Lucky 13 (Deadlines & Diamonds) (20 page)

“If you’re sure.” Ricky plunged his fork into his mashed potatoes
, scooping up another mound
.

“I’m sure.”

Uncomfortable seconds ticked by.

Chirp…chirp. Chirp…
chirp.
She’d love to squish that proverbial cricket!

Matt cleared his throat.
“You know how there’s a dance next week at school?”

“Yeah.” Ricky took a sip of his water.

“I’ve had like six girls ask me to go with them.” Matt’s frown dominated his face.

Ricky smothered a chuckle. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

He pushed a few remaining peas around his plate. “I don’t know what to do.”

Shayne knew exactly what she would say, but bit her tongue and let Ricky take lead.

“
Here’s what you do; you’re gonna tell those girls you’ll see them at the dance, but that you’re not allowed to date. Blame me. Go ahead and tell them your dad’s the biggest jerk on the planet and that I really piss you off.
” He took another sip of water. “
Then you’re going to go to that dance. With your friends. You’re gonna dance with every single one of those girls and any others who want to take a spin on the dance floor.
After you work your mojo,
I’ll pick you up and we’ll go for ice cream where you can tell me all about your little harem.”

“Okay.” Matt beamed.

So did Ricky.

Matt stood and began to clear the dishes, disappearing into the kitchen.

Ricky glanced at
Shayne
, smile still firmly in place
. “How’d I do?”

She put her hand on his and grinned back.
“Couldn’t have done better myself.”

Matt
returned
.
“Is it okay if I go finish my homework?”

“Yeah,
go on.
I’ll load the dishwasher
tonight
.”

He jumped to slap the top of the arch on his way out. She rolled her eyes
and Ricky shook his head
.
Thei
r son
couldn’t help himself. If there was an arch, he had to jump up to slap it. Drawn to it like metal to a magnet.

Ricky stood, stepped over to her chair and extended a hand. She rose, right up into his embrace.
Neither said a word. His huge hands moved over her back, soothing her. She sighed and fought the tears. Dread curdled in her gut.

She hated,
hated
, lying to Ricky, and didn’t love X being
right. She
knew
she
should
tell Ricky about her past and the
circumstances surrounding Matt’s conception.
But she also knew her husband. Ricky k
nowing
the hows and whys
wouldn’t solve anything. It’d
only make him
insane angry and she didn’t want to consider how Matt might feel about it.

Ricky leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek. “I’m going to change my clothes and check in with Pierce.”

She nodded and numbly watched him leave. Somehow, someway, she found herself standing in front of the mountain of dishes.
She
plugged the sink, turned on the hot water and added a huge squirt of Dawn. As bubbles filled the sink and the smell of lemon saturated the air, she stuck her hands into the suds. Out the
small square
window over the sink,
she lost herself in the shadows darkening the backyard
.

Mindlessly, reflectively, she scrubbed each dish.
Two days. She only had to make it through the next two days then she could move on with her life. With her family. And lock her skeletons in the damn closet.

Hands on her hips made her jump. Lips on her neck made her sigh. Ricky stepped in close and she
tried her best
to accept his comfort.

***

“Why you doing it the old-fashioned way?”

“Just felt like it, I guess.”
Her quiet
thoughtful tone turned his insides to snakes. Wherever her head had strayed Ricky didn’t like the destination.

“Want me to rinse?”

He
didn’t wait for her answer, just stepped to the side and ran the water in the other sink. As the level rose, he l
aid out a dishcloth to play
drying rack. He hated the uncomfortable silence that always seemed to crop up between them
lately
.

Before the wedding
,
they’d been able to talk about anything and everything—and absolutely nothing. Now, it seemed like they couldn’t carry on a conversation to s
ave their lives. Thankfully,
Matt
never hesitated
to interject his two cents into the quiet.

Ricky
l
oved his wife. More than
life
itself
. And it killed him every time she
drifted away, getting lost in her own thoughts. He didn’t know how to fix things, because he didn’t know what was wrong.

More than once over the last couple of weeks, he’d cradled Shayne next to him
, waited for her to drift into oblivion,
and
simply
listened to her breathe. He wouldn’t c
onsider himself a religious guy. In fact, the
only
time he stepped foot inside a
church
was
when his mom asked hi
m to join her for midnight mass.
In the quiet moments, in the dark, with the love of his life’s breath whispering across his chest, i
n those moments he’d prayed. He
implored whoever might be listening to bring back the carefree woman he’d married.

He
hadn’t really expected a
n
answer, which was good since he didn’t get one.

