Loving My SECRET (Corrigan & Co. Book 10) (3 page)

“
Everything
is beautiful, but I don’t need any more jewelry, Matt.”

“
I
know you don’t need it, but I want you to have something you love.”

I
close my eyes as I feel them get wet, and will the damn tears back
in. He knows. I can see it in his eyes. Matt knows I hate everything
on that tray, which means he knows I hate my ring, too. I knew he’d
try and push me away this year, but I didn’t know just how much he
despised me until right now. I won’t play along, though. I’m done
being his victim—at least for right now. We still have a few more
months of “marriage” left, and God only knows what he’ll try to
torture me with next.

I
smile sweetly at the man behind the desk, and remembering his accent,
speak to him in his native Farsi. “Can you please show me some
items that have no yellow in them. I hate the color yellow.”

His
mouth opens in surprise as he blatantly looks at my ring. “You hate
yellow?”

“
Yes.
My husband must have forgotten.”

“
Is
there a problem?” Matt asks in English, looking between the two of
us.

“
I
was just telling this nice man how you must have forgotten that I
hate the color yellow.”

“
I-I’m
sorry, Rei,” he replies, looking like a deer in the headlights.

Oh,
I bet he is. He didn’t think I’d speak up. Why should he? I
gushed over the ring on my finger, and wore the fucking matching
tiara and necklace he sent me on our “wedding” day. I probably
should’ve just kept the smile on my face, and grabbed the most
expensive item on the tray. I couldn’t do it, though. I can’t
keep pretending that everything’s okay.

I
lean over to whisper in Matt’s ear. “This is not okay. Nothing
over the past few months has been okay, but this? You pretending to
do something nice when you know you’re hurting me instead? It has
to stop. If you hate me so much, then sleep in one of the guest
rooms, or even in another apartment. I cannot keep doing this with
you. I just can’t.”

“
I
was playing a joke on my wife,” Matt says suddenly, in his most
charming voice. “Can you please show her modern looking pieces with
sapphires in them?”

“
Yes,
of course, Mr. Corrigan.”

We
sit in silence until the man comes back with a try of things I
honestly love. I don’t need any of it, but if Matt wants to play,
we’ll play. I pick up a heavy necklace that has strands of diamonds
above and below a giant sapphire.

“
I’d
like this,” I say, and then pick up a thick bangle covered in
diamonds and sapphires as well. “And this bracelet.”

The
man looks at Matt, and he nods. “I already stated that she can have
anything she chooses. Is there anything else you want?”

Yes,
I want something else. I want a husband who respects me and doesn’t
think that diamonds and sapphires can make up for standing against
me. I want a husband who loves me. Those things aren’t on the
table, so I just shake my head. “No.”

Matt
hands over his credit card, which is approved in seconds. When you’re
as rich as him, your credit card company doesn’t question you
spending over a million dollars in a jewelry store. I know it won’t
even make a dent in his bank account, and he knows I’ll never wear
the jewelry he just bought. The man boxes the pieces up, and hands me
the blue bag.

“
Thank
you,” I say in Farsi.

“
I
really am sorry, Reina.”

I
don’t answer him. I can’t. I excuse myself and walk calmly out of
the office, and then the store itself. There are no footsteps behind
me as I go. No real apologies, or even the pretense of love. If I
didn’t already know how little I mean to Matthew Corrigan, I
certainly do now. He’ll never love me, and I’ll never survive
once this is over.

* * *

Reina

“I need to get to the
convent,” I tell the man who’s seated across from me in the
village cantina. I tried to get in on my own, but the place is
literally surrounded by men with automatic weapons.

“No,” he says. The
word is the same in English and Spanish, but I refuse to take it for
an answer in either language.

“You would stop me
from taking my spiritual path?”

“It is a death
sentence. I should not tell you this, but those women in there are
all going to die.”

“Die?” I ask,
pretending to be surprised.

“Yes. No one will
breach the walls because it is a sacred place, but the man who
controls this village has vowed to take anyone who steps outside. He
is a very bad man, and I-I should not even be talking to you right
now.”

