Marie Sexton - Between Sinners And Saints (22 page)

Levi had only suggested the motorcycle ride in hopes of jarring Jaime out of the depression he’d been mired in since the arrival of his uncle’s letter. He’d
never
expected Jaime to become so aggressive. Not that Levi was complaining.

The ride home was interesting, to say the least. When they first turned around and headed back into the city, Jaime’s hands had been everywhere. It was terribly distracting and wonderfully torturous. But as they neared Levi’s apartment building, Jaime went from adventurous to still, from laughing to strangely quiet. He didn’t say a word as he climbed off the bike and followed Levi up the stairs to his front door.

Jaime’s cheeks turned red, as they so often did, but he smiled nervously. “I’m glad you talked me into it.”
“Not so scary after all, right?”
“It was terrifying,” Jaime said. “But that’s why I’m glad I

Levi wasn’t sure if he understood, but he was glad Jaime was smiling again. “What do you want to do for dinner?” he asked, turning toward the kitchen, but Jaime stopped him by grabbing his hand.

Levi turned to him in surprise. Jaime didn’t let go of his hand. He was fidgety, obviously flustered, barely able to meet his eyes. “I realized something on the ride. I realized if I wait until I’m not scared to try new things, then I’ll never get to try them at all. So maybe…” He took a deep breath and looked into Levi’s eyes. “Maybe now’s the time to try.”

Jaime stared at him with expectation, and Levi tried to think of what he was supposed to say. “So you want to go for another ride?” he asked.

