Make Me Stay (7 page)

“I love you,” he said. “I don’t expect you to say anything back, but I wanted you to know I never stopped.”

She was quiet for a few minutes. It was torture, but he didn’t want to press her. She climbed off him and settled on the lounge next to him, twisting her position so she could face him. He turned to his side and draped his arm over her hip.

“I hired a PI to find you, but after a year he told me to forget about you. I was crazy with guilt and worry. I wanted to know you were okay. I wanted you back.”

Tears filled her gorgeous, amber eyes.

“When you showed up at my office a few weeks ago, you can’t imagine the relief I felt. You were alive and you came back to me. I didn’t deserve you. I wanted to turn you away, because I was afraid of what I could do to you. But I’m selfish, and when you kissed me I wanted it all.”

He reached out and wiped the fallen tears on her face away with his thumb.

“I can be the man you need this time, but you may have to allow me to make mistakes. I swore if you ever came back to me I’d do it all right, but now that you’re here I’m scared to death I’m gonna fuck this up.”

“Why?” she whispered.

“You’re so determined, and you know exactly what you want. What if I can’t measure up?”

“I want you. Can’t you see that?”

“Even after the way I treated you last time? I told you to go. Why did you listen?”

“Because I loved you. I still do. I never stopped either.”

He knew that was true. What woman would put herself through what she had the past two years if she wasn’t determined and in love? He hated that he’d been stupid enough to let her walk away. They could have learned together, but that wasn’t the case. He had to accept that when they were apart she had found comfort in the arms of another man. That was his fault, not hers.

“I want to move forward.” He kissed her. “I want to do it right this time.”

“Then just trust in yourself. I do.”

“I know, and that scares me too.” He grabbed the throw from the back of the chair and draped it over them.

“Don’t overthink this,” she said. “Let’s just take it one day at a time.”

He smiled at her. “That’s a good idea.”

“I’m full of good ideas.” She giggled. “And right now I’m really hungry. Can we eat?”

“Of course.” He laughed. “I’ll grab us something from the kitchen.”

“Can I help?”

“Yeah.” He stood from the lounge chair and fixed his pants. “I don’t want to let you out of my sight.” He extended his hand for her. “Now that I have you back I don’t ever want to let go.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her to his side as they walked to the kitchen. She was there and she was his. What more could he ask for?

Chapter 9

Cade ran up the porch steps and entered Gracie’s quaint cottage. They’d become comfortable with entering one another’s houses in the past couple of weeks. He couldn’t believe she was back in his life. Two months ago he never would’ve thought he’d see her again, and now they were together and moving forward.

“Baby.” He walked down the hall toward the kitchen.

“I don’t think he’ll be receptive to that,” Gracie said, and he realized she was on the phone. “I will. I promise. I have to go.”

As he entered the kitchen, she placed her cellphone on the table and looked up at him. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your call.”

“You didn’t,” she said as she glanced down at her phone.

Cade couldn’t help but notice she seemed unsettled. “Is everything okay?”

“Perfect.” She wrapped her arms around him. “I’m happy you’re here, although I didn’t expect you.”

“I decided something this morning and I wanted to tell you.”

“Okay.” She looked nervous.

“It’s something good.” He laughed as he pulled her to the living room. “Sit with me and not at my feet.” He patted his lap because this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have with his sub. If that was what she was. He wasn’t sure.

She smiled and climbed into his lap, resting her head against his chest. “What’s up?”

“So many things have changed since the last time we were together. We’re both different people, and as much as I hate to admit it, you were right, we did need time to be apart to figure out who we were and what we wanted in a relationship.”

“I’m glad you finally see that.” She cuddled deeper into his chest.

He placed his arms around her, pulling her as close to him as possible. “The one thing that hasn’t changed is how much I love you. I was stupid and immature before, and I couldn’t see what I had. I won’t mess this up again.”

“I know you won’t. You’re so interested in the things I’ve asked of you. I know we can find the balance. This past month has been perfect.”

