Loving Her (24 page)

He squeezed my hand and looked over at me for a second. “We’ll get through this.”

“I hope so.” It hurt to think about how all of this had happened and how we’d gotten so desperate to find a resolution. I would have been able to wait until she stopped being mad at me, but Ty was so broken up over Bella. He couldn’t stand feeling lost any longer. If there was even the slightest chance that she’d love him again, he had to go through with it.

We arrived home a couple hours later. I could tell he was exhausted, and he’d admitted that he hadn’t gotten much sleep. My mother and John had called to say that they would be another hour, so Ty went to lie down.

I sat in my living room, looking around at the pictures on the walls. Ty and Bella were so happy in all of them. In each family photo she was either on his lap or holding his hand. It broke my heart to think about that bond being broken, and I knew he was suffering more than I could ever imagine.

Ty had told me how Colt wanted him to drive Bella to Kentucky. It made sense, considering that she’d have to speak to him at some point during that long ride.

My problem was him having to ride home upset and alone. It made me nervous, and my heart hurt for him at being able to put himself in that kind of situation.

When my boys came running through the door, I was more than happy to see them. While they both hugged me and started talking about all the fun they’d had, Bella headed straight to her room. I looked at my mother and John, and they both shook their heads and looked at one another. “Why don’t you take your stuff to your room?”

I watched them running back to their rooms. My mother approached me. “She hasn’t said much this morning. I think she feels bad about worrying me last night.”

I looked down at the floor, finding it hard to tell my mother what we were thinking of doing with Bella. “Mom, I think you might want to sit down.”

“What is it?” She remained standing.

“Colt and Van are goin’ to keep Bella for a few weeks. I still have to c
all her school and get somethin’ worked out, but we’ve already decided. If there’s a chance that pushing her away will bring her back to us, we’ve got to try it.”

I could tell that my mother was upset. She’d seen us struggling and knew how hard a decision like this was for us. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but it could actually work. I get that she’s upset, but most of it is her acting out. She doesn’t hate either one of you. If you distance yourself and make her think that you’re done trying, it might cause her to admit her feelings.”

“That’s what we’re hopin’.”

“I can check on her as much as I want to. If Van needs help, she knows she can call me.”

I started to tear up. “I know. Thanks, mom.”

“Do you need us to stay another night, to take her home with us?”

“Ty’s goin’ to take her. Colt thinks it’s a good idea. He thinks it will force her to hear him out. They’ve never been alone like that since everything happened. She won’t be able to walk away, and I think if we’re going to send her away, she needs to hear what she’s givin’ up.”

“I agree.” My mother got that look on her face when she knew we’d done something wrong and she was disappointed. We were all disappointed with Bella, but we hadn’t lost hope.

We talked a little more, and then she and John announced that they were going to head out. My mom loved to antique, and Sundays were the best day to do it. It was still early enough in the day that they could make several stops before they all closed.

The kids came out and hugged her, and I said goodbye for Ty, who was still resting. As soon as they pulled away, I headed back to Bella’s room, where she’d run off to. I found her sitting on her bed looking at a shirt she’d gotten on their trip. I sat down next to her. “Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah, it was okay.” She wouldn’t look me in the eye.

“Bella, you scared us to death last night. You can’t leave like that. Grandma was responsible for you and we all thought you’d been taken.”

She looked up at me with a sad face. “I’m sorry. I told you why I did it.”

I put my hand on her thigh. “Sweetie, I love you with all of my heart, but I can see that you’re not happy here. You’re dad and I have tried to be there for you and help you get through this, but you won’t let us in. We had to make
the decision that will help this family heal. It hurts me to tell you this, but you’re goin’ to go live with Uncle Colt and Aunt Van for a while. I can’t have this constant drama around your brothers. It’s not healthy. I get that you’re mad at your father, but he’s never goin’ to give up on you.”

“You want me to leave?”

“I want our family to be the way it was before, but we both know that can’t happen anymore, especially after the things you’ve said about your father. I understand why you think you have to hate him, but it’s wrong. He’s done nothin’ but love you for your whole life. It all just breaks my heart.”

“I’ll do the exercises, I promise.” I wanted to smile, hearing her react like she hadn’t this whole time. It was at that moment when I realized how well Ty knew our daughter. Even after she’d ripped his heart out, he’d been strong enough to see what I couldn’t. He knew how to break her and bring her back to us.

“It’s not about that anymore. This is best for everyone. It’s not like we won’t be able to visit. We’ll come as much as we can.” I was lying through my teeth and I hated it, but it needed to be said. The more I saw her reacting, the more I knew it was working. Normally I’d be against manipulating my daughter, except we’d tried every other type of resorts and failed. This was a last resort. It was killing me inside, even if it was a ploy. I’d never send my child away if I didn’t feel like it was necessary.

“I’m sorry, mom. I won’t make you mad again. I promise.”

“You should have thought about that when you told the only man who has ever raised you that he wasn’t your dad. Bella, things like that have consequences. You can’t treat people that love you this way, no matter how angry you are at them. Family sticks together, through the good and the bad. I get that we hurt you by keepin’ the secret, but we didn’t do it for that reason. We did it because we both wanted to protect you. It’s only ever been about keepin’ you safe and loved. If you’d just given him a chance to explain, he would have told you that.” When she really started to cry I wanted to comfort her. She’d expect me to, so I hugged her and held her while I spoke. “Sweetie, this is the only way we can be happy. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want to be happy in your own home?”

“Yes,” she whispered sadly. “I won’t be mean to him anymore.”

“Actions speak louder than words, sweetie. I think some time apart is what we all need.”

