Maggie's Five ...the first in a LOVE story (26 page)

“
You
know me, sweetheart, always good. You, on the other hand look
fucking beautiful.”

“
Thanks,” I reply timidly, pouring myself a cup and adding
milk and sugar. “Do you take…?”

“
Black’s good.”

Red’s intense
scrutiny is unwavering. He follows my every move as I return the
milk to the fridge and the sugar to the pantry, then retrieve a
pack of choc chip biscuits to help stall for something to
say.

I used to beg
for this man’s time and attention, for the peace he could give me.
Now I can’t help pity what he’s become - what I could have become
right along with him. Once again, I thank the Gods above for
Luke.

“
You
look different,” I offer.

“
So
do you.”

I nod in
agreement. “I feel different, better.” Then I shrug, “Are you
hungry? I could make you something if you like?”

I step to the
cook top and take the frying pan from the cupboard below it. “I
happen to make a mean egg scramble, though they do get confused
sometimes.” I look over my shoulder with a forced smile, “The eggs
get confused because they’re scrambled,” I explain lamely when
Red’s expression doesn’t change.

I open the
fridge and take out the eggs, hold them up with a jiggle, then turn
back to the cooker. “You do like eggs, right?” I ask, more to fill
in the white noise.

“
I’ll
take whatever you’re offering, sweetheart,” Red whispers in my ear,
scaring the absolute shit out of me.

The second I
open my mouth to gasp in surprise he’s at me. A hand’s thrown over
my mouth. Something lands onto my tongue and slides to the back of
throat causing me to gag.

No…

I start
thrashing, throwing my head from side to side. Red tightens his
grip so I can barely move, encasing me with his body against the
cupboards.

I’m choking,
desperately trying not to swallow. Moisture’s pooling in my mouth,
and I… I can’t breathe. Red’s hand’s over my mouth, over my nose
and I can’t breathe.

I have to… I
have… I swallow.

My head and
heart explode with panic. I thrash and kick and try to scream
through Red’s suffocating hand. I push off from the cupboards to
force him back, to try to get him to loosen his grip.

He starts
chuckling. He’s too strong, deceptively strong, and the more I
fight the tighter he strangles me, lifting me completely off the
ground to stop me from using the doors as leverage against him. He
ends up carrying me kicking and crying, screaming uselessly under
his damp palm to the lounge, and pins me on the couch.

“
Shh,
sweetheart. It’s all good. Just let my friend help mellow you out
so we can go and have some fun like we used to.”

I try to talk,
but my words come out as muffled grunts, so I frantically shake my
head. It’s starting to swim, the familiar sensation climbing its
way under my skin, taking me…
No
…
please no
…
I
think I’m-

“
Well, that’s where we have a problem, sweetheart. You see,
Sam wants another taste, and I’ve got me a few debts that I need
you to clear, so…” Red’s grip loosens when he feels the fight seep
out of me.

My limbs are
gaining weight and my head is clouding. In the past I begged, -
literally
begged for this numbness to overtake me, but not
anymore. Now I’m scared. “What… did you?”

“
Nothing real, sweetheart. You know how it is. Or have you
forgotten?” He smirks, lowering his face so closely to mine, I can
almost taste his rancid breath. “Do you need a little reminding,
sweetheart?” he asks moistening his lips. “Always liked the way you
tasted.” Then he licks up from my jaw to my mouth.

“
How
you feelin’?” I’m drawing desperate breaths through flared
nostrils, praying for my body to move, to fight harder to get away.
“Need more help to relax, or are you good?”

His head tilts
to one side as he inspects me. “A little more, I think.”

The cushions dip
with his movement as he digs into a pocket and holds up a small
pill between his fingers for me to see. “Just like we used to,
sweetheart.”

Grinning, he
sucks in his bottom lip and lifts his hand from my mouth just
enough to push the second tablet painfully past my teeth, clamping
down hard so I can’t spit it out.

