LOVING ELLIE (2 page)

Someone had seen to the upkeep of the place since Jarrett’s passing.  Probably Blaine.  Blaine Cooke was the town sheriff and had been Jarrett’s best friend since elementary school.

Lucas stopped and turned, his gaze sweeping the land around him.  His brother had devoted all of his free time to making the ranch a real home for the family he’d hoped to have someday.  A family he would never have thanks to a cruel twist of fate.

Why Jarrett?  Why not him?
he thought angrily.  Given the choice, he would have gladly taken his brother’s place.  But, once again, the choice hadn’t been his to make.  The Tanner name would die right along with his brother, because he’d already had his one chance at happiness and had lost it all. 

If only...

With a shake of his head, he forced the ghosts of his past away as he continued across the porch.  Then, straightening his six-foot-two-inch frame, he reached up and slid his fingers across the top of the porch beam closest to the door.  Cold metal greeted his touch. 

Pulling the key down, he turned and slid it into the lock, letting himself in.  There was a slight chill to the house, but not as much as he would have expected considering no one had been living there. 

It was then he noticed the faint smell of wood and smoke that hung in the air around him. 
Odd
, he thought, considering Jarrett had been gone for weeks.  Lack of sleep and jet lag appeared to be taking its toll.  He was imagining things.  There would be no fire warming the hearth.  No welcoming embrace from his brother. 

He flicked on the entryway light and then bent to remove his snow-covered boots, placing them on the rubber mat on the floor next to the door.  Then he shrugged out of his coat.

He was just about to remove his hat when a faint crackling sound in the adjoining room stopped him.  His head snapped around in that direction.

“What the...” his words trailed off as he followed the sound into the family room.  The sight that greeted him in the dimming light of day stopped him dead in his tracks.  A fire, weak and sputtering burned in the hearth.  A very real fire. 

No one knew to expect him.

His body tensed.  His dark brows knitted together.  “What the-”

A soft sigh drew his gaze from the bright orange embers to the sofa that sat in front of it.  A puddle of water gathered on the floor at the foot of the sofa.  Above it, worn boots peeked out from beneath a colorful throw.  Who they belonged to he couldn’t tell as the floral piece faced the fireplace, away from where he stood staring in disbelief.

One thing he could tell from the boots was that it was definitely a man asleep on his brother’s sofa.  A vagrant?  Possibly.  Yet the front door had been locked.  Whoever he was, he was trespassing.

He rounded the sofa to confront the man curled up, head and all, beneath the colorful throw.  The lounging lump stirred slightly, causing the blanket to slide away from the interloper’s face.

Lucas’s breathed hitched.  It wasn’t a man lying asleep on his brother’s sofa.  It was a woman.  Young with long blonde hair and soft pink lips parted in sleep. 

As the shock of his discovery wore off, Lucas frowned.  Pretty or not, she was still trespassing in his brother’s house.  He moved to stand in front of her, arms crossed.  “I don’t know who you are, but you’d better have a good explanation for being here.”

Ellie stirred, drawn from sleep by a hauntingly familiar voice.

“Jarrett?” she mumbled tiredly, forcing her eyes to open.  She needed so badly to see her friend again.  In the fading light of day that filtered into the room through the window, it took a bit longer for her eyes to adjust. 

She focused on the worn denim in front of her, following it up over muscular, denim-clad thighs, past the hand clutching a camel-colored sheepskin coat to the clinging cotton drawn taut over unexpectedly broad shoulders.  Shoulders too wide to be Jarrett’s.

Her gaze slid further upward.  Eyes the same shade of sapphire blue as her fiancé’s stared back at her from beneath the brim of a snow-dusted hat.  But the unruly, dark brown hair and chiseled jaw covered by a five o’clock shadow weren’t Jarrett’s.  His hair had been a lighter shade of brown with streaks of gold mixed in and he was always clean-shaven.

As the haze of sleep cleared her mind, the seriousness of the situation struck her.  She sat up with a gasp.  “Who are you?” she demanded, her heart pounding.  “What are you doing here?”

A dark brow arched sharply.  “I seem to recall asking you the same thing before you fell into that blank stare.”

“I...,” she said, struggling to find the words.  “I thought you were...” her words drifted off as she stared up into a face so much like Jarrett’s she wondered if she were dreaming this moment. 

“The police?” he answered for her.

“What?”

