Maggie's Five ...the first in a LOVE story (24 page)

“
Morning baby,” Luke whispers, kissing the dimples in my
backside. Thank the Gods of Wet Dreams, I’m not fantasizing after
all. I purr in response, gasping when Luke nips at my butt and
licks between my cheeks, then moves so he’s lying between my legs
and over my back, taking most of his weight on his
elbows.

I honestly don’t
know where he’s finding the energy. I’ve lost count of the number
of times we’ve gone at it throughout the night.

“
Again?” I mumble around my pillow.

“
I’ve
got something for you Maggie Mae.”

I run my tongue
around in my mouth to get rid of the dryness. “I know. I can feel
it pressing into my back.”

“
You
don’t like it? I can-”

“
Oh
I’m not complaining.” God no, “I kinda like your mad booty
skills.”

“
Yeah? I kinda like the way we fuck like rabbits.”

“
Luke.” I twist so I can smack him. “Gross.”

“
Pretty fucking sweet from this angle, Maggie,” he laughs,
biting me on the hip this time.

He’s being crass
on purpose. He’s been distracting me all night and most of the
morning, to help me forget… and I’ve got to love him for
it.

Today is October
fifteen, Mattie’s birthday. It should have been her
fourth.

Every time Luke
sees me starting to dwell too deeply or for too long, he distracts
me. And it’s been working a treat. Only this time, I was sound
asleep dreaming of strong hands massaging me to jelly.

Luke continues
nipping his way up my side to my jaw, where he gently sucks on my
skin and breathes me in. “I bought you something, if that’s okay.
Not fine,” he adds quickly, reminding me of my so-called
‘Tell’.

I twist as far
as I can manage and bite him on his jaw. “I don’t have a
‘Tell’
.”

I don’t really
care either way. If anything it’s interesting that he’s picked it
up, and it’s given me something to think about, but I like playing
with him.

He reaches over,
shifts so he’s lying next to me and opens a drawer in the bedside
table. Turning back, he says, “Don’t get mad,” then holds out a
small box.

I don’t know if
he’s asking me or warning me, so I nod instead of reply and wait
for him to open it.

Inside is a
white gold chain with two white gold stick figure girls hanging
from it. One of the charms has an orange fire opal body in the
shape of a triangle dress, the other a purple amethyst triangle
body. They’re delicate and precious, like my girls.

My eyes pool
blurring, the fragile necklace, as Luke takes the chain and leans
over me, attaching the hook at the back of my neck.

“
They’re perfect Luke, like you. Thank you, so
much.”

He’s not trying
to help me forget, he’s trying to help me remember and cope.
Seriously, what’s not to love?

“
You’re perfect for me Maggie Mae,” his says, his voice hoarse
with raw honesty. He kisses my chest where the charms are resting
and swallows thickly. “Maggie? You remember when I said to you that
it
‘never gets better, might get easier but never
better’?”

I look to him
crossing my brows, scrambling back in thought. “Yes, vaguely. It
seems so long ago now.”

“
Well, I was wrong, and I’m sorry for ever saying it because I
am a better man with you, and life is easier. Everything is easier
and better with you.” Luke leans closer and trails his nose lightly
over mine before kissing my mouth like I might shatter at any
moment, igniting a flame deep in my core. “I’m sorry I ever said
it,” he murmurs and kisses me again, then picks up the two little
triangles. “They look good on you.”

Sucking my
bottom lip into my mouth, I pinch back my smile. “You look good on
me.” I’m naturally shy when it comes to pillow talk. It’s something
I never managed to master.

“
Hell
yeah I do baby.” Luke’s deep rumbling voice brings my privates to
attention. When he dives at me and kisses me senseless, I’m left
gasping.

“
Up
for another round, Maggie Mae?”

“
Hell
yeah, baby,” I laugh, feeling silly trying to mimic him until he
releases a growl and assaults my mouth, working his way
south.

