Luck of the Draw (Xanth) (39 page)

“The Demon Xanth!” Anna murmured beside Bryce. “And his consort the Lady Chlorine.”

“The Demons are satisfied,” Chlorine said. “Demon Earth’s candidate won the Quest. Demon Xanth is pleased too: Princess Harmony outwitted the Demons, playing by their rules to achieve her freedom regardless. That won Xanth a point.”

“Thank you, Lady Chlorine,” Ivy said. “We are relieved.”

“Welcome. It was superlative entertainment.” Dragon and Lady faded out.

“This event is concluded,” Ivy told the audience. “Eat, drink, be merry, and go home.”

The entire assembly broke into applause. It had been a good show with a surprising outcome.

Bryce felt weak with relief. He had feared possible destruction. Now he was free.

Except for one thing: he still loved Princess Harmony. She had not released him.

15

D
EMON
W
AGER

C
aprice Castle came to collect them. Bryce got his old room back. It was mundane, in a manner, after the adventure he had participated in. He was no longer a Suitor, merely a refugee from Mundania with a job to do: collecting puns. He had hardly had time to unwind, yet he was already suffering a letdown. In fact he was bored.

Why had he turned down the Princess Harmony? Yes, she was a fifth his age; yes she was a princess, while he was nobody. But this was a different land with different rules. He could have had a remarkable time with her, had he been willing to unbend.

But he was what he was, an old man who had learned to be governed by common sense, not superficial luster. Despite considerable temptation.

“May I get you anything?”

He jumped. He hadn’t heard her come in. “Mindy! But you—you’re—”

“I am the real Mindy,” she said. “Not the princess. She borrowed my form for the event. I wasn’t there.”

He saw now that she was different. The Mindy on the adventure had slimmed down, becoming more like the princess. This one was solid. The Mindy on the Quest had dispensed with the glasses; this one still used them. “So you’re—”

“I am not in love with you,” Mindy said.

“Who was I with, before the Quest?”

“Her. You and I have not met before, directly. I understand it was quite an adventure.”

“It was,” he agreed. “I’m glad to meet you, Mindy. Will you be helping me cope, out in the field?”

“Yes, if you wish. But I understand you have gotten pretty sharp at handling magic things.”

“Not sharp enough, I think.”

“Tomorrow we’ll start.”

There was a bark. “Is that Woofer?”

“Yes, cautioning a puppy. They are barely a week old, too young to be trusted out alone, but they will surely become excellent pun sniffers, as their mother Rachel was.”

“I hope she’s happy back in Mundania.” That gave him an idea. “Could I return similarly?”

Mindy considered. “Maybe you could, unlike me. You didn’t die. I’ll inquire.”

She had died? Oh, yes, now he remembered. Suicide. She, or rather the princess, had told him. He decided not to pursue that further. “Thank you.”

But there was one thing he wanted to verify. “What do you know about relativity and quantum mechanics?”

“No more than the average layman. I must confess I took a certain satisfaction from the way Einstein himself found instantaneous action at a distance spooky. If
he
didn’t understand quantum mechanics, how could I?”

“My position exactly,” he agreed. “How about an event horizon?”

“That’s the invisible sphere around a black hole beyond which nothing can escape, not even light itself. It’s a scary concept, but actually we’re in no danger of encountering one directly. Time dilation would make any approach seem eternal. Astronomers speculate that the fundamental laws of the universe may break down and become null within that sphere.”

“Surely so.”

“Why did you ask?”

“I just wanted to make sure that you are the real Mindy, from Mundania. The pretend Mindy drew a blank on those subjects.”

Mindy laughed. “She would. She’s not stupid, she’s eerily smart, but Xanthians just don’t know about things like that.”

“To be sure. Just as Mundanians don’t know about the intricacies of magic.”

“Or the need to sequester puns,” she agreed, smiling.

In the morning they set out, riding duplicate trikes. The terrain was new to Bryce, but that wasn’t surprising as Caprice Castle was in a new place every day. “I feel I know you,” he said, “though actually I don’t. Because of thinking it was you during the Quest.” Now he noticed that she no longer wore the glasses.

