LOVING ELLIE (7 page)

“Sorry about your loss.”

“Don’t be,” she said, her voice void of emotion.  “My mother chose to walk out of my life a long time ago.  Just as I chose not to let the news of her passing get to me.  But I wasn’t as thick-skinned as I’d hoped to be.  It got to me.”

Ellie was young and beautiful, but if one watched closely they could see the subtle hint of hurt in her eyes.  Emotional pain that had existed there a very long time.  He remained silent, letting her talk, needing to understand the cause behind it.     

She turned away to stare at the snow-covered landscape outside the passenger side window.  “I needed to talk to someone, so I drove out to the ranch.  Your brother was the only person I ever trusted enough to share pieces of my past with.”

Did she realize she was sharing some of her past with him as well?  Was it because he reminded her of his brother?  

“He was always there when I needed him, too,” Lucas replied.

“I went to him because I knew he would understand my reaction to news of my mother’s death.  Even if I didn’t.”

“And he comforted you,” Lucas said knowingly.

She nodded.  “One thing led to another and...”

“You slept together.”

Ellie looked his way, their gazes locking.  “Yes.  But only that one time.”

Apparently once had been enough.  “But you agreed to marry him.”

“Not at first.  When I told your brother about the baby he wanted to ‘do right’ by me.  I resisted, not wanting to force him into a situation we might both regret down the road.  Especially since it wouldn’t be a relationship based on love.”

“Only lust?” he scoffed.

“I never lied to your brother.  He knew I wasn’t in love with him, not in the way he deserved me to be, but he was still determined to marry me and give his child his name.  I finally accepted, hoping that in time my feelings for him would deepen.”

His gaze dropped to the single diamond solitaire Jarrett had given her. 

She twisted the ring nervously on her finger.  “I know I should have taken it off after Jarrett...after the accident, but I wanted people to know that my child had been wanted by his father.”

His frown deepened.  “Too bad his mother doesn’t feel the same way.”

CHAPTER
SIX

Ellie gasped.  Lucas’s harsh statement was a barb to her already aching heart.

“I’m sorry,” he said, dragging a hand down over his face.  “That was uncalled for.” 

“Think what you want,” she replied stiffly.  “But don’t doubt for one second that I don’t love this child growing inside of me.”

“Then why, Ellie?” he asked, searching her gaze.  “Why give him up?”

“Because my son deserves better than I can ever give him!” she exclaimed, her voice catching.

“If this is about money...”

“Financial stability was only a small part of my decision to give my son up for adoption.”

“Is this about being an unwed mother?  Because there are a lot of women out there raising children on their own and doing a darn good job of it.”

“It’s about my son deserving a mother who isn’t genetically predisposed to failing at motherhood,” she blurted out.  “Now let it go, Lucas.  Please.”

He stared at her for a long while before shifting his full attention back to the road, thankfully listening to her plea to end their current conversation.

Ellie closed her eyes, willing away the tears that threatened to fall.  Lucas was only the first of many who would judge her harshly over her decision.  But they hadn’t lived her life.  Didn’t know about the emotional pain she’d dealt with on a daily basis.  The fear.  The need.

“So how was work?” he murmured.

“W...what?” she said, still shaken by the emotions he’d stirred up inside her.

“Work,” he repeated.  “How was your day?”

“It was fine,” she answered, some of the tension leaving her body.  “Word’s out that you’re home.”

“No doubt,” he muttered.

“People...well, they seemed surprised to hear you’d come back.”  

“I’m sure they were,” he said without any further explanation.

She wanted so badly to ask why they would be so surprised by his return, but she, unlike most people, wasn’t one to pry.  Not when she valued her own privacy so much.

“I know you’re tired,” he said.  “So feel free to shoot this suggestion down, but I’d like to swing by Mrs. Mulrooney’s place on the way home.”

“Mrs. Mulrooney’s?” she repeated, her words followed by a tired yawn. 

“Never mind,” he said with a frown.  “I don’t know what I was thinking asking that of you after spending most the day on your feet waiting on customers.”

“I made sure to sit and rest in between customers.”

“Even still, it’s plain to see you’re exhausted.  Seeing Mrs. Mulrooney can wait.  Right now we need to get you home.”

Home.
  Where it would be just the two of them alone.  Where Lucas would be free to confront her again about her decision to give the baby up.  As worn out as she was, Ellie couldn’t bear the thought of delving into her carefully guarded emotions again that night.  And Lucas was bound to try.  He wanted answers.  Answers she wasn’t ready to give. 