God, I felt like the worst parent. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that it was clearly working. She was showing more emotion than she had in weeks.

She sobbed and looked down at the floor. “Do you still love me?”

“Of course I love you. That man in the other room, the one that you said wasn’t your father, loves you more than his own life.” I held her hand. “Bella, I know you’re goin’ through changes, and I get that things have been
hard for you, especially learnin’ about Tucker Chase. I’m not tryin’ to push you away because you know. I am sending you to Kentucky so you can have some time to heal. I think that you bein’ here is makin’ it hard.”

“Mom, it’s not hard.”

In other words, Bella knew she was being disrespectful on purpose. She knew that it had all been a show, and deep down she didn’t hate Ty. It was the opposite. “The decision has already been made. We can’t have you runnin’ away or sabotagin’ your life and studies because you’re mad at us.”

“I won’t.”

“Bella, please don’t make this any harder than it is. Uncle Colt and Aunt Van will keep you safe. You’ll have Noah to talk to if you get sad. You can call me or your dad whenever you want.”

She put her head down and sobbed. The longer I sat there, the more I knew I needed to get out of the room. I got up and left her there, fragile and alone, and I hated myself.

I hated this plan, even if it was working. I hated Ty for suggesting it, and myself for going through with it.

My baby was in her room hysterical, and I was a big fat liar, again.

Chapter 33

Tyler

Miranda came into the room having an emotional breakdown. She was sobbing and fell onto the bed next to me. I’d been awake for a few minutes and realized what time it was. As I started to get up, she came rushing in, and I had no idea what had happened.

I reached over and put my arms around her, but she shoved me off.  “I hate this plan.”

She wouldn’t look up at me, albeit I already knew what she was talking about. “What happened?”

“I told her she’s got to move out. Ty, it was so horrible. She’s so upset.”

I knew it was selfish, but for some reason, all I could think about was the fact that the plan was working. “So she doesn’t want to leave?”

Miranda shook her head and sniffled. “No. She said she’ll do the exercises. She was practically pleadin’ to stay.”

“What did you tell her?” I hated that Miranda was hurting, and especially that we were being so cold to Izzy. Neither of my girls deserved to be in emotional distress, but I was determined to break that wall down that she’d built. If telling her she had to leave was working, I wanted to keep going through with it, because it was the only way to get our daughter back to the little girl she used to be.

For some people it probably made no sense, and the psychiatrist was going to have
a field day. Hell, she’d probably say I was a horrible parent and didn’t deserve a daughter. Every parent has their own way of raising their kids, and mine may have been unique, but it worked.

“I told her that we couldn’t live in this house with so much pent up anger. I told her it wasn’t fair to the boys or anyone, includin’ you. Ty, you were right. It only took a few seconds for me to see it. She may have said she hated you and that you’re not her father, but I saw the real truth in her eyes. That girl loves you, and she’s never stopped. As much as this fuckin’ hurts, I’m willin’ to go through with it, for you and for our family.”

I pulled my wife’s face up so I could look into her eyes. I used my thumbs to wipe away her tears and kissed her softly on the nose. “Baby, none of this was meant to hurt you. You’ve got to remember that this is part of the plan. We’re doing this for our family. I know it hurts to even pretend that we’re giving up on her, but think about the rewards of making her appreciate our life. Look, I can promise you that the moment I drop her off at Colt’s is going to be one of the hardest of my life. I don’t want to spend a day without her in this house. It’s different when she’s visiting or away. I know it feels more permanent, even if it’s not. It isn’t like there’s some parenting manual laying around that can walk us through something like this. We’re grasping at straws here and I’m desperate as hell to get back what’s missing. Hell, I can’t even imagine what it’s like for other families that suffer through this for years. Maybe they’re stronger, or perhaps they’re just in denial. I don’t even care what other people think or do. This is about our family. It’s about our boys and about Isabella being the best daughter that she can be, because she’s happy and loved.”

When I said her full name Miranda closed her eyes.  She knew I was done waiting. “We want the same thing, babe.”

I kissed her softly again and let my lips linger against hers. “I love you all so much. I can’t let her slip away without a fight.”

“I know. I just feel so bad. I hate seein’ her like this. It was our lie that did this to her, and now we’re puttin’ even more stress on her. What happens if this makes her hate us more?”

“First of all, she doesn’t hate you. She hates me, remember? Secondly, I seriously doubt that will happen. You said she’s already begging to stay. This is what we want, Miranda. She needs to realize what she’s giving up. The only way for her to appreciate us is if we show her exactly what she’s willing to lose.”

“I just wish there was an easier way.”

“So do I,” I agreed. It wasn’t like I hadn’t thought about it. I’d stayed up half the night reconsidering the idea.

I held my wife as she cried and thought about our daughter, who was probably in her room doing the same thing. It would have been cool to be able to tell her that we changed our mind and that she could stay, but I needed to be sure that her reaction wasn’t just out of desperation. I needed to be certain that her feelings were genuine. I may have been pushing it, but this was a serious matter that needed to be handled. I refused to raise a defiant girl, who would only end up getting herself into trouble as she got older and looked down on authority.

Izzy went to school that Monday morning. I stayed at the house with Miranda while she made some calls to her school. The good news was that they were willing to allow her to be homeschooled until her “medical procedure” was dealt with and she’d recovered.

So it was a lie. It still reassured us that her education wouldn’t be affected. She’d already been privately tutored when she was in the hospital before.

I decided that I was going to pick her up from school and try to test the waters of how our long drive to Kentucky was going to be. I could see her disappointment when she walked over to the truck and saw that it was me sitting there waiting. She usually got excited when she didn’t have to ride the bus, but I could tell she wasn’t that happy this time.