Love You Better (16 page)

Effie smiled and drank her wine. For some inexplicable reason, a sense of unease was spreading through her body. Forever felt like an awfully long time.

14.

H
appy birthday, Sweetpea.’

‘Thanks, but it was yesterday,’ Effie replied without hiding the disappointment in her voice. Apparently her mum found it easy to forget the day she’d given birth to her
only chil
d.

‘No, not quite – there was always a dispute about that. The
doctor
noted your time of birth as eleven fifty-eight, but you took your sweet time in making your presence known. I go with the
time y
ou finally screamed your arrival in the world. You should celebrate it over two days – I would.’

Of course she would. Penny always went against authority, and seeing as Effie had never heard this story before, it was obvious she was simply trying to cover up the fact that she’d clean forgotten.

‘What did you do? Did you go out with your friends?’

‘No, Olly took me for dinner at Le Gavroche. You know, Michel Roux Jnr’s place?’

‘Gosh. How very civilised.’

Effie sighed. The word
civilised
was just as bad as
conventional
where Penny was concerned. She must be the only mum in the world who’d rather her daughter go out and get completely wasted instead of having a plush, luxury dinner for her birthday.

‘You should have come out here. You’d have been able to go out clubbing down in Bora Bora, and then you could have relaxed up here afterwards,’ Penny said as Effie flicked on the kettle.

‘You’re in Ibiza?’

‘Of course, Sweetpea. I always come here in the winter; you know that. It’s so beautiful.’

Effie knew her mum spent her winters in Spain, but not in Ibiza. She was sure she’d never mentioned it before because Ibiza had always been a firm bucket list destination. Maybe she should have gone. She pictured her mum looking out onto the hills of northern Ibiza with a cup of coffee, strong and black, the way she always used to take it in the mornings. She’d probably already done a round of yoga and meditation to start her off for the day.

She shook her head. As idyllic as it sounded, the reality would’ve been very different. She knew the kinds of places where her mum stayed – alternative communities where everything was shared, with a heavy emphasis on natural living. Staying there with Effie’s friends, who liked the emphasis to be more on boozy nights out, would never have gone down well, and besides, she would’ve missed out on Le Gavroche. She had Corsica to look forward to instead.

‘How’s Oliver?’

‘Fine,’ Effie replied, surprised that her mum had asked after him. She was hardly his biggest fan after all. ‘He’s a bit stressed with work, but he’s okay.’

‘And how’s the lovely Lou? It’s a shame I couldn’t get to see her.’

‘She’s alright. She’s kind of going through a rough patch with Mickey, but it’ll blow over.’

‘She’s such a lovely girl.’ Penny sighed wistfully. ‘I remember the way you two would lock yourselves in your room all afternoon and make the biggest fuss whenever I tried to join in with you.’

Well, duh.
Effie shook her head and began making a cup of tea. What did her mum expect? It was beyond embarrassing when she’d try to include herself in their girly chats about makeup and boy-bands. She used to groan and scowl whenever her mum would barge into her bedroom with mugs of hot chocolate and home-made cookies before plopping herself on the floor with them.

‘Yeah. Well.’ Effie shrugged.

‘You watch. When you have children, you’ll do the same thing. It all goes by so quickly. Before I knew it, you’d gone from being my little baby who toddled around naked all day long to being a surly teenager. And now it’s your birthday. Twenty-six and married.’

Penny sniffed. Jesus, was she crying? Effie pulled a face. What was with her? She’d suddenly shifted from being absent to sending Christmas presents and crying down the phone.

‘Are you menopausal or something?’

‘Why must you always do that?’

‘Do what?’

‘That. Deflect away whenever I say something nice. I’ll never understand how I’ve created a daughter who’s so out of touch with her feelings.’ Penny sighed. ‘You’re so resistant. I’m just trying to wish you a happy birthday, that’s all. You’re my daughter, and
I love you
.’

Unexpected tears stung Effie’s eyes.
She loves me.
She remembered the walks they used to take around the fields in Dorset where they’d holiday during half-term. The barley would scrape against her legs as Penny would chase after her before scooping her up and showering her with kisses.

‘Thanks,’ Effie mumbled.

‘You should try and come out, really. The whole gang. There’s more than enough space.’

‘Yeah, maybe.’

Maybe she could. It would be nice to escape for the weekend, just her and Lou. They could leave the boys at home, and Lou could take time out from whatever was going on between her and Mickey.

‘Flights are cheap at this time of year.’

‘I’m a bit skint at the minute.’

‘You’re still working, aren’t you? Is it that mortgage of yours? It
is
expensive.’

‘It’s not that. I’m waiting for my new bank card to arrive, and it’s taking ages. Some kind of mix-up with the bank.’

Penny laughed. ‘You can go into a branch and take money out, you know.’

Effie tutted. ‘Of course I do. It’s fine – I’ll just wait. Olly opened us up a joint account, but until my card arrives, he has to transfer money into my old account. Maybe I’ll look at flights after.’

‘So he has a bank card and you don’t?’

‘I’m still using my old account. It’s fine.’

Her mum was silent on the other end of the phone for a few seconds.

‘But your wages are paid into that account, aren’t they?’

‘No . . . I switched it over,’ Effie replied.

So, you have to ask him for money?’ Penny asked.

‘It’s not like that. It’s my salary – I’ve earned it.’

‘But you still have to ask him?’

‘Well, yeah, technically, as he has to transfer it to my old account, but only until my debit card arrives.’

‘Right.’

