Meant To Be (40 page)

Emily briefly checked herself in the mirror before getting out of the car. She looked a wreck, just like last time. At least she was dressed a little better. And not wearing make-up meant no streaks of mascara or panda eyes.

‘Gracie, you just wait here. There's a good girl.'

The front door opened before she had a chance to knock. There before her stood the impeccably presented Thora Stratten in navy slacks and a navy-and-white lightweight knitted jumper. A strand of pearls hung just below her throat.

‘Emily, what a lovely surprise,' Thora said, enveloping her in a warm hug. Emily didn't want to let go, wanted to stand there drawing in Thora's strength. ‘It's so nice to see you. Come in,' Thora said, releasing her.

Emily entered the house, having still not said a word.

‘Gerald, dear, Emily's come to visit.' Thora ushered her into the lounge room. She heard Gerald's footsteps in the hallway, and when he entered the room, she was surprised at how much older he looked since the last time she'd seen him. He was stooped and his shoulders a little rounded. She felt bad for not keeping in touch better.

‘Dear girl, wonderful to see you,' he said, clutching her to him and holding her tight for a moment before letting her go. ‘Can I get you a tea or coffee?'

‘Tea would be lovely, thank you.'

‘Thora, darling?'

‘Coffee, thank you, Gerald. And butter some of the jubilee cake and bring it in, there's a dear.'

‘Right. Very good. You sit and catch up on your girly talk and I'll be back soon.'

Emily sat back into the leather sofa, feeling totally at ease. On the few times she's sat here during her time with John, she'd been so uptight, almost afraid of them. She really wished she hadn't let John's relationship with his parents influence her view of them for so long. They weren't at all what he'd made them out to be. But, she mustn't dwell. Things were different now, better.

‘Have you been to see Barbara Burton?'

Emily nodded.

‘How is she? How are they doing? I was so sad to hear their news. Poor things.'

‘I think she's doing as well as can be expected.' She cursed her words. She sounded so cold and robotic – just like Enid. ‘It's early days,' she added with a shrug.
There I go again.

‘Thankfully they have your friendship.'

‘I feel a bit helpless, to be honest.'

‘I'm sure just knowing you're able to be called upon is a huge comfort.'

‘Thora, I'm really sorry I haven't been in touch properly since…'

‘Oh, Emily, I didn't say that to make you feel guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty about. We're fine. I've thrown myself into CWA, The Rose Club, and a few other bits and pieces. Gerald is still pottering about the farm and talking about selling up. You've been busy too. We drove past the other week and saw the big building project. Didn't we, Gerald?' she said, as he entered the room carrying a tray.

‘Sorry?'

‘I was just saying we saw Emily's house being built.'

‘Oh, yes, marvellous.'

‘You should have stopped in.'

‘We didn't want to disturb you.'

‘I would have loved to see you. Promise me you will stop in, next time? It's an open invitation.' Emily took a sip of tea. ‘Speaking of invitations. It's going to be an art gallery – the building, that is. I'd like you both to come to the opening. It's June twenty-fifth, from seven o'clock. You'll get an invitation when they're sent out.'

‘Oh, how lovely. I'm so pleased you're building a future down there. It would've been quite difficult returning to somewhere you weren't entirely happy.'

‘There's something you should know, so you don't hear from someone else. It's all happened rather fast,' Emily said, colouring. She picked up her mug to hide it, and took another sip.

‘You've met a new man,' Gerald said.

‘Er, yes,' she said, only just managing not to spit out her tea in surprise.

‘And he's quite lovely, and very dishy, by all accounts,' Thora said, raising her eyebrows and grinning a little cheekily.

‘I should have… I'm so sorry you…' Emily said, blushing furiously. She still found it mind-boggling that they had apparently not known that she and John had split up, despite their separation being the talk of the town for a couple of weeks.

‘Nonsense. You owe us nothing, Emily. We're very pleased to see you getting on with your life and being happy, especially after what John put you through. Aren't we, Gerald?'