I know just how bad of
a man he is, and I also know he’s doing this to get to me. I got
away from him once, and he wants me back. I have no doubt that he
knows I run the Corrigan & Co. Foundation, and is also aware that
I’ve seen to it that C&C funds are sent to the convent monthly.
I was once headed there, and he’s planned an unwanted homecoming
for me. I’m not the scared teenage girl I was over eleven years ago
when he took me, and I’m not afraid to die now as long as I take
him down with me.

“Good thing I want to
go in, and not out.”

“It is suicide for
you. No one will come to help. We aren’t newsworthy.”

“I am well aware of
the situation.”

“I would need much
money to make this happen.”

He looks over me as he
says it. I have on a plain blue dress, with sandals and no jewelry.
He thinks I can offer him nothing, but he is wrong. I take my
engagement ring from my pocket, and toss it on the table.

“It’s worth over a
million American dollars.”

“I cannot take stolen
property. What would I do with it.”

“It’s not stolen.
The ring belongs to me.”

“You are married?”

“I was. Now I wish to
become a nun. Do we have a deal?”

“You don’t want to
keep the ring? For sentimental reasons? I believe they would let you
keep at least the one thing.”

“That ring means
nothing more to me than a way to get inside the convent. Again, do we
have a deal?”

He looks down at the
ring, and smiles before picking it up. “Yes. We have a deal.”

* * *

Matt

“What’s the plan?”
I ask, walking into Ainsley’s underground command center.

Instead of a verbal
answer, I’m faced with nine pairs of eyes cutting into me like
silent lasers. Seriously, if looks could kill, I’d be dead. And if
it wasn’t for my Gram and the guys getting in front of me a few
hours ago, there would be several bullet holes and knife wounds
marking my body right now. They would all be well deserved, but
that’s beside the point. All of us need to work together right now.

We need to get Reina
back, and then I need to finally admit that I want her. Really, and
truly want her, and not the bullshit crap I’ve put us both through
for over a decade. It’s time I manned up and told her everything.
Every. Damn. Thing. It’s going to hurt like a bitch, but she
deserves to know it all. Once she does, I can only hope she’ll give
me a chance—a
real
chance—to
show her that I mean it this time.

“
We
have a plan, but it doesn’t include you,” Audrey says, rubbing
her stomach. She’s starting to show, and it would be adorable if
she wasn’t holding back from punching me right now.

“She’s my wife,”
I remind everyone through clenched teeth.

“You signed the
fucking divorce papers, asshat. Now why don’t you go off and get
one of your women to suck you off or something. We have work to do,”
Stella tells me.

I know I deserve it.
God knows I deserve it. Hell, everyone in this room knows I deserve
the disgust and anger that’s being leveled at me. None of that
matters right now.

“I am going after
Reina. With or without you. I would prefer to work with you, but I’ll
go alone if I have to.”

“It’s a little late
to be falling on your sword, Matt,” Isa says. As shy as she
normally is, in this situation she’s taking me on. I’m proud of
her for it, but again, I have one priority right now, and she isn’t
in this room. Which is why we need to be working together.

“I love you all.
Every single one of you are like sisters to me, and I would fall on a
sword, grenade, or whatever the fuck I needed to, if it came to that.
But as much as I love you, I love Reina more. I know what I did was
stupid, okay? I knew it when I was signing those damn papers. I was
scared, or at least I thought I was. I realize now that I never
really knew what fear was until I was in that room with all of you,
hearing that I might never see her again. If she dies without knowing
that I truly love her…I can’t…we have to get her back. Please
work with me on this.”

“And then what?”
Jade asks. “What happens once we bring her home?”

“Then I prove to her
that I love her, and want to be a real husband to her. I burned the
divorce papers.”

“How long until you
get skittish and run again?” Faith asks me.

“Never. I swear to
you—all of you—that I am never leaving Reina again. I want her in
my life. I
need
her.
I’m done letting my fucked-up issues keep us apart.”

