Loving Kate (Acceptance #3) (12 page)

Kate is crying uncontrollably now and all the chaos wakes up Lucas. His screaming rivals Kates and I don’t know what to do. Daniel won’t be here for at least twenty more minutes and somebody needs to be at the hospital with Vanessa now. As if in a trance, Kate stops sobbing out loud, instead just letting the silent tears stream down her cheeks. Then she takes Lucas out of his swing and clutches him to her. She looks detached and I’m worried.

“Kate, why don’t you let me take Lucas?”

She shakes her head no and begins to mutter, “It had to be an embolism, she had all the signs. Why didn’t we see it? I knew what to look for, Chad knew what to look for, the doctors knew what to look for. Why didn’t we know, Mike? Why didn’t we know?” she cries out desperately.

“Calm down, Kate. She’s going to be okay. She’s in the best hands right now. Do you have a car seat in your car yet?”

She shakes her head no and I see Vanessa’s keys on the table. Taking her car is
so
wrong but we don’t have any other choice.

After grabbing her keys and Lucas’s diaper bag, I throw a couple of bottles in from the refrigerator. Kate understands what we’re doing and walks out to the garage and secures Lucas in his seat. She’s moving like a zombie, just like when we were kids. She’s not screaming like she was then but somehow this is scaring me more. Before backing out, I call Daniel. This is one call I don’t want to make. He answers immediately and I throw my phone on speaker and drive.

“What’s going on, Mike? Why didn’t you answer when I called?” He sounds stressed.

“Daniel, listen to me,” I tell him, trying to be as calm as possible even though my hands are barely able to keep a grip on the steering wheel because I’m so freaked out. “Vanessa collapsed and they’re taking her over to the hospital by ambulance.”

“Collapsed? What do you mean she collapsed? Is she okay?” He’s frantic and I can’t say I blame him.

“Kate and I have Lucas and are on our way there now. Meet us there as fast as you can without killing yourself.”

“You didn’t answer my question, Mike. Is she okay?” I don’t want to answer this question but as it turns out, I don’t have to because Kate answers for me.

“It’s bad, Daniel” she says, sobbing again. “Please hurry.” Kate buries her face in her hands and continues to sob.

“I’m about ten minutes away. I’ll meet you in the ER.” His voice went from frantic to sad. He knows if Kate’s sobbing it’s really bad.

“See you there,” I tell him, my tone now matching his.

We are the first ones to arrive at the ER. Kate is again clutching Lucas closely to her, kissing him on the head, and reassuring him everything is going to be fine. There’s no way Lucas knows what’s going on but he’s content and it seems to make Kate feel better to be with him. After checking in with the triage desk, we’re told to have a seat and someone will update us when they know something. That’s a good sign; she must be okay or else they would have said something.

“Do you know how to reach Chad?” We have to find him somehow but Kate just shakes her head.

“I do and I already called him. He’s on his way,” Daniel says from behind me.

He’s out of breath and looks horrible. The tragic look on his face when he sees how Kate’s holding on to Lucas is heartbreaking. He knows how she lost her mom and this scene is all too reminiscent of that fateful day.

Daniel takes a seat on the table directly across from Kate and places his hands on her knees. When she looks up at him, her tears begin to fall harder and she reluctantly passes Lucas to his dad. Daniel looks relieved to get Lucas in his arms and sad to take him away all at the same time. I honestly think Lucas was the only thing holding Kate together. The doors open and Chad rushes in. He sees us immediately, and if I thought Daniel looked bad, he looks ten thousand times worse.

“What happened? She was fine when I left this morning, just a little tired,” he says while he runs his hands through his hair and paces in a circle.

Kate looks up at him and sniffs. “I think…it was an embolism.”

The color drains from Chad’s face and he sits, or rather almost falls, onto the table next to Daniel.

“But she’s eight weeks out, the risk for that decreases significantly after six weeks. She was doing so much better.”

He’s now crying, too, and I can tell he’s trying to make sense of this in his head. Since no one has come out yet, I need to tell them that she coded and I
really
don’t want to. Kate wraps her arm around mine and nods at me, as if sensing my indecision.

“There’s something you guys should know…” Both of their gazes are now locked onto mine. This might be the worst thing I’ve ever had to do. “Vanessa coded. They were performing CPR as they were loading her into the ambulance. I’m so sorry.”