Now, with water running down his forearms, the same kind of helplessness drenched him. He plunged his hands into the water
, braced himself
, flexing his fingers on the bottom of the basin.
 

“Shayne, are you okay?” He couldn’t bring himself to look at her.

“Yeah, just a little tired.” She scrubbed a plate in slow rotations.
Her not looking at him didn’t go unnoticed.

He gathered his courage
, pulled his hands from the water and, wiping them on a dishtowel, turned to face her
. “Are
we
okay?”

Her hand stopped. She dropped the scrubber. It plopped into the dishwater.
She whirled
.
Her hand came to his cheek, the warm wetness soothed. “We are most definitely okay. I love you.”

“Then why do I
feel like you’re slipping away?
You don’t talk to me.”

“I talk to you.”

His frown bent his lips so hard
they hurt. She closed her eyes and stepped back.

“Whatever’s going on you can talk to me.”

“Nothing’s
…
going on.”
She tried to drop her gaze as the lie trickled off her tongue, but he saw it plain as day.

He ground his teeth together
to keep from snapping at her.
He plowed his fingers through his hair.
“Look, I’
ve said it before—
I meant it then and I mean it now—if you don’t want me to adopt Matt, I won’t. A stupid piece of paper isn’t going to change a damned thing. I love that kid as if he were my own and I will love him until the day I die.” With each word, his voice grew louder.

She didn’t accelerate
the situation
by arguing or trying to defend herself. She did
,
however
,
cross her arms over her chest. The motion plumped her breasts. He told himself not to look, b
ut…
yeah, he did have
a Y
in his chromosomal makeup.
His eyes darted to her cleavage and he wanted to pluck the damn things out. With an icepick.

She sighed.
“Are you finished?”

He
glared at her. His breath raced
in and out of his nostrils, making him sound like a charging bull. He didn’t answer for fear of tearing into her again.

She uncrossed her arms and took a step toward him. He stepped back. The look on her face and pain in her eyes wounded him. But he couldn’t bear for her to touch him. Any time those slender fingers and dainty hands came anywhere near him, the possibility of thinking with the brain north of his belt disappeared.

Again with the arm crossing. This time, however, was different
. Instead of defiance or
irritation, the act
became hold-herself-together
. And didn’t that make him feel like a total ass.

She looked up into his face, her eyes shimmering like melted chocolate. “I love my son.
Our
son.” Her voice wavered in its soft strength. “And I love you, Ricky. You two are my life and I want that damned piece of paper that tells the world you are his father.” She glanced down at her clasped hands. “I am bothered by the process. Not the adoption. That part I am most certainly sure of, but the waiting is making me nuttier than a freakin’ fruitcake.”

This time when she moved toward him, he didn’t move back. He opened his arms and let her dissolve against his chest. She’d said everything exactly right. Her speech couldn’t have been more perfect if he’d handed her the script.

She stretched up on her toes and kissed his jaw. “I’m sorry. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He tipped her chin with a crooked forefinger and lightly tapped her lips with his. He hugged her close, refusing to let her go until morning forced him
to face a new day. “Come on,
mujer bonita
, let’s call it a night.”

“The dishes—”

“Can wait until tomorrow.” He lifted her, eased her legs around his waist and carried her to the bedroom.

22

Shayne had never been to prison.

And had no intention of ever coming back.

Even with her enormous brother at her side,
she couldn’t shake the vulnerable. T
he echo of their footsteps on all the
concrete surfaces rattled her
so badly her bones shivered
. She put her hands into the pockets of her linen pants to keep from plugging her ears and screaming to high-heaven.
Every nerve ending buzz
ed, making her feel like
overhead powerlines. She lingered behind Xavier just in case. She’d hate to electrocute him.

She allowed herself the brief smile that thought brought. She didn’t have that kind of power. She’d never been strong.
She was a survivor, however. Somehow she’d perfected
perseverance
. Not that she’d enjoyed the classes or, in most cases, the teachers.

As the guard led her and X into a long rectangular room, Shayne marveled at how right the cop shows got it. A long table stretched from one side to the other, separated every few feet by partitions and
Plexiglas
protecting the public from the criminals.

Behind her, the grinding of X’s teeth startled her and she wondered if maybe, in some cases, that see-through safety net didn’t protect the criminal from their visitor.

Toward the center of the room, the guard motioned
for her to stop. “
When he comes in, you can use the phone to talk to him. If you don’t talk into the phone, he can’t hear you. Understand?”

