Love You Better (13 page)

‘I was waiting for over an hour.’

‘Come on, Effie, it wasn’t that big a deal. I didn’t realise the plans were concrete.’

She pushed her cereal bowl away. ‘It was Valentine’s Day. Of course it was a big deal. You made me look like an idiot. You knew it was booked – I reminded you yesterday morning.’

‘Yesterday morning.’ He sighed again and shook his head. ‘Did you really think I’d want to go out for some romantic dinner after yesterday morning?’

Effie opened her mouth and closed it again as she realised what was happening.

‘You did it to punish me for taking the pill?’ She stared at him, but he stayed silent. ‘If you must know, I was planning on
telling
you last night that I’d stop taking it because it was what you wanted.’

‘And now you’ve changed your mind?’ he asked, his voice laden with sarcasm.

‘Can you blame me?’

Oliver shook his head and got off his stool. ‘You can’t play about with things like this, Effie. You know how much I
want kid
s.’

‘And you can’t just play about with my feelings,’ she replied, getting off her stool and standing in front of him.

He looked at her, and his grey face was etched with disappointment. ‘You know, if you’re going to play about with things like this then maybe it’s better that we don’t have kids. A mother has to be responsible for them, stick around for them through thick and thin. I’d hate to think you’d just change your mind about them once it’s too late.’

Oliver turned to leave the kitchen, and tears stung Effie’s eyes. What was he implying? That she’d simply decide she couldn’t take any more and run out on her family? That she was like Penny?

‘How could you say that?’ She strode after him. He knew that her mum had left her, and he knew how much it had messed her up. To throw that in her face was a low blow.

‘Just leave it, Effie,’ he replied without turning around.

‘No, I won’t just leave it.’

She reached out and grabbed his arm to make him face her, and as he turned, his hand flew, hitting her right across the cheek. The sharp slap stung, and Effie’s hand flew straight to her
cheek. Tea
rs filled her unblinking eyes as she stared at him with her mouth
hanging
open.

‘Effie . . .’ He shook his head and reached out to touch her, but she took a step back. ‘Effie, I’m sorry.’

‘You slapped me.’

Her chest heaved with shallow breaths as shock settled over her. He’d slapped her. If it weren’t for the stinging in her cheek, she’d never have believed it were real.

‘How could you say that? It was an accident.’

She looked at the uncertainty in his eyes, wishing she could believe it, but she couldn’t understand how something like that could ever be an accident. Apart from the bike ride in Thailand, this was the only other time they’d argued, and it had ended with her getting slapped. She hadn’t even thought he was that angry.

Oliver stepped forward again and put his hands on her
shoulders
, trying to pull her in for a hug. ‘Come on, Effie, I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean it. You know I’d never do something like that on purpose. I didn’t realise you were standing so close to me. I just spun round, and you were right there. My hand flew out
of refle
x.’

Effie tried to replay what had happened in her head. She’d grabbed his arm and he’d spun around to do what? To slap her, or to turn and face her like she’d wanted? He stepped forward and hugged her, stroking the back of her head. She felt his arms wrap around her and wondered if the same man who usually made her feel safe could really be the same man who’d just struck her.

She’d thought she knew him, but now she wasn’t so sure. He’d stood her up to teach her a lesson and then hinted that she’d be no better a mother than her own, things she thought he’d never do
and say.

Maybe she didn’t really know him at all.

11.

S
o, birthday girl, what are the plans?’ Lou asked.

Effie shrugged as she splayed her fingers out wide for the nail technician to get to work. ‘I have no idea. I’ve barely thought about it.’

‘I reckon we should go clubbing. Make a proper night of it.’

‘I don’t know. I’m not really in the mood for that. Maybe we’ll just get the gang together and go for a meal or something.’

A week later, things still weren’t back to normal with Oliver, and it wasn’t helped by him constantly working late. She ate by
herself
and
went to
bed by herself. They hadn’t spent any time together and
had s
omehow entered into a warped stalemate. She didn’t want to be the one to reach out first. It might have been immature, but she wanted
him to d
o something to make up for the whole
Valentine’s
Day
fiasco. Sh
e had
no ch
oice but to forgive him because, on balance, she didn’t know him to be a violent or vindictive guy. It made more
sense tha
t what happened had been a genuine accident, and
the more ti
me went on, the more she started to wonder if, in some twisted way, he’d been right to be angry with her. Standing her up was an awful thing to do, but was she really any better, dangling her acceptance to start a family in front of him and then taking it away again?