He looked down at her, his face unsmiling.  “There are laws against trespassing, you know.”

The faint scent of peppermint teased her senses when he spoke, confirming that this wasn’t a dream.  This man was real.  Very real.  

“Are you going to explain what you’re doing in my brother’s house or do
I
call the police?” he demanded impatiently.  He crossed his arms, his body a virtual wall in front of her. 

Her head snapped up to meet his impatient glare.  His brother’s?  Was it possible...?  She sat up and swung her booted feet off the sofa, the throw clutched protectively in front of her as she stood.  “Jarrett only had one brother and he’s in Brazil.”

“Was,” he corrected.

There was no denying the resemblance.  This had to be Lucas.  But why had he come home now? 

“Nice of you to take your time coming home,” she said, furious that he hadn’t cared enough to come back in time for Jarrett’s memorial service.  Even more so that he’d broken his brother’s heart by stepping out of his life the way he had.  “The memorial service was nearly three weeks ago.”

“I don’t know who you are, but I do know one thing - you don’t belong here.”

She flinched at his words.  Had she ever really belonged anywhere?  She was not going to cry, no matter how raw she felt inside.  “I live here.”

“Save your lies for the police.”  Turning, he crossed the room to where the cordless phone sat perched in its cradle.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s been a long day,” he said matter-of-factly.  “Several days for that matter.  The police can deal with you.”

“I was your brother’s fiancée,” she blurted out as he lifted the cordless from its base.

The large hand froze midair.  A second later Lucas Tanner pivoted to look at her, his scowl deepening.  “What did you say?”

Nothing could have prepared her for this moment.  After the accident, she’d made several attempts to contact Lucas to no avail.  Or so she’d believed.  Apparently, he’d gotten one of the messages she’d left for him on his cell phone or he wouldn’t be there now. 

She looked up, her gaze locking with his.  His expression wasn’t warm and kind as Jarrett’s had always been.  It was hard and icy, like the land outside.

“Your brother and I were engaged,” she explained, nervously twisting the diamond engagement ring on her left hand. 

He returned the phone to its cradle and turned back to face her.  “That’s impossible.  I would have known if my brother had asked some woman to marry him.”

“Maybe if you’d kept in better contact with him you would have,” she accused angrily.  She couldn’t recall Jarrett ever having received a call from his brother in the months she’d been living there.

“My brother understood.”

How did a man understand being abandoned by the only family he had left?  “Did he really?  Is that why he was always saying that he wished you’d come home?”

He closed his eyes as if trying to compose himself, and then opened them, pinning her with his gaze.  “I had my reasons for staying away.  My brother understood them.”

While she knew why Lucas had gone to Brazil, she couldn’t understand his staying away for three long years.  Away a brother who loved him and needed him there.  She’d have given anything to have family who wanted her to be a part of their life.

“Did he really?” she challenged.  She had never pressed Jarrett for details, certain that he would confide in her when he was ready, but she knew Lucas’s staying away hurt him deeply. 

Lucas didn’t answer, not that she really expected him to.  Instead, he stood studying her.  His scrutinizing gaze shifted from her face, moving slowly downward.

She clutched the chenille throw to her shivering form as his dark gaze moved down to her feet.

Then a dark brow lifted.

She looked down, having forgotten she was wearing Jarrett’s oversized boots.  Feeling oddly self-conscious, she quickly kicked them off to stand in her stocking feet.  “They were your brother’s.  I put them on when I went out to the barn to tend to the animals.  I guess I forgot to take them off.”  She’d been so tired it was all she could do to make it to the sofa when she’d come back inside.

He looked up, meeting her gaze and his expression softened.  “You really were his fiancée?”

She nodded and held out her hand. 

He looked down at her extended fingers.  His expression softened.  “My mother’s ring.” 

“Yes.”  Clutching the blanket to her, she attempted to twist the gold band with its half carat solitaire off her finger.  “You can have it back,”

He reached out to still her efforts.  “No.  If my brother gave you our mother’s ring, he wanted you to have it.  You should keep it.  Besides, I don’t have any need for it.”

Wearing the ring made her feel closer to Jarrett.  Just as being at the ranch did.  And she desperately needed that closeness right now.  But the ring wasn’t hers to keep.  If Lucas didn’t want it, she would give it to her baby’s adoptive parents to keep until her child was old enough to receive and care for such a special keepsake.

She lowered her hand with a grateful smile.  “Thank you.” 