The light in Chad’s eyes immediately disappears. Since he’s a med student, I don’t think that means this outcome is going to be a positive one. I pretty much already knew that, but his expression all but confirms it. Poor Daniel is absolutely shell shocked; I’m not even sure if he’s processing what I just said. The doctor who delivered Lucas comes out with another doctor who I assume is the ER doctor. They are walking toward us and neither of them looks encouraging.

“You’re Vanessa Ryan’s family?” the ER doctor asks and we all nod in unison. “I’m Dr. Bradly and I believe you all already know Dr. Curtis.”

Again, we all nod. There’s no one else in the waiting room and it’s so quiet you can hear a pin drop as we wait for them to talk.

“Unfortunately, Ms. Ryan passed away in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. The paramedics did all they could to revive her but were unsuccessful.”

Kate’s sobs get louder and her grip on my arm increases tenfold. Chad slumps to the floor from the table and Daniel stumbles to a chair for support.

“We performed a panel of tests in the ER, including a d-Dimer blood test which was extremely elevated as well as an echocardiogram which confirmed that Ms. Ryan had a massive PE, or in layman’s terms, a pulmonary embolism.” By this point we’re all crying as Vanessa’s doctor speaks. “I’m so very sorry for your loss. Ms. Ryan was a kind soul and we were taking extra precautions to try and avoid this exact situation. Sometimes, even with the extra precautions, things like this still happen. A pulmonary embolism death is rare this far after delivery but not uncommon with her medical history. Again, I’m truly sorry for your loss and if you have any questions that may come to you later, please don’t hesitate to call my office.”

I thought this guy was a massive dick when Vanessa had Lucas but now, seeing the sorrow in his eyes, I realize he was just protecting his patient.

“Someone from administration will be over shortly with her personal belongings and information on how to proceed from here,” the ER doctor advises us and Chad stands as he begins to walk away.

“Wait, can I…can I please see her? I’d like to say goodbye.”

My heart drops; I can’t imagine how he must be feeling right now. That would be like me losing Kate. I lived without her for almost four years and it was an internal hell. I couldn’t imagine losing her forever.

Kate pulls her knees to her chest and begins to talk to herself almost in a chant.

“Not Lucas, too. Oh God, no,
please
not Lucas, too. He can’t lose his mom. It’s too much. He
can’t
be like me.
Please,
God, fix this. Don’t let him be like me. Motherless children are so very sad. Please no, just no, not Lucas, too.”

Over and over she repeats this while sobbing hysterically. She’s breaking; this is Lila all over again for her. Vanessa had an embolism and Lila had an aneurysm and both died right in front of us. Daniel looks lost and I have no idea how I’m going to get the five of us out of here. None of them are in
any
condition to drive home.

“Kate? What’s going on, you guys?” Jess rushes to Kate and relief immediately floods through me. I’m not going to have to do this alone. Daniel must have called Connor, too.

“What’s going on? You were frantic when you called. What happened?” Connor asks Daniel as he surveys all of us carefully.

“Vanessa didn’t make it.” There’s no way for me to say it other than to just say it and Connor’s shoulders immediately slump in defeat.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry, you guys.” Jess says the words automatically, but she’s not paying attention to the rest of us; she’s locked onto Kate and
her
words.

“Where’s Chad?” Connor asks.

“He’s with Vanessa,” Kate responds, finally saying something other than the saddest words I’ve ever heard.

“Why don’t I take Jess and Kate back to the house and, Connor, you can drive Daniel and Chad when he’s ready.”

Connor nods as he pats Daniel’s shoulder. Daniel has a car seat in his truck so Connor can just drive that and come back to get his car later. Jess tries to get Kate up but she’s not moving; she’s in complete shock. Just as I’m about to pick Kate up and carry her out, Daniel passes Lucas to Jess and picks her up himself.

About fucking time.

Daniel follows us to the car and tenderly sets Kate down in the backseat and straps her in. Suddenly, Kate grabs his arm and begs him, “Daniel
please
don’t take Lucas back to Connor’s. Vanessa would want him home with his things. Please don’t leave. He
needs
to be home right now.”

