Loving Rowan (10 page)

A
ll morning
, the world went on around me while I sat in my office, staring at nothing. I had gone looking for Kyle when I came in, but there was no sign of him, and no one knew where he was. He was out there, somewhere, thinking that I had cheated on him. My heart ached at the thought of the pain he was feeling. I felt it too.

I didn’t even hear the knock on the door at first, the sound of the door opening jolting me back to reality.

“Mr Warner wants to see you.” Miriam stood there, a quizzical look on her face.

“Kyle?”

“No, Warner Senior.”

I had that horrible sinking feeling where you know the end is coming, but you don’t know what form it will take. That was me. This was too much of a coincidence, after last night.

Slowly, I stood, making my way to the other side of the building where the executive offices were. I had already been over here once this morning, looking for Kyle. As I went past his office, I wanted to open the door and check again, but I knew he wouldn’t be there.

“Rowan, take a seat.” John Warner indicated the seat opposite his desk and I sat down, gripping the base of the chair to bolster my nerves.

“I’m going to get straight to the point. There are some efficiencies we will be making throughout the business. We believe that we can streamline things by restructuring. Now several big projects are over, it seems an ideal time.”

Oh, shit. He was coming after my job.

“Restructuring?”

“Everyone will have the opportunity to reapply for the jobs available. The new job descriptions will be out in the next few days. If people choose not to apply, they’ll be paid out for their notice period, and be free to find work elsewhere. Do you have any questions?”

It all came at me fast, and I paused for a moment to think about what he’d said.

“Where’s Kyle?” I asked.

That shook him. He stared at me for a moment before finally coming out with the words. “My son is on indefinite leave.”

“But where is he? I need to talk to him.”

“Rowan, he’s not coming back. I think we both know why.”

I was breathing fast now, fighting back the tears. “I didn’t do anything. I just want to talk to him.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t talk to you about this any more. Please think about what I said, and if you do wish to reapply, let my assistant know.”

Somehow I just knew there would only be one job cut. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of turning me down.

“No. I don’t wish to reapply because you will shut me out. I’m not stupid, Mr Warner; that’s why I got the job in the first place.”

He leaned back in his chair, clasping his hands together in some big grandiose gesture that I assumed was supposed to look intimidating.

“I’m insulted that you think I would put your whatever-it-was with my son over my business. Don’t think for a moment that you have that much influence, young lady.”

I didn’t even stop to say goodbye, turning on my heel and walking out. I slammed the door hard behind me, and Miriam jumped as I walked past. There was a good chance I could seek legal advice, but why would I want to? Why would I want to stay where I wasn’t wanted?

Behind me, his office door opened, but I wasn’t turning back even to see if he was watching. Screw him, and screw his son. I had known the risks of getting involved with the boss’s son, and the worst possible thing had happened.

I was in love with another man who didn’t want me. The story of my life.

As I entered my office, I kicked the bin, and it clattered against the wall. To hell with this place. More than anything right now I wanted to be home with my mother, nursing my broken heart. The idea of finding another job to support myself was so far off I couldn’t even think that way.

It wasn’t like I had that much stuff. I could pack up and be out in the next few days.

I didn’t want to run away, but how could I stay? In my head I could hear Andrew. “You’re so anal, Rowan. Planning everything to the nth degree. No-one could ever accuse you of being spontaneous.”

All my life I had loved him, put my life on hold, waiting for him to tell me he felt the same. Now all of it meant nothing as the man I truly loved thought I was a cheat, and a liar.

What a mess.

T
he heavy rain
outside woke me up. It lashed at the window as if it wanted in, and I watched as the drains overflowed, and the cars kept on going without a care, drenching the people on the footpath.
People suck.

In less than fifteen minutes, I had packed my office up and left. I’d rather leave than have the indignity of being pushed out. For now, I’d had enough of being humiliated. Andrew had done that often enough without me realising he was doing it.

There was a gentle tap on the door, and I ran, just in case it was Kyle. Andrew stood in the doorway, shivering and dripping water all over the floor.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“I came to see if you were okay. You know, after the other day. What an asshole, running out on you like that.”

I turned back into the apartment, and he followed, taking off his coat and throwing it over the back of a chair. Water dripped on the chair, and I picked his coat up, growling at him as I took it over to the door where the lino would be much easier to wipe.

“He’s not an asshole.”

“Where is he now then, Rowan?”

I flopped onto the couch, lying down so he had to sit elsewhere.

“Row, please. You don’t belong with him. If he cared he would have stopped to find out what was going on.”

“Fuck you, Andrew. If you hadn’t pulled that shit in the first place, none of this would have happened.”

He leaned forward in his chair, and I felt uncomfortable under his gaze for the first time. “We were meant to be together. That’s all there is to it. Charlie was an amazing woman, but it was always you, Row.”

I jumped off the couch, feeling the anger grow as I crossed the room. My hand stung as I slapped his face, but I would have done it again in a heartbeat, he pissed me off that much.

“Don’t you dare. I’m not the backup girlfriend. You are the asshole, Andrew. Thanks to you, I have lost the only man who has ever truly loved me for me. Not because I’m the substitute for the one you chose.”