He nodded.

“Look,” she said, needing to understand, “I don’t know why you stayed away for so long-”

“Jarrett didn’t tell you?” he said, the surprise clear in his voice.

Of course he would be surprised.  She’d been his brother’s fiancée.  It was only natural Lucas would think she knew the details of his past.

“No,” she said, shaking her head.  Not really.

He made no attempt to explain his reasons for leaving to her.  Not that it was any of her business.  Another reason she hadn’t pressed Jarrett for more.

“You were Jarrett’s only family,” she said, exhaustion setting her on edge.  Details or not, she knew Lucas Tanner had abandoned his brother, something she was an expert on.  “How could you have missed his memorial service?”

His frown returned.  “I didn’t know about it.”

He was actually going to stand there and lie to her of all people?  “I called your cell –
three
times.  Are you telling me you didn’t receive any of my messages?”

His frown deepened.  “That’s exactly what I’m saying.  I didn’t have service where I was.  The messages never came through.  At least none from a woman claiming to be my brother’s fiancée.  Believe me, I would have remembered that one.”

“Then how did you know to come home?”

“My mail was being held for me while I was away in Venezuela on a job.  When I returned to Brazil a few days ago and picked up my mail there was a letter from my brother’s attorney telling me what happened.”  He looked away as if it pained him to speak about it. 

“I’m sorry,” she said with a weary sigh.  “I had no right to judge you so harshly.  I’m just overly tired this evening.  It’s been a long couple of weeks.”

“I can imagine,” he said with an empathetic nod.  “Losing someone you care about, especially when they’re too young to die, can take a heavy toll on those left behind.”

“How about we start again?”  She held out her hand.  “I’m Ellie Sanders.”

He reached for it, curling his much larger fingers around her smaller ones.  “Lucas Tanner, but then you already know that.”

CHAPTER TWO

Lucas’s gaze dropped down to their locked hands and a frown moved over his face.  “Your hand is freezing.”

She frowned, tugging free of his grasp.  “I just came in a little while ago from seeing to the animals.”

“That explains the water.”

“What?”

He pointed to the puddle that had pooled atop the polished wooden planks at the foot of the sofa.

She frowned as she stared at the mess she’d made.  “I should have taken my boots off.”  Only she’d been too tired.

“It’s only water.  I’m more concerned about your hands.  They’re not going to warm up anytime soon with the heat turned down so low.”

“It’s not turned down,” she admitted.  “The heater hasn’t been working like it should the past few days and I haven’t had a chance to call for service on it.”  And then there was the issue of money.  She didn’t have the extra for repairs at the moment.  Besides, the fireplace, when she didn’t let it burn down as it was now, kept the temperature in the house bearable.

“I’ll take a look and with any luck we’ll have it up and running the way it should.”

Luck?
  Did such a thing really exist?

He glanced toward the dying fire.  “In the meantime, we need to get that fire going again.” 

Ellie followed his gaze to the fading embers.  She’d seen to the horses and collected eggs from the coop, but in her haste to get in out of the bitter cold she’d forgotten to bring in more firewood.  And at that point all she’d wanted to do was sleep.

She watched as he walked over to the stone-encased fireplace and grabbed the long iron poker from its hook on the wall. 

He nudged the remaining embers around.  “I’ll throw a few logs on to get the fire going again before I go take a look at the heater.”

“There isn’t any.”

“Excuse me?”

She pointed to the empty firebox in the corner.  “I haven’t had a chance to bring more wood in yet.”

“When were you planning on doing it?”

“Soon,” she said in her own defense. 

“There’s not much daylight left,” he reminded her with a frown.  “And once those last rays of sun disappear from the sky the temperature outside is going to drop something fierce.”

“I know,” she sighed tiredly.  The thought of going back out into that icy chill was daunting, but he was right.  She had to go back out before night set in.

“You’re exhausted,” he said.  “And half frozen.  Stay here.  I’ll go out and get some firewood.”  Returning the poker to its hook, he turned to leave.

“Don’t!” she called out. 

He stopped and turned.  “Don’t?”

“I don’t need your help.”  It was her fault the firebox was empty.  Her responsibility.

He glanced toward the window, which was rattling from the force of the wintry wind and then back to where she stood.  “Fine.  But I wouldn’t wait too much longer to get it if I were you.  The snowfall’s getting thicker.”