“
Fuck
it’s sexy when you’re under me like this,” he snarls, licking my
cheek this time.

It’s useless.
I’m useless. The pill’s dissolving no matter where I push it with
my tongue. I have to swallow, I have… to…

My eyes are
blurring and I can feel my head lolling in the same direction as
the sag in the couch. I want to hold it up, but I can’t. I can feel
wet surreal tears roll off my face; their caressing, feather light
movements are… terrifyingly sensational.

“
There’s my girl. Come on, sweetheart. Sam’s waiting on you,”
Red says in his deep tone like he’s talking to his lover not his
captive.

I want to fight
and scream, get him off me. I’m not his anything. I’m Luke’s and…
Luke’s my everything.

Oh
God
,
Luke… I’m so sorry… I’m trying, I am, but… my eyes want…

“
Just
go with it, sweetheart. I’m going to take real good care of you.”
Red’s sour breath brushes across my cheek.

We’re in Red’s
old sports car, winding our way through traffic. My body’s thrown
to the side and my head hits the door. I think it hurts, or at
least it is going to. My eyes want to close, so they do.

Something is
being forced into my mouth and I want to spit it out, but a large
hand’s pressing down over my face forcing my chin upwards. I want
to fight it, I do, but my eyes want to close more… they
close…

There’s slapping
on my face and I’m being told to stand, but I’m finding it hard to
keep my balance. Deep voices are carrying over loud thumping music
and now I want to become part of the heavy bass flowing through my
body. I stumble and sway to the fantastic rumbling vibrating
through me. I’m caught in limbo, my mind awash with conflicting
emotions, of arguing desires. To stay or leave, to decipher want
and need. To care, or not.

Not
is so
much easier.

My left foot
feels different to my right. I look down and see that I only have
one shoe on. Curling my toes over the tacky wet floor, I am
enthralled by the sensation. It’s strange and feels so other
worldly. I wish Luke could feel this, too. Be with me to share in
all the wonderful euphoric sensations.

My eyes fall
heavily, and sadness begins fills my heart. This isn’t for Luke.
Not my Luke. He’s too good for this. He’s better than this, than
me. He can’t see me in my shame; me at my lowest. A side of my
character that I’ll always be ashamed of, because I like it so
much. I like the non-reality, I like how easy it makes everything,
I like how it all just disappears… at least, until it gives back to
actuality. Then life hits twice as hard.

But I have Luke
now and things are getting better every day… I have
Luke.

Luke loves
me.

I love
Luke.

I need to leave,
clear my thoughts. I don’t want this anymore… I
think
.

No
.

This isn’t who I
am, isn’t who I’m going to be.

I start weaving
my way through the throng of gyrating bodies, hoping I’m heading in
the right direction. I’m not tall enough to see if there is an exit
sign so I continue to step randomly. One foot’s encased in heaven,
the other plays with the incredible texture of the hard cold
floor.

Velvet hands
take hold of my hips from behind and roam up and around my ribs. My
eyes close of their own accord as my skin tingles and hums in
delight. Softness presses into my back and hands cup my breasts,
massaging them until my nipples pucker and harden. Sticky soft lips
work their way over my shoulder and up my neck, over my jaw,
coaxing me to turn. A soft tongue probes my mouth open and kisses
me deeply.

“
Abigail.” That’s Red’s voice. “She’s mine.” Firm hands clasps
me and a much firmer, muscular body presses into my front. Then I’m
being kissed again. Scratchy hard lips kiss me possessively. The
sensation from soft to firm is amazing and has my heart picking up
and heat rising throughout me.

God, it’s all so
good, I want more, so much more. But I don’t want this person. I
don’t want to be this person. I push away.

He holds
tighter.

