Read Man From the USSR & Other Plays Online
Authors: Vladimir Nabokov
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TAUBENDORF
Splendidly. It sometimes almost makes my head spin when I think about the things that are happening.
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
But the Communists are shrewd, they have spies and
agents provocateurs....
Alexey could get caught at any moment....
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TAUBENDORF
That's the whole pointâthey're not that shrewd.
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
I wish I were living in the fifties of the last century, in the backwoods of Glukhov or Mirgorod. I get so scared and so sad.
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TAUBENDORF
Olga Pavlovna, you remember our last conversation?
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
Which one? Before Alexey's arrival?
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TAUBENDORF
Yes. I told youâyou may recallâthat when you feel sad and scaredâas you just put itâI told you that thenâthat in moments like this, I'm readyâwhat I mean is, I'm ready to do anything for you.
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
I remember. Thank you, my dear. Onlyâ
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TAUBENDORF
(getting up and pacing about the stage)
There's nothing I wouldn't ... I've already known you for three years. I was best man at your weddingâremember?âat that little church in Tegel.
7
Then, when you separated, when you fell out of love with your husbandâand remained aloneâalready then there was a lot I wanted to say to you. But I have a strong will. I decided not to rush things. Three times Alyosha traveled to Russia, and I would come to see youâbut not too often, right? It was deliberate. I had a feeling there might be ... well, all kinds of thingsâmaybe you were seeing someone else ... and maybe it wasn't fair to Alyosha ... it just didn't seem right. But now I realize....
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
Nikolay Karlovich, for heaven's sake, don't....
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TAUBENDORF
Now I realize that I need wait no longerâI realize that you and Alyosha are like total strangers. He wouldn't be able to understand you anyway. I don't blame him for itâyou see, I have no right to criticize him or even discuss his actions. He is magnificent, he is something very special.... Butâhe has given you up for Russia. He is simply incapable of other interests. That's why I don't feel any guilt toward him.
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
I don't know if you should be telling me all this, Nikolay Karlovich.
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TAUBENDORF
(sitting down again)
Of course I should. It's practically impossible to keep silent. Listen: I ask nothing of you. I mean, that's nonsenseâof course I ask, and I ask a great deal. Maybe if one tries, if one makes a real effort, one can force oneselfâwell, at least to notice a person.
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
Wait....There's a misunderstanding here.
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TAUBENDORF
No, no! I know everything you're going to say. I know that for you I am nothing more than Nikolay Karlovich, and that's the end of it. But then, you don't notice anybody. For you, too, the only thing in life is your longing for Russia. And I can't live like that.... For you I would give up everything.... God knows I'd like to get back over there too, but for you I'd stay, for you I'd do anything....
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
Please wait a minute. Calm down. Give me your hand. Please calm down. Your forehead is even perspiring. I want to tell you something very different.
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TAUBENDORF
But why? Why? You would never feel sad with me. You're only sad because you're alone. I would surround you ... you're my joy....
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
I'll tell you something I've never told anybody before. You see, you ... you are mistaken. I'll tell you the truth. I'm not interested in Russia nowâI mean, I'm interested, but not all that passionately. The point is I've never stopped loving my husband.
(silence)
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TAUBENDORF
Oh. Yes, that changes everything.
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
No one knows this. Even he doesn't know.
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TAUBENDORF
Yes, of course.
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
To me he is not at all a leader and a hero as he is for youâbut simply ... I simply love him, his way of speaking, walking, raising his eyebrows when he finds something funny. Sometimes I feel I'd like to arrange for him to be caught and put in jail forever, and for me to be in that jail with him.
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TAUBENDORF
He'd escape.
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
Now you want to hurt me. Yes, he'd escape. That's exactly my misfortune. But there's nothing I can do to change it.
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TAUBENDORF
Thirteen.
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
Pardon me?
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TAUBENDORF
I was just counting the money, and when you came in I stopped at thirteen. Unlucky number.
(silence)
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
Does it add up to much?
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TAUBENDORF
No, not much I think. Just barely enough to pay for the hall. What difference does it make?
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
Nikolay Karlovich, you understand, of course, that Alyosha must not find out about what I told you. Don't talk to him about me.
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TAUBENDORF
I understand everything, Olga Pavlovna.
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
I guess he isn't coming.
(They both get up.)
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TAUBENDORF
He and I have an appointment to meet tomorrow morning at the studio. It's an awfully silly place for a business meeting, but there was no other way. Would you like me to give him any kind of message at all?
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
No, nothing. I'm sure he'll drop by to see me tomorrow anyway. And now I'll run along.
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TAUBENDORF
Please excuse me for ... for what I said. I had no way of knowing.
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
Of course. Probably it's my own fault. Well, so long.
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TAUBENDORF
Olga Pavlovna, you have my admiration. You are an absolutely marvelous person. Alyosha does not understand.
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
Oh, Nikolay Karlovich, reallyâlet's not talk about it any more.... After all, I'm not the Chinese language that one either understands or doesn't understand. Believe me, there is nothing incomprehensible about me.