“A little snow never hurt anyone.”  The second the words were out Ellie wished she could take them back.  She hadn’t given any thought to Jarrett’s accident.  “What I meant to say”

“It’s all right,” he said, cutting her off.  Turning away, he walked over to stand at the window.  His broad shoulders sagged slightly as he leaned against the window frame, his gaze fixed on the whirl of white outside.  “Did he suffer?” 

“No,” she said softly, unable to bring herself to revisit the details of the accident.

“Thank God,” he breathed.

For what?
For taking away the only man to ever treat her with tenderness and respect?  A good man who deserved to live a long, happy life.   

“I’m sorry you missed the memorial.  We waited a week to have it, just in case you...” she said, struggling to hold it together.  She needed to be strong.  For Jarrett.  “Anyway, it was really nice.”    

“If only my job hadn’t run longer than expected,” he said with a heavy sigh.  “I would have been back in Brazil when you tried to reach me.  Maybe then your calls would have gotten through.” He turned from the window, regret filling his eyes.  “If only I had known.”

Life was full of
‘if onlys’
Ellie thought bitterly.  If only her parents had stayed together.  If only her mother had loved her enough to stick around.  If only Jarrett hadn’t been out on that icy road that night. 

The chill she’d felt since Jarrett’s death moved deeper and the strength that had carried her through the past few weeks suddenly drained away.  With a soft gasp, she grabbed for the table by the sofa to steady herself as the room around her began to tilt and sway.

Lucas turned from the window.  “Ellie?”

His face was the last thing she saw before her entire world faded to black.

His brother’s beautiful, young fiancée sank to the floor like a rag doll.  One moment she’d been standing there talking to him.  The next, she was lying in an unconscious heap in front of him. Thankfully, she’d landed on the thick Mohair rug in front of the sofa and not on the hardwood floor.

He moved to gather her limp form in his arms.  Then he lifted her, throw and all, and turned toward the sofa.  He didn’t need this.  Not now.

“Ellie?” he repeated, attempting to rouse her as he lowered her onto the floral cushions.  Reaching out, he turned on the lamp, pushing the growing shadows back to the corners of the room. 

Concern etched his face as he knelt beside the woman that had been his brother’s fiancée, studying her pale face.  The half-moon shadows beneath her eyes were evidence of the sleep she hadn’t been getting.  Throw in being exhausted as well as chilled to the bone and it was no wonder her body had shut down the way it had.  

She stirred slightly, but didn’t awaken.

Jarrett’s death had clearly left her both emotionally and physically spent.  He knew that feeling all too well.  But she was young and would be able to move on with her life once she got past the grieving.  Or so they say.  Not that he’d ever been able to move on himself after Anna’s death.  But that was different.  Jarrett’s death hadn’t been Ellie’s fault.

Lucas straightened to stand beside the sofa, looking down at the woman his brother had chosen to spend the rest of his life with.  Ellie Sanders was pretty in a real natural way.  No makeup needed.  He’d give her that much.  But there had to be more to this woman than beauty, something special that had drawn Jarrett to her.  If his brother hadn’t loved Ellie, he wouldn’t have given her their mother’s ring along with the promise of marriage.

Lucas bent to ease a throw pillow under her head.  She was clearly in need of rest, so he wouldn’t wake her.  What he would do, however, was go out and collect some wood for the fire and then get the place warmed up before Ellie ended up with pneumonia.  He owed his brother that much.

Turning, he reached down to drag the throw up over her sleeping form and froze.  His heart slammed against his chest with the force of a wrecking ball as his gaze locked on the tale tell bump beneath the oversized flannel shirt she wore.  One that had been hidden earlier by the throw she’d had held clutched protectively in front of herself. 

“Lord, no,” he groaned.

No wonder she’d fainted.  Ellie Sanders wasn’t only tired and chilled to the bone.  She was pregnant.  His gaze swept over her again. 
Very pregnant.
 

His heart slammed hard against his chest.  He stood, unable to move, staring down at her as his gut clenched, as memories assailed him.  The broken trust.  The helplessness.  The loss.     

Muttering a curse, Lucas yanked off his hat and raked an uneasy hand back through his hair.  What was he supposed to do now?  When he’d come back to Eagle Ridge to handle his brother’s affairs this wasn’t the sort of ‘affair’ he’d had in mind.

The air in the room grew thick, almost suffocating, as he stood in stunned silence, staring blankly at the unexpected discovery before him. 

