Maggie's Five ...the first in a LOVE story (19 page)

Luke stiffens
next to me, but doesn’t move, doesn’t touch me. I can’t decide if I
like that he’s letting me decide for myself like I asked, or if I
want him to fight harder for me to choose him.

Red takes my
hesitation as compliance. “Get changed sweetheart, we gotta go.”
His voice is even and firm. It’s an order. He needs me.

I step away from
the men and take my time weaving my way through plants and weeds,
climbing over volcanic rocks and chewing my thumb nail as my
heart-rate begins to rise. Red needs me.

I nod with my
back to them, so I don’t know if they see the action before I close
the front door.

“
You’re going with him?” Luke’s voice is incredulous. I didn’t
hear him following, but I’m beyond glad that he has.

“
Will
you stop me if I do?” I challenge, turning to face him as he
approaches with his brows crossed. He’s scared for me, not upset as
I imagined. I hate that I put that expression on his beautiful
face, that I’m letting him down. I love being with Luke. He
comforts me and makes me feel safe, needed. But it’s like my body
craves for Red and the oblivion he can give.

“
I
can’t stop you Maggie Mae, but I don’t want you to go
either.”

“
Can’t or won’t Luke?” I feel like I’m having an out of body
experience. I can hear the challenge in my words. I know they’re
coming from me, but I can’t stop them.

Luke cups my
face in his large hand, his blue grey eyes glossing over. “I want
to Maggie, but I won’t. You need to do this your way, baby. I’m not
going to stop you from doing that.”

He won’t help
me?

My heart sinks.
“Then why are you even here?”
He’s not going to fight for me,
for us.

“
For
you, babe. I’m here for you, for when fine isn’t fine anymore.”
Luke steps closer, threading his hand into my hair and presses his
forehead to mine. I want to wrap him in my arms, hold him tight,
have him hold me tighter.

My cheek
moistens as his tears fall free, my own threatening when we’re
jolted out of our moment by loud banging on the front
door.

“
Open
the fucking door, Maggie.”

“
Maggie?” Luke whispers, recapturing my attention. “You don’t
have to go Maggie Mae. This is your choice, not his, - or mine, but
you do have a choice.” His hands fill the front pockets of his
worn, loose-fitting shorts as he allows me to step away.

I search his
face for answers, to tell me what he wants me to do, before turning
away from him and the continued bagging on the front door, my head
and body at war. My heart’s begging me to stay, my body’s screaming
to leave.

I’m stepping
past the lounge suit, on my way to… I don’t know where, when I see
the Dora and Diego dolls, soft limbs hanging, heads pressed
together, and I falter. I take the few strides to the base of the
staircase, balancing on my toes, swaying on the
precipice.

My heart lodges
itself in my throat, strangling me in my indecision. My whimper has
my chin rising, my eyes taking in the mountain of stairs waiting on
me.

Do I climb to
find my false Nirvana, or turn to face my cruel reality?

I rise to the
first of many steps, holding onto the banister to steady my shaking
legs, silently searching out Luke to find his blue orbs
begging.

Shaking my head
in apology, I slide a foot over another step. I’m too weak, my
insecurities too strong. Luke opens his mouth to say something, but
holds his thoughts and lowers his eyes as more tears escape and
dampen his beautiful face.

A sharp, intense
pain in my chest has me folding almost in half, my free hand
pressing firmly over the muscles that protect my pounding heart. My
full, throbbing heart that hurts so much. The same heart that’s
becoming whole again, thanks to the one man who’s given me his
undeserving strength and love without asking for anything in
return.

Releasing the
railing, I close my eyes and run a firm hand over my face, sliding
my feet over the timber flooring until the back of my legs touch
the couch. Rolling my hip over the brushed fabric and bending from
my waist to retrieve the cuddling dolls, I hold them to my chest
and wonder if they can feel the new strength to the beat under my
ribs.

