Luke (A Redemption Romance #1) (12 page)

“Seriously, Aurora? You’re out tonight doing god knows what, with god knows whom and you get pissy with me?”

I moved in, until my face was just inches from his. “Luke, why are you here? Why aren’t you at work? You’re not a firefighter. You’re not with McKinney PD. You don’t own this house. Oh, and by the way; if and when I want to go out with my friends, I’ll do it. You are
NOT
my father! I wasn’t cheating on you, I wasn’t doing anything you should be upset by. You have no right to treat me the way you did tonight!”

Luke stayed close to me - we were practically nose to nose. “I’m here
Aurora
, to support you. I’m here to
help
you. I’m here to be
with
you during a difficult time. YOU took precedence over the job I was working tonight. YOU are more important to me than that. I THOUGHT that was obvious. I don’t know what the fuck you want from me. I’m here and you’re pissed. If I weren’t here you’d probably be just as pissed. Luke turned and started to walk away from me, but my whispered words stopped him cold. “You were not here to help me, to support me, nor to be with me. You screamed at me the second I got out of the car and when I tried to walk away from you, you grabbed my arm in a way that I really didn’t like. If you were here for ME, I think you would have behaved differently. Maybe, when I got out of the car, obviously upset, you would have consoled me, shown me compassion or even just stood by my side while I dealt with another difficult situation.”

With that, I turned and walked toward the fire captain, who was standing several feet away, holding a blanket for me. I wrapped the offered blanket around my shoulders, finished talking to Captain Massie, walking with him to the front of the house. Seeing Officer Dan near the front sidewalk, I joined him and asked for a ride home. Being the considerate man that he was, he obliged.

“AURORA!”

I heard Luke’s yell coming from the front of my house. He had a key, of course, and the alarm code. Apparently, he decided to let himself in. About five minutes after I was safely inside Officer Dan’s patrol car -about an hour ago - my cell phone started to vibrate. Call after call, text after text, I ignored them all.

Officer Dan looked over at me with sympathy; after that, I shut the phone off. I was much too angry, and hurt, to talk to Luke or Reed just then. Both men professed to care about me. They were supposed to be my friends. Luke was supposed to be something more than that. Their behavior tonight had me questioning everything about our relationships.

When had I shown them that I couldn’t handle myself; that I needed to be coddled? Yes, I will admit, the week after Nolan’s death, I let Luke do a lot for me, I leaned on him. Obviously, I leaned on him too much. Now, he had the misguided opinion that I needed him to do that anytime something difficult happened.

Sitting in my home office, I got up and quietly closed the door. I wasn’t ready to speak to Luke. I didn’t know when I would be, but I knew for sure that now wasn’t the time. Closing the office door was cowardly, it would only buy me a few minutes, but I’d take it. Luke called out to me several more times and I could hear that he was moving around the house looking for me. I put my earbuds in and turned on Nickelback, nice and loud.

I was sitting, staring at my computer monitor, looking at sales spreadsheets for the store when Luke barged into my office. I was determined to stay calm and cool. No matter what he did or said, I would keep it together. I looked up at him and made eye contact. I slowly removed my earbuds, then looked down long enough to pause my iPod. Folding my hands on my lap I leaned back in my chair. Staying silent, I just watched him and waited.

“Aurora, why did you leave?” Luke’s voice was clipped, his level of anger and irritation was obvious.

“I was no longer needed.” My response held just the right amount of ice; though I was pretty sure he picked up the underlying message of ‘fuck you!’

Luke visibly held himself in check and kept his voice even and measured. “How did you get home?”

“Officer Dan.” Short and sweet. I left out the part where he had looked at me with pity.

“I see. Why didn’t you come and get me? I should have been the one to bring you home.”

Instead of responding to that, I kept my lips tightly shut. I was doing my best, after all, not to shove my stapler up his ass.

“Aurora, I –“

Standing from my seat, and using the same quiet, ice cold voice I’d used earlier tonight, I interrupted “Thank you, Luke for coming to check on me. Now, if you’ll excuse me. This has been a very challenging night. It’s almost four thirty in the morning; and I’m tired.”

I stayed rooted, behind my desk. I didn’t want to move to my room, since Luke was currently standing just inside the doorway and I’d have to squeeze past him to get out. I was hoping that he would just turn around and go.

