Loving Kate (Acceptance #3) (16 page)

Don’t take away from Kate being his mom; she doesn’t deserve to be made second place. But if I know Kate, she’ll tell Lucas early on about his birth mom. You’re going to be the one who lets him get to know her. And in turn, he’ll get to know us—you and me, Chad. That was the greatest love story of my life. You were my one true love. Thank you for that. Thank you for loving me and showing me what unconditional love felt like.”

Chad pauses as his shoulders shake. He bows his head and tries unsuccessfully to hold in his sobs. After a few moments and a lot of tears, he proceeds.

“When Vanessa came to me three weeks ago with four letters, I instinctively knew what they were. She said ‘just in case’ and I just nodded because I
knew
that ‘just in case’ would never come. Each letter was designed with her final wishes and personal thoughts she wanted us to have. I’ll cherish this letter forever and I’m so glad I know her wishes for me. I’m not sure I will…” He looks down at the paper and then back up at us. “And I’m quoting her here
‘move on and find the girl I was meant to have my happily ever with.’

He pauses again, endless tears now falling from his eyes and I’m so focused on him I don’t even notice my own, not until Jess wipes them away with a tissue.

“Vanessa was the girl who was supposed to be my happily ever after. Maybe someday I’ll meet someone else. As a matter of fact, I’m sure I will. I’m sure she’ll be wonderful and amazing and I’ll love her with all my heart because I’ll know Vanessa sent her to me. And I’m sure we will live
happily
and have kids of our own but
my
ever after
, that belongs to only
one
girl, Vanessa Ryan.”

Chad stands a little taller and his eyes suddenly grow a little brighter. “I know some of you might still have a little hesitation toward believing all the good things about Vanessa. Over the next fifty years or so, I’m looking forward to sharing the
real
Vanessa with you guys. As I teach Lucas about his mom, I’ll teach you guys, too. You deserve to know the girl I
knew
, the woman I loved with
all
my heart. I’m so thankful Lucas is here and there’s a piece of Vanessa left on this planet. It’s as if I haven’t fully lost her and I will always have a special place in my world for him. Vanessa didn’t have a good childhood. In fact, she had it worse than anyone I’ve ever known. She left Lucas in good hands. With all of us looking out for him there’s no way he’ll ever have to grow up the way she did. All Lucas will ever know is unconditional love. And that is the way it should be.”

When Chad steps down from the podium, he looks a little bit stronger, more self-assured. My sobs are slowly subsiding even though my tears are freely flowing. That was beautiful. It reminds me so much of Mike and me. But just as we’ve moved on, Chad will, too. As I turn to check on Daniel, I see Mike is looking at me, also crying. He is thinking the same thing, I know it, and I’m once again fully overcome with thankfulness that he’s still in my life. Daniel seems to be doing okay but he now has Lucas and is passing him to Chad. Chad places a kiss on his head and the sight warms my soul. We’re all going to be okay, Chad is going to take his rightful place in Lucas’s life as Godfather. I make a mental note to talk to Daniel about a christening immediately. There’s no time to waste; you never know when your time might be up.

After the service, we all head over to the burial site. Mike picked up some fresh gardenias this morning so we could leave them for Lila Hope. It’s just a small and quick graveside service but with all our friends and loved ones here, I feel the need to speak. When the minister asks if anyone would like to say something, I stand. It’s now that I notice none of Vanessa’s friends from work came to the graveside, only our extended family and Chad’s. That makes this a little bit easier.

“Most of you know Mike and I had a daughter, Lila Hope. This is her grave,” I say, pointing next to me and then I point behind me. “And this is where her Grandpa Grant is buried.”

Deep breath in and exhale
.

“Grant and Lila died within a few short months of each other and between Claire and myself we bought most of this side of the cemetery. It’s comforting to me to be able to come and talk to Grant and Lila at the same time. This is a place for family and Vanessa was
our
family. I’m so happy knowing she’s going to be here with my little girl watching over her. Vanessa also left me a letter.” I’m trying to choke down the lump in my throat. “In the letter she asked me to be Lucas’s new mommy.”

There are some audible gasps from my friends. Daniel is the only person other than Chad I talked to about the letter.

“And in her letter she told me she would be watching over Lila Hope. That brings me more comfort than you can possibly imagine. I asked Chad to bury her here before I even knew about her letter, but it just confirmed what I already knew. Vanessa deserves to be here with her family, where she belongs.”

After I take my seat, we watch as Vanessa is lowered into the ground. There’s not a dry eye anywhere.

Mike and I agreed before the service that it was time for me to introduce Daniel to Lila Hope. Chad also wants to say his own private goodbyes to Vanessa so I ask him if he can give us just a quick minute. This is something I know all too well that he needs to do. Mike takes Lucas and guides everyone back toward the cars, giving us some time alone. Gently taking Daniel’s hand, I lead him over to Lila Hope. He hasn’t said much today at all, I think he’s really overwhelmed by it all.

After placing a kiss on my palm and holding it against her headstone, I then kneel down and place the flowers at the base. I do the same routine every time I come. I don’t know why, but it helps me cope. Maybe it’s because it’s the only routine I ever got to have with her.

“Daniel, this is my daughter, Lila, and Lila, this is Daniel. He’s your brother Lucas’s daddy and I know you already know all about Lucas because his mommy Vanessa is up there with you, taking care of you and your grandparents now.”

Daniel looks like he’s at an even bigger loss for words. There are mixed emotions playing across his features and I know this must be hard for him.

“You don’t have to say anything. I know she’s not really here. It’s just comforting for me to be able to talk to her in some capacity, so this is usually where I do it.”

