Loving Rowan (14 page)

W
e had
our big annual tradeshow coming up, and with it, work was crazy. I spent all day in some big hall setting up stands and displays for doctors and hospitals to come and see what we were selling. It was a good way to drum up new business, and Dad and I threw ourselves into it. A few times I checked my phone in case Rowan had sent me a text. We usually touched base with each other whether I was in the office or not, but the cell reception here was crap.

By the end of the day, I was exhausted, and looked forward to going home to my wife. She would have left work for home by now, and if I knew her I’d come home to dinner waiting for me. I’d really struck it lucky with Rowan.

I loved watching her evolve into this beautiful woman who knew she was sexy, even if she still blushed when showing me just how much. That was so hot.

She’d been so tired lately, the early weeks of pregnancy wearing her out. We hadn’t told anyone our news yet, and it felt so special keeping it to ourselves. I have to admit this wasn’t anything I had planned for; children had always been a distant thing I hadn’t thought about. But, at night she would lie with her head on my lap while we watched television, and I would rub her belly, knowing my child grew in there. It brought us even closer together.

The apartment was dark when I opened the door, and I looked around, puzzled. Her car had been in her park under the building, but there was no immediate sign of her. Unless she had come home and gone straight to bed. That was entirely possible with how tired she’d been. My phone had gone crazy when I got back into cell reception, but I hadn’t checked it, knowing I was close to home. Anything work related could wait, I just wanted to be home with my wife.

“Rowan?” I called out to an empty room.

Then I heard it; the moan from the bedroom that told me all I needed to know. Something had happened, and I cursed at myself for not looking at the phone.

I ran to the bedroom. It was dark, but I could see her lying on the bed, arms wrapped tight across her stomach. The sorrow of her sobbing was heartbreaking, and I knew it had to be the baby.

“Sweetheart,” I said, drawing closer to the bed.

She sat up, and I bent to turn on the bedside lamp. Her eyes told the whole story, swollen and red from crying and sadder than I could handle. I never wanted to see her like this.

I sat beside her, and she flung her arms around my neck, holding on tight. “What’s happened?” I asked, fearing I already knew the answer.

“I … I lost the baby,” she whispered, and let out a mournful howl as I closed my eyes, stroking her hair and rocking with her.

“I’m so sorry,” I said. She rested her head on my shoulder, her warm tears soaking the shoulder of my shirt. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered.

“Miriam and I tried calling you and your father all day.”

“We had no cell reception. By the time I got it back, all I wanted was to be home with you. I’m sorry I wasn’t here, Rowan. I wish to God that I had been.”

“She took me to the doctor. He couldn’t do anything. I just wanted you.”

“Baby, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for not being there. Are you in any pain?”

She sighed. “Not really. It was all over so quickly because it was so early. Miriam wanted to stay with me when she brought me home, but I made her go. I’m just glad you’re home now.”

“How about I cook us some dinner, and we curl up on the couch and watch a movie,” I said, “like we used to do.”

“Yes please,” she whispered, in this tiny little voice. She just sounded so heartbroken, and I had no idea what else to do.

“Do you want to come with me tomorrow? I’ll call Dad and clear it, but I’m sure he’ll be fine. It’ll be busy, but we can hang out together.”

“I don’t want to get in your way.”

I pulled her arms from around my neck, holding her back to look at her. “You could never be in the way. I want you close to me. I know how much this meant to you.”

“You wanted it too, right?”

“You know I did. We can try again as soon as you want.”

Her face lit up, and I knew it had been the right thing to say. “I’d like that a lot. I was getting used to the idea of becoming a mother.”

“I want to make you happy, Rowan. I’d give you anything, if I thought it would put a smile on your face.”

Her brows furrowed. “As long as it makes you happy, too.”

I kissed her nose. “Don’t worry about me. I’m happy all the time. I get to come home to you.”

She smiled the tiniest of smiles. This loss had hit her hard, and there was nothing I wanted more than to see her lit up with joy. It would take a while, but we would get there.

D
ad had bought
a van to fill up with the trade show samples, and I had the dubious pleasure of driving it. The monotony of the drive was relieved by Rowan’s presence.

Dad had been only too happy for her to come with me. Apart from it helping to take her mind off things, he thought my wife being there might make us look more of a family business. He berated me in jest that I hadn’t come up with the idea originally, being his head of marketing.

When we arrived, he gave Rowan a huge hug, telling her that he was happy to see her. She looked around at our surroundings. We were in a big shed, with tables everywhere for all the different vendors. Today would be boring for her, though she had brought her e-reader so she could sit in the corner and just be there. Being together was enough.

The morning passed slowly as the crowd built up. While it was a specialised event, there were plenty of medical surgeries around, and people had come from out of town looking for new deals and any free trials of products.

By lunchtime, my stomach grumbled, and I peered at her, smiling as I did so. She sat at the back of our stand, having placed two chairs seat-to-seat so she could put her feet up. She’d kicked off her shoes, making herself as comfortable as she could under the circumstances. Engrossed in her book, she didn’t hear me as I drew closer, and she jumped as I put my hands on her bare feet.