If I was honest, what I really wanted him to do was to tell me how sorry he was. To come to me, wrap me in his arms and tell me that everything was going to be okay. The way I felt right now, I wasn’t sure it ever would be again. Not because of the house, that could be fixed. But because I was certain that I was in love with Luke Jackson. I had been sure for a while now. The worst part of it was, after tonight, I wasn’t sure that loving him was a good thing for me.

“Baby, please, don’t act like this. Talk to me.” His words were cajoling, almost pleading even.

“As I said - it’s late, I’m tired. I am not ready to talk to you, which should have been obvious when I didn’t answer your calls. I am much too angry right now; I need time before I’ll be ready to talk. Do you think that you can find some small amount of respect for me and grant me that one request?” Okay, that last sentence was bitchy. I was starting to break. I could feel the tears preparing to flow, so I needed to get him out of here.

“Rory, I respect you.” Luke’s voice was so solemn, and even quieter now.

I pursed my lips, raised a brow in challenge to that statement and waited him out. After several minutes, that seemed to stretch on for hours, Luke turned and walked away from me, down the hall and toward the front of the house. His steps were quiet, I wasn’t sure why he was being so quiet, I didn’t even hear the front door when he left, but I did hear him set the alarm.

I walked into my room and went straight to bed. Fortunately, when I’d arrived home earlier, I’d changed into sweats, and had washed my face and brushed my teeth. I’d known I wouldn’t sleep, besides; I’d had a feeling that Luke would show up.

I was so distraught by Luke leaving - regardless that I told him to go - that I began to cry. I cried for what we could have been to each other. I cried because he left, and didn’t put up a fight. I cried because I knew that I loved him, and no matter what happened, I always would.

The next morning, I felt the bed move and pried one eye open to look at the intruder. I already knew who I’d see there, but knowing in advance, didn’t prepare my heart for the sight of Luke. He was sleep mussed and only wore his jeans. I could see the pain and fatigue in his eyes, which almost made me feel bad for him. I almost reached out to comfort him. Just in the nick of time, I remembered last night. He was still here. He obviously hadn’t left. Yes, I know, I didn’t really want him to leave, but I didn’t know what we had to say to each other now.

“Can we talk?” He asked me. At least he asked, that was some improvement. Maybe he could see how hopeless this situation was too. Maybe that’s what he wanted to talk about. All of a sudden, I felt panic instead of anger. I wish my emotions would just pick a damn side!

“Sure.” I waited for him to speak. I’d cut him off last night, so figured I could at least give him the opportunity to speak his peace this morning.

“I know I should have left last night. I couldn’t though Rory, I couldn’t leave here, knowing that you were about to break up with me. I could see it in your eyes, hear it in the tone of your voice. I had to stay, even if it was just on the couch, I had to sleep near you, especially if it was the last time I ever got to.”

“Luke, I –“

“No, Rory, let me get this out, please.” His tone wasn’t one I’d ever heard from him before. It caught my attention, I just nodded in response and he continued.

“I fucked up last night. When McKinney called, they couldn’t get a hold of you. They only had your house number, but they called, they came by the house and you weren’t here. Office Dupree called me, remembering our connection. I didn’t know where you were, I called your cell a couple of times, called Reed. No one could find you. The fire was still going on at the house, we didn’t know where you were. Your car was at your house, but you were gone. I thought maybe you were inside, I know that doesn’t make sense, your car was at home, but I was so worried, I wasn’t making a lot of sense in my own head.”

I sat up, and leaned my back against the headboard, but didn’t say anything, I wanted him to continue.

“So, there’s a fire, you’re missing as far as I know, I was totally freaked. When you pulled up with Reed, I saw what you were wearing and I lost it. I didn’t know where you’d been, Reed had just texted me to say he’d found you and would bring you to Nolan’s house. So, you get out of his Tahoe, dressed; fuck, dressed like you were, I was jealous. I didn’t know where you’d been, but I did know you hadn’t been anywhere with me looking like that. I’m sorry for shouting, I’m especially sorry for grabbing your arm. I know there isn’t any excuse, I just wanted you to know why I acted that way before you send me packing.”

Luke had cut the eye contact with me about half way through his speech. Now his head was hung, his posture slouched. He didn’t even resemble the strong-confident man he usually was.

In an attempt to avoid saying anything in anger that I would later regret; I waited a few long minutes, looking out the window that overlooked my backyard and looking at Luke. I knew that I loved him, I suspected that I had in some way for a long time. What I didn’t know, was whether or not we could be in a healthy relationship together.

“Luke, I understand that you were worried about me last night. I appreciate that you dropped whatever you were doing at work to come and be with me at Nolan’s. Your panic and fear are acceptable, even endearing. You, lashing out at me, then putting your hands on me in anger are not.”