Shayne managed a nod, even as she wondered when she’d floated out of her body.

“You said you had a form for him to sign?”

She dug into her briefcase and pulled the legal forms ou
t, handing them over. “Yes. It
must be notarized as well.”

The guy glanced down at them, not wasting an ounce of time or energy to actually read them. “Okay. So you know, the notary only comes in a couple times a week. I think he’s back tomorrow.”

Motion on the other side of the glass
stopped her heart. She slumped down in the chair because, frankly, her knees no longer supported her. It’d been a very long time since she’d looked into the dark, dead eyes of the man drawing closer to her.

X put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. “You can do this, baby sister.”

H
er brother was right
, of course
. She could do this. Because, once again, she had
to. Do or die. If this monster, who dropped down into the seat across from her, didn’t sign the papers, she’d have to go to Plan B. And tell Ricky—and Matt—everything.

When Shayne knew Alex Boreno, as scarcely more than a kid, the guy had been big. Huge shoulders, barrel chest, enormous hands. That was nothing t
o what prison had done to him. Now h
e cou
ld probably bench press a car and h
e’d added some primitive ink—to his face. He looked at her through soulless eyes, black with cocky hatred. She swallowed. He jerked his head toward the phone on the wall.

Her hand trembled so badly she barely got the phone off the hook. Bringing the handset to her ear, she gripped it tightly to keep from clonking herself with it.

Alex chuckled dark
and menacing
. She kept her shudder to herself.
He leaned forward, cocking his head, narrowing his eyes. The
cold smile
curdled her blood. “I remember you, beautiful,
” he said in the same voice that had once tempted her, “
but you’re going to have to remind me of your name.”

“Sh- Shayne—”

He snapped his fingers. “Xavier.” Pride twinkled in his eyes as he came even closer to the glass.

A shiver snaked up her spine
. She knew it had to be her imagination, but damned if she couldn’t feel his breath, hot and foul on her face. She leaned back.

Xavier dropped down to his haunches, putting himself in the bastard’s line of sight.

Alex grinned.
Keeping his gaze on X, he said,
“
I’ve not had a woman in a long time. You come to provide a little charity work?
” 

Xavier slapped his hand on the table. The snap louder than any clap of lightning. Guards hurried over, one from each side. Alex flip
ped an uncaring
glance over his shoulder, a sarcastic chuckle rumbling through the phone. “You better tell your boy to control his temper or he’ll end up in a place like this.”

Judging by the way X’s jaw jumped and his fists clenched, he
hung on by a thread. Shayne
tooth-and-nailed it
by a hair. At any moment one of them would snap. Either she had to get this over, ask her q
uestion, or get up and leave
or…

Shayne Santiago dug deep, found her big-girl-panties
and refused to
back down now.

“You don’t scare me, Alex.” Her voice didn’t quaver. She leaned forward, nearly pressing her nose to the glass. She glared a little hatred of her own.
She cleared her throat to ensure her next words came out strong and clear.
“When you raped me—”

X growled softly.

“
Oh, come now, Shayne
.”

“When you
raped
me, I got pregnant.”

He
rest
ed back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.
A slight change came over him. His expression softened. His posture relaxed. His chin dipped and lifted in slow succession.
“And where is this son
of mine
?
He is a son, right?
”

She wanted to yell
it was none of his damn business, tell him he’d never set foot in the same state as
her
son. But she had to be smart. It took nearly biting her tongue in two, but she managed a quiet, “At home.”

His lip quirked.
“Does he look like me?”

“Don’t.” She shook her head
, narrowed her eyes
. “I’ve come to ask you to relinquish your parental rights.”

“And why would I do that?”

“It’s not like you’re ever getting out of here.”

“Fair enough.” His eyes grew shrewd.
“Why now?”

Her heart beat hard, too hard. She had to get this over before it burst from the rat race. “The w
hy doesn’t matter. I’ve given th
e guard the paperwork. I’d really like for you to sign it.”

“Why after all these years?” He tipped his head, his ear almost meeting his shoulder, lifted his chin. “I didn’t even know the kid existed. Why you come traipsin’ in here now? It’s been a long damn time.”

“I got
married.”

His eyes flicked to X. “Congratulations, man.”

Shayne didn’t see the need to clarify. She had to convince Alex his son…

Just thinking the words had bile racing up her throat. She swallowed convulsively, wishing she had some water to get the bitter taste out of her mouth.

“He has a good life.”

“I’m glad.” He cracked his knuckles and the image of his hand coming toward her face, to cover her mouth, slammed into her. She squeaked a little. “I’m actually a little glad you stopped by.”

