Love You Better (29 page)

‘Call me whenever you need to, okay?’ Lou said.

‘I will,’ Effie nodded.

‘And don’t slap me, but Smith said to tell you the same.’

Effie tutted. ‘He just doesn’t get it, does he?’

‘He’s worried about you. We all are.’

‘She’ll be fine,’ Penny said, squeezing Lou’s arm. ‘After some sun and home-made, nutritious food, she’ll be back on her feet before you know it. Now make sure you call me the minute you hear
anything
.’

‘I will.’ Lou nodded and Effie looked at the both of them.

‘Hear anything about what?’

Lou and Penny had engaged in hushed conversations ever since Lou had come to the hospital with Effie’s passport and some clothes.

‘Is it about Olly? Have you heard from him?’

Lou glanced at Penny before looking back at Effie. ‘You know how you said that both his and your passports were in your top drawer?’

Effie nodded.

‘There was only yours when we went round.’

‘So?’

‘Olly’s gone. I’ve been trying to call him to let him know you’re being discharged, but I can’t get through. The thing is’ – Lou looked at Penny hesitantly before looking back at Effie – ‘I kind of told him that what happened to you was his fault. I mean, you left with him. You should have got home safely, but instead—’

‘It’s not your fault he’s gone, Lou,’ Penny said as a minicab pulled up in front of them. ‘It’s for the best that he has, or he’d have had me to deal with. Wherever he is, you let him go, Sweetpea.’

Effie frowned as Lou nodded. ‘Your mum’s right. He’s a dick, and he’ll get what’s coming to him, but you did the right thing by ending it.’

Lou had just about managed to stop herself from applauding Effie when she’d told her about their argument in the car. She’d made no secret of the fact that she thought Effie had made a mistake in taking him back, a mistake that had been proven by Oliver’s absence since her accident.

‘He should’ve treated you better in the first place, and not
coming
back to see how you are . . . after everything he’s done to you, that’s the lowest of the low.’ Lou pulled her in for a loose hug again, careful not to hurt her ribs, and Penny put their bags in the boot. ‘Just know that we’re all rooting for you.’

Effie looked out of the window of the taxi at Lou as it pulled away, trying to put the confusion and disappointment about
Oliver’s
apparent lack of concern from her mind, and told herself that if she had Penny and Lou rooting for her, then she didn’t need anything or anyone else.

29.

E
ffie stood in the small bedroom, her eyes taking in every detail. ‘This is mine?’

‘Of course it is. Who else’s would it be?’ Penny replied, putting Effie’s small bag on the floor.

She’d never expected that her mum would have a space set aside for her, let alone a room. The white curtains flapped gently in the breeze coming through the open window, and a double bed was tucked into the corner. Its wrought-iron frame was the only darkness in an otherwise light-filled room. The house they’d lived in when Penny had left had been decorated with deep burgundies and rich violets. Every room was filled with stacks of books and ornaments from far-flung corners of the globe. The cloying scent of incense had hung in every room, penetrating every inch of fabric, including Effie’s school uniform. Even after years of being exposed to it, she could never get used to the musky smell. When she’d walked into Penny’s bungalow at the far corner of the commune, she’d prepared herself for more of the same, but she couldn’t have been more wrong.

With a reception room, small kitchen, bathroom and two bedrooms, the bungalow was small but beautifully decorated. The dark walls she’d braced herself for were instead painted pale green and yellow, and the overpowering incense sticks were nowhere to be seen. Instead, scented tea lights sat on the small wooden coffee table and windowsills. The mountains of books Effie had always had to weave between and step over were stacked on bookshelves. Penny, the queen of clutter, had cleared her life out.

‘It’s beautiful,’ Effie said, looking around at her room.

‘You sound surprised,’ Penny replied, walking to the window.

‘I am.’

It had been a spur-of-the-moment decision to ask Penny to bring her to Spain. There was no way her mum could have pre-planned having Effie over to stay, yet the room was made up. How long had it been like this, ready and waiting for her?

Penny pulled down the mosquito screen and smiled. ‘Good. Now, how are you feeling? If you’re hungry, I can knock something together.’

‘No, I’m okay. I’m still a bit tired. I think it’s the painkillers.’ Effie sat on the bed and ran her hands across the sheet. She’d slept during most of the flight and nearly the whole drive from the airport to Colinas Verdes.

‘You’ve got extra sheets and blankets in the trunk, in case you get cold.’

‘Unlikely,’ Effie replied. ‘It’s roasting.’

‘It’s hot now, but it still gets a little chilly at night. You’ll soon acclimatise.’

She hoped not. Despite her reasons for being in Ibiza, the moment Effie had stepped out into the sunshine at the airport, she’d smiled. After the claustrophobic heatwave back in London, summer had seemingly disappeared behind a deluge of rain, as if things weren’t depressing enough already. She looked down at the small bedside table and picked up the wooden photo frame.

