Love You Better (8 page)

‘I need to take my shoes off,’ Effie said, holding on to the wall of their neighbour’s front garden to steady herself as the rising sun peeked over the roofs of their terraced street. Her head was
throbbing
after too much champagne, and her shoes had
inexplicably
morphed into instruments of torture.

‘No pain, no gain.’ Oliver laughed and grabbed her hand, but she wasn’t budging.

‘I’m serious. My feet feel like they’re going to fall off.’

He shook his head as if she was being a melodramatic diva, hooked an arm under her legs and picked her up. After the champagne and Oliver’s admittedly coke-tinted attentiveness, she’d put Izzy’s comments out of her head. She might not be Barton-Cole standard, but the facts were, she had the ring on her finger and she had their name.

After negotiating their way through the front gate, Oliver kicked it closed behind him, and Effie released an arm from around his neck to root around her tiny bag for the keys.

‘I think we should try for a baby.’

Say what?

Effie’s eyes almost popped out of her head, and she very nearly dropped the keys in her hand. She stood up and smoothed down the front of her dress. ‘Are you serious?’

‘I’m thirty. I don’t want to leave it much longer. Besides, we’re pretty much set up now.’

They
were
pretty much set up. They both had stable jobs, his business was doing well, they had a house, they were married. It all looked great on paper. It wasn’t like they’d never spoken about having a family before; it was just that she hadn’t thought he’d want to start so soon. None of her friends were at that stage yet. If anything, she was already leading the way by getting married, and she didn’t know if she was ready to take the next step so soon.

He held her face in his hands. ‘I love you. I want a family with you. We don’t have to start trying right now, but I want to be a dad.’

‘You sure know how to knock a girl for six,’ Effie replied with a nervous laugh as she unlocked the door.

‘I really want to be a dad. I want to be what mine wasn’t.’

Effie looked into his eyes. She’d had no idea how much the rift in their family had affected him until she’d spoken to Izzy, and she couldn’t blame him for wanting to prove he was different from Giles. Not that he’d have to do much. He was a pretty much perfect husband, and she had no doubts that he’d be an even better dad.

‘Okay.’

‘Really?’ he replied, raising his eyebrows.

‘Yeah.’ She nodded. ‘Really.’

It wasn’t like he was the only one with parental issues. Effie had always said when she had kids, she wanted it to be with a man she loved, and she would never, ever run out on them. Marriage was for life, and even though kids were too, it felt like a much bigger commitment. Effie had always told herself that when she had kids, she’d do a much better job than her mum had done, but after her own upbringing, she wasn’t entirely sure she was up to the job.

Oliver swooped her up into his arms again and carried her through the front door. They might not have to start trying straight away, but there was nothing like a bit of practice.

9.

E
ffie pulled the collar of her coat up around her neck as she climbed out of the car. With the wind buffeting her hair around her head and the drizzly rain whipping her face, there were only two words to describe the Irish weather:
thoroughly
and
miserable
.

‘Blimey, it’s cold,’ Oliver said, closing the car door behind him just as the second hired VW Golf carrying Lou, Mickey and Smith pulled up behind them in the driveway.

Effie looked out at the sea with its foaming, white-tipped waves. It was almost the same shade of grey as the sky, so much so that she could barely see the horizon, and it was much safer than looking at Smith. Despite his supposed acceptance of her wanting to keep him at arm’s length, she still didn’t trust him.

‘Isn’t she beautiful?’ Mickey said, looking up at the bungalow and jangling the keys in his hand.

Lou rubbed her hands together. ‘And frigging cold – can we
get inside
?’

It was the best idea Effie had heard all day. Since they’d left London, she’d been jumpy. Jumpy about the flight, jumpy about Smith being there, jumpy about him being in the same space as Oliver for an entire weekend. It was exhausting, and the idea of having a nap before dinner was the only thing keeping her from having a breakdown altogether.

‘This place is great,’ Smith said as they dumped their bags into the cosy living room. ‘I’m glad I tagged along.’

‘My aunt Oona rents it out. Three double rooms, two bathrooms and the best bit.’ Mickey walked over to the window and pushed the curtain aside to look out at the sea. ‘Look at that. It’s the best view in all of Ireland.’

Lou went to join him by the window and tutted. ‘You can’t even see anything.’

‘Wait till the sky clears,’ Mickey replied. ‘You can even see
Croagh
Phadraig from here, our highest mountain. That’s why
I su
ggested the hiking boots.’

Effie shook her head. ‘I don’t think so. The only reason I’m wearing these things is because of the rain. I don’t do mountains.’