Jaime managed to blush even more, but he smiled, too. “Levi, I’m not talking about the motorcycle.”
“You’re not? Then what—” Sudden understanding made Levi’s heart race. “Jaime, are you saying—”
“Will you have sex with me?” The direct question struck Levi speechless, which turned out to be okay, because Jaime was suddenly backpedaling. “I mean, not
real
sex. Not yet. I just mean—”
“Jaime, you don’t have to do this because of what happened on the ride. Or what happened the other day. If you’re not ready—”
“Don’t you see, Levi? That’s my point. Because I’ll
never
be ready. But I don’t want to spend my life not knowing what it’s like.”
Levi’s mind began to race with thoughts of finally touching Jaime, kissing him, and proving to him how amazing two people could make each other feel. But he forced himself to take a deep breath and, against every instinct he had, he asked again, “Are you sure?”
Jaime stepped closer to him, although except for the hand he still held, he didn’t quite touch him. “Stop giving me time to change my mind,” he said. “Tell me what to do.”
It took real effort not to grab Jaime right then, not to push him to the floor and lose himself in Jaime’s body, but Levi knew it would be too much, too soon. He had to take his time. And the truth was, he wanted to go slowly. This was new to him, too. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d kissed anyone. He’d had sex with a great many men over the years, but he didn’t believe he’d ever really made love. Even in his one short-lived, half-hearted attempt at a relationship eight years earlier, he’d always thought more about what he wanted than what his partner wanted. Never before had he cared more about pleasing the man he was with than pleasing himself. And Jaime was so fragile, Levi wanted to do this right.
He eyed the soft white skin at Jaime’s throat. Jaime was wearing a light blue polo shirt. It was the same color as his eyes. The top two buttons were undone, and Levi’s eyes were drawn to the triangle of pink flesh and sparse red hair he could see there. “Let me undress you,” he said, looking up into Jaime’s scared eyes.
Jaime laughed nervously. “I’ll do it,” he said, but he didn’t move. “You first.”
Levi did as he was told, quickly stripping and dropping his clothes into a sloppy pile on the floor. The blanket he’d used back in his couch-sleeping days was still in the room. Although he’d folded it, he’d never put it away. It had migrated to the seldomused chair by the door. He pulled it out from under the pile of jackets and spread it on the floor and sat down cross-legged on it. He looked up at Jaime with a grin. “Your turn.”
“I don’t suppose I can get you to not look?”
“I know you like to torture me, but that would be downright cruel.”
Jaime smiled, but he turned his back on Levi before he started to undress. He pulled his shirt off over his head, and Levi realized right away Jaime had been wise to undress himself because, had Levi done it, he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from touching as he went. Jaime took his time. He stopped after removing each piece of clothing to fold it neatly and place it on the couch. Jaime was always meticulous, but Levi wondered if he clung to the habit now because he was nervous or self-conscious, or if Jaime did it to tease him. Whatever his reason, Levi found he didn’t mind. He’d seen most of Jaime’s body before, of course, but that didn’t diminish the pleasure of watching him undress now. Especially when he bent over to remove his boxers.
“My God, Jaime, you have the sexiest ass I’ve ever seen.”
“I doubt it,” Jaime said with obvious embarrassment. He turned around and let Levi see his cock, which was short but thick and half-engorged. Levi thought immediately of how it would feel in his mouth.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Jaime said.
“Like what?” Levi asked, forcing himself to look up at Jaime’s face.
“Like I’m one of the men you’re usually with, because I know I’m not.”
He was right. Jaime wasn’t the type Levi had always gone for: guys who wasted their time in the gym and or at the beach. Guys who knew what they had and used it to get what they wanted. Guys like Levi. Jaime was real—soft, fragile and beautiful in his purity.
“You’re better,” Levi said, and he meant it, but he wasn’t surprised when he saw the skepticism in Jaime’s eyes. “Come here.” He held his hand up to Jaime.
Jaime took it and let himself be pulled down to the floor so they sat face to face, in the circle of each other’s legs.
Jaime looked terrified. And, although Levi wanted this more than he could say, it was important to him that he not hurt Jaime in any way. He didn’t want to do more damage than good. “Are you sure about this?” he asked.
Jaime didn’t look sure at all, but he nodded. “It’s like the bike, Levi. You’re going to have to drive. All I can do is hang on.”
Levi nodded. He understood what Jaime meant, on some level, but he was afraid to move. “Tell me where I can touch you,” he said. “Is there somewhere that’s safe?”
Jaime thought about it before he answered. “It’s not like it reminds me of it,” he said at last. “It’s not like I have flashbacks or anything. Not when I’m awake. But it’s the only boundary I know will stick. If I tell people not to touch me, they won’t. Once I let them, how do I know they’ll stop, Levi?” He looked into Levi’s eyes, as if Levi would have an answer. “If I let them touch me, I’m afraid of what they’ll do to me next.”
Levi struggled with how to answer him. It made him furious somebody had taken an act that should have been about trust and turned it into something ugly. He silently wished Jaime’s uncle the slowest, most painful death possible. “I won’t hurt you.”
Jaime nodded. “I know.” He picked up Levi’s right hand and placed it on his knee, then took a deep, shaking breath. He was close to tears again. “But I’m still scared,” he said.
Levi started to run his hand up Jaime’s leg. He started to reach for him with his other hand, to lean in so he could kiss him, but Jaime instinctively flinched away, and Levi stopped.
“I’m sorry,” Jaime said, and Levi could see the effort he was making in an attempt to relax.
“Don’t apologize,” Levi said. But he didn’t want Jaime to be tense and scared at each new touch. He considered for a moment what Jaime had said.
I’m afraid of what they’ll do to me next.
It seemed maybe those words were the key. He kept his hand on Jaime’s knee, resisting the urge to slide it higher. “Can I put my other arm around you?”
Jaime looked surprised, and a bit confused, but he nodded. “Yes.”
Levi slid his left hand around Jaime’s waist and used it to pull Jaime closer. Jaime’s skin was unbelievably soft, and Levi couldn’t wait to taste it. “Can I kiss your neck?”