The antique grandfather clock across the room ticked the seconds away with agonizing slowness.  Tearing his gaze from Ellie Sanders’ rounded abdomen, he walked over and scooped up the coat he’d dropped onto the floor when she had fallen.  Then he walked out of the room.

He shoved his arms into the sleeves of the bulky sheepskin jacket as he crossed the entryway to the front door.  Driven by demons from his past, he yanked on his boots and then whipped open the door. 

The second he stepped out onto the porch a blast of wintry air hit him square in the face, clearing the shock from his mind.   

Pregnant.

He pulled the door shut behind him and then sagged back against it, closing his eyes with a heavy sigh.  Discovering Ellie pregnant and knowing she had pushed herself to the point of collapsing stirred up emotions he thought he’d buried along with his wife years before.

Ellie Sanders wasn’t his responsibility.

Then whose responsibility is she?
his conscience demanded.  She was carrying Jarrett’s baby and his brother wasn’t there to see to their welfare any longer.  And Ellie’s current physical condition made him wonder how she was going to be able to take care of both herself and a child.  Didn’t she know the risk she was taking with her unborn child, pushing herself the way she had been? 

He crossed the porch in desperate need of some fresh air and some time alone to think.  And Ellie needed wood for the fire. 

Lowering his head against the icy bite of the wind, he started down the steps.  Reaching up, he grasped the collar of his jacket and raised it, giving him some added protection from the elements as he ventured out into the swirling snow.

It had been a long time since he’d been back to the home he’d grown up in.  After he and Anna married they turned the ranch over to Jarrett and moved into their own place, one they had built just a few miles away.  Their house had been warm and welcoming with a huge yard for their future children to play in.  And then Anna died.  He couldn’t take the memories the house held for him.  So he’d put it up for sale and left Wyoming, needing to get as far away from the pain as possible. 

It hadn’t helped.  The pain followed.

Anna.
  Lord, how he missed her.  Missed the life he’d almost had.  Life had been cruel taking her and the baby away from him, but time proved to be even crueler.  It was slowly fading away the image of his wife in his mind’s eye.

Self-pity threatened to consume him.  This was why he hadn’t come home.  It reminded him too much of what he’d had and lost.  And Jarrett’s dying had only added to his list of heartbreaking grievances.

He forced his thoughts to his brother and the way he would want to be remembered.  Always grinning as if he was up to no good; which he usually was.  A natural born prankster, his brother lived to make others laugh.  He was also the smartest man Lucas knew, a computer whiz who made his money via the internet.  And he was, without a doubt, the best brother a man could have ever asked for.

Lucas frowned as he trudged across the snow-covered ground.    The only thing those good thoughts succeeded in doing was stir his anger.  Jarrett had his whole life ahead of him.  One that had included a woman he loved and the child they had created together.  This isn’t how it should have been. 

Lord how he wanted to lose control right now, to curse fate and all that it had taken from him - from his brother.  Most of all he wanted an answer to the one question that never stopped running through his mind no matter where he was, no matter what he was doing –
why
?

But there would be no answer.  He knew that.  So he quickened his step, rounding the house.  He made his way to the backyard where a woodpile sat near the edge of the woods.

Long shadows cast by the trees stretched across the deepening snow as evening settled in. He stopped, letting his gaze sweep across the glistening yard.  The old tree swing, whipping to and fro in the wind, caught his attention.  The same one his father used to push Jarrett and him on for hours on end when they were children.  Lucas couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like to share that same bit of childhood joy with his own child?

“Lucas?” a worried voice called out through the whirling snow.

He glanced back over his shoulder to find Ellie Sanders standing just a few feet away, watching him.  Strands of long blonde hair whipped wildly about her face beneath the fur-trimmed hood of her coat. 

How long had she been standing there?  He’d been so caught up in his troubled thoughts that he’d never even heard her approach.

“You shouldn’t be out here,” he grumbled, looking away so she couldn’t see the emotion still raw in his eyes.  “The storm’s picking up.”

“I woke up and you were gone.  I thought you’d left.”  The snow crunched under her boots - no, beneath his brother’s wet, too-big boots - as she closed the distance between them.

He stood motionless, his gaze pinned to the tarp-covered woodpile at the edge of the woods.  “You need firewood, and, despite your earlier protests, you aren’t in any condition to be out here hauling logs around.”

“I–”