‘We most certainly are,' Gerald said.

‘I really appreciate you being so understanding. It must be hard for you, too, to hear.'

‘Don't worry about us. We're all grown-ups. Have some cake.'

‘Thank you,' Emily said, taking a slice from the offered plate.

‘So, tell us about this young fellow,' Gerald said.

‘Jake is his name. He's an architect and builder from Melbourne. He specialises in sympathetic renovations – merging the old with the new. It was his idea to rebuild the cottage. He's hoping there might be demand for his work locally. The building is going to be a gallery, and it's also going to double as a display home, advertisement.'

‘Sounds like a very good idea. I'm sure people will welcome him with open arms.'

‘Ah, and I see you're engaged,' Thora said, reaching for Emily's hand. ‘How exciting! May I see the ring?'

Emily was a little startled. She had no idea she'd been fiddling with her ring, but now she realised she had.
Why didn't I take that off and put it in my pocket?

‘Yes, of course. It's all happened rather fast,' she said, embarrassed, holding her hand out for inspection.

‘Ooh, it's just gorgeous. Love doesn't run to schedules, dear, so don't you worry about how it will look. What's important is that you're happy. And you are, you're practically glowing. Being engaged really suits you.'

Emily looked down and fiddled with the handle of her mug, shifted in her seat. ‘Um…'

‘Except, it's not just being engaged, is it?'

She let out a little sigh and shook her head slowly.

‘You are, aren't you? Pregnant, that is?' Thora's eyes were wide.

‘Yes. But please don't tell anyone – it's too soon.'

‘I knew it!' Thora said, clapping her hands. ‘I wondered that the moment you walked in the door. I have a nose for these things, you see. Oh, that's wonderful news. And my lips are sealed.'

‘Hearty congratulations – on both counts,' Gerald said.

Emily nodded. ‘Thank you.'

‘It
is
wonderful news, isn't it?' Thora said, peering at her.

‘Yes.' She hesitated.

‘But? Is something wrong with you, the baby?'

‘No. We're both fine, as far as I know. But, to be totally honest, I'm terrified.'

‘Of what?'

‘Excuse me, but I think that's my cue to leave,' Gerald said, standing up.

‘Oh, please don't feel…' Emily started.

‘I'll see you again soon. Visit any time.'

Emily got up to hug him and watched as he kissed his wife on the forehead and left the room.

‘Don't mind him. He's just old-fashioned – baby discussions are the domain of women. Now, you were about to tell me what you're frightened about.'

‘Everything, really,' she said, shrugging helplessly, tears filling her eyes.

‘You can't let yourself worry about what happened to Barbara and David Burton happening to you.'

‘I know. I'm trying not to think about it.'

‘That's not all that's bothering you, is it?'

‘No. I'm not
unhappy
about being pregnant, but I just don't feel…'

‘Gushy, maternal?'

She nodded.

‘I have no doubt you'll be a wonderful mother. Motherhood comes in all shapes and sizes, Emily. I felt gushy from the moment I found out, but I know plenty of women who didn't feel much other than sick, worried, and frightened until they saw the baby, and some who didn't ever feel the warm rush of gooey love. Oh, they loved their children, all right, don't get me wrong, but they just didn't goo and gah. Nothing wrong with that. Perhaps you're worrying too much about what you're
not
feeling. Maybe you've been keeping yourself too busy. But you can't run away from your feelings forever, Emily. Trust me, I know. How far along are you?'

‘I'm not sure yet. Probably only a few weeks or a month. It wasn't actually planned.'

‘Probably best that it wasn't, dear. I'd say someone or something has taken that decision out of your hands, wouldn't you?'

Emily wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Thora sounded so like Gran.

‘Jake is happy about it all, isn't he?'

‘Oh yes. He'd probably be stocking up on onesies already if I let him.'

‘And he's kind and supportive of you?'

‘He's wonderful. I really am so lucky to have found him.' Emily stopped herself abruptly.