Effie looked at the image of the topless woman wearing jeans, standing with her back to the camera, holding a crying baby.

‘This is in Norfolk?’

Penny nodded, leaning against the doorjamb. ‘It’s at Nanny Abbott’s. I thought you’d be too young to remember.’

Effie shook her head, thinking about Euphemia Abbott, her great-grandmother. ‘I don’t remember her much, but I remember her place.’

‘I don’t expect you would; you were only four when she died.’

She’d seen pictures of her Great-Nanny Effie with her tall, willowy limbs and high eyebrows. If only she could remember
meeting
the woman she’d been named after – the same woman who had taken in a nineteen-year-old, pregnant Penny. Penny had been offered a place at Cambridge University to read
English
, but she’d turned it down, opting to travel to the south of France with a group of people she’d only just met instead. Coming back
pregnant
by an unknown man, an unknown black man, was
simply
too much for Penny’s ultraconservative parents to take. All at once, the smell of apples and wet leaves filled Effie’s nose. Her great-grandmother had owned an orchard, and Effie remembered the sweet scent that hung around the house and its small grounds. After her death, Penny and Effie had holidayed there for years, until the orchard had to be sold.

‘I’ve got a whole bag full of photo albums,’ Penny said. ‘When you’re feeling up to it, we’ll take a look through them. I’ve got quite a few photos of her. She was an incredibly strong woman. She seems to have passed the trait down, if Mum’s anything to go by.’

Effie had only ever met her grandparents a handful of times, but if one thing was obvious, it was that the Abbott women tended to be on the fierce, matriarchal side – Penny included. Sure, she had her faults and definitely had her own ideas about how to live life, but when Effie was little, Penny had been a force to reckon with. Effie sighed and looked at the photo in her hands. What would her Great-Nanny Effie say if she could see the broken great-
granddaughter
who shared her name?

She put the frame back on the bedside table and lay down, curling up on the bed. ‘That trait seems to have stopped with me.
I don
’t feel strong.’

‘Oh, you are. And you always will be,’ Penny replied. ‘You’re an Abbott more than you ever were a Barton-Cole.’

For the next three days, Effie didn’t move from her bed. Every inch of her body felt deathly tired, and it was all she could do to stay awake. The only interaction she had was when Penny would come into her room to bring food or open and close her curtains. They didn’t speak. There wasn’t much to say. Effie knew that when the time came for talking, she was going to have to tell her mum the truth about her life with Oliver, and knowing that Penny had already been told didn’t make it any easier. It made it harder.

On the fourth day, she got out of bed. As comfortable as it was, her body ached from being inactive, and she winced at the groaning of her bones when she stood. Her ribs still ached, but she couldn’t spend another day looking out of the window and replaying memories in her head. They all led to the same conclusion anyway. After having everything, she now had nothing.

She pulled on a pair of leggings and a T-shirt and slipped outside her room. She’d heard her mum moving around earlier, but she was nowhere to be seen. Effie had learned Penny’s morning
routine
over the last three days. She’d wake up, make a cup of tea and then go out for an hour. Effie guessed it was when she’d practise her yoga.

With the house to herself, Effie made herself a coffee and went to sit out on the porch. A look at her phone told her it was barely nine in the morning, but already the sun was hot on her skin. She slid her finger across the screen and deactivated ‘Flight Mode’ for the first time since leaving London. There seemed to be little point in having her phone on anyway. Penny had let Lou know they’d arrived safely, and there wasn’t anyone else she wanted to hear from. She took a sip of coffee as the notifications popped up on her screen.

Spam emails, notifications of her phone bill, a reminder to go to the doctor’s for her pill – she swiped them all away. For the last few days, her life had stopped, but back home it had continued as normal. She propped up her feet on the chair opposite as she scrolled through the instant messaging app, reading the missed
messages
from Smith and Mickey, asking how she was. She’d reply to Mickey later. As for Smith . . . She shook her head and dialled through to her voicemail, pressing the phone against her ear. She didn’t have the energy to deal with him yet.

‘Where are you?’

She almost dropped the phone at the sound of Oliver’s agitated voice on the phone.

‘When did they let you out? I just got back, and they said you’ve been discharged. Where are you? Please, just call me and let me know you’re alright. I’m worried about you.’

The message ended, and she put her cup on the side. She jabbed at the button to delete the message, and put the phone down on the chair. He’d just got back from where? She shook her head. Why was he calling her now, after days of silence? He obviously didn’t really care how she was, and it had only confirmed what she’d said in the car. Their marriage was over. She picked up the phone. She didn’t want him to contact her and didn’t want to hear his voice, trying to charm his way back in, but before she could reactivate ‘Flight Mode’, an instant message flashed on her screen. It was Oliver.

Oliver:
You’re online! Where are you??

Damn. She’d forgotten that the instant message app left a date and time stamp every time she went online.

