Read Man From the USSR & Other Plays Online
Authors: Vladimir Nabokov
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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
Hurry up, people, hurry up! Everybody on the set! We're starting as soon as Harry and Marianna are ready.
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LYULYA
(with a kerchief on her head)
Harry's been ready for a long time. He's drinking beer in the canteen,
(leaves with the others)
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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
(to Marianna)
Finally!...
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MARIANNA
Did you see where.... There was a gentleman here.... The one I came with....
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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
What's the matter with you? We're here for serious work, not tomfoolery. On the set please!
(He runs off. Kuznetsoff enters from the left.)
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MARIANNA
Alec, it's such a madhouse here.... We'll never settle anything. Alec, have you changed your mind?
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KUZNETSOFF
I didn't recognize you right away. Look at you, all yellow and purple.
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MARIANNA
I'm supposed to look like this. It comes out quite differently on the screen.... Alec!
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KUZNETSOFF
And that astrakhan hat with the star on it. Who are you supposed to be?
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MARIANNA
You're driving me insane!
(Assistant Director runs in.)
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ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
We're starting! Let's go, for God's sake! The rushes have to be ready by Saturday. Marianna!
(yells right at her through the megaphone)
Places!!
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MARIANNA
You're abominably rude. Alec, I implore you, wait for me....I'll only be a minute....
(Marianna and Assistant Director leave. From the left appears Taubendorf with a false beard and a Russian peasant shirt and cap.)
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TAUBENDORF
There. I'm ready too.
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KUZNETSOFF
Lovely, lovely. I think they've already started in there. Your commander is very excited.
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TAUBENDORF
That's normal. First there'll be endless rehearsals of this uprising scene. The actual shooting will start much later.
(lights a cigarette)
Alyosha, have we covered everything? There's nothing else?
(As he speaks, he leans against a wall on which there is a large
“nicht rauchen”
sign. He continues to smoke.)
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KUZNETSOFF
Nothing else. The rest you know yourself.
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TAUBENDORF
The rest?
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KUZNETSOFF
Yes. About Olga Pavlovna. Take care of her as you did before. Look in on her now and then, and help her out if necessary.
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TAUBENDORF
Alyosha, I...
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KUZNETSOFF
What's the matter with you?
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TAUBENDORF
(very agitated)
Actually...
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KUZNETSOFF
Shoot.
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TAUBENDORF
Alyosha, I beg you.... I want to go with you! Do you hear, I want to go with you! To stay here will be my undoing....
(From backstage comes the buzzing of klieg lights, then the Assistant Director's voice through the megaphone.)
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MEGAPHONE OFFSTAGE
People, you're in Russia! In a square! There's an uprising going on! First Group waves their flags! Second Group runs left from the barricade! Third Group moves forward!
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KUZNETSOFF
You're beginning to bore me, my friend. I've already told you everything.
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TAUBENDORF
I dare not contradict you. Whatâare you going now? Will I see you again?
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MEGAPHONE OFFSTAGE
Achtung!
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KUZNETSOFF
No, I don't think so. I won't have much free time these last few days. I'll drop in on Olga Pavlovna for a minute today, and then not until Saturday, before leaving. There's something else I wanted to ask you: are you going to keep working in the tavern?
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TAUBENDORF
No, noâit's closing tomorrow. And this is the last day of shooting, too. I'll find something or other.
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KUZNETSOFF
Well, there's shooting and shooting. Let's say good-by.
(They embrace.)
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TAUBENDORF
God bless you....
(When Taubendorf goes through the door Kuznetsoff whips out a Browning and aims at him.)
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KUZNETSOFF
Hold it!
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TAUBENDORF
Alyosha, someone might see you.
(leaves)
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KUZNETSOFF
Good for him.... Didn't even flinch.... And you, my friend, don't you let me down,
(addressing the pistol, which he aims at the audience)
Don't you flinch in the clinch,
(puts it back in his pocket)
(A stagehand runs in and carries off the map and the balalaika. Kuznetsoff consults his watch. Buzzing of the klieg lights offstage. Marianna hurries in. She sheds her fur hat and gives her hair a toss.)
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KUZNETSOFF
Marianna Sergeyevna, I'm afraid I have to be going.
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MARIANNA
Alec!
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KUZNETSOFF
You've done your part already?
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MARIANNA
No, no.... I'll only be starting in a minute. I have a scene with the male lead. But that's not the point. Alec, are you still planning to leave on Saturday?
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KUZNETSOFF
Yes.
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MARIANNA
I can't believe this. I can't believe you are abandoning me. Listen, Alec, listen.... I'll give up the stage. I'll forget about my talent. I'll go with you. Take me away somewhere. We'll live somewhere in the South, in Nice.... Your silly commercial dealings can wait. Something horrible is happening to me. I've already ordered dresses, bright, wonderful dresses for the South....I thought.... No, tell me you're not going off and leaving me! I'll caress you. You know how good I am at it, don't you? We'll have a villa full of flowers. We'll be so happy.... You'll see....
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MEGAPHONE OFFSTAGE
Everybody back! Everybody back! It isn't worth a damn! Listen, when I say “One!”âthat's when Group One gets up. And when I say “Two!” Group Two runs left. Quiet!
Achtung!
