Lust and Lies (The Jamie Reynolds Chronicles #1) (23 page)

He never pressed for anything, not even a kiss, until the last time I was in town. Everything was normal like the other times, but because it rained, we decided to order in dinner and rented a movie. I was in my nightclothes, which were some yoga pants and a wifebeater, and he just had on some basketball shorts and a tank top. We sat about four feet apart as I had his throw blanket around me and he asked if I was still cold. I was always cold, so naturally I said yes. To my surprise instead of turning up the heat, he came closer and held me in his arms as we watched the movie.

Needless to say the movie was over and I felt so comfy that we ended up staying in each other’s arms as we talked. I almost forgot we were friends, and one thing led to another and he just said, “I miss this, I miss you,” and I said, “I do too,” and the next thing I knew, he kissed me. It was only for a few seconds and then I stopped it. He apologized and we went off to bed. Yes, we slept in the same bed but respected each other’s space, and outside of cuddling in bed as we fell asleep, nothing happened. I would often wake up early and he would get up as soon as I left the bed, and we made breakfast together and that was it. I left, and we did everything over again when I came back down, which was about five times total (minus the kiss, of course).

“David, what are you doing? You know I haven’t told Toni all of that. I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings. You know I enjoy your company, but shit is complicated,” I began to say as tears began to flow out of my eyes.

“David, I am so sorry, but I’m in love with Toni. I want to be in love with you, but I’m not. I’m trying not to be hurt by you anymore. We’ve been back and forth for years now, and it just doesn’t work. I can’t explain why, but you know it just doesn’t. I don’t know what to tell you or do. You know I have feelings for you. My life is very complicated right now.”

“I’m sorry, J. I didn’t mean to do that, please stop crying. You’re making things complicated, J, it doesn’t have to be. What is so complicated? Just move back down to Atlanta and we will live happily ever after. Doesn’t that sound nice?” David said, trying to bring a little humor into this dry and emotional conversation.

Damnit, I hated it when he said stuff like that. “That sounds very tempting, but…”

“But what?”

“We’ll talk about it later. I have to go.” I was trying my best to hang up the phone before I said something that I might regret.

“Okay, JR. I guess we’ll pick up this conversation a little later on.”

“Okay, thanks. I’ll talk to you later.”

As the phone died, so did the inside of my heart. “What am I doing?” I said to myself. This shit wasn’t supposed to be this hard. I needed to let go of David and move forward with Toni. But what if I was making a big mistake. I needed some help. I needed a sign or something. I didn’t love David like that, I wished I did, but I didn’t right now. This should be easy just to cut him off. “Just stop picking up the phone when he calls or answering his texts when he texts. Stop going to his apartment and making time for him.” That was easier said than done. I began to feel sick. My stomach felt like it was in knots. This wasn’t fair to either one of these guys.

I didn’t know what it was about David. He was so smooth and he didn’t even know it. I got butterflies in my stomach when I was around him or when he communicated with me, through texts and phone calls. But he could be a little inconsiderate sometimes. Toni I’d learned to love with space between us. Toni was a good guy and he loved me and I loved him dearly. You would think the feelings I had for Toni should be enough to keep me from communicating with David. But it didn’t. I actually looked forward to his weekly phone calls. His voice was my getaway. I swore I lived a double life. I hated it, but it felt so good.

“You are your father’s child,” I said to myself, but as the words came out of my mouth, I began to feel the pain my father caused my mother and my family from cheating. I began to cry because I realized now what I had to do. I didn’t want to be like my father, I always said
I was my father’s daughter
, but Toni was so insecure he made this statement reflect my father’s personal life not his work ethics. I took out my phone and began to call David back, but the coward in me decided to text him.

Toni asked me to marry him before he left. I just thought you should know.

That was all I said. I put my phone on vibrate, closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep.

***

The next morning, I awakened to a red flashing light on my phone. I knew exactly who it was. I had just dropped a bomb on David. I felt guilty telling David about me and Toni the way I did. But I had no balls; I felt it was sometimes better to write things down. That and the fact that I was just an emotional wreck both on the phone and in person with him.