Smiling sadly as
I pass Luke, I latch the safety chain into place and crack open the
front door. “I’m sorry Red but I can’t-”

“
Open
the fucking door Maggie,” Red interjects venomously, scaring me
backwards a step.

I blurt out the
first thing that springs to mind in hope to placate him, “I’ve got
my period, Red.” My statement renders him silent as he clenches his
jaw, sniffing and rubbing at his nose.

“
Fucking women,” he grounds out under his breath. “I’ve got a
fucking phonebook full of sluts just like you, sweetheart,” he
warns pressing a hand on the wooden door. “Last chance Maggie,” he
snarls his last sentence in warning.

I swallow
noisily. It would be far easier to go, to open the door, and step
through to the never ending world of numb… only it does end, and
usually very badly. “I’m sorry Red,” I say quietly, leaning to
close the door.

“
The
fuck you are!” he screams, pushing against the door with such
intense aggression that I drop my children’s toys to press my hands
to the timber, uselessly supporting the straining chain lock that’s
at full extension.

“
I
am, Red.” It’s the truth, I am. Part of me wants him, craves for
what he represents. “You need to leave now.”

“
You
heard her,” Luke growls over my shoulder, his hand going to the
door and pushing back.

“
Fuck
you,” Red spits. Squaring his shoulders, he takes two backward
steps, glaring at me, “And fuck you too, Maggie.” He turns and
strides down the path to his car. Revving the engine and spinning
the tyres, he leaves a grey plume of smoke in his wake.

Slumping
forwards, I start banging my head on the door. “What have I done?”
I question rhetorically, liking the feel of Luke’s hands massaging
my shoulders, waiting for him to pull me to him, to hold me,
comfort me and tell me that everything’s going to be
alright.

Instead, he
steps away.

“
You
know, I can go something to eat. You feel like pizza?”

Chapter 12

“
WAKE UP, SLEEPY head.”

The patterns
being traced on my lower back are way too relaxing for me to
move.

“
Come
on baby, it’s time to wake up.”

Luke presses a
kiss to the back of my head, his fingers inching my singlet top
higher as he continues to draw feather light shapes that warms my
already warm skin.

“
No,
I’m busy,” I mumble against my pillow, ignoring his chuckling at my
sleepy protest.

“
Baby, wake up. I’m starving and I want to take you out for
breakfast.” His gentle voice is music to my ears and his warm
breath tickling my bare skin is the symphony.

“
You’re always hungry. Go have your midnight snack and come
cuddle me for a few more hours when you’re done.”

I don’t know how
it came about, me sharing Luke’s bed with him, but I have been for
the last couple of months. Initially I felt weird about it, like I
am constantly jumping from one guy to another, not giving my
husband’s body time to cool before opening my legs for someone
else.

With Luke
though, it’s not sexual at all, which is both humbling and
insulting.

The main reason
I find myself lying next to him at night is because I still can’t
bring myself to sleep in my own bed; and short of lying on the
floor in the girl’s rooms when I need time to be with them, or
sleeping on the couch. The spare bed is next best thing. It just so
happens to come with an incredibly lovely tall, muscular man with
blonde hair and blue eyes and the soul of an angel on the
side.

And, yes, I do
like it. Being with Luke feels safe and, I don’t know…
right
. It’s hard to explain or admit. But I like it, and
that’s the truth.

I’m coming to
terms with the time I’ve spent with Red, drinking to oblivion,
taking drugs or doing both to find the foggy haze. I guess since
we’re sharing confessions and being all honest and open, as much as
I would like to hold Red completely responsible for my constant
intoxication, I can’t.

In the
beginning, most definitely yes, that was all on him. But later on…
well… I guess with brutal honest,. I have to admit there was a
pattern emerging. I knew that every time I sat in his car, Red was
going to pass me a flask. I knew he would eventually offer me some
kind of chemical relief that I was more than eager to take. I was
aware that he liked me that way. I just found it easier to not over
think things, to believe that Red liked me for me. It felt so darn
good to be wanted. I simply couldn’t, can’t accept that he never
felt something emotionally for us. Not love, but more than
like.