Lou shook her head. ‘Push the boat out, why don’t you. It’s only your birthday.’

Effie shrugged as the nail technician expertly applied a coat of pale pink varnish. ‘I’ll look at sorting something out. I just don’t want it to be a big deal. How are you anyway? It feels like ages since we’ve caught up.’

She didn’t really need an answer. Lou’s usual sparkle had dimmed since Ireland, and she hadn’t seen it since. On the occasions when they had met up, Lou was usually distracted and distant.

‘Worse than before.’ Lou sighed. ‘We’ve kind of reached a standoff. We were fighting last night, and he told me he didn’t want to settle down. As in
ever
, and if that’s what I wanted, then I might as well leave.’

‘Really?’ Effie raised her eyebrows. It sounded so uncharacteristically harsh that she couldn’t imagine Mickey saying it. Then again, what did she know? She could never have imagined Oliver slapping her, but it had still happened.

‘He tried to take it back after, but now I feel like I can’t be around him if that’s really how he feels.’

‘So what are you doing to do? Wait for him to change his mind?’ Effie asked with a frown as her technician buffed her nails.

‘I have no idea. I mean, call me crazy, but aren’t we kind of settled already? It’s not as if we’re in an open relationship.’ Lou shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Maybe one of us just needs to admit
the truth.’

‘Which is?’

‘That maybe we should just call it a day. He’s basically
put the
skids on any kind of future vision for the two of us, so what’s
the poin
t?’

Effie gawped and shook her head. Lou and Mickey splitting up? They were the golden couple – they couldn’t.

‘But you love him. Don’t you?’

‘Of course I do, but love isn’t always enough. You loved Smith and look what happened there.’

Effie scowled. ‘It’s hardly the same thing.’

‘What I mean is, there’s no point loving someone who doesn’t love you back the same way.’

She couldn’t argue with that.

‘Would you want to split up if you’d never mentioned the
honeymoon
thing?’ Effie asked. ‘Because if the answer is no, my advice would be to really think about this. Guys like Mickey don’t come along every day.’

Lou looked down at her hands and swallowed. ‘I know. But I’m trying to be sensible here. You’ve sorted your life out and got everything you wanted. I need to do the same.’

‘It’s not a competition, Lou.’ Effie shook her head. ‘Marriage doesn’t make everything perfect. If things were good between you two before, then maybe you should think this through a bit more.’

Lou heaved a huge sigh. ‘Look. I’m not saying I’m going to split up with him right now – just that it’s something I can’t ignore.’

Effie looked at the sadness pulling at Lou’s lips. Maybe she should do something for her birthday. At the very least, it would be fun, and it might take Lou’s mind off things.

‘You know,’ Effie said, ‘you might be right about my birthday. Not about clubbing, but there’s that cocktail bar near Baker Street I’ve been wanting to check out. It’ll be fun.’

She smiled and shot a wink at Lou. It was time for her to
play Cup
id.

Three days later, Oliver finally finished work early enough to walk through their front door as she was busy cooking dinner in the kitchen. He kissed her hello for the first time in what felt like
forever
, apparently caving and dissolving the stalemate.

‘Hey,’ he said as Effie stood chopping carrots.

She looked at him, sitting on a stool, with an uncertain smile twitching around his downturned mouth. ‘Hey.’

‘So, I know I’ve been the worst husband in the world lately, but will it help if I tell you I’ve got us a table at Le Gavroche for your birthday?’

A wide smile stretched her mouth. ‘Yes. It helps.’

She’d dropped hints about wanting to go there for ages and always thought he’d ignored her. Clearly she was wrong. She remembered what Lou said about him being ultra considerate, and despite what had happened between them since Valentine’s Day, happiness tugged at her.

‘I really am sorry about Valentine’s Day and what happened after.’ He got up and wrapped her in a hug. ‘I was just disappointed about the pill thing, and I behaved like a spoilt brat. I know it was wrong to do what I did, but I don’t deal well with emotional stuff, and I know it must not have felt like it, but it was better that I didn’t come to the dinner. I would have just lashed out, and it would have been worse in the end.’

Effie frowned into his chest. Was it still an apology if he
justified
his behaviour afterwards?

‘I promise not to do anything like that again. I really need you to understand that I never meant to slap you. It really was an accident. And as for the baby thing, we can wait, as long as it isn’t forever.’