I began to think about the lame text I sent him the night before. I had four new texts. “Damn,” I said out loud while searching through my phone to retrieve the messages. Why was I so nervous? This was what I wanted. I wanted David out of my life, out of my relationship, out of my mind. Shit didn’t work out between us then, and it sure ain’t going to work out with us now.

Wow, so what are you going to do? Wow, that is amazing.

What are you going to say?

I guess this means you’re going to say yes, since you’re not texting me back.

Look, man, if that nigga makes you happy, then cool. Marry him.

Damn, I knew he was hurt, he never called anybody black a nigga, he just always said nig. Man, should I call him. I thought he deserved a phone call. I couldn’t expect to forget about him like this. I needed a cleaner way out. Well, it was way too early to call anybody; I guessed I would call him later tonight. That was if he would talk to me.

The rest of my day was hard. I was trying to get David off my mind and find the guts to call him back. It was almost one p.m. and I had been coaching myself on this call for hours. I picked up the phone and finally decided to call him.

With every ring, my heart skipped a beat.

“Hello,” David answered as if he was also dreading my phone call.

“Hey, I wanted to call because I felt like I owed you that.”

“Look, sweetie, you’re a great woman with a lot to offer. You got a good man who cares about you and you him. Move forward with him and let our memories be just that. Start your own traditions and take that chance on building what everybody wants with a person who wants you. I care about you enough to step aside, leave you alone and let it go. Yeah, it sucks, but you deserve to be happy with Mr. Antonio. I will miss our time together, but I respect you enough to allow you to be happy with or without me.”

That was all he said, and just like that, David was out of my life.

Does This Mean What I Think It Means?

“Hey, honey, how is school?”

“It’s cool, I’m learning so much. How is the movie going?”

“Man, it’s great. I have a real office and the crew is super chill. I’m pretty happy. I’m making money, saving money and enjoying everything.”

“I’ll be done in two weeks; then I come home before I head off to Norfolk.”

“I still can’t believe you got orders in Norfolk, Virginia. I was hoping for something better, like New York or Atlanta.”

“I know, babe, but like I said, it’s only for a few years; then we may get stationed in another cooler place. I’m a newbie, so I didn’t realize I didn’t have many options, but Norfolk won’t be too bad. It’s pretty close to both Atlanta and New York.”

“I think it’s funny we had our first official weekend away in Virginia and now we’re moving to Virginia.”

“Well, babe, you know you can’t officially move in with me and reap the benefits unless we get married. I know we haven’t talked much about it, but we pretty much need to talk.”

“I know, babe, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and the past is the past and I’m ready for the future,” I said, speaking of my last conversation with David without Toni realizing it.

“So, babe, does this mean what I think it means?”

Ever since my last call to David, my head had been clearer, and Toni and I had been doing really good. I’d been working, making money, and Toni was doing his own thing, so I thought I was ready for the next chapter.

“Yeah, babe, I think I’m saying what you think I’m saying,” I said.

“You are about to make me the happiest man in the world is what I think you’re saying. I’ll be back in New Jersey in two weeks; we can plan out the next step when I get up.”

“Well, a wedding takes a lot of time and money, but I guess we can iron out the game plan when you get in.”

“Well, babe, I don’t know much about planning a wedding, but I was thinking of doing a quick wedding to just get you on some of these documents. Then maybe we can plan a bigger wedding down the line.”

I had to pause for a second because I’d never thought about any of this. I didn’t even think about a wedding a year and a half ago, so I really wasn’t the type of girl who needed this fairy-tale wedding. I was actually okay with a courthouse wedding for the time being. Not to mention I didn’t tell anybody about this “proposal.” It was crazy, the only person I kind of told was David, and we didn’t even talk anymore. I hadn’t even told Angela. She knew me like a book, and I thought she knew something was up.

***

Toni was finally back in New Jersey and it was great to see him. I had a much-needed weekend off from the movie, but of course, I was on call. I was happy to spend some quality time with Toni since we spent so much time apart. I kind of liked our new arrangement. The military had him for a few months, which built up some space and distance between us, which allowed us to miss each other; then we would be in the best place when we finally did see each other.