A heartbeat of hesitation, then a hesitant nod. Levi put his lips on Jaime’s pulse point, kissing softly, pulling Jaime tighter against him. “You can say no,” he whispered as he kissed Jaime’s pale skin. “You can tell me to stop. I don’t care when. I don’t care what we’re doing. I won’t be upset. I won’t be angry.” He continued to nibble at Jaime’s neck. Jaime’s entire body was trembling, his breath shaky. “I won’t hurt you.” He kissed higher on Jaime’s neck, up to his jaw line, then his cheek, which was wet with tears, and it brought Levi up short again. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
Jaime shook his head. “Nothing,” he said. “I’m such a mess. I’m sorry—” He started to pull away, to try to wipe his cheeks, but Levi stopped him and started to kiss them away instead.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No!” Jaime said, although his voice caught. He put his arms around Levi’s neck. “I definitely don’t want you to stop.”
Levi obeyed. He continued to kiss Jaime’s cheeks and jaw and neck, although the tears seemed to fall too fast for him to keep up with. “Jaime,” he whispered, “can I kiss you?”
“Yes.”
Jaime’s lips were trembling and salty with tears. His kiss was hesitant. It was the sweetest thing Levi had ever experienced. He tasted like youth and innocence and it made Levi’s heart ache in his chest to be able to claim that sweetness for himself. He wanted to savor it. To somehow open Jaime up to everything that could be good between two men, without spoiling Jaime’s sense of innocence and trust. “Can I touch your thigh?” he asked, moving his hand up only an inch to let Jaime know which hand he meant.
“Yes.”
He wanted to feel every part of Jaime’s perfect skin, but he knew he couldn’t rush. He let his fingers trail up Jaime’s leg. He felt the top of his thigh, where the muscle was firm and strong. He slid his hand underneath and felt the back of Jaime’s thigh, which was softer and meatier. He slid his hand down and explored the silky soft spot behind Jaime’s knee and he heard Jaime moan.
And as he explored, he kissed him. He kissed his lips and his cheek, his jaw and his neck. The tears hadn’t stopped, and Jaime still shook in his arms. Levi didn’t know if it was the force of his emotions making him tremble, or if it was the slow gentleness of Levi’s touch. Maybe it was both.
“Can I touch your stomach?”
“Yes.”
He still jumped a little when Levi’s fingers brushed his abdomen, but his arms tightened around his neck. Levi stroked Jaime’s skin, from his hip to his navel, resisting the urge to move his hand lower. He confined his touch to the soft, smooth skin of Jaime’s stomach. He caressed him until he could feel him vibrating with energy, with the need to be touched more. “Can I touch your chest?”
“Yes.”
Levi’s thumb brushed his nipple, and Jaime moaned, arching his back. “Yes,” he said again, as if Levi had asked another question, and Levi gently pinched the sensitive flesh, squeezing.
“Oh God.” Jaime moaned.
Levi took his time, teasing each of Jaime’s nipples as he continued to kiss him, until both nubs of flesh were red and swollen. Jaime was still crying a bit, but he was also panting, whimpering, squirming in Levi’s arms as he strained for some release.
Levi’s hand moved, slowly sliding down toward Jaime’s navel and his erect cock. “Can I touch your—”
“
Yes!
” And as Levi’s hand closed around it and began moving up and down, he said it again, and again. “Yes, yes, yes…” Turning the word into a mantra or a vow. Maybe it was a testament he would not let his past continue to win. Levi stroked him and kissed him, his hand moving faster as Jaime’s cries grew louder. “Yes, yes, yes…”
Jaime’s arms were tight around his neck. His head was back, his cheeks still wet with tears. Although Levi’s own cock was throbbing and hard as a rock, although its tip was moist, although he’d never been so turned on in all his life, he didn’t care that Jaime’s hand never ventured there. He didn’t care that, given their position, he couldn’t even relieve himself by rubbing against him. He didn’t care that he couldn’t use his own hand on it. Jaime was holding him tight, yet leaning back in order to give Levi’s hand more room to work. It forced Levi to support most of Jaime’s weight with his other hand, the hand behind Jaime’s back, and he could feel the muscles in his bicep starting to ache with the effort. But he didn’t care about any of it. All he cared about was hearing Jaime’s frantic words in his ear.
“Yes, yes, yes…”
Levi stroked faster, held him tighter. The kisses he dropped on Jaime’s neck became urgent. He locked his mouth over Jaime’s soft rosy flesh and sucked hard as he stroked, and Jaime cried out one last time, “Yes!” His back arched, his body tensed, and Levi milked his thick shaft, urging him on, pulling his climax out of him, until he collapsed, spent and panting in Levi’s arms.
They were both sticky from Jaime’s release, but Levi knew this wasn’t the moment to let go of him. Jaime was shaking harder than ever, his breath ragged and uneven. He might have been laughing, crying, or simply trying to catch his breath. Levi suspected it was a little of each.
He rubbed Jaime’s back, even though it meant spreading some of his own seed on him. He kissed the side of his head. “You okay?”
Jaime laughed. “I am,” he said, as if it was a revelation. “I really am.”
“Honey, I can’t tell if you’re happy or sad.”
Jaime laughed again. “Oh God, Levi, I’m definitely not sad! I’m not sure what I am, but I know it’s not that.” Jaime let go of him enough to pull back and wipe his eyes, and although his cheeks were wet with tears, he was smiling, and his eyes were bright and clear. “I’m a little freaked out, but it’s nice.”
Levi touched his fingertip to the growing hickey on the side of Jaime’s neck and was pleased when Jaime didn’t flinch away. “I left a mark.” He hadn’t meant to, but it wasn’t surprising Jaime’s pale skin bruised easily.
“I don’t mind.” Jaime closed his eyes, remembering. “I liked that part.” When he opened his eyes again, they were shy, but almost flirtatious. “Maybe you can do it again?”
Levi couldn’t help but smile. “I wish I’d put you on my bike weeks ago.”
Jaime laughed. “I’m not sure it would have had quite the same effect.” He hesitated for a moment, but then leaned close and kissed Levi, his lips soft and unsure. “Thank you.”
“Dear God, Jaime, don’t thank me for that!”
Jaime blushed, but didn’t look away. “I don’t know what happens next.”
“What do you
want
to happen next?”
Jaime thought about it for a minute before a slow smile spread across his face. “I want to go out for dinner.”
“Really?” Levi said in surprise. Jaime rarely wanted to eat out. “Where do you want to go?”
Jaime put his arms around Levi’s neck again and kissed him, a little surer this time. “Take me someplace I’ve never been before.”
And Levi obeyed.