Love's Suicide: Love's Suicide (27 page)

“Katy, marriage is full of ups and downs. You can get th
rough this. Bobby’s jealous of the love you share with Brooks. It ain’t fair for you to keep running around with him.”

“He’s the father of my child, the only man that I’ve ever loved with my whole heart. I didn’t leave Bobby because of Brooks. I left Bobby because I can’t be physically and verbally abused anymor
e. I won’t let my daughter grow up in that kind of environment. Whether Brooks is around or not, has nothing to do with my decision.”

“If you leave Bobby I don’t know if we can continue bein’ friends. People in this town talk, Katy. They know you’re havin’ an affair.”

“I’M NOT!” I screamed. “What is wrong with you people? I’ve never even kissed Brooks. This is ridiculous.”

“I’ll check on your house and call you tomorrow. Maybe by then you’ll have come to your senses.”

She hung up, leaving me sitting there with my mouth open. Bobby could be the sweetest man, but they didn’t know him like I did. If they wanted to believe him then they weren’t really my friends to begin with.

I turned off my phone and decided that the best thing for me was to get some rest. The only problem was, I couldn’t calm down. So I lay there, staring at the ceiling, thinking of what I was going to do next.
I was positive about one thing. No matter what I had to do, or who I had to fight, I wasn’t losing Brooks this time around.

Chapter 36

I heard them coming back into the room and opened my eyes to see B holding all sorts of snacks in her little hands. She was giggling and Brooks couldn
’t stop laughing himself. “Hey Mama. We’re back.”

I sat up in the bed and smile
d. “I see that. Did you get everything they had?”

“We didn’t know which one you’d want.” B climbed up on the bed and watched as Brooks scattered the bags of chips and packages of candy.

I covered my mouth and began laughing. “We’ll never be able to eat all of this, and she’ll never go to sleep.”

He grabbed her and started tickling her until she screamed. When he stopped she reached for his hands and put them up to her belly. “Again.”

He tickled her again as I opened up a peanut butter cup and popped it into my mouth. I hadn’t had one in so long and it was like a burst of heaven awakening my taste buds. “This is so good.”

“Two matching cups, but you only get one
.” He opened up his mouth and as I fed him a bite, I was taken back by a memory of when we were seniors in high school.

Of course, I was with Branch at the time and my relationship with Brooks was slowly fading into nothing. He was beginning to see lots of girls and staying away from us as much as possible. On this particular day, being Halloween, I decided to dress up to go to school. I knew I’d get in trouble if I showed off too much skin, so after finding a short b
lack skirt and black top, I attached a tail and a pair of mouse ears and then added a few whiskers on my face. When we got into the car to head to school, Branch told me that I looked embarrassing and that he didn’t want to walk around with me to my classes. Brooks remained quiet in the backseat, never saying a word until we’d reached school. As Branch found his sport friends and walked away, I stood around waiting for Brooks. “I think you look cute, Kat.”

“Thanks.
”

“
You know how Branch is.” We began walking and I didn’t reply to his comment.

Brooks proceeded to walk me to my locker and wait as I exchanged my books. “You know, we could go out and trick or treat tonight if you want.”

“We’re too old.”

“Never! We could put on masks and nobody would even know.”

I’d always loved Halloween and the fun that it brought being able to get dressed up and act silly for one night out of the year. “Branch would just get mad.”

“Who gives a shi
t about what Branch thinks? Kat, you used to be fun. What happened to you?”

At the time, I took it offensively and left him standing there in the hallway. I don’t remember much of the res
t of the day, but later on, when I went to my locker, I found a note and a package of peanut butter cups inside. One had been eaten. The letter said.

Two peanut butter cups, but you’re only allowed one.

I never understood what it meant until I’d taken a bite just then. When my face looked serious, Brooks stopped chewing. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you remember when we were in school and you left the peanut butter cups for me?”

“One cup,” he corrected.

“Was that note some cryptic way of you telling me to choose you?”

He started chewing again and lifting B over his head. “Maybe.”

I pushed him lightly. “Why couldn’t you just say it to me, instead of leaving me messages that made no sense?”

Brooks laughed. “Because I wanted you to choose on your own, not because I persuaded it. Little hints along the way couldn’t hurt. Not that it ever helped anyway. You were too damn stubborn to think that what you were doing was wrong, or who I should say.”

“Brooks! Cut it out.”

We both began to laugh as I got up and walked into the bathroom. I’d been wearing Brooks’ shirt, but still had on a pair of shorts and a bra. I considered taking them off so I could sleep comfortably, but I didn’t want Brooks to get the wrong idea. I looked into the mirror anyway, making sure I looked halfway decent. “Jesus woman, you’re lucky he doesn’t go running the other direction.” I knew there was little I could do to change how I looked, so I decided to not let it bother me.

When I opened the door to go out, he was standing on the other side. His one arm was up, leaning against the frame. “I think you’re beautiful.”

I was flabbergasted. “I think all that sugar is going to your head.”

He moved his arm and let me walk by him without saying anything else. B was already up on the bed, watching something on television. She was sucking on her two fingers, which usually meant she was tired. I grabbed her cup and filled
it with milk from the mini refrigerator. She didn’t sit up as I handed it to her. After taking two sips, she set it beside her and put her fingers back in her mouth. I covered her up and kissed her lightly on the cheek. “Love you, B.”

She smiled and closed her eyes as I started rubbing her soft face. Brooks walked behind me and climbed on the other bed. I didn’t turn to look at him, b
ecause I wanted B to go to bed without being distracted by anything else.

It took her a few
minutes, but thankfully she fell right to sleep.