‘Shame,’ Mickey replied. ‘It really is a beaut.’

He led the way through the open plan kitchen and down the corridor. Couple by couple, they disappeared into their rooms, and Effie was relieved when Smith continued walking down to the room at the far end of the hallway.

She closed the door to their room behind her and looked at the lilac walls. ‘It’s cute, isn’t it?’

‘I guess, if you’re into this sort of thing,’ Oliver replied, looking doubtfully at the lace-trimmed duvet cover.

She looked at him as he started unpacking his precisely packed bag. Okay, so it wasn’t the Hilton, but she liked it. Mickey had
basically
offered them a free weekend away, and it was hardly
slumming
it.

Effie shrugged and unzipped her bag. It might not have been the luxury he was used to, but surely he could do it for one
weekend
.

Later that evening, she sat at the kitchen table and wiped a finger across her plate, soaking up the last of the heavenly cream sauce.

‘Enjoy it, did you?’ Smith grinned.

‘Divine.’

Effie sucked the tip of her finger and pushed the plate away, wishing she could do the same to Smith. How had they ended up sitting next to each other anyway? He was so close she could see the tiny hairs on the backs of his arms and almost feel his heat. It was some kind of sick, twisted torture being so close to him, doused with his eau de arrogance.

‘Since when did you start liking mussels anyway? You always said you hated them.’

Effie shrugged. ‘Olly convinced me to try them again, and he was right.’

‘Do you remember the time I made that crab pasta thing?’ He laughed and put his elbows on the table. She looked at the hairs on his arm and picked up her glass.

‘I remember you making me sick.’

Some things never change.

‘Oh yeah. I forgot about that,’ he replied, laughing behind
a ha
nd.

She put her glass to her lips. ‘Well, you always did have a selective memory.’

She drank her water and looked away, but she had a selective memory too. He might have poisoned her with his dodgy cooking, but he’d looked after her too, almost taking her to A&E when he got concerned about her inability to even hold down a sip of water. She sighed. That was the problem with Smith. He’d do something, screw it up and then somehow manage to win her over by making it up to her.

‘So, Smith. Apparently you were away travelling?’ Oliver said, leaning back in his chair.

Smith nodded. ‘For five months.’

‘Where did you go?’

‘Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. I was meant to make my way to Australia but came back early.’

‘We were in Thailand for our honeymoon. Koh Tao, beautiful place. Did you make it there?’

Smith took a swig of beer. ‘Yeah, but only for a few days.’

Great. Not only had he gatecrashed her wedding, invaded her workplace and tagged along on their weekend away, he’d also stayed on the same island she’d honeymooned on. What next?

‘The views from the lookout point were fantastic,’ Oliver said.

‘Yeah, it was decent.’

Oh, for god’s sake.

‘Maybe we could go to Thailand for our honeymoon,’ Lou said. ‘Or Japan. I’ve always wanted to go there.’

Mickey pulled a face. ‘What honeymoon? Who said anything about getting married?’

‘Well not now, obviously.’ Lou looked at him. ‘I meant in t
he futu
re.’

‘I thought you weren’t into the whole marriage thing?’

An air of awkwardness settled across the table, and Effie watched the both of them. Mickey looked downright uncomfortable as he avoided eye contact with Lou, and Lou’s face was creeping red. Effie glanced sideways at Smith. He was watching them too, and just when the silence started to reach uncomfortable status, he laughed.

‘Nah, you don’t want to go there. Thailand’s overrated, and as for Koh Tao, it was way too highbrow. Everything was at least twice the price it was anywhere else.’

Smith had broken through the tension, and Lou sulkily looked away, turning her body away from Mickey.

Oliver popped open another bottle of beer. ‘I guess when you’re backpacking, every penny counts.’

‘It makes you rethink your views on money, if that’s what you mean. Have you ever done it?’

‘Christ, no.’ Oliver scrunched up his nose. ‘Sweaty hostels aren’t for me. I prefer to stay in a nice hotel, especially somewhere tropical.’

‘Yeah, I thought so. Nothing less than five star, right?’

Effie kicked his leg under the table. He looked down at her, and she widened her eyes at him. There was no way Oliver could’ve missed the sneer in Smith’s voice.

‘Oh, I don’t know. I love how vintage this place is,’ he said, looking around the room.

Effie looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He was singing a very different tune than he had earlier, and while his face was smiling, she couldn’t help interpreting what he’d said to be a bit of an insult, knowing that what he really meant by
vintage
was that it was old and a bit shabby around the edges. She looked around the table but her friends hadn’t seemed to pick up anything behind what he’d said. Maybe she was imagining it.