By the time he
reaches the apex of my thigh, I’m feeling pretty darn
good.

I’M STICKY AND
warm, wrapped in the thick down quilt and drifting in and out of
that state of drowsiness between sleep and awake. Luke’s gone to
make some calls for work and promised, around peppering me with
kisses, to return with real coffee. Not force me to drink the
instant stuff that’s stale and lost in the back of a dark cupboard,
awaiting its next unsuspecting victim.

Tucking the
covers higher under my chin, I breathe in Luke’s scent and shiver
with the tingle of goose-bumps scattering over my naked flesh. He’s
been wonderful, is wonderful. I can admit it to myself and feel no
remorse, because I know.

I know that I
love my late husband and will for as long as I live, but I also
know that he’s gone. And will never be back.

Brendan was hit
by a SUV on Christmas day nearly a year ago and was killed by a
drunk driver. I will always love him and miss him. But I also have
to learn to forgive him. So here I am forgiving him for not taking
better care of our children, forgiving him for letting them die,
forgiving
him
for dying, and forgiving him for leaving
me.

I’m getting
closer to forgiving myself.

Ella and Matilda
were hit by the same four wheel drive on the same day. They were
out playing with their father and were struck and killed. They
fought to live as best as their little bodies could, but it wasn’t
enough. I’ll love them beyond my grave and into
eternity.

This is my
reality; I have to come to terms with letting them go. I’m not sure
if I’ll completely reach that point, but this is what my life is
now.

Today is my
Mattie’s fourth birthday.

My baby girl’s
fourth birthday which she will never have.

It’s depressing
beyond imagination to fathom outliving your children, then having
to survive the fact. It’s absolutely inconceivable, especially when
you’re the one existing through the unimaginable.

Ella’s birthday
was back in March and I missed it. I missed it because I was so
wasted I couldn’t function coherently, let alone know what day it
was. That’s never going to happen again.

I’ve also come
to learn that it’s time, time for me to open my eyes and see what’s
been in front of me for the past ten or so months.

My family was
killed in a horrible accident. And now they’re gone. No matter how
much I beg or bargain, how angry I get or how many tears I shed,
nothing is going to change the fact that they will be forever
gone.

At least in
their forever they get to spend it together.

“
Hey
Maggie Mae, are you crying under there?” The bed shifts as Luke
works his way under the quilt to find me. “Hey baby, come here.”
His voice sounds so sad for me.

I roll to him
and clutch his chest like he’s my life preserver, heaving ugly,
honest tears for what feels like the first time.

“
They’re gone Luke,” I sob into his t-shirt. “They are really
gone and never coming back. I’m never going to see them again and
it hurts so bad. It hurts so bad, Luke. I don’t know what to do. I
don’t know what to do with any of it.”

“
You
do this, baby,” Luke says with a thick voice. “You do this. You cry
for them and love them big Maggie.” He wraps his arms and legs
tighter. “I’ve got you baby, I’ve got you. Just let go Maggie Mae,
let it all go.”

Luke’s silent
weeping dampens my hair. “I’ll always be here, holding you right
back Maggie.”

The bed shifts
as he buries his face into my neck so we’re as close as two people
can possibly get. “I love you big, baby. I’ll love you big enough
and hard enough for the both of us for the rest of our
lives.”

Luke’s shoulders
start to shake, his tears falling freely and pooling with
mine.

We’re tangled
and surviving, mourning our collective loss.

Learning how to
exhale.

“
GOOD COFFEE?”

“
Meh,
cold coffee.” It’s still good, though. But where’s the fun in
telling him that?

“
That’s your fault.”

“
Mine?”

“
Yes.
You totally need to learn how to restrain yourself.” Luke inhales
noisily through his teeth, stretches into a slouch and slides
further into the bench seat. “Then again, you’re only human,” he
concludes proudly, rubbing his hands over his chest. If he starts
doing the whole Tarzan pounding the chest thing, I’m
out.