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TAUBENDORF
I didn't want to make you angry.
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OLGA PAVLOVNA
Well, some time I'll get truly rebellious, then we'll see....
(laughs).
Then the sparks will really fly!...
(She leaves. Taubendorf returns to the table and sits down. In the hall, on the other side of the wall, there is a thunder of applause.)
The lobby of a film studio. On the right, along the edge of the stage, the same gray wall as in the preceding act. To the left of it, a wide passageway crowded with movie props, creating an effect reminiscent simultaneously of a photographer's waiting room, the jumble of an amusement-park booth, and the motley corner of a futurist's canvas. (Among these angular shapes are conspicuous three cupolasâa large one and two smaller onesâthe ochre, onion-shaped domes of some crudely reproduced Russian church. There is also a balalaika lying here haphazardly, and a half-unfurled map of Russia.) These props have uneven gaps and apertures (in the distance are visible the outlines of enormous klieg lights). All of it reminds the viewer of a many-colored jigsaw puzzle, carelessly and only partially assembled. As the curtain rises, the front of the stage is swarming with Russian émigrés who have just arrived for the shooting. Among them is Lyulya. The Assistant Director briskly and buoyantly squeezes onstage through the scenery blocking his way. He is redheaded, has a paunch, wears neither jacket nor waistcoat, and immediately begins to speak very loudly.
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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
Get your makeup on, people, get your makeup on! Ladies to the left, men to the right. How come Marianna isn't here yet? The call was for nine o'clock....
(The stage empties, Then two stagehands in blue carry a ladder across.)
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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR'S VOICE
(already backstage)
Kurt, Kurt! Wo ist Kurt? Mann mussâ
(The voice fades away. Then Marianna and Kuznetsoff enter from the right.)
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MARIANNA
(pressing her hands to her temples as she walks)
It's absolutely outrageous, absolutely outrageous of you....
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KUZNETSOFF
...only one thing can be interesting in lifeâthat which can be prevented. Why waste energy worrying about the inevitable?
(They both stop.)
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MARIANNA
So you haven't changed your mind?
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KUZNETSOFF
(looking around)
Amusing place.... I've never been in a film studio before,
(peeking behind the props)
Look at those gigantic lamps!...
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MARIANNA
I probably won't understand you until my dying day. So your decision is final?
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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
(running in from the right)
What's going on here, Mariannochka? This simply won't do....Shoo! Into your dressing room!
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MARIANNA
All right, all right, in a minute.
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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
Not in a minute, but immediately. Kurt!
(runs off)
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MARIANNA
Think it over again.... Think it over while I'm changing. Understand?
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KUZNETSOFF
Ah, Marianna Sergeyevna, you're really so...
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MARIANNA
No, no. Just wait for me here and think it over.
(Exits to the right. Assistant Director runs in from left.)
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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
Please go get made up. Didn't you hear me?
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KUZNETSOFF
Relax. I don't work here.
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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
Then you're not supposed to be here. There are rules.
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KUZNETSOFF
Fiddlesticks.
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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
If Herr Moserâ
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KUZNETSOFF
Childhood friend of mine.
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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
Oh, in that case it's all right. Excuse me.
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KUZNETSOFF
You people pour on the folklore pretty thick. What are those, cupolas?
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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
Yes. Today is the last day of shootingâthe uprising scene. We're in a terrible rush, since the film has to be all edited by Saturday.
Pardon,
I have to run.
(runs off)
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KUZNETSOFF
Go right ahead.
(Walks to and fro, picks up and unfurls the enormous map crudely depicting Russia. Smiles and examines it. Taubendorf comes in from the right. Beneath his coat are visible jackboots. He is carrying a valise.)
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TAUBENDORF
Oh, you're already here, Alyosha. How did you get in?
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KUZNETSOFF
Very simple. Said I was the bosom buddy of somebody called Moser. The Crimea came out as a perfect rhomboid here.
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TAUBENDORF
Russia.... Yes. My colleagues are probably already getting made up. But that's all right. Everything goes at a snail's pace here.... Alyosha, I carried out all your orders. Werner is already on his way.
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KUZNETSOFF
Jesus, it's dusty in here.
(Tosses the map into a corner. It rolls up by itself. Claps his hands to get the dust off them.)
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TAUBENDORF
Alyosha, when will you arrange a passport for me too?
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KUZNETSOFF
Later. Here's why I wanted to see you: Saturday I'm going back to Russia; in about three weeks Demidov will get here. I'll ask you to.... This isn't a very good place to talk, though.
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TAUBENDORF
Let's go over thereâthere's an empty room in back. In the meantime I can get my makeup on.
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KUZNETSOFF
Aha! You're in jackboots....
(Both exeunt left. Assistant Director scurries across the stage and darts behind the scenery. Stagehands pass carrying painted flats. Made-up extras, the men in Russian shirts and the women in kerchiefs, enter from right and left and gradually disappear behind the scenery. Assistant Director runs out again, holding a huge megaphone.)