‘So, what’s your story anyway?’ Oliver asked. ‘I never heard much about you before the wedding.’

Smith shrugged and looked down at his bottle. ‘Hardly
surprising
. I used to be a bit of a dick. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of.’

‘Well, we’ve all done that,’ Oliver replied. ‘Making mistakes is part and parcel of life.’

‘It
was
his life, not part and parcel of it,’ Effie said. ‘He used to be well into the drugs scene, handing out pills like they were
Smarties
at the raves he DJ’d at. Isn’t that right, Smith?’

‘Not exactly.’ He turned in his chair to look at her. ‘And thanks for blurting that out to a barrister, Eff.’ Smith turned back to
Oliver
. ‘I hung around with some shady people for a while and got way too heavily into the scene, but I never sold anything to anyone.’

‘And then he shagged the wrong person’s girlfriend, ended up half dead on a roadside somewhere and had to go to the other side of the world to get himself out of trouble,’ Effie added.

She shook her head. Why had she blurted that out? Yes, it was all true, but she hadn’t thought she cared anymore, not really. Smith squirmed a little in his chair next to her, and she had to admit that outing him like she had gave her a small sense of satisfaction. It was nowhere near the humiliation she’d felt when she’d found out about his cheating, but it was close enough.

‘I know, I’m a fuck-up,’ he said in a tone that made it clear he’d heard it all before.

‘Mate, you’re not fucked up,’ Mickey replied. ‘You
fucked up
, there’s a difference.’

Oliver shrugged, apparently not shocked. ‘Like I said, everyone screws up now and again.’

‘It was dumb,’ Smith said, ‘but I’m not that person anymore.’

Effie flicked her eyes up at the ceiling. Smith was talking like it had all happened years ago, but it had only been a matter of months.

‘Like Effie said, I nearly died and it kind of put things into perspective. She sat there every day in the hospital with me.’ Smith looked around the table. ‘They all did. I had to leave, but now I’m back and I’m on the straight and narrow.’

‘We’re proud of you, man,’ Mickey said, clinking his bottle against Smith’s.

‘What are you doing with yourself now?’ Oliver asked.

‘I’m working for a family friend at his record label.’

‘Ah, you and Effie have something in common.’

Effie looked at Smith as he just about managed to contain the smirk on his face. They had more in common than just a job.

‘Yeah,’ Smith replied. ‘I’m at the same place. A friend of the family owns it.’

‘Oh, yes, that’s right. She did mention it.’

She looked up at Oliver as he swigged his beer. They both knew she’d done no such thing. She hadn’t told him about Smith joining Archive because it seemed like a pointless thing to do. Why bring attention to it?

He put his bottle back down on the table. ‘I must’ve forgotten.’

‘Why don’t you like the cottage?’ Effie said as she lay in bed, watching Oliver as he undressed for bed. He threw his jeans across the arm of the chair standing in the corner and looked back at her.

‘I do.’

She propped herself up on her elbow. ‘But you said it was
vintage
.’

‘That’s because it is.’

‘Yeah, but the way you said it, it sounded as if you didn’t like it.’

Oliver looked at her with a raised eyebrow. ‘Did it? I didn’t mean it that way.’

He laughed and shook his head as if she was being silly, and Effie shrugged. Maybe she’d taken what he’d said the wrong way after all.

‘Smith’s an interesting one,’ he said, and for a second Effie stopped breathing.

‘What do you mean?’

He climbed into the bed next to her and lay on his back, folding his arms behind his head. ‘“Thailand is overrated. Koh Tao is too highbrow.” He seems a bit of a twat.’

Effie looked at him, stunned. By the way he’d childishly mimicked Smith, if she didn’t know any better, she’d have thought he was jealous. ‘But you were so nice to him.’

‘Well, obviously. I didn’t want to be the guy who acts like a prat around their partner’s ex.’

The stunned look on her face deepened. She hadn’t said
anything
about her relationship with Smith, and she was more than certain that neither Mickey nor Lou had either.

‘Come on, Effie. It’s obvious, especially when you still have photos of the two of you on Facebook.’ He looked at her and pulled his eyebrows together. ‘I just don’t get what you saw in him. I can’t picture you two together at all.’

Effie lay back down on her side. He might not be able to see it, but she could, and it played out like a montage from a film. The amazing highs, feeling like she was walking on air when they first got together, to the crashing low when Smith left.