“
Oh
honey, we’ve been over this. You are not Thor or unfortunately,
Captain America.”

“
Nah,
you’re right. I’m way cooler.” He grins with a cheeky spark in his
blue, blue eyes.

“
Honestly?” I say, staring at him in disbelief. He captures my
hand after I smack him playfully on his chest, and keeps
it.

I do think Luke
has it all over Thor and Captain America and every other fictional
charter out there, though. And a few non-fictional ones
too.

“
Honestly? You’re the best babe.” Luke grins. I knock into his
shoulder. He’s so hammy sometimes. He keeps me too, wraps an arm
around me and keeps me.

We’re
comfortably quiet for a long while, taking in the view. The sun’s
reflecting on the water, bringing those diamonds back to life. The
swell’s building into waves folding in on themselves to create a
foaming white wash on the shore, drawing the depleted energy
through the rip, back out into the deep to begin the mesmerizing
process over and over again.

“
Hey
Maggie?”

“
Mmm?”

“
You
about ready to start breathing again?”

“
Yeah, I think I am, Luke,” I say with absolute honesty
fluttering like a hundred butterflies through my body. I’m straight
up nervous about my future, and petrified by it at the same time,
but in a good way.

Pressing his
lips to my cheek Luke murmurs, “I’ve got an idea,” interrupting my
thoughts and tugging on my hand while he stands.

“
What
do you have in mind?”

“
Come
on. I’ll show you.”

Those nervous
butterflies just turned into weary nervous butterflies. And excited
nervous butterflies. And fervent nervous butterflies…

Luke leads me
across the soft lawn to a gravel path encased with native trees and
shrubs. The narrow descending trail slowly begins to blend with
sand and soon becomes the ocean’s foreshore. Wrapping an arm around
my back, Luke slips his hand into my back pocket and directs me to
a boathouse that’s been converted into a surf shop. Climbing up the
weathered front steps with an outstretched hand, Luke asks the guy
setting up various pieces of water equipment if his name is Josh
Stevens.

“
Luke
Andrews?” Josh nods, shaking Luke’s hand.

“
Nice
to meet you. This is my Maggie.” Josh and I shake hands with our
‘hellos’ but I’m too busy digesting Luke’s possessive introduction
to give him my full attention. ‘My Maggie’. Kinda has a nice ring
to it if you ask me.

“
Ever
done this before Maggie?” Josh asks, leading us inside his
shop.

Huh?
“Considering I’m about ninety percent sure what you’re talking
about, I’m going to run with a resounding nope.”

“
That’s cool. Luke tells me he knows what he’s doing, but if
you have any probs, come get me yeah?” he says, holding up a full
length wetsuit against me. “Here, try this one. Looks pretty close
to your size.” Then he moves to another rack to find something for
Luke.

Heading to the
change room, I catch Luke smiling. The guy couldn’t be prouder of
himself. “You had this planned out all along, didn’t
you?”

Nodding his
thanks to Josh for his gear, Luke squints, then leans into me so
closely I can taste his minty coffee breath. “Admit it babe, you
can’t wait to see me in this thing, all wet and pressed up against
you.” He forces me backwards so we’re in the same stall.

I stop his
movement with a flat hand to his chest, “Josh meant separate change
rooms.” Then I close the door on both Luke’s gobsmacked face and
Josh’s laughter.

“
When
you guys are ready, come find me, yeah?”

“
Thanks Josh,” I chirp out, to hear Luke’s grunt, which sends
me into a full on fit of giggles.

In the end,
Luke’s got on a really cool pair of board shorts and a royal blue
and white rash vest combo that make his already blue eyes appear
other worldly, while I’m stuck suffocating in a full length black
steamer, that I’m sure is a size too small. Guess it’s safe to say
we know who picked my outfit out. And it wasn’t me.

“
Okay
babe, find your balance. Let your feet dangle off the end of the
board. When you see the wave approaching, start kicking and
paddling your arms as hard as you can, yeah?”