“
She’s just lovely Red. Share her.” Abigail’s biting on Red’s
lower lip. She draws it in and kisses him while I watch in morbid
fascination. “Look, she wants to, Red.” She presses her open mouth
over mine and it’s so, so soft, but not what I want. She laps at
the roof with a thick tongue before I sluggishly move away. It’s so
weird, everyone’s moving in normal time except for me. I’m a step
behind, I’m confused and slow, and always a step behind.

I don’t like it.
I used to like it, but not anymore. I want to leave, get my limbs
to coordinate and do what they’re told and take me the hell out of
here.

“
Give
her to me Red,” Abigale begs.

“
Maybe later. When Sam gets here.” She pouts full and glossy,
then turns and saunters away.

Red holds up
half a pill for me to see and then slips it into my mouth. I shake
my lethargic head in protest. I don’t have the power to tell him
no. I want to tell him no.

I think, maybe,
that I do. I’m so confused.

I want to go
home.

Carrying me to a
booth, Red slides me into the seat and holds a shot glass for me to
drink from. I am so numb, the burning sensation barely registers.
He follows it up with another, then another, laughing at me, joking
with people I don’t know while feeding me further into
oblivion.

A thickly set
tank of a man leans over the table to tell Red that Sam’s here,
whoever Sam is. He takes my chin in his calloused hand and turns my
dense head from side to side. “She’s done, Red. Don’t give her
anymore or you’ll take her too far.”

“
Fuck
off. Sweetheart’s good, aren’t you sweetheart?”

What? I’m done?
It’s time for me to go? But why now, when I finally learned how to
exhale? When I finally found Luke?

“
See?
Fucking perfect.” Red pulls on my arm, “Let’s go.”

“
Suit
yourself, man.” The tank shrugs and walks away.

Red has to help
prop me up, directing me past the dance floor. I don’t want to go
with him. I want to find the way out of this confusion. I want to
go home.

I drag my feet,
causing us to stumble under my dead weight. I try to turn him in
the other direction. He jerks me to him, scowling, then removes
something from his pocket and feeds it to me. It’s more of the
same.

I play with
them, shuffling them around in my mouth with my tongue. I
count:

One
: my
limbs numb…

Two
: my
chest constricts…

Three
: my
heart’s pounding…

Four
:
sharpness stabs at my head, my stomach…

Five
: I
fall…

Chapter 16

WARM BREATHS FEATHER across my skin,
the fresh mint drifting up my nose and into my soul where I want to
keep it captive forever.

There’s a
monitor beeping from behind me. The rate slowly increases with my
heartbeat. Patterns are gently drawn on my cheek and the quiet hum
of a tune is filling the otherwise silent void.

My heavy eyes
crack open to slits and I’m immediately greeted by the serene blue
of the deepest oceans, before they fall closed again.

“
Hey,
beautiful,” Luke whispers. “Take your time baby. You’re safe, I’ve
got you.” He presses his lips to the corner of my mouth.

“
You-” My words catch in my scratchy sore throat. Swallowing
carefully, I try again. “You missed,” I gravel out painfully,
feeling my mouth rise on one side.

“
Sorry.” The small bed rocks gently then Luke and hits me.
“Better?”

Perfect
.
“Mm-hmm.” I swallow thickly again. “How did you-” God, it hurts to
speak.

“
Hey,
don’t try to talk Maggie Mae. You’re safe; everything’s going to be
fi- okay.”

I shake my head
slightly at his almost slip-up. We don’t do fine
anymore.

“
How
do you… how do always seem to know when I need you the
most?”

He smiles in
reply. “That’s easy. It’s because I love you Maggie Mae, so fucking
much I’d find you anywhere.”

Luke’s eyes fill
with moisture, not concerned about showing his emotions. He’s not
afraid to let them trickle to the pillow we’re sharing; he’s not
afraid of letting me see him cry, showing me how much he loves me
in more than words.

His lids close,
resting his forehead to mine. “You scared me so fucking much, I
thought for a second there…” I hold a long blink. For a second
there, I thought so, too.