Effie frowned. ‘What?’

‘Oh, nothing. I’m just not sure I approve, that’s all. Nobody should ever have control over your finances but you.’

‘He doesn’t control anything, it’s just a workaround.’

‘I still don’t like it.’

‘Mum, don’t.’ Effie sighed. They’d been having a nice conversation for once. Why did she have to ruin it? ‘It’s not like I have to go begging.’

‘Whatever you say, Sweetpea. But if you ever need money, you know you only have to ask me and it’s yours.’

‘Mum, you live on a commune, and you don’t work.’

‘I live in a house, in a community, and I
do
work. I do my reiki and massage – you know all this. I’m really not sure where you’ve got this idea of me being a layabout, wasted hippy from.’

‘Nope, me neither,’ Effie replied sarcastically.

Was she kidding? This was the woman who used to smoke a spliff with her coffee first thing in the morning and spent most of her time protesting about something or other. Wasn’t that what hippies did?

‘Honestly, I think you’d be pleasantly surprised if you came here. We’ve got a beautiful creek and an organic vegetable plot and . . .’ Effie tuned out. She knew what alternative communities
were li
ke.

Before they’d finally settled properly in London, they’d lived on one for a while. That had been the place with no doors, where people would wander around freely as if it were the most normal thing in the world. It was little wonder she hadn’t developed a complex about privacy, given how little of it they’d had. What kind of mum would bring her daughter up in that kind of environment? Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to visit. She didn’t want to be exposed to all that again.

‘What do you think?’ Penny asked, and Effie tuned back in. She had no idea what she’d been talking about, but she sounded excited.

‘Yeah. Yeah, sure,’ Effie muttered.

It didn’t matter what her mum had said. She might have called to wish her a happy, albeit late, birthday, and she might have told Effie she loved her, but it made no difference. Effie couldn’t forgive her mum for letting her suffer, for putting the good of the community before her own daughter, for leaving her behind. Ibiza was well and truly off the cards.

‘Bad day?’ Oliver asked later that evening. He dropped his gym bag on the floor and stood behind Effie, wrapping his arms around
her waist.

‘No. Why?’

‘Because you only ever make soup when you’ve had a bad day or you’re not feeling well.’

She looked down into the pea and mint soup she was stirring on the hob. ‘Do I?’

‘You do.’ He kissed the side of her head. ‘So, which one is it? You don’t feel hot, so you can’t be sick.’

‘Mum called.’

‘Ah. Did you have an argument?’

‘Not really. She called to wish me a happy birthday.’

‘Okay,’ Oliver said slowly as he let go of her. ‘And this was wrong because?’

Effie shrugged. ‘Because it’s just what she does. She comes along when I’m really happy and kills it.’

Oliver leaned against the worktop. ‘What did she say?’

‘Just the usual. I’m not living my life the right way, I’m not taking control enough, yada, yada, yada.’

Or, more accurately, you’re controlling everything for me.

‘Parents.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Just ignore her. She’s miles away. It’s not like you have to see her every day.’

Effie nodded. He was right, but it was too late. She couldn’t just pretend the conversation with her mum hadn’t happened. What if she were right? Effie couldn’t remember ever talking about the joint bank account, but he’d insisted they had and that she’d gone along with it. She might not have to go begging for money, but she did have to ask him to transfer it over to her when she needed it. The freedom to spend what she earned had been removed, but, as she’d told her mum, it was only temporary. She went back to stirring the soup and told herself that whoever said that mums always knew best clearly didn’t have a clue.

By the time Monday rolled around, Effie had pushed Penny’s doom and gloom from her mind. She sat at her office desk and looked at her phone before shutting her computer down. She’d been trying to get hold of Lou all weekend, but so far, her calls hadn’t been returned. She was eager to hear about Purl, the place she’d wanted to go to for so long and had ducked out of in favour of Le Gavroche.

As her monitor switched off, the door opened and Smith walked in. Effie looked up at the clock. He hadn’t been in the office all day, and it was almost six, way past home time.

‘Hey,’ he said, stopping by her desk. ‘You’re here late.’

‘So are you,’ Effie replied.

‘Manic day.’ He rubbed a hand over his eyes. ‘How was your birthday dinner?’

‘Great. Absolutely perfect, in fact.’ She smiled, trying to show him how happy she was despite his Claire-shaped curveball at Sketch. ‘How was Purl? I’ve been trying to get hold of Lou to find out, but I’m not having any luck.’

‘I’m not surprised. When’s the last time you spoke to her?’

‘Friday morning. She called to wish me a happy birthday. I’ve called her since, but no answer.’ Effie frowned. ‘Why?’

He sighed and ran a hand across his chin. ‘Mickey moved out.’

‘They’ve split up?’ Effie’s jaw dropped as Smith nodded. ‘When?’

‘He came round to mine on Saturday night. Apparently, they had a huge bust-up. He won’t talk about it, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this angry before.’

‘I knew things weren’t great between them, but I didn’t think it was this bad.’

‘You asked how Purl was . . . To be perfectly honest, it was a nightmare. You should have seen them.’ Smith grimaced. ‘Lou was totally trashed, and they argued all night. Mickey left early, and Lou just disappeared afterwards.’

‘I should have been there,’ Effie said. Far from being a night out to play Cupid, it seemed like her birthday drinks had descended into a nightmare while she’d been wined and dined.

‘You wouldn’t have been able to stop it. You know what Lou’s like when she’s in one of her moods.’

‘Maybe I should go to see her.’