the sink and bench tops?

‘Emily, Jake, lovely to see you both,' she said, going through the air-kissing ritual.

‘Who's for tea or coffee?' Des asked. ‘I've still got some bags of peppermint tea if you'd like, Em.'

‘That would be lovely. Thanks Dad.'

‘Tea for me – white with one, thanks Des,' Jake said.

‘Bring the biscuits too, Des.'

‘What's this?' Emily said, pulling out a chair at the table. In front of her was a neatly stacked pile of magazines, the top one being
Australian Bride.

‘I thought when you saw the gorgeous cakes, dresses, and flowers on offer you might change your mind about not doing things properly.'

‘Mum, I've already had my white wedding. And it was lovely. Besides, didn't you say it was ridiculous of Debbie Argus to wear ivory for her second marriage?'

‘Yes, but she was a much older bride.'

Emily concentrated very hard on not rolling her eyes as she took her place. You really couldn't win with Enid.

‘Well, at least have a flick through.'

Deciding to pick her battle elsewhere, Emily began thumbing through the magazine. There were some gorgeous dresses, floral
arrangements, and amazing cakes. But she still didn't feel inspired to go down that path again.

‘Here we are,' Des said, delivering mugs to the table, and then a biscuit tin.

‘On a plate, Desmond, not the shabby tin,' Enid said with a sigh. ‘Oh, never mind, it's here now. Jake, I hope you will forgive our poor manners. Now, tell me, what are you wanting by way of food for the gallery opening?'

‘Thanks Mum, but we're having it catered.'

‘Oh, who by?'

‘Most likely the CWA. They're raising money for the Royal Flying Doctor Service. I'm sure they'll appreciate the opportunity.'

‘Good idea. But you should get more than one quote. I could help if you like.'

Emily wanted to defend her decision, but again chose to keep the peace. Enid had a valid point. She hadn't run it by Barbara yet – the idea had only just struck her – but she wondered if her friend might enjoy having something to organise or cook for to keep her mind off other things. She was helping Simone by launching her career. Perhaps she could in some small way help Barbara too. If not, there were plenty of others in the Wattle Creek CWA she could call on – like Thora.

‘So, everything is on track?' Des asked.

‘Yes,' Jake said, ‘it's been fantastic. There's really just the launch party to organise now. The invitations will be going out this week.'