“Rory, God, please, I wasn’t trying to hurt you, I just didn’t want you to walk away from me. I –“

“No, I gave you your time, now it’s mine.”

Luke’s nod of agreement spurred me on.

“You didn’t hurt me. I know, in my heart, that you wouldn’t have hurt me, not really. What I don’t understand is why you think it is your business to know where I am or what I am doing when I have not chosen to share that information with you. You and I have had sex, you’ve been with me, supported me during extremely difficult times. We’ve spent nights in each other’s beds. What we have not done, however, is to discuss our relationship in any real way.”

I did my best to glare at him, showing just how angry I was, but his raised eyebrow and furious look were much fiercer than mine. “I have assumed that we are exclusive; I do not know that, however. I assume we’re seeing each other, or dating, or whatever you’d like to call it. For your information, I was out with my girlfriends. I haven’t been out with them in ages and made a last minute decision to ask them all to go out with me last night. I do not have a curfew. You and I did not have plans for last night. We do not have is any type of commitment that would require me to inform you of my plans. Some days you tell me what you have planned for your day, before work. Some days, you don’t. There have been times that I have texted you and you didn’t get back to me until hours later. I do not lose my mind, thinking horrible things about you. You didn’t really think I was in that house. You got really angry when I showed up in that dress. I saw it Luke. I saw your face. At first you were relieved to see me, then, when you took in what I was wearing, your look turned to rage. What did you think I’d been out doing Luke? Were you really just worried or were you worried that I was out with someone else?”

My mind had just cleared and I remembered that little tidbit. Yes, Luke had been worried, as Reed had been, but he was enraged only after he looked me over. Reed was irritated, sore, frustrated, even, concerned, sure! Luke’s messages had been the same. Concerned, worried, frustrated, even a little angry, but he hadn’t had rage in his voice or portrayed in his texts until he saw me. Amazing how hindsight could clarify a situation. This was the precise reason I’d wanted time to think. I knew that there was something I was missing

Luke stood and walked to the window. He put his hands on the sill and leaned forward. He stood that way, looking out the window, but not really seeing anything, then he turned around to look at me and leaned back against the wall.

“Rory, you called Reed.”

“What?”

“You called Reed back, you didn’t call me. Reed went to pick you up. You told Reed where you were.”

“You were at work, you had both called, both had texted me, but he had called last. I knew that something was wrong, I knew that you were at work, but if you’d called me, I hoped that you were okay. I called him back first, yes. I didn’t choose him over you, I called him because you were at work and he wasn’t.”

“You didn’t call me though, I heard from Reed that he’d found you. Then, you show up to the scene dressed for a date in Reed’s Tahoe. You’d been drinking. You looked hot; amazing. Showing up in another man’s ride. You’re right. I was worried before you got there. I was frustrated that I couldn’t get a hold of you, that you weren’t answering my calls. I was irritated that I couldn’t get a hold of you when I needed you. When you showed up, I was jealous.”

“Jealous of what? Jesus Luke! What were you jealous of? Reed? You know I wasn’t with him, he didn’t know where I was either. What? You think I was out with someone else?”

“Shit, Rory, no I know you weren’t, it isn’t that, it’s just, you called him, not me. I feel like shit, God, please, I know that I was out of line. I shouldn’t have ever yelled at you like that. But you have to know, I wouldn’t have ever hurt you.”

“I feel like we’re beating a dead horse. I know that you wouldn’t have hurt me. I know that you’re sorry. That isn’t the point.”

“Then what the
fuck
is the point?” Luke was obviously getting angry again.

“The point is, that instead of asking me where I’d been; instead of giving me the support you said you were there to give to me; you embarrassed me and made a very difficult night more difficult.”

“Do you, at least, understand where I was coming from? Do you understand how worried I was?”

“Yes, Luke, I understand that. I regret that I didn’t hear my phone. It was in my handbag and the club was loud. Do you understand where I’m coming from?”

“Yeah, I do. We’re together. How do you not know that? Of course we’re committed. Have I not shown you that? Exclusive? Don’t even get me started, I don’t even want to look at another woman, God Aurora, how do you not know?”

“How would I know? We’ve never talked about it. You’ve never told me what our relationship was to you. I can’t read your mind, Luke. I never assume, if you were serious about me, you should have told me. But regardless, tell me, aside from calling Reed first, what exactly did I do last night to make you so angry?”