“I want to make it more perfect. I want you to move in with me.” He shifted so he could look at her. “Today.”

“What’s the hurry?” He sensed her hesitation, which surprised him. After the time they spent at the beach house he hadn’t expected her to turn his offer down.

“I woke up this morning and decided we should be together all the time. I want you in my bed every night. I want to see your face first thing every morning.”

“That’s sweet, but what’s the rush?”

“It makes sense. We’re together almost every night anyway. Why should you continue to pay rent here? Between this cottage and that fancy car you drive you have to be spending everything you’re making. I think we need to look at your portfolio.”

“Cade, I…” She slipped off his lap and sat next to him.

“What’s wrong?”

“I have a lease on this place. I’ve only been here a little over a month.”

“I can get you out of your lease. I’ll worry about that. Let me have a copy and the name of the realtor.”

“I don’t have that information.” She got up and paced the room. “I don’t even know how much the rent is.”

“How can that be? How do you make payments?” Cade had a sick feeling in his stomach. Something was off with her.

“Martin pays my rent. He bought my car and pays for my insurance too.” She looked down at the floor. “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how you’d react.”

“Why is he paying your rent? You said he let you out of your contract to come back to me. Why is he still supporting you?” Cade didn’t like where this conversation was headed. He’d come to terms with the things Gracie had done in her past, but that was where they were suppose to stay—in her past. He had no idea she was still in contact with this man.

“He did, but he didn’t want to send me here alone and on my own. He wasn’t sure things were going to work out between us and he wanted me to have a backup plan.”

That seemed rational. Cade probably would have done the same thing for her, but why had she kept Martin’s presence in her life a secret? “You’ve been here a month. I think I’ve more than proved myself. You don’t need him to take care of you anymore. I want it stopped.”

“Remember when I said I would tell you when it was inappropriate to dominate me? This is one of those times. You can’t dictate my relationship with Martin.”

“The fuck I can’t.” Cade was pissed. “You can’t have two Doms. I won’t share.”

“I’m not asking you to share. You can’t expect me to just give him up. I owe him my life.”

“So what are you saying?” Cade got up and walked toward her. “Is he your safety net? If things don’t work out between us you’ll head back to Connecticut? If I can’t satisfy you the way he can, you’ll run back and suck his cock in front of an audience?”

“Shut up.” She shook her head. “Don’t say things like that.”

“Tell me why you need him.” He tried to remain calm, but she had withheld important information about her circumstances.

“It’s not about need. It’s a code for him. I’m his responsibility until I’m handed off to another Dom. He won’t fully release me until he knows I’m safe and secure.”

“I won’t have another man care for you.” Cade didn’t understand why she would fight him on this. It didn’t make sense. “I want it to stop today.”

“It isn’t that simple.”

“Are you afraid of him? I won’t let him hurt you.”

“Martin would never hurt me.”

“He beat you with a whip, and God knows how else he humiliated you.”

“You need to get over that,” Gracie said. “I submitted to him and his will. He punished me how he saw fit. He made me strong.”

“He made you submissive.”

“Exactly.”

“You know what? This is my fault. I’m the one who put you on this path. You never would have resorted to this behavior if I hadn’t been so rough with you in the first place. You were young and impressionable, and I made you think you wanted to submit.” Cade needed to take responsibility for his actions. He should have been the man she needed when she was younger. He should have treated her better.

“You didn’t make me submissive. I wanted that life. I needed to do it for both of us.”

“Damn it, Gracie. That’s enough. We can have our games in the bedroom. They’re fun and they’re sexy, but they don’t define who we are as a couple. I want a life with you, but you need to cut him loose.”

“I can’t do that.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Don’t ask me to choose.”

“I just did.”

“Cade, you have to understand what he means to me. I wanted to tell you he was still in my life, but I’d already thrown so much at you. I didn’t think you could handle the hold he still has over me. The emotional bond between a Dom and a sub runs deep. I’m connected to him in ways I don’t think you can understand right now. It’s not something I can just walk away from and not be affected. You need to allow me this.”