Oliver:
What happened? I got back and you’d gone. You have no idea how worried I’ve been, and nobody’s telling me
anything
.

She shook her head at the screen. What was he playing at?

Oliver:
I know you said what you did, but I still love you. Why aren’t you messaging back??

Effie closed the app and switched on ‘Flight Mode’, her heart beating loudly in her chest. Had she imagined it all? Had she actually woken up in hospital, or was this some elaborate dream? He was crazy – he had to be. It was the only way to explain
why h
e was acting like nothing had happened, like she hadn’t told him she didn’t love him. She put the phone on the far side of the table and stared out into the distance, pushing him from her mind. She had to do what Penny said and focus on getting better, and thinking about Oliver wouldn’t help. It would only do the opposite.

She stayed there, unmoving, until Penny returned and stepped onto the porch with a pink, rolled-up yoga mat under her arm. Her hair was tied back, and her skin was slick with sweat.

‘You’re up,’ she said, propping the mat against the wall. She pressed the small towel around her neck against her forehead. ‘How are you feeling?’

Effie grimaced and lifted her feet from the chair to let Penny sit down. She rested her feet on her mum’s knees.

‘That good?’ Her mum smiled. ‘At least you’re up. I was starting to get a bit worried about the painkillers you’re taking.’

‘They knocked me out, but I couldn’t stay in bed forever. My back was starting to hurt.’

‘I’ll give you a massage later, if you want.’ Penny looked at the table and saw Effie’s phone. ‘What’s happening in the outside world?’

Effie sighed and looked at her phone before turning back to her mum. ‘Nothing worth knowing about. I wish I’d never turned it on.’

‘Oliver?’ Penny knowingly raised an eyebrow, and Effie nodded as her body tensed at the mere thought of him.

Instead of asking for details, Penny pressed her thumbs deep into the soles of Effie’s feet. ‘I was thinking we could have seafood paella this evening. My neighbour, George, said he’d be going into town later. I might ask him to get some mussels and prawns. It’ll be a welcome change from soup, no?’

Effie nodded and smiled. ‘Thanks.’

The thanks was for more than just the idea of dinner. It was for giving her space to bring up her marital problems when she
was ready
. Her eye socket was slowly mending, despite the ugly bruise around it, and she’d have to live with the broken ribs until they healed in their own time. She wasn’t ready to go anywhere just yet. There was plenty of time for confessions. Penny smiled back and looked down at Effie’s feet as she massaged away the tension.

Effie looked out at the grounds. In her head, she’d imagined Colinas Verdes to be dominated by a big, old tumbling-down house filled with transient people sharing everything from food to partners, or groups of tents around a firepit. At the very least, she’d expected to see some dreadlocks, but the people she’d seen from her window, milling around, looked surprisingly normal.

‘This place isn’t what I expected. It doesn’t feel like a commune. It’s nothing like the one we stayed on.’

‘Oh, the one in Dorset?’ Penny smiled. ‘There aren’t many places like that.’

‘Thank god.’

That was the big shared house with no doors. All they’d had for privacy was a bed sheet tacked to the doorframe.

‘We don’t call this a commune,’ Penny said. ‘It’s an independent community.’

Effie didn’t understand the difference, but she knew it didn’t fit the image from her childhood memories.

‘You were asleep when we crossed the bridge to get here, but technically this is a little island of its own. In reality, you can walk back over to the mainland even at high tide. Sometimes we do, but we’re almost entirely self-sufficient. We all pooled our money together to buy the land, and there are thirteen families in all. That’s where we grow our fruit and veg,’ Penny said, pointing to the east of the land. ‘We sell the excess at the weekly farmers’ market on the mainland. You’ve seen the solar roof panels already, and of course everything is recycled.’

Effie nodded, looking at the shimmering panels on top of the bungalows scattered around.

‘We’ve got the communal pool, which is entirely organic, with plants filtering the water instead of chlorine, and a freshwater creek over to the west. We’ve strung a hammock up, and it’s a nice place to relax and swim in. Not everyone is so keen on
the po
ol.’

Effie had seen the pool from her bedroom, and judging by the croaks she’d heard, it was a magnet for local wildlife. She shuddered. Why on earth would anyone want to swim with frogs when they were surrounded by the beautiful Mediterranean Sea?

‘Can’t say I blame them.’

‘It’s not for everyone,’ Penny said and went back to massaging Effie’s feet. ‘But we all share the same vision of how we want to live, and we all work together, sharing things out equally. In that regard, yes, I suppose it is a commune. It’s just a modern one.’

Modern
was the right word. The community had its own
Internet
page and, as she’d just experienced for herself, Wi-Fi.

Penny squeezed Effie’s toes before clapping her hands together. ‘Right. I need to get cleaned up. I’ve got a client coming in half an hour. Since you’re up, you should take a wander around, get to know the place a little.’