“Hey, babe, when is your next day off?”

“I don’t really have one. I’m supposed to have a half day next Thursday. Why, what’s up?”

“I’ve been doing some research and we can get married any time after we apply for our marriage license. The courthouse is like ten minutes away, so maybe we can go on Thursday and get more info.”

“Why don’t you get the info before Thursday so we can talk about our options? I know you’re bored during the day while I’m at work.”

“Okay, that sounds like a plan. I can’t wait to call you Mrs. Hall.”

I just smiled, as I was taking this whole marriage thing so nonchalantly and he was more excited than I was about this whole thing.

We enjoyed the weekend, which was full of take-out food and some really good sex. My mind was clear now that I had work and didn’t have to worry about money since Toni was bringing in a steady paycheck and was paying the mortgage, which was very helpful. I finally felt in a happy place.

Toni even surprised me with a special bedroom gift, a new dildo; this one was called the butterfly and was designed especially for me and my clitoris. However, it was more of a solo toy than a couple’s toy even though one would say my neon dildo was also a solo toy. The butterfly had a mini vibrator inside, wings and elastic straps to strap around my legs. At first I wasn’t feeling it because I missed my neon dildo and I wasn’t ready to part with it, but once I learned the butterfly’s tricks, I was hooked. Toni even figured out a way for it to become a couple’s toy. He would strap it on me, lift up my lips to expose my clit, and pushed the butterfly directly on it and then finger me at the same time. It was crazy; then he would replace his finger with his manhood and sex was amazing all over again.

My life was finally in balance and I was in a happy place, Toni and I even made it down to the courts and got married. We ended up using a nearby couple as our witnesses for our courthouse wedding because he didn’t do his research and realize we needed a witness. We were also witnesses to their wedding, so it kind of worked out.

It was official. I was Mrs. Hall now and no one knew besides Toni and me. Days before he left to go to Norfolk, I finally made the announcement that we were engaged. Everyone was happy, of course, because my life was looking pretty good. I had almost everything back in order, my movie was great and was about to wrap up, and I got signed on for another indie film, which was only six months long, and I was happy.

Toni and I lived our first eight months of marriage apart. He would come to New Jersey to hang out with me when he had time off, or I would go down to Virginia. He was staying on base, so we had to stay in a hotel when I visited, but I didn’t mind because we made it a sex game and it was kind of cool.

I often felt bad because I understood this was not a true relationship since we lived in two different states and kind of lived two separate lives, but it worked for us. Well, at least it worked for me, since I never really asked Toni how he felt about the whole thing.

I Moved For You…

“Hey, babe, when are you coming down?”

“Babe, I’ll be there on Thursday. I wouldn’t miss our last chance to say good-bye. I can’t believe you’re going on a deployment.”

“I know, babe, I was hoping this wouldn’t happen, especially so soon,” he said, referring to him only being in the navy and in Norfolk for six months before going on his first deployment.

“I’ll be there in a few days, but it works out great because I start my next movie in a few days and it’s six months long, so I’ll stay pretty busy while you’re gone.”

“Then what?”

“What do you mean then what?”

“Babe, I haven’t said anything, but I’m not comfortable with this ‘arrangement.’”

“What arrangement?” I said, playing dumb.

“Babe, we’ve been married for almost eight months and we live in two different states and only see each other like one or two times a month. When are you going to move to Norfolk?”

I knew this topic would come up sooner or later, but I guess he had a right to ask. I was his wife and he was my husband.

“I don’t know, babe?”

“I moved for you, so it’s only natural you move for me?”

Wow, really? You moved for me?
I thought to myself. I couldn’t believe he was bringing this up again. He still didn’t know I knew he got fired from his job in Georgia and that was the real reason why he moved to New Jersey because he had like no place to go. I visited Jonathan a few months ago and he said Toni still hadn’t reached out to him to say anything. It was like they just stopped being friends. Jonathan said he didn’t even care anymore. At first he was pissed because he found out Toni not only skipped out on the rent but also on two of the bills he was responsible for that were in Jonathan’s name, so Johnathon got stuck with the bills and the late fees.