“That’s understandable,” she said. “I feel I know you too, having watched you so much. I was in Harmony’s room most of the time, tracking you via the Tapestry, though that doesn’t have sound.”

“Yes. I knew we were being observed. I just didn’t realize how closely.”

They pedaled on, finding convenient paths.

“I really like the trike, now that I’ve seen it used,” Mindy said. “I saw in the Tapestry how Anna and Harmony, in the guise of me, flashed their panties at the trolls.”

“You should have worn jeans today,” he said, realizing that she was in a dress.

“No, I’m trying to be more like her, doing naughty things, and not just by giving up my unnecessary glasses. You have to promise not to look, if you get the chance, and not mean it. I promise not to flash you, and not mean it. Accidents happen.”

“But you have no romantic interest in me. Why should you flash me?”

“For practice. I know you won’t take advantage of me, and if you freak out I’ll know I overdid it. Then when I encounter a man I want to impress without seeming to be forward, I’ll know how.”

He laughed. “You’re saying we can be friends, and offer friendly advice even when it comes to naughty glimpses, despite hardly knowing each other.”

“Exactly. I have never freaked out a man, but after seeing Harmony do it with my body, I’d like to try. But not with someone I know well. He might just laugh.”

He glanced across at her legs, and found that from this angle he could not quite see her panties. So it was safe for now. “If I freak out, let me roll to a stop and then snap your fingers.”

“I will.”

They rounded a curve in a narrowing section of the path, and she took the lead because she knew where they were going. When she turned in front of him—

He was no longer moving. She was off her trike, standing beside him. “Oops—did I—?”

“Yes, you freaked out,” she said, pleased.

“I did look,” he admitted unnecessarily.

She kissed him on the cheek. “My first time! I’m so thrilled.”

“Congratulations,” he said wryly.

She returned to her trike and resumed pedaling. Curious, he looked again. His vision fuzzed, but he did not freak out. It seemed that the same view was not as effective when immediately repeated. He continued to look, learning to control his reaction. When he caught a glimpse of her actual panties as her legs flexed, and remained conscious, he knew he was getting there.

She glanced back at him. “Are you staring at me?”

“Yes. I’m trying to become immune to panties, so I’m not vulnerable. Do you mind?”

“No. Look all you want. I’m just glad it worked the first time. That means it should work on any strange men I encounter.”

“It should,” he agreed. He was coming to appreciate how the magic of panties could protect a girl from lascivious strangers, without necessarily interfering with romance.

They reached the punning section. They parked their trikes and unlimbered their pun sacks.

Bryce spied a blinding light in the bush. He shaded his eyes and went for it. It turned out to be a pair of darkened spectacles whose lenses shone like sunbeams. “Sun glasses!” he exclaimed, swooping them up.

“I found one too,” Mindy said. She showed her capture. It appeared to be a duck, at least had a duck’s head. But its body was a strip of paper. In fact it was a dollar bill. “A Duck Bill.” She stuffed it into her bag, heedless of its quacking protest.

Bryce almost groaned. They were definitely back at work.

In the afternoon the three princesses appeared, replete with similar brown, red, and green dresses and similar hairdos.

“Hello, folks,” Melody said.

“You asked a question,” Harmony continued.

“So we brought the answer,” Rhythm concluded.

They were definitely playing their public roles. But the effect was spoiled for Bryce, because of his spelled love for Harmony. He knew her not as a posing triplet, but as a remarkable young woman. “Question?” he asked somewhat blankly.

“Whether you can go back to Mundania,” Mindy said. “I asked Dawn, and she must have gotten in touch with them.”

“Oh. Yes,” he agreed.

“We asked the Good Magician,” Melody began.

“We can do that without hassle because we’re Sorceresses,” Harmony concluded.

“And he said yes, you can return, if the route is marked,” Rhythm finished.

“So we marked it,” Melody said.

“For twenty-four hours,” Harmony added.

“And you have to use it in that time, or lose it,” Rhythm said.

Bryce was surprised. Could it really be that easy? “Where is it?”

The three pointed. “There,” they said together.

And there it was: a path marked in bright blue. It led through the brush and out of sight.

“I can just ride along it now, and be back home?”

“You can,” Melody said.

“If you want to,” Harmony added somewhat tightly.