Daniel pulls my hand to his lips and kisses it gently. Then he drops my hand and pulls me to his side and clears his throat. “It’s very nice to meet you, Lila. Your mommy and daddy have told me all about you. I’m sure Vanessa will tell you all about me, too. Just know I’m going to be here taking care of them for a very long time.”

My eyes swell with tears as Daniel pulls me into his embrace and places a kiss on my forehead. My body screams out in longing for his but this is neither the time nor the place for any of that. As we step away, Chad takes his place on the ground and starts talking to Vanessa. I consider staying, but his parents are here waiting for him. We’ll see him back at the house soon enough.

On the drive home, I spend the ride thinking. The past two days have gone by in a haze as we all just put one foot in front of the other, gearing up for today. I’ve only been focusing on two things: the funeral, and what I should do about Vanessa’s final wishes for me to be a mom to Lucas. Finally, I decided there was nothing to do but embrace the fact that she chose me. I love that little boy already and knowing Vanessa trusted me to help fill her role makes me smile. I’m sure when we get back there are going to be lots of questions about Vanessa’s last wishes. Everyone is coming back to my house for a small gathering. Maryanne picked up some sandwich platters and snack trays, so it should all be low key and ready to go.

The limo pulls up and everyone climbs out except for Daniel, so I stay behind to make sure he’s okay. My eyes meet his and he takes my hand.

“I love you, Kate. With all of my heart. We’ve only been apart two months but it feels like two years. Every day that passes without you in my arms is a day we can’t get back.”

He leans forward and pulls me to him. His hands weave into my hair, pulling my mouth to his by the back of my head. When his lips meet mine I moan in ecstasy, and when he parts them with his tongue so gently, a tear falls from my eye. And when his tongue greets mine in an X-rated hello, I’m lost. Daniel sets the pace; he’s making love to my mouth with his and my body responds instantly. My panties are wet, my nipples are hard, and if I had it my way I would take him right here, right now, over and over again. When he pulls away, he looks up at me and his vulnerability is all I see. All his defenses are down; he’s finally letting me in.

“Move in with me,” he says in a rush.

What?

Move in with him?

Is he serious?

As if his Jedi mind tricks are back in action, he answers the unasked question. “I’ve never been more serious in my life. Move in with me, Kate. Move in with
us
. Let’s be a family. Lucas deserves a family,
we
deserve a family.”

Holy shit.

“Daniel, stop. Take some time and think about this. You’re just deciding this is what you want because of the letters. You wanted to take this slow two days ago and now you want to move in together?” My ears are ringing and I can barely hear anything over the sound of my beating heart reverberating in them.

He pulls out his phone and punches a few buttons and passes it to me. It’s a reservation for a trip to Hawaii; the date on the email is a few weeks ago. I scroll down and see it’s for two plane tickets and two hotel rooms for the day after my graduation. I’m at a loss for words.

He was going to take me to Hawaii?

“It was your graduation present, but I cancelled the trip when Vanessa died. I wanted to…I wanted to try, Kate. I thought if we could get away that we could hopefully end up only using one of those rooms and that I could get past it. After Marc talked to me the other day, and then you spending the past two nights in my bed, a man can only take so much. And then today, when you introduced me to Lila Hope, whatever lingering anger I had was just…gone.”

There’s not an inkling of sarcasm in his tone, not an ounce of anger or pain in his eyes. The only thing I see when I look at him is that he’s anxious for me to answer him.

Do I want to move in with him?

Uh, yeah, I’d marry him right now if he asked me to.

“Okay.”

Okay, I don’t know where we’re going to live, but I’d go anywhere for him. For them, my family, my boys. Oh my god, I’m really going to be somebody’s mom. Not just any somebody, either. Lucas…the little boy I love already as if he were mine.

“Okay? Really? You’ll move in with me?” He’s so excited and I’m nodding and crying at the same time.

“I miss Vanessa,” I say sadly as he pulls me into his lap.

“I miss her, too, baby. So
fucking
much. I hate that this happened and Lucas is going to grow up without her. But I’m glad she gave us her blessing to raise him, Kate, because if he can’t have her you’re the next best thing.”

And then he kisses me on the lips, one after another, each one deepening a little, each one lasting a bit longer than the one before. Until finally he pulls back and smiles the first real smile he’s given me in a very long time.

I feel bad for being so happy right now but I think Vanessa had a hand in this from up there. She’s giving us a gift and setting us free. My heart hurts knowing I’ll never have another talk with her or experience her bubbly personality. But I’ll always hold her close and I’ll have a piece of her with me every single day. Whenever I look at Lucas I’ll still have Vanessa with me. I can’t wait to tell him all about his mom.

Kate

All of the extended family has gone home. It’s just our core group and Chad now, but he’s part of the group now, too. It’s been nice hearing stories today from their past. Chad’s parents shared some really nice stories and promised to copy every single picture they have of Vanessa and send it to Lucas. My heart was overwhelmed with gratitude at their gesture. I want as many reminders of Vanessa as we can get. My dad pulled all traces of my mom from our house when I was younger. I’d never do that to Lucas. I want our home to be a place where he can remember his mom and love her openly.

Chad follows me into the kitchen and looks me over. “You seem happier today. Care to share the secret?”

I smile at him and pull him into a gentle hug. “Vanessa is watching over my little girl and Daniel and I are going to move in together.”

His voice cracks a little but he smiles at me as he pulls away from the hug. “That’s great, Kate, really. I’m so happy for you guys and Vanessa would be, too. If you could have heard all the ways she was plotting to get you two back together before she passed away…well, let’s just say you’d be happy you guys worked it out on your own, too.”

“I can only imagine the ideas she was scheming in her head. I’d give anything for her to be here to tell me all about them,” I reply with a sigh, and he nods sadly.