Daniel kneels down and kisses her on the top of her head. “I know, Kate, we won’t go anywhere yet. Let’s give it a few days and see what happens.”

Kate sniffles and nods in agreement. Jess hands Lucas back to Daniel and climbs in the backseat next to Kate. On the way home, I realize one of us will have to come back for Vanessa’s car soon. And then an even sadder thought crosses my mind that has me fighting back tears. Daniel is now a single father with a newborn baby. Kate’s right; Lucas deserves so much more and so does Daniel.

Back at the house, Jess gives Kate an anti-anxiety pill and she falls asleep quickly after. I know I said I wasn’t getting back in her bed with her again but this is an extenuating circumstance. I’m not going anywhere but first, I need to talk to Jess.

“Connor just texted me that they’re on their way home,” she tells me as I come down the stairs. “What are we going to do about her, Mike? This is just like Lila all over again.”

I pull her in for a hug and kiss her softly on the head. “You don’t even know the half of it, Jess. It happened right in front of us, on the stairs, almost exactly how it happened the day Lila died. It was…eerie.”

“Oh no,” she gasps, her body sagging in defeat. “No wonder she’s falling apart. She’s reliving that day.”

“Yeah, that and she’s worried about Lucas. Kate knows all too well what it’s like to lose your mom at a young age.”

Jess is crying again. “I just can’t believe she’s gone. She had her whole life ahead of her. Poor Chad. My heart breaks for him and Lucas. I know this sounds bad, but at least he’s young. He won’t even remember what he lost. We’ll just fill him with tons of good memories.”

“Unless that makes it worse somehow because he’ll always wonder.” The thought saddens me. And the thought of Daniel now being a single parent is still weighing heavily on my mind.

When Connor finally comes back, he looks exhausted. “How’s Kate doing?” he asks, concerned.

“She’s knocked out on some Xanax. How are Chad and Daniel?” she asks as she curls up onto his lap on the couch.

“Honestly, I’m not sure Daniel has processed it. He seems okay. He was extra attentive to Lucas and kept asking about Kate. Chad called his parents from the car and they’re flying in. He insisted we drop him off at his house. He said he just couldn’t be at Vanessa’s right now. But to say he was devastated would be an understatement.”

“We’re in our twenties and we just lost a friend. Out of all the random, horrific ways to die and Kate and I had to watch her struggle for air, fighting as hard as she could for every last breath, until her heart just couldn’t take it anymore. She was in
so much
pain and there was
nothing
we could do. NOTHING.” I’m so frustrated. I just don’t understand how this beautiful, young mother just dies.

“It was painful for her?” Jess asks, horrified, and I nod.

“Kate tried to talk her through it. She made sure she told Vanessa how much she was loved by all of us. She kept trying to get her to fight for Chad and Lucas. It was heartbreaking.”

“You guys know I wasn’t her biggest fan, but she changed after she was pregnant. I was able to see what Daniel saw in her…even if I never admitted it. I could have been nicer to her. I
should
have been nicer to her. She was my nephew’s mother for Christ’s sake.”

“Connor, stop. She knew you cared for her. We all did. This was just a tragic thing no one could have predicted.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he says sullenly. “Oh, and my parents cancelled the graduation party. We all thought it was best.”

“That makes sense but you guys still....” Before I finish my thoughts, Daniel walks in with the diaper bag.

“Do you guys think we can crash on your couch tonight? I just don’t think I can sleep in that house right now. There’s still stuff from the medics that needs to be cleaned up and I just don’t have it in me to do it tonight.”

“Of course you can. We’ll pull out the bed. And, Mike, I don’t know about tomorrow. Maybe we’ll all just skip graduation.”

“Absolutely not!” Daniel practically yells at her. “You guys have waited four years for this day and Vanessa was so excited to share it with you,” he says, his voice cracking. “You
have
to go. You have to do it for her.”

“He’s right, you guys. That’s what I was going to say before he walked in. This is something Vanessa won’t ever get to do but you can do it to honor her,” I tell them with a sigh, and they both nod in agreement. Kate isn’t going to be so easily convinced, though.

“I’m going to go get the stuff to make up the couch. Connor, can you please help me?” Jess asks him sweetly

When they go upstairs it’s the first chance I’ve had to be alone with Daniel. “How are you really holding up?”