“Hey,” she said, smiling up at me.

“You hungry? I’ll buy you a hot dog and chips.”

“That sounds pretty amazing right now.” She pulled her legs up, slipping on her slides that were on the floor beside her.

“There’s some food vans outside. Real classy stuff.”

Rowan grinned. “Sounds like it. Are you asking me out, Mr Warner?”

“It would appear so. Come on.”

She stood, grabbing hold of my hand and swinging it as we walked out. Dad watched us leave, and I saw him shaking his head with a big grin on his face. Us being happy made him happy.

I bought us a hotdog each and some chips, smothered in sauce, and we found a spot beneath a tree to sit. There was a gentle breeze cooling the otherwise warm air, the sounds of birds keeping us company as we ate.

“I hope this isn’t too boring for you.”

“I’m enjoying my book.” Rowan laughed. “This was a great idea, though. I like being able to spend the day with you.”

“Well, I like that I can keep an eye on you.” I reached out, wiping some sauce from her nose that had rubbed off the hotdog. She laughed, kissing my hand before I withdrew it.

“I also like that you’re laughing.”

“Yesterday was really hard. It still makes me want to cry when I think about it. But I have to be strong and think about the good things. Like us trying for another baby. I’ll never forget, Kyle.”

I took her hand in mine, squeezing it. “Neither will I. You’ll be an amazing mother one day, Rowan.”

She grinned, leaning over to kiss me. Behind her, I saw a familiar figure.

Damn it.

“Kyle? Is that you?” Great. My overly possessive ex, who used to freak if I so much as talked to another woman. Just who I needed to see.

Shit
.

“Uh, yeah.”

Rowan looked at me with an eyebrow raised at my tone. I must have sounded reluctant to talk to her, which was exactly how I felt.

“Hey, Amy,” I said. A look of understanding passed over Rowan’s face as she got why I was recoiling.

“It’s been ages.” She came close, gazing at Rowan with a look I knew only too well.

“Yeah, it has been. This is my wife, Rowan.”

Her mouth formed an o as she showed surprise. I remembered our parting argument when she told me I would never find anyone who loved me as much as she did. Well I had, and then some.

“Wife?” She laughed nervously. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” said Rowan, moving around to position herself between us. Inside I was dying with laughter, my amazing wife showing her possessiveness to a woman who had taken her own to extremes.

“How long have you been married?”

“Just over a month.” Rowan took the lead again, and I stroked her back with my palm to show my support.

“Oh, how sweet. Still newlyweds.”

“Always,” I said, leaning forward to kiss Rowan on the cheek. She nestled back against me, nuzzling my cheek in return.

Amy’s face couldn’t have been more sour if she’d been sucking on a lemon. “How lovely. It’s good to see you, Kyle. Are you here with your father?”

I nodded.

“Great. I’ll make sure to swing by and say hi.”

“I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.” Nothing could be further from the truth.

She sashayed away, an extra swing in her step, and I shook my head at her weird behaviour.

“That’s your ex?” Rowan asked, her eyes following Amy as she disappeared into the distance.

“Yep. So glad I traded up.”

She smiled affectionately at me. “I love you, Kyle.”

“Love you too. We should go and relieve Dad, let him take a break. Only a few hours to go and we can pack up and go home.” I reached out, twirling a lock of her hair between my fingers. “I’m glad you came with me today, babe.”

“I’m glad too.”

“We did need someone to do the heavy lifting when we packed up, after all.”

She gaped at me in mock horror, before laughing. “Here was I thinking you just wanted the pleasure of my company.”

I laughed, before my face turned serious. “Of course I do. I would spend every minute with you if I could.”

A
t the end
of the day Dad and I packed up the stand. We made Rowan sit while we did all the lifting. I wasn’t about to make my wife do any hard work after what she’d been through, despite my teasing.

“I thought maybe we could play hooky tomorrow,” I said, “and spend the day at home together.”

She grinned.

“Perhaps you should say that to her when you’re not in front of the boss,” said Dad. He laughed. “Enjoy a day off together, you two. I think you’ve earned it. Just drop the van back at some point.”

I nodded. “Thanks, Dad.”

Rowan climbed into the van. I turned to Dad. “I’ll see you some time tomorrow.”

“Take your time. Your wife needs you, Kyle. She’s more important than anything else.”

It was a quiet drive home, and the large front seat of the van came in handy as Rowan snuggled up as close as her seatbelt would permit.

“You okay?” I asked her, just wanting to get home and cuddle up in bed together. I hadn’t realised quite how tired I was until we’d left.

“She’s really pretty, isn’t she?”

“Who?” It took a moment to click as to what she was talking about. “Amy?”

“Yes.” There was that little voice again. I knew her so well now that I recognised she was upset about something, or that there was something she was worried about bringing up.

“I guess. Not as pretty as you.”

She rubbed up against me, and I knew she was holding back.