Luke starts
chuckling, sliding a hand over my back and rolling me from my
stomach onto my side, so we’re facing each other. “It’s eight
o’clock, babe.” Shifting closer, he kisses my lids, his lips moving
lightly over the flesh as he speaks. “Open your eyes Maggie Mae.”
His warm whiskers tickle my skin and gaining the attention of my
heart.

My chin tilts up
towards his voice, my nose inadvertently tracing the length of his.
“No.” It’s a weak protest, and not very convincing.

Luke bursts out
laughing, shaking the bed as he whips the covers off and smacks me
on the butt. “Get up, I’m starving.”

“
But
I don’t want to,” I start to whine. The next thing I know I’m
flying in the air and being carried to the bathroom across the
hall. “Luke,” I warn as he turns on the shower, “Luke, don’t you…
AHHH. That’s Freaking Cold
.” Squealing and clawing at him,
for some crazy reason I’m trying to climb over his shoulders to get
away from the cold spray when all he does is turn and stick me
right back under.

Naturally, my
squirming causes him to laugh harder and hold on tighter. “You are
such an arse,” I shriek, my giggles betraying me.

I adjust the
temperature until it’s comfortable for both of us. Then I wrap my
arms around his neck and relax under the pressure of the water
cascading from the wide showerhead. Burrowing my face into his
neck, I sigh when Luke holds me just as securely. I close my eyes,
and allow myself to enjoy the moment.

“
What do you feel like? Bacon, eggs?”

“
Ugh,
no thanks. Umm... eggwhite omelette I think, and coffee please,” I
reply, folding the laminated menu and sitting it in its holder with
the salt and pepper shakers.

“
That
is so boring. Go big, Maggie Mae.”

“
Oh,
kay, umm… big... pancakes? Hmmm…” I pick the menu again and pretend
to re-read it. “I think...” I begin, tapping my index finger on my
bottom lip, “I’ll go with… the eggwhite omelette. And don’t be
bossy,” I tell him, smirking. “I’m eating it.”

“
Half
- at best,” Luke scoffs, feigning indignation. His eyes more blue
than grey in the spring morning sun. “You could at least order
something I like when I’m the one who ends up with your left
overs.”

I laugh at his
attempt and pat the side of his face. “Nice try, honey. You could
use a little less animal protein, you big carnivore.”

“
Oh
hell no baby. Protein helps me build muscle, and you like my
muscles,” he smirks, raising his eyebrows up and down.

“
Get
over yourself,” I scoff, sinking back into my chair. He’s right, I
do.

“
I
know you do babe, it’s okay that you can’t admit it.” He’s coming
across as blasé, but he is also biting on his bottom lip, trying to
hold back his grin. God he is such a smartarse.

Squinting, I
shake my head at him. He’s incorrigible, and I’m about to tell him
as much when a waitress comes to take our order.

I smile as
sweetly as I can and ask for the egg white omelette.

LUKE’S WALKING ME
through a beautifully manicured park, which happens to have a very
large playground smack dab in the middle filled with excited
children climbing the equipment, throwing balls, swinging on
swings.

I know what he’s
doing, and I can’t decide whether to love him for it or be royally
pissed at him. Guess we’ll find out soon enough. A shiver runs down
my spine at the thought.

“
You
cold, Maggie?” Luke asks, draping an arm over my shoulder to pull
me closer and resting his thumb in the back pocket of my
pants.

It is cool, but
far from cold. The weather’s perfect. “No, I’m good.”

“
You’re getting there baby, you’re getting there,” he replies
absently, looking to the playground while we amble down a winding
gravel path.

Reaching the
edge of the play area, I step up onto a treated pine sleeper and
take in the surroundings, leaning into Luke’s front as his arms
wrap around my waist.

My back pocket
starts vibrating.