He shook his head. “That’s not fair. You know I always cared about you. You were the first girl I kissed; the first one who let me touch her boob.” He grinned, as if it were some big joke.

“If Charlie had been there instead of me, would you have felt her up instead?”

The grin disappeared from his face. It didn’t take a genius to work out I’d got that right. “What are you going to do now, then?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Well, my job is basically gone, so I’m packing up to go home. I’ll pick apples for the season, save some money, and think about what to do next.”

“You’re running away.”

“If you want to see it that way. I can’t breathe here. Not in the city where I found and lost the man I love. All I want to do is go home to my mother and be with people who love me.”

He just looked at me, and I wanted so much to slap him again, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “Charlie’s been dead for only a few weeks, and you’re talking about moving on with me. How is that right? It’s disgusting that you taint the memory of her by trying this shit.”

“She would have understood.”

I shook my head. “No, she wouldn’t. I wonder if you really knew her at all.”

He stood, and there was this uncomfortable silence while I pretended he wasn’t there anymore and he worked out what to say next.

“Just go, Andrew. Find someone else to screw and use, but not me.”

For just a moment I thought he might try to rescue the situation. Say something meaningful. Instead he left in a huff, grabbing his coat on the way out and turning back towards me at the door.

“Do you know why I chose Charlie?”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to know.”

“She was gorgeous. All tits and legs, and I wanted to fuck her so badly I told her that I loved her. You just didn’t compare, Rowan. You’re smart and funny, but I wanted perfection, not some ugly, bitter mole who was so desperate to be loved.”

I shook my head. “You know, not so long ago you saying that would have devastated me. Now it means nothing. I know you want to hurt me, and maybe you do think that way, but, Kyle loved me for me, and I’ll get him back somehow. What I need right now is for you to get the hell out of my life. I don’t ever want to see you again, and I hope you go to hell for the way you’ve treated your wife. She’s not even cold, and all you want is someone to keep your bed warm. Selfish asshole.”

He slammed the door when he left, and I felt nothing. The pain I’d been through finding out that he didn’t love me was gone. Even his pathetic insults washed off me as if they were nothing. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes as a new wave of emotions washed over me. I’d never been so miserable as I was without Kyle, and yet I felt liberated more than ever. Spewing my distaste for Andrew at him was therapeutic, and I smiled at the thought of being free of him.

Now I had to make the effort to kick-start my life. Without Andrew, and with or without Kyle.

C
oming home was bittersweet
. As much as I loved my parents, and the orchard, I felt like a complete and utter failure. Falling in love with the boss’s son had ruined my great start to a career. Maybe I should have just stayed friends; that way I wouldn’t have hurt him. Oh, who was I kidding? He loved me, he would have been hurt regardless.

I drove down the long driveway that cut through the centre of the orchard, towards the house. Dad was talking to someone, and my stomach dropped when I saw who it was. David, the guy who had hurt me all those years ago, was back working for him. He smiled and waved at me as I got out the car.

“Rowan? What are you doing here?” Dad asked, moving towards me and catching me as I fell into his arms. I didn’t want to cry while David stood there watching, but I couldn’t help it.

“Kyle left me,” I whispered, feeling myself shake.

“It looks like everything you own is in the car,” he said in disbelief. “What happened to your apartment?”

“I can’t stay, Dad. Everything is a mess.”

He hugged me tight, patting me on the back. “Go inside and see your mother. I’ll be in shortly and we’ll talk.”

“How are you, Rowan?” David asked as I passed him on the way to the front door. I ignored him, twisting the door handle and stumbling through the doorway. My crappy day had just gotten even worse.

“Mum,” I called, walking down the corridor that led to the kitchen at the back of the house. She stood there, ironing Dad’s clothes. I never understood why she did that; he worked outside all of the time. Creases didn’t matter, but they did to her. In a random moment of clarity, I suddenly understood where some of my eccentricities came from.

“Rowan? Oh, love, it’s so good to see you.” She stepped around the ironing board, holding me tight as I burst into tears in her arms.

“What’s wrong, love?” She looked at me, her eyes sad as if she felt what I was feeling.

“Everything is just so screwed up.” I sniffed. I heard Dad come in behind me, and sit at the dining table.

“What’s going on, sweetheart? We love seeing you, but not this way,” he said.

“Kyle left me. His dad implied that I was going to lose my job, so I packed up and left.”

His face dropped. “We can do something about that if it’s related to you and Kyle breaking up.”

I shook my head. “I told him what I think. That’s enough for me.”

“You’re too kind-hearted,” Mum said, “I agree with Dad.”

I growled, taking a seat next to Dad at the table. Mum sat opposite, looking at me like a wounded child.

“What happened with Kyle? He seemed like such a nice boy.”

“It was Andrew’s fault.”

At that, they looked at each other.

“What?” I asked.

“Rowan, this whole thing with Andrew. It’s gone on for far too long.” Dad said.

“It wasn’t my fault. He came over all upset about Charlie, and I tried to help him. He made it look like we had slept together, and Kyle got the wrong idea. I can’t talk to him; he’s gone underground rather than speaking with me about it.”