“Rowan, if you are bothered by her, don’t be. She’s nuts. If I never see her again, I’m not worried.”

She put her hand on my arm. “I know.”

I slowed down as we pulled up to the house, turning into the driveway. Removing my seatbelt, I put my arms around her. “I love you.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“Wanna make out in Dad’s van?”

She laughed loudly, and I stroked her face, tilting it towards me so I could kiss her. “I think we should go inside and order pizza. We can eat it in bed and watch some junky television show,” she said.

I pouted.

“Oh, and make out.” She grinned before pursing her lips for a kiss.

“Anything my wonderful wife wants.”

I made sure to slip the old tongue in for effect.

I
thought
we would have a few months to get over what had happened, get ready to move on, but Rowan was pregnant again in the first month.

Rowan’s pregnancy was a thing of beauty, at first, at least. She had minimal morning sickness, and although she worried after the miscarriage that she would have problems, everything went smoothly.

I watched my wife develop curves where she’d never had them before. She was beautiful regardless, but I loved watching the changes in her as our baby grew.

Before she got too far along, we found a house. My apartment wasn’t small, but it wasn’t the best place for a baby to live. Dad had promised to help us out, and despite being resigned to maybe taking months to find something, Rowan found the perfect place pretty much straight away.

There were four bedrooms, a big garage and backyard. But the thing that really sold her was the apple tree in the middle of the back lawn. I think it reminded her of her own childhood. She was happy, and that was all that really mattered.

Her proudest moment was finishing the nursery, ready for the little girl we were having. Rowan had been the one who’d wanted to find out what we were having. I didn’t care, but the thought of having a daughter as amazing as her mother kept an almost permanent grin on my face.

In the evenings, we would sit together on our couch, while Rowan knitted tiny booties and mittens. Life couldn’t get any sweeter.

The first two trimesters were fantastic. Rowan bloomed, glowing with good health and happiness. After the first few months had passed and we were out of the danger zone, she relaxed into it. I’d never been so much in love with her.

Towards the end, Rowan began to struggle. All the energy seemed to drain out of her, and she often just wanted to sleep. Dad saw how tough it was, and told her to finish up at work early. Always stubborn, she pushed on, and despite her protests, I installed a couch in her office. It wasn’t long before I found her in the middle of the afternoon, fast asleep.

Her feet were so swollen at the end of the day, and she would grumble while I made her sit with them up in the air. I kept her wanting for nothing, although it frustrated the hell out of her that she couldn’t do more.

Finally, with escalating blood pressure in the last few weeks, the doctors told her to stop working and put her feet up. Her arms were so sore, and the knitting she’d loved in the early days now made her hands ache. She had pregnancy carpal tunnel, and some of the things she’d been working on for our baby now sat unfinished, her hands too painful to continue.

She had gone from this happy, glowing woman to cranky and miserable within a few weeks. I hated what this was doing to her. Worse yet were the new body issues she’d had. Always so sensitive about her thin frame, now she would rub her belly and complain about feeling fat. But then, she was swollen from retaining water and didn’t look much like herself anymore.

When she woke up with blurry vision three weeks before the baby was due, that was it. She was straight in to hospital where they could evaluate her for induction. As far as I was concerned, the sooner this baby was out of her the better. She was far enough along that it didn’t matter, and all I wanted was for them both to be healthy. Right now, I was scared.

I paced the room, while Rowan watched me, bemused. “Shouldn’t I be the one stressing out?”

“What?”

“Well, you’re the one getting wound up. I’m the one sitting quietly here.” She smiled.

“I just want them to make a decision. I want you and the baby to be safe.”

She held out her hands for me to take. “Kyle, I’m in the best possible place to be taken care of. Come and sit down. Hopefully they’ll decide to induce and we’ll meet our little girl soon. I really don’t think I’m going home without her.”

I squeezed her hands, taking a deep breath. “You’re right. You’re always right.”

Rowan laughed. “I don’t know about that, but I do know that the only thing we can do is wait.” Even at this point, she was somehow the more logical and calm of the two of us.

As if on cue there was a tap on the door, and the doctor came in, Rowan’s chart in hand.

“We have the blood tests back, and they all point to pre-eclampsia. So, the next course of action is induction. Let’s get that baby out and get you back to being healthy.”

She smiled at us and Rowan leaned her head on my shoulder. “See? It’ll all be over soon.”

“Yes, oh wise one,” I said, bending my head to rest on hers.

The whole procedure seemed pretty straightforward, but it still took time. I sat at Rowan’s side, giving her sips of water, talking to her, and wiping her brow for hours. She was stronger than I’d ever seen her, braving every contraction with the determination I loved.

From the evening when they started, she went all through the night. I could see her struggle with the pain, and grit her teeth, determined to just get through it. I would have given anything to take the hurt in myself, to ease her burden, to give her peace for just a little while.

And right at the moment I thought she couldn’t be any more brave, I had two girls to love and take care of as Rowan gave birth to our daughter.

Our daughter.