“I don’t need to do anything. You came back here and asked me to exert my dominance over you. You waved contracts and checklists in my face. You told me things you’d done with another man, and as much as I hated knowing what you shared with him, I listened because I wanted to do what you needed. I’m drawing the line. You can’t have us both.”

“Martin can help you understand.”

“What?”

“I was just on the phone with him. I explained to him how you feel like you’re not enough for me. He wants to help us.”

What the fuck is she talking about?
“Help us how? And why are you discussing me with another man?”

“He checks in with me a few times a week. He wants to hear about our progress.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You tell him what goes on in the bedroom? Why would you think that would be acceptable?”

“I don’t tell him everything.”

“Well, that’s real comforting.”

“Cade,” she said. “He wants to help guide us in our BDSM journey. He has so much experience. He could help you realize your full dominant potential.”

“Because I’m not enough for you?” He’d wondered when her patience would run out and she’d need more. He’d known all along that what they were doing in the bedroom was more than fun. It was now her way of life.

“Of course not.” She reached for his hand, but he backed away.

“We’re not entertaining this. If it’s me you want, then you cut him off. I won’t share, and I sure as hell won’t allow another man to guide me in anything.”

“I’m not asking you to share me,” she defended. “Martin wouldn’t ask that of me either.”

Martin! He was sick of hearing his name and how wonderful he was. “I’ll never measure up, will I?”

“I don’t compare.”

“You don’t have to,” he said as he headed for the door. “I’ll make it real simple. I’m done.”

“Where are you going?” She chased after him. “You can’t just leave.”

“What you’re looking for is in Connecticut. It always has been.” Cade knew he could never be all the things Gracie needed. If he were then she wouldn’t be asking him to allow another man into their lives.

“That’s not true. I came back for you.”

“Prove it.” He walked out, slamming the door behind him.

* * * *

The next two days were hell on Gracie. She knew Cade was a jealous and possessive man. That was part of the reason she didn’t tell him she was still in contact with Martin. She’d planned to, but she never seemed to find the right time. She even told Martin it was time for him to step back and let her work things out on her own. Martin wouldn’t hear of it. He wanted to help, and his suggestion was to council her and Cade in the matters of their unique relationship. Gracie knew Cade would never agree to it, but she’d promised Martin she would at least ask. Cade had reacted exactly the way Gracie thought he would. She couldn’t blame him.

Cade hadn’t contacted her since he stormed out of the cottage. She hadn’t expected him to. She knew the ball was in her court. She wasn’t about to lose Cade. Not after everything she endured to get back to him. But she wasn’t ready to give up Martin. She had no desire to be with him sexually. It wasn’t about that anymore. But no matter how much she loved Cade, she still respected Martin. He’d taught her to be strong, confident, and to go after what she wanted.

Martin didn’t plan on being responsible for her forever. He made her agree to let him take care of her for as long as he saw necessary before he let her out of her contract. She and Martin shared a dynamic that Gracie didn’t expect Cade to understand. In time, he’d figure it out. Gracie thought if the two men met Cade would appreciate the relationship she and Martin shared. Now she wasn’t sure if Cade would even listen. And she certainly didn’t think he’d agree to meet Martin.

How had she made such a mess of things in such a short time? Cade loved her. He’d missed her when she was gone. He wanted her to move in with him. And most importantly, he’d opened himself up to the possibility of a Dom-sub relationship. Could she have asked for much more? She had to find a way to fix this.

A soft knock at the cottage door pulled her from her thoughts. Her heart fluttered with the possibility it could be Cade. Maybe he was ready to talk. She ran to the door and quickly pulled it open, never expecting to see
him
standing on the other side. She stepped back and let him enter. As he turned to close the door, she immediately dropped to her knees.

“Master,” she said. “I didn’t expect you.”