‘Well, then, you have nothing to worry about. Together you'll get the job done just fine. And how is Enid coping with all this?' Thora asked in a concerned tone.

Emily really nearly did laugh this time.
Oh, you know her so well.

‘She doesn't know yet. We're trying to stretch out the shocks. We've only just got engaged. I haven't even got around to putting an ad in the paper yet.'

‘And perhaps putting it off?'

‘Yes. Guilty as charged.'

‘I know your mum can be a little standoffish and, well, holier-than-thou, but I haven't yet met a woman who isn't thrilled with the idea of being a grandmother. Although, I have to concede, there is a first time for everything.'

They exchanged a wan, conspiratorial smile before sipping their drinks.

‘But on a serious note, Emily, if you ever need a de facto set of grandparents or extra babysitters, I hope you'll think of us. As you know, John was our only child, so we…'

Noticing tears in Thora's eyes, Emily reached out and put her hand over the older lady's. ‘Thora, I'd be honoured if you and Gerald would be another set of grandparents to my baby. Jake's parents died when he was young.'

‘It would mean the world to us,' she said, clutching Emily's hand with both of hers. ‘We meant it when we said you would always be part of our family.'

‘And hearing you say that means the world to me, Thora,' Emily said with eyes awash.

‘Oh, look at me, getting all weepy,' Thora said, extracting a handkerchief from her pocket and blowing her nose.

They chatted for a few more minutes before Emily made to leave. At the door Thora held both Emily's hands and looked deep into her eyes. ‘Remember, I'm here if you ever need me, Emily.'

‘Thank you, Thora. And if there's anything I can do for you and Gerald, you only have to ask. And please don't drive past again without dropping in,' she added, smiling warmly.

Emily drove away with a wave. She felt so much better after her visit. She was heavy with feelings of love and gratitude for Thora and Gerald, but lighter about the baby.

In the week following, Emily rang Barbara every morning to see how she was, but she was wary of overcrowding her. It wasn't that she avoided her friend; she just left it to Barbara to ask her to spend time together. She didn't want the sudden attention to make her feel like a charity case. Given how little time they'd been spending together before all this happened, it might look very contrived. Besides, she had so much to do regarding the gallery opening and didn't want Barbara sitting around feeling neglected.

She thought life had to start getting back to as normal as possible as soon as possible, not that she was in any way qualified to make such an assessment. It was probably tough love, but she thought Barbara needed to learn to live with the grief, and not bury it by filling her waking hours hanging out with her.

If questioned deeply, however, Emily would have had to concede that her actions weren't solely motivated by Barbara's best interests. As long as she didn't spend too much time with her friend, she wouldn't accidentally reveal her pregnancy, which she was slowly starting to feel better about. Admitting her mixed feelings might be worse than actually revealing the pregnancy.

She wanted to hold on to that news, and her relationship with Barbara and David, for as long as possible. She just didn't want to cause them any more pain. A big part of her knew it was absolutely ridiculous – of course they would be happy for her and Jake – but she just couldn't shake the fear that it could damage their friendship.

If the situation was reversed, she hoped she'd be pleased for her friends. Hurt and sad for herself and Jake, but happy for them. But there was no telling how they would react in their grief-stricken state. So, she hoped that if she kept it to herself long enough then they might be in a better place psychologically and therefore more inclined to accept it. That was her theory anyway.

Every now and then she wondered if it might be better to just sit Barbara and David down and tell them. But she wanted to get through the opening of the gallery first and didn't want to do it without her dear friends. After all, they had been instrumental in helping her get back on her feet all those months ago.

Though, really, would they be up to a big night out so soon? Getting dressed up, putting on a happy face, dealing with the expressions of sympathy?

Emily had finally got around to booking her appointment to see the doctor, only to find she couldn't get in for another week. Flu seemed to have well and truly gripped Hope Springs, the receptionist told her. When she heard that, Emily wondered if it might be best to hold off for a while. She didn't want to expose her unborn baby to a room full of sick people.