Dad put his hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay, love. I wasn’t blaming you. It’s just that you were hung up on that boy for so many years, and he wasn’t worthy of you. He’s a sneaky little bastard. I don’t know if you remember, but he used to get you in trouble quite often when you were younger.”

I shook my head. “I don’t remember that. Though, while we’re on the topic of sneaky bastards, why do you have David working for you again?”

Guilt crossed his face. “I had trouble finding workers for the season. He showed up and had the experience. I’m sorry, Rowan. It was a few years ago, and he’s got a wife and kid now. I thought I’d help him out for the season and with you not living here, I didn’t think you would run into him.”

“So now who’s too kind-hearted?” I said, cocking an eyebrow.

He smirked. “I know. I think you have your father to blame for that trait. We can work something out. Maybe you could find a job around here, or help your mother out while you work through this. You don’t have to be out in the orchard.”

I shook my head. “It’s okay, Dad. I’ll do whatever I have to. I’m not the same person I was four years ago either.”

He smiled. “I can see that. I’ve always been so proud of you, sweetheart.”

B
eing back
in my room was weird. The last time I was there was the wedding, when Kyle had told me he loved me, turning my knees to jelly when he’d kissed me. He was so sure of himself, and for the first time I’d felt as if someone was really being honest with their feelings toward me. Everything was ruined now.

Andrew.
It all came back to him. My unrequited love; my ruin. I’d loved him my whole life, and now I regretted ever meeting him. My heart was still broken over Charlie’s death. They’d both kept their relationship a secret from me, but she was the one who had voiced her regret over it. Not Andrew. I don’t think he even cared.

I wish I knew where you were.

Checking my phone for the millionth time, just in case Kyle had messaged me, left me feeling empty. There was nothing but all the text messages I’d sent him.

I unpacked the car into a space my dad made me in the shed near the house, bursting into tears at the sight of that damn console. Kyle had bought that to apologise, but now I saw it was his way of getting to know me. I’d been so blind to his intentions, and now I had nothing of him, not even his friendship.

After dinner, I crawled into bed to feel sorry for myself. Mum tapped on the door, entering with a cup of cocoa in her hand. “Here you go, love. Just like you used to have it.”

I sat up, clutching the mug to me. “Thanks, Mum.”

She sat on the bed, stroking my leg. “You okay??”

I shook my head. “I love Kyle. I hate this.”

Her brows furrowed. “What was Andrew thinking? That poor girl has only been gone a short time, and he’s causing trouble for you?”

“I know. I told him he was disgusting.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks, and Mum frowned. “I’m so sorry to hear it. Tell you what, though, I truly believe that if you’re meant to be with Kyle, you’ll find a way back to one another.”

“I hope so,” I whispered.

“Did I ever tell you the story of how I ended up with your father?” she asked, a wistful smile spreading across her face.

“No. Didn’t you two go to school together or something?”

“We did. We were friends, but not close friends. I had a thing for your uncle, Alan.”

I nearly spat the cocoa out over the bed. “You had a thing for Dad’s brother?”

“He was older, and he had a car of his own. I was star struck, though. I knew your Dad had a crush on me. He was so sweet, but Alan was exciting. Then, Alan asked me out.”

“Did you go out with him?”

She nodded. “Honey, it was as boring as watching paint dry. All he talked about was himself. We saw a movie, and he drove me home, stopping outside the house and unzipping his pants.”

I knew I was gaping, but I couldn’t help it. My mother never talked about sex. It had been Dad who talked to us girls about the birds and the bees, and even then the discussion was mostly thrusting a book about it at us and telling us we could go to him if we needed any more information. Of course, none of us ever did.

“You and Uncle Alan?”

She shook her head. “He indicated that he wanted me to …” She looked around as if she thought she was being watched.

“Go down on him?”

“I guess that’s what it’s called.”

“So Uncle Alan wanted a blow job. And you said what?”

“I told him no. That I wasn’t that kind of girl. He told me to get out of the car.”

I smiled at her. My mother was quiet, like me, and I was so proud that she’d stood up for herself.

“I was upset at how everything had ended, and went around the back of the house so I could sneak in and not have my mother see.

“Your father was sitting on the doorstep. I don’t know how long he’d been there, but he had a handful of apple blossoms that he’d picked for me. He knew, Rowan. He knew what his brother was like and he waited to pick up the pieces, because he knew I wouldn’t like what I saw. We were just meant to be, and we still are perfect for each other. You and your sisters are testament to that.”

I sniffed, wiping my eyes with the blanket.

“So you see, Rowan, if Kyle is the right one for you, you’ll find a way. Maybe one day he’ll be sitting on the doorstep with apple blossoms in his hand, maybe he’ll pick up the phone and call you when he’s ready. Whatever happens, he’s an idiot for walking away from my perfect girl, but I think he’ll work that out soon enough.”

She stood, bending over to kiss my cheek. “Don’t settle for anything less than perfect. You deserve that much.”

I watched as she left the room, pausing at the door to wink at me before leaving. Looking down at my cocoa, I sighed. I’d have given anything to be with Kyle right this minute. In his arms, in his bed … But I couldn’t push him. He had to work it out for himself.