He pulled away and kissed her cheek before pinching a carrot slice from the chopping board. He flashed a grin at her, and she smiled back, relieved not only that they’d cleared the air between them but also that he’d given her some breathing space about
having
a child. She dismissed the niggle in her mind, pointing out that
he ha
dn’t apologised for what he’d said about her being an unsuitable mother.

‘Have you
really
booked us a table at Le Gavroche?’ Effie asked, turning back to the chopping board. ‘I’m going to have to get something proper to wear. I could always wear the black and cream dress, I suppose.’

‘Really? It’s a bit garish, isn’t it? I mean, you’d look
beautiful
in a black bag, but I want you to get properly dressed up in some
thing nic
e.’

Effie frowned. Her dress was patterned, but she certainly wouldn’t call it garish. ‘I like it.’

‘Le Gavroche is a top-end restaurant, though, and it’d be nice to see you in something designer. Luxury tends to be understated, remember?’

‘Yeah, I remember.’ She nodded, recalling the time when he’d said the same thing, nixing the idea to make a feature wall in the
living
room. He’d been right then too. It would have looked
hideous
. ‘When’s it booked for?’

‘I pulled in a contact who owed me a favour, and he pulled some strings, so we’ll be going on your actual birthday.’ He grinned then looked at the frown on her face. ‘What is it?’

‘I’ve booked a table at Purl that night. You know, that bar in Baker Street I’ve been wanting to go to for ages.’

‘Can’t you go another day?’

She shook her head. ‘Everyone’s kept that night clear because it’s my birthday. They’re all busy.’

‘You could have told me.’

‘Well, you haven’t been around. Or that keen on speaking
to m
e.’

Oliver grimaced. ‘I hope you don’t really think that. I was just busy, that’s all.’

Effie nodded. Maybe that was what he was like in times of stress. They were still getting to know each other, after all. Maybe she’d have to get used to him being non-communicative and less attentive when his work got in the way.

‘But I can’t rearrange dinner,’ he said. ‘Otherwise, we’ll have to wait till June for another booking.’

‘Maybe we could do both? What time did you book it for?’

‘Seven thirty. We can’t go for drinks in Baker Street and then schlep over to Park Lane in time.’

‘I can’t cancel. Everyone’s looking forward to it.’

‘I suppose Smith will be there?’

‘Yeah. He’s part of the group, so . . .’ She tailed off and caught the quick pull of a pout on his mouth before he let it go. ‘
Everyone
needs a night out. Especially Lou. She’s having a really tough time.’

‘Really? With what?’

‘Mickey. They’re not getting on so well.’

Oliver stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. ‘That’s unfortunate.’

Unfortunate? Effie sliced through an onion and frowned. It was unfortunate to lose your keys or step in dog mess. Having to
question
whether you were in the right relationship was much more than that.

‘Baby,’ he continued, ‘I’m sure she’ll understand. They all will.’

‘But they’re my best mates. I always celebrate my birthday
with the
m.’

‘Effie, it’s not like you don’t see them all the time anyway. We’re always spending time with your friends.’

‘Well, that’s because you don’t have any,’ Effie jokingly replied, but it wasn’t far from the truth. Apart from work colleagues and acquaintances, Oliver didn’t seem to have a close group of friends like she did.

‘You don’t need friends; you’ve got me.’ He kissed the side of her neck. ‘Besides, this is the first time
I’ll
celebrate your birthday with you. Can you honestly tell me you’d rather go to some wanky bar instead of one of the best restaurants in town?’

Purl wasn’t wanky – it was one of the most booked cocktail bars in London, and it had cost her eighty pounds to secure a table.

‘We’ll get properly dressed up and celebrate in style.’ He leaned down and kissed the side of her neck. ‘You deserve it, and I really want to make it up to you, to say sorry.’

Effie slid the chopped vegetables into a pan. ‘Okay. I’ll speak to the guys and let them know.’

It wasn’t every day she got invited to a Michelin-starred
restaurant
, and she could always rearrange the booking at Purl. Hopefully, she wouldn’t lose her deposit. And there was always Sketch’s album launch party, which they were all invited to anyway. She could double that up as a birthday celebration.

Oliver had broken the tension between them. Turning him down now would only inflame a situation that had already gone on for long enough. And he was right. It was her first birthday as his wife, and she had to remember that she wasn’t a single girl
anymore
. Like he’d told her on New Year’s Eve, sometimes life meant
compromise
. Surely marriage was no different? Besides, it might be nice to do something different for her birthday other than spending it in a bar getting drunk. Her friends would understand.