When I turned to look at Brooks, he was under the covers and I could tell his shirt was off. The blankets were up to his shoulders, but enough skin was exposed to show that he’d removed it.

I looked down at the large shirt I had on and then back to him. Since he’d seen me naked before, I couldn’t understand why I felt so nervous. He must have sensed the weird vibe too. “What’s wrong?” he whispered.

I shrugged. “Shut up.”

“Kat, get comfortable and get in bed. I’m not going to make fun of you, if that’s what you think.”

I scrunched up my face. “It’s not that.”

I let my shorts drop to the floor and then unfastened and removed my bra without taking off the shirt. Brooks watched me the whole time, laughing at how I was doing it. “Since when did you get shy?”

“Would you stop?”

I climbed under the covers next to my daughter and turned to face Brooks in the other bed. He did the same thing, facing me and cuddling with his pillow. When he started laughing again, I tossed a pillow at him.

“Sorry, I saw this going a little differently.”

“I’m not sleeping with you, Brooks. I just left my husband.”

“I never asked you, did I?”

I felt like he was rejecting me and even if I was determined not to be with him, I still needed to feel wanted. I started to roll over to ignore him. “Whatever.”

“L
ook at me, woman.”

I turned once more, givi
ng him an irritated look when I did. “What?”

He sat up and swung his feet forward off the bed.
The first thing I noticed shocked the hell out of me. On his body, right where his rib cage started on the left side, was a tattoo. It wasn’t just an armed forces tattoo, an American flag or something tribal. It was a very large letter K.

He caught me staring and smiled as
he looked down at it and grazed it with his hand. “Oh, this. I should probably explain. I guess I got it so long ago that I forgot you’ve never seen it.”

“When?” I sat up and faced him, completely in shock that he’d put that on
his body. My heart was pounding wildly and I felt like I was shaking, even though I knew I was sitting still. “Is that… Did you…”

I stuttered through
my words, shocked in disbelief.

“Kat
, my heart belongs to you. It’s not a secret. I got this done when I first went to Afghanistan. We’d just shared that night in the hotel room, and even though you’d left me I still loved you the same. I guess some people would call me stupid, but I just knew you were the one. I was going to put it over my heart. Instead, I put it here,” he pointed to his side where the large K sat, “Because the moment you walked out of my life I felt like I couldn’t breathe.”

I put my hand over my mouth so he couldn’t see it wide open in shock. “
I don’t know what to say.”

He looked down at it again and touched his skin. Then he looked over at B.
“Now, looking at what we made that night melts my heart even more.”

I looked down at the carpet, unable to hide my emotions from him. With B asleep we were all alone, back in a hotel room, like the night we’d been t
ogether the last time. “Brooks-” His name lingered on my lips.

“
Come here.”

I shook my head, knowing that being with him would be considered adultery. It was like a force field was sitting between
Brooks and me and I wasn’t allowed to pass through it. “I can’t.”

He reached over and placed
his hand on my leg. “Close your eyes.”

I did what he said and felt him taking my hand. He pul
led me slowly from one bed toward the other. When I opened my eyes I was standing right in front of him. His breath was on mine and feeling it gave me chills. “I can’t do this, Brooks. It’s wrong.”

He took a hold of the t-shirt and pulled me closer. Our lips were touching and I was falling hard for the man that I’d dreamed of being
with him for as long as I could remember. “I’m not stealing from him, when you were never his to begin with. You didn’t belong to Branch and you sure as hell don’t belong to Bobby. A piece of paper isn’t love. Close your eyes and tell me you don’t feel it again? Tell me that you haven’t thought of that night we spent together every single day since it happened? If you don’t want this, then back up and go to sleep.”

His lips brushed over mine as he spoke and I was losing control over myself and my emotions. He wasn’t playing fair and resisting him, after losing him and then thinking he was dead, was making my decision impossible to fight. “I’m scared.”

Brooks stood up and looked down at me. His army shirt was being lifted up and my arms wouldn’t let me fight him. They raised as if he was controlling my body. I felt it pull over my head and the cold air hitting my nipples. I was standing there in only a pair of underwear as he was backing us up onto the bed. Brooks didn’t look down at my body, nor did he try to kiss me. We got under the covers and he pulled me against his warm chest. My desire for him was making it hard to focus on what was really happening.

Brooks wasn’t trying to sleep with me. He didn’t want to push me into something I
wasn’t ready for. All he desired was to be close to me. He wanted to hold me and never let me go.

Just like he’d done our whole lives, Brooks was protecting me. His love had gotten me through the most horrible of times and it was with that love that I was able to never give up hope that we’d be together again someday. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his bare chest. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head
. “Don’t be scared, Kat. If you fall, I’ll catch you. I always have and I always will. Except, this time I’m never going to let you go.”

Chapter 37

While I lay there
in his arms, I played with his dog tags, memorizing the numbers and the way the indentation of the stamping felt against my fingertips. Whether it was wrong or right, I knew I was where I was supposed to be.

Brooks kept running his hands over my back as we lay there quietly. I wanted to go to sleep, but couldn’t imagine it happening while being so close to him after all of the time that had passed. The obvious heat growing between my legs was a perfect indication of how starved I was for his affections. Even my body wanted to make up for all of the time that we’d been apart. In our room, hidden away from the rest of the world,
nothing else existed. The three of us were all that mattered to me.

When I looked up into Brooks’ eyes, I knew he was having the same intense feelings. He licked his lips and look
ed down at mine. It was so sinful yet seemingly appropriate, all at the same time. This was Brooks, not some strange man that I was running around with. He was the father of my child and the owner of my heart. “I love you.” It came out as a whisper, but only because I didn’t want to wake up B.