“I’m not that tired,” she said, preferring a short visit with Mrs. Mulrooney to spending alone time with Lucas.  “Besides, her place is on the way to the ranch.  I don’t mind stopping by to say hello.”

He looked her way.  “You sure?”

“Positive.”

“I want your word that you’ll tell me if you feel the need to leave.”

She nodded.

“I won’t visit long,” he assured her.  “I just want to let Mrs. Mulrooney know that I’m back before she finds out through the town gossip vine.”

Gossip.
  Ellie cringed.  How she hated that word and all the pain it caused.  Hated gossip of any sort.  Nothing good ever came from it.  She should know.  She’d been on the receiving end of it most of her life.

“I’m sure she’ll be very happy to see you again.”

He scoffed as they turned up Alice Mulrooney’s drive, making their way back to a ranch style house which sat just beyond a thickening of pines. “She’s probably going to be the only person in Eagle Ridge, other than Blaine, happy to see me.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because it’s true,” was the only answer he gave. 

Ellie found the concept hard to believe.  Not when the people of Eagle Ridge had been so warm and welcoming toward her.  Lucas was one of their own.  And from what she’d seen he wasn’t a bad man.  Granted he had failed his brother, but he had freely admitted as much.  Losing Jarrett had genuinely devastated him.

Other things, like the fact that Lucas could have thrown her out when he found her living at the ranch, but hadn’t, insisting she belonged there.  And how, from the moment he learned she was carrying his brother’s child, he’d done whatever he could to ease her burdens.  No, Lucas Tanner was not a bad man.

“Looks like Mrs. Mulrooney’s home.” Lucas nodded toward the faded blue Buick parked inside the garage.

“I wonder if she knows the garage door is open.”

“I’ll shut it for her.”  But he made no move to get out of the Jeep.

She studied him as he sat staring at the house.  It was as if he longed to see the older woman again, but couldn’t bring himself to make it happen.

Finally, Ellie took the initiative and opened her door, letting the wintry wind slip into the Jeep.

Lucas turned in response, snapping out of his thoughts.

“You can’t knock on her door from here,” she said as she unlatched her seatbelt.

Her words set him into motion.  “Don’t even think about stepping down out of there on your own.  The snow’s too deep.”  Cutting the engine, Lucas let himself out and rounded the rental.

“Don’t be silly.  I’ve walked in deep snow before.”  Her argument fell on deaf ears as Lucas reached in past the open passenger door and scooped her up into his arms.

Once she got past the shock of being held in his arms, Ellie began to squirm.  “Put me down!”

“I intend to,” he replied as he nudged the door shut with his shoulder.  “Just as soon as you’re safely up on that porch.”

“Lucas,” she exclaimed, “you’re going to hurt yourself.”

His dark brow lifted.  “Doubting my strength again?”

The muscles housed beneath his coat were proof enough that he was strong enough to carry her.  Fearing that her struggles might take them both to the icy ground, Ellie gave up and wrapped her arms about his neck, clinging to Lucas as they moved up the sidewalk which had yet to be shoveled.  She forced her thoughts to the cold, to the porch they were nearing, to anything but how good it felt to be cared for that way despite all her protests to the contrary.

“See there,” he said as he lowered her feet to the sun-faded welcome mat that stretched out in front of the door, “safe and sound.  Just like I promised.”

Then he left to shut the garage door.

Ellie struggled to collect herself.

A moment later, he was back and knocking on the front door.

The door flew open and Alice Mulrooney’s smiling face appeared.  “Well, I’ll be!
 
Lucas Tanner!”

“Evening,” he greeted with a smile.

She threw her slender arms around him in a welcoming embrace.  Half-laughing, half-sobbing into the front of his coat, the older woman muttered, “My sweet little imp.”

Ellie felt the sting of tears as she watched the happy reunion.

When the embrace ended, Mrs. Mulrooney stepped back.  “Ellie, dear!  I wondered who this young rascal was carrying across my yard.”

Warmth filled Ellie’s cheeks at the memory of it.  “Lucas didn’t want me to fall.”

“I can see he remembered the manners I taught him.”

“The most important ones,” he replied with a chuckle.

She motioned for them to step inside.  “Please, come in from the cold.”

Lucas placed a hand at Ellie’s waist, guiding her in through the open door.  Then his hand fell away as he looked around the room with a contented smile.  “Just as I remembered it.”  

“I’ve never been one for change,” the older woman admitted as she stepped forward.  Lucas towered over her as Mrs. Mulrooney reached up to clasp his cheeks between her weathered hands.  “Is it really you?”