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KUZNETSOFF
I had a good time with you. But now I'm leaving.
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MARIANNA
Alec, what is the meaning of this?
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MEGAPHONE OFFSTAGE
One!
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KUZNETSOFF
I don't think I ever gave you reason to believe that our relationship would last. I am a very busy man. To tell you the truth, I don't even have the time to say I am a busy man.
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MARIANNA
Oh, so that's the way it is.... Then let me tell you something too. It was all playacting. I was just doing a part. I feel nothing but revulsion for you. I'm the one who's leaving you, not the other way around. And one other thingâI know you're a Bolshevik, a Cheka agent, God knows what else.... You disgust me!
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MEGAPHONE OFFSTAGE
Two!
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MARIANNA
You're a Bolshevik! Get out of here. Don't you dare come back to me. Don't you dare write me. No, it doesn't matterâI know you'll write anyway, but I'll tear up your letters.
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MEGAPHONE OFFSTAGE
Three!
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KUZNETSOFF
No, no, Marianna Sergeyevna, I have no intention of writing. Anyway, right now you're only making me late. It's time for me to go.
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MARIANNA
Do you realize that you'll never see me again?
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KUZNETSOFF
Yes, of courseâwhat's the point of repeating yourself all the time? Say good-by.
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MARIANNA
(turning away)
No.
(Kuznetsoff bows and unhurriedly goes off right. Stagehands walk toward him carrying banners, and a bundle of rifles. He slows, glancing at them with a fleeting smile, then leaves. Marianna is left standing by the scenery at the left.)
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MEGAPHONE OFFSTAGE
Back! Everybody back! It's no good! People, I'm telling you for the last timeâlisten ... Group Oneâ
The Oshivenskis' room. On the left, a door to the entrance hall; in the rear wall, a smaller door to the adjoining room; on the right, a window onto the courtyard. Against the rear wall, to the left of the door, the bare metal frame of a double bed, its springs exposed; next to it a night table (propped against the wall, evidently because one leg has broken off) with its door wide open; by the bed a small rug lies askew, with one corner folded back. To the right of the door, several suitcases (one of them is open), a Russian wooden trunk with hasps, a hamper, a carton with a squashed top, and a large bundle. The floor around the suitcases is mottled with scraps of white and brown paper; the bare table has been moved over to the window, while the wastebasket remains where the table used to stand in the middle of the room and, lying on its side, disgorges various trash. The chairs stand helter-skelter; one of them has been moved up against the wardrobe (which is by the rear wall, to the right of the door), from whose top things have apparently been removed since a whole newspaper page hangs down on one side. The walls of the room are covered with suspicious water stains; and a monstrous chandelier, suspended from the ceiling (Bavarian workmanship: a Gretchen with a dolphin's tale from which extend, curving upward, deer antlers crowned with light bulbs), gazes
reproachfully at the dust, at the absurd placement of the chairs, at the baggage of the departing tenants.
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OSHIVENSKI
(as he finishes packing a suitcase)
Junk....
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MRS. OSHIVENSKI
Another piece of string would be handy....
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OSHIVENSKI
There is no more string. Junk.
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MRS. OSHIVENSKI
And where are we supposed to go now? Oh my dear God....
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OSHIVENSKI
We'll move straight into the Kingdom of Heaven. At least there you don't have to pay the rent in advance.
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MRS. OSHIVENSKI
Shame on you, Vitya, for talking like that. A crying shame. Here, help me lock this trunk.
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OSHIVENSKI
What a miserable life....NoâI've had enough!
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MRS. OSHIVENSKI
Just be careful, Vitya ... when you start talking with him.... We can put the trunk over against the wall for now.
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OSHIVENSKI
Against the wall.... Against the wall.... Enough is enough. We've done our share of suffering. Anything would be better. Even the wall and the firing squad.
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MRS. OSHIVENSKI
You stick mostly to questionsâyou know, what and where....
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OSHIVENSKI
Even one's honor goes to the dogs. That's enough. What are you bawling about?
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MRS. OSHIVENSKI
You won't find Vasya's grave anyway. There is no grave. Even if you search all of Russia....
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OSHIVENSKI
You'd better get the parcel ready. Damn these newspapersâthey keep rustling under one's feet.... I'll start bawling myself in a minute. Stop it, Zhenya....
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MRS. OSHIVENSKI
I don't trust him. A man like that might filch it.
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OSHIVENSKI
(sitting down at the table)
Stop the nonsenseâthat's got nothing to do with it. And why on earth are you sending that
halva
?
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MRS. OSHIVENSKI
Oh, the
halva
is unimportant. The main thing is that he get the fabric to them....
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OSHIVENSKI
And where do we get the money to settle with the landladyâanswer that one!
(At the word “money” he hits the table violently with the palm of his hand.)
I can just hear her screeching like a parrot....
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MRS. OSHIVENSKI
If I had another piece of string....
(A knock at the door; Marianna enters. She is wearing a sober dark suit, as if she were in mourning.)
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OSHIVENSKI
(without enthusiasm)
Welcome....
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MARIANNA
Excuse me.... You're packing.... I'm disturbing you....
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MRS. OSHIVENSKI
Come on in, honey. It's all right, we're finished.
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MARIANNA
Yes....If I may....