He said it like they were old friends and she’d stopped in for tea. The urge to laugh, long and hard—and maybe a bit maniacal—bubbled in her gut. 

“I owe you an apology.” He actually looked contrite. “I’m not a very good person, Shayne Xavier, but I’ve found God.”

His words were such a cliché, she didn’t have a chance to bite back the giggle.
It burst from her in an amused scoff.

He nodded. “You can think what you want, but I’m sorry for what I did to you.”

She almost believed him. She wanted to believe him.

“I’ll relinquish my rights, sign whatever papers need to be signed to make sure my son has the life I didn’t have. On two conditions.”

Please don’t say you want to meet him.
She choked down her
hear
t. “Which are?”

“One, you make sure the man who adopts him loves him.”

“Done. What else?” She braced herself
, crossed her legs at the knee
. Her toe circled like a pinwheel. Give her a second and she’d soon be airborne.

He
rested his elbows on the countertop. His dark eyes bored into her. She refused to shiver.
“Say please.”

Whether he remembered or not, he’d said those words to her another time. With a long blade to her throat and his genitals at her entrance, he’d made the same request. She’d refused that time, which had pissed him off. The bruised and bloody had healed. So had her mental wounds. Or so she’d thought. His innocent act crumbled as he smiled.

Tears burned behind her eyes. She blinked and flexed her resolve. “Please.”

His smile came slow, calculated.
“That wasn’t so hard, now, was it?”

She didn’t answer. Couldn’t answer. The woman
she’d become shattered into the
tender, naïve teenager
she’d once been
. The world around her, the walls she’d erected
crumbled under
his subtle attack.

“I just gotta sign the form?”

“And have it—” The wobble in her voice mortified her and humored him. She cleared her throat. “It has to be notarized.”

“I think the notary comes tomorrow.” He shrugged. “I’ll have them put it in the mail.” He pushed back from the table. “I’ll be sure to add you to my Christmas card list.”
And then he hung up and stood, turning his back on her.

She didn’t know how, but somehow, his final blow didn’t immediately bring her house down. But as the large metal door removed him from her presence, she
lost it
. Sobs rose from her toes. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Her heart raced and halted in a violent sequence. She gasped, unable to get enough air into her lungs.

Strong arms came around her, encasing her in a four-alarm-freak-out. She screamed and pushed at the big body. Striking out. Beating at the wide chest.

“Shayne!”

Gigantic hands tugged at her fingers, unfolding them from the phone she hadn’t realized
s
he still held.

“Shayne!”
X’s
face appeared in front of hers. Palms clamped onto her cheeks. His face got closer. “Shayne. You okay?”

Her hea
d rose slowly, her chin dropped
in a sluggish nod.
He took her hand in his. “Come on, baby sister, let’s get you home to your boys.”

She graced him with another gradual head bob. She wanted to be strong, wanted to jump up and cartwheel out of the prison.

She’d gotten her way. Alex would sign the papers. But all she could do was relive that night over and over. She hadn’t had nightmares in years.
They’d
be back. She guessed so did he, and that’s why he’d acquiesced.

Getting in the rental car, every emotion she had either ravaged her or crawled into the closet X kept talking about. She’d really like to lock the frickin’ thing up and throw away the key.

X didn’t say a word, just started the car and began to drive. After putting miles between them and her personal
Freddie Krueger
, he coughed. “You wanna tell me what happened back there?”

“Couldn’t you hear the conversation?” She’d assumed he could.

“Only your side
.”

She did the best she could at the recap, but each word of her play-by-play put her on the ledge again. The same overwhelming need to run away had her putting her hand on the door.

X hit the locks. “You can’t outrun this.”

“I know.” She watched the scenery pass, lots of concrete and asphalt with buildings growing out of it. “At the
end,” her voice broke, “
h
e said he’d send a Christmas card.”

“Ah, hell, Shayne.” He scrubbed his face. “Tell me you
didn’t put your address on there
anywhere.”

“No. It’ll go to Megan’s office.”

“In Kingman?”

She nodded, feeling the slightest flash of comfort. “And I didn’t put Santiago on anything.”

“Good.” He went quiet for the rest of the ride to the airport. As he pulled into the rental car return, he shifted toward her. “Are you sure you’re okay to go home?”

“Yeah.” She thought of
the two loves of her life—H
er son with his awkward, p
reteen body and sarcastic way, and h
er husband with his tender smile and quiet strength
—and
she could breathe again.