“Do you?” Rhythm asked.

Suddenly Bryce was gripped with acute indecision. “I don’t know.”

“It will be here,” Melody said.

“A full day and night,” Harmony said, her gaze fixed on him.

“Then gone forever,” Rhythm finished.

Then the three of them faded from view.

Bryce felt weak. “I can return,” he said. “But I don’t know whether I want to. Over there I’ll be eighty years old, alone, with chronic health complaints, and a likely death within a year or two. Yet it is home.”

“Home,” Mindy agreed, evidently experiencing her own memories.

“I think I need advice. What do you think?”

“I think you need better advice than mine. Why don’t you check with Princess Dawn? She’ll know who can best help you.”

“I’ll do that,” he agreed, relieved to be able to postpone the dread decision for a few hours.

Back at Caprice Castle Bryce went to the garden, where Princess Dawn was classifying the rare plants that traveled with the castle.

“Oh, hello Bryce,” she said, looking up. “It’s a good thing you happened by. It gives me a chance to show off the Lady Slippers I discovered here.” She held up a lovely pair she had harvested from a Lady Slipper plant. “There’s just one problem.”

“They make you slip,” he said.

“Exactly. If I tried to wear these I’d soon fall on my rear and show more of my legs than I care to.”

“That would be deplorable,” he said, though he couldn’t help imagining her lovely legs flashing in the air.

She looked at him and laughed, comprehending too well. “What can I do for you, apart from that?”

“I have a chance to go home to Mundania, but I’m not quite certain whether to do it. I need advice.”

“Because here you orient on a teenage girl,” she said. “And you’re afraid that if you stay around, she’ll try to seduce you, and just possibly might succeed.”

“You understand me too well,” he said ruefully.

“I’m really on the other side, rooting for Harmony. But I think I know who might be able to render some perspective. I’ll go fetch her. Meanwhile, talk with Picka. He knows about being stalked by a princess.”

“He does?”

“And she finally got me,” Picka said behind him. “Even though she’s obviously not my type. Way too much flesh on her nice bones.”

“Way too much,” Dawn agreed, and flipped her skirt up to flash him with her panties. Bryce caught only a peripheral glimpse, but it almost freaked him out. Only his practice with Mindy saved him. Picka, however, was unaffected.

Then she changed momentarily to skeletal form and did it again. This time the walking skeleton did freak out. Bryce was unaffected by her bare pelvis bone. By the time he snapped his fingers to rouse Picka, Dawn was gone. She had made her point.

“What’s this about being stalked by a princess?” Picka asked.

“It’s not that, exactly,” Bryce said. “It’s that I have a chance to return to Mundania, and I don’t know whether I should.”

“I do have an empty-headed thought on that,” Picka said. “It is my theory that the Demons have set up another contest. They may be wagering on whether Princess Harmony will nab you after all, and if so, when. Offering you a chance to escape her wiles would be part of it.”

“Another Demon bet,” Bryce said, seeing it. The skeleton’s head might be empty, but he was not stupid. “That could explain it, yes.”

“The Demons are all-powerful and immortal. They must get bored, so they divert themselves with these wagers that may be minor to them, but not to us who have little power and limited lives. Not that I’m exactly alive, except when I change to manform. Your refusal of the Princess Harmony’s proposal is the kind of thing that should interest them.”

“And of course they will not do anything to make it easier for us.”

“They’re Demons,” Picka agreed. “One of them will win or lose, depending on your decision, and any interference on their part would void that. So you are on your own.”

“Do you have any thoughts about it yourself?”

“Well, my head is empty. But I understand that no man can say no to a princess indefinitely. She’s bound to get you eventually.”

“Why should she want me? She chose me so that she could be free to make up her own mind.”

“True. But she loves you. Maybe she wants you to accept of your own free choice.”

“How can it be free when she will not release the love spell that is on me?”

“Excellent point. Maybe you should ask her that.”

“Maybe I will,” Bryce agreed.

Dawn returned with an undistinguished older woman. “Electra will talk with you,” she said. “Let’s leave them to it, love.” She led Picka away. It was obvious that their association was exactly like that of other couples in Xanth and perhaps Mundania too: the woman ran it.