“You’re saying all
the right words, Matt, but how do we know they’re true? How do we
know that once she’s back you won’t jump back into every pussy
that comes your way?” Ellie asks. Damn she’s tough. I knew that
already, but damn.

“You’re going to
have to trust me. And just so you all know, I didn’t sleep with as
many women as you think I did. I just made it seem that way.”

“I trust you with my
life, Matt. But I don’t know if any of us can trust you with
Reina’s heart again,” Tegan tells me.

“You can all trust
me. I promise.”

“Trusting you hasn’t
worked out so well for me in the past. I thought we were friends, and
then you chose to go against me,” Darcy reminds me.

“I chose my Gram,
Darcy. Her, Jessica, and Miles will always come first. That’s just
the way it is.”

“You’ve already
proven that they come before Reina, but that’s between you and her.
We
need
you on this
mission, because all of the intel and recon my team has gathered
tells me this is going to be bad. We’ll all be lucky to get out of
there alive. With Audrey staying back, you’re an extra body. So
yes, you can help us. What happens after that is up to Reina, but I
don’t think you can expect it to be easy. Everyone gather round,
and let’s do this,” Ainsley says.

I nod a thanks to her,
but she just flips me off. I wouldn’t expect anything different,
and I know she’s right. Getting Reina back is going to be the easy
part of this scenario. Convincing her to trust me, and give me
another chance is going to be what’s hard. I’m not looking for
easy, though. I’ll jump through every hoop she gives me, and do
whatever she needs. I’ve failed us both more times than I can
count, but failure’s not an option this time. I have to win—for
both of us.

Reina,

I can’t stop
thinking about you. I always think of you, but tonight you’re on
constant replay in my head. No amount of alcohol, or women grinding
on me in the club, could take the memories from my mind. The memories
of when you gave yourself to me for the first time. I hadn’t killed
an innocent man yet, but I still wasn’t worthy of the gift you gave
me. I wasn’t worthy of you then, and I’ll never be now. I just
need you to know how much it meant to me. I hate that I hurt you,
even for a few seconds, and I’m still fucking humbled by you, even
after all these years. I know I’m a mess, and I shouldn’t come to
you when I’m at my lowest point, but I can’t help it. There’s
nothing in this world like being buried inside of you, Reina. It’s
the only time the demons in my head are quiet. It all started with
that first night, and no matter that I’ve had other women and
you’ve been with other men, our bodies know they belong together.
Sometimes I’m tempted to believe that, too. I know I’ll never
belong to someone else. It just won’t happen, even if I can’t
allow myself to admit it—to myself, or to you--I’ll always only
belong to you. Despite the way I act, or the things I say, you own
me. My conscience won’t let me give myself to you, but no matter
what, I’m yours. One day maybe I’ll be brave enough to show you
that. Maybe.

With all my love,

Matt

* * *

Almost twelve years ago…

I
can’t be a good girl anymore. I saw things while I was kidnapped.
Things I won’t ever be able to un-see. They scared me, and I’m so
glad I was rescued before I was forced to do any of them, but now
they’re in my brain and I can’t get them out. I was lucky—I
know I was. I only had to give up my first kiss. If I hadn’t
blurted out that I was planning on going to the convent, they might
have done more. For some reason, my revelation stopped what was going
to happen. At least temporarily.

I
know without a doubt that more would’ve been taken from me had I
been forced to stay there. I won’t let myself ever be that
vulnerable again. I can’t. Jane Corrigan said she can help me, that
I can go to work for her. I want more, though. I need to be in
control of my body, and I was hoping tonight would be my night.

My
mother has other plans for me, though. The dress she bought me may be
strapless, and my favorite color, but it still looks like something a
little girl would wear. It’s light blue with a little ruffle at the
top, and giant ruffles from my thighs to the floor. It’s modern,
yes, but definitely not sexy. I’ll wear it because I have to, but
that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I don’t want to look like a
stripper, but I wanted to be noticed.