He met Ellie’s gaze over the dull brown strands of curler wrapped hair, his smile widening.  “It’s really me.”

Mrs. Mulrooney looked up at him with tears of happiness in her eyes.  “I never thought I’d see you again.”

He didn’t say anything.  He didn’t have to.  It seemed Lucas was right.  Everyone in Eagle Ridge had written him off years before.

Ellie offered him an empathetic smile.  No matter what the differences were in their situations, she knew what it felt like to be written off. 

“I’m so sorry about your loss,” the older woman said, choking up.  “It broke my heart when I heard about your brother’s accident.”

Lucas nodded, accepting her words of sympathy. 

“Jarrett was such a fine young man.”  Her attention shifted and her warm smile returned.  “And how are you doing, dear?”

Ellie followed the older woman’s gaze down to the bulge in her coat, one the woman was now gently patting.  “I’m holding up.”

Mrs. Mulrooney clicked her tongue.  “It’s not right I tell you.”

For a moment Ellie stood speechless.  How did Mrs. Mulrooney know about her decision?  She hadn’t told anyone except for...  Her gaze lifted, meeting Lucas’s.

“So many young lives taken away far too soon,” Mrs. Mulrooney added with a sniffle.

Relief swept through her and Ellie let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding in.  Mrs. Mulrooney didn’t know about her decision.  Yet.  But sooner or later word would get out about her intention to give her baby up for adoption.  Her reaction a moment before made her wonder if she was truly ready to deal with the repercussions that decision would undoubtedly bring.  Not to mention the guilt.

“Ellie, dear?” Mrs. Mulrooney said.  “Are you feeling all right?”

“Yes,” she muttered softly.  “Why?”

“You’ve gone pale,” Lucas replied, slipping a supportive arm around her waist.  “You’re not about to faint again, are you?”

“Faint again?” Mrs. Mulrooney gasped.

Lucas nodded.  “She fainted when we first met.”

Ellie waved away their concern.  “Pregnant women faint on occasion.  I’m fine.”

“Are you feeling dizzy?”

She looked to Mrs. Mulrooney.  “Just a little lightheaded, but it’ll pass.”

“We should get going,” Lucas said, a worried frown cutting into his handsome face.

“Maybe she should call her doctor.”

“I just need to sit down for a few minutes,” Ellie said, feeling Lucas’s arm return to her waist.

“She’s been working at the coffee shop all day,” he explained.  “I should have taken her straight home.”

“I insisted he stop,” Ellie said.  “He didn’t want you to find out he was back in town from someone else.”

Mrs. Mulrooney’s veined hand went to his cheek, giving it a motherly pat.  “What a dear boy you are.”

Ellie couldn’t help but smile.  To Mrs. Mulrooney, Lucas would always be that young boy she’d helped care for, but he was nowhere near a boy now.  Not by a long shot.

“Have you seen him yet?” she asked hesitantly as if sensing Lucas wouldn’t appreciate her asking.

Him who?
Ellie wanted to ask, but that would be prying.

“Not yet,” was all he said.  He glanced toward the door.  “We should be going.  I’ll stop by sometime tomorrow to visit.”

“Of course,” she agreed, but there was no missing the disappointment in her voice.  “We don’t want Ellie overdoing it.”

Lucas gave a muffled snort.

“I promise I’m fine,” Ellie told the older woman.  “I’d really like to stay and visit.  Besides, it’ll give Lucas a chance to regain his strength after carrying me all the way up here.”

A hint of a smile returned to his lips.  “It’s not
my
strength I’m worried about.  You’re the one who nearly fainted again.  You should be home with your feet propped up.”

There he went again, treating her like some delicate little flower, something she most definitely was not.  “For your information, Lucas Tanner, I–”

“Can take a load off her feet here,” Alice cut in.  “It’s not often I have company out here.  Especially in the winter months.  And since Ellie assures us she’s feeling better, you two can at least stay long enough for me to fix you something to eat.  That baby she’s carrying needs nourishment and you...” She looked him up and down.  “It appears you could use some fattening up, Lucas Tanner.  You’ve gotten far too thin since you’ve been away.  You’re wasting away to nothing.”

Ellie fought the urge to grin since it appeared Mrs. Mulrooney was quite serious.  However, the elderly woman’s eyesight had to be failing, seeing as how Lucas was nowhere near as emaciated as she made him out to be.  In fact, the man was built like an oak tree, tall and sturdy.

“Okay, you ladies win,” he said, shaking his head in an exaggerated manner.  “A man knows when he’s on the losing end of an argument.”