Love Song Series Box Set (31 page)

My head feels heavy as I lean back against the wall. Closing my eyes, I welcome the darkness that’s beckoning me. Just as my mind starts to fade, I hear the bathroom door open up. My last thought, before I slip into the void, is that I hope whoever came in is too late to stop me from the freedom I seek.

The sound of my phone ringing brings me back to reality. Without looking, I answer it. “Hello.”

“What the hell is going on?” Julie asks while Jase shouts out questions in the background.

My heartbeat soars, and I ask a question that I’m sure I already know the answer to. “What’s wrong?”

“Dean’s mother just called me,” she spits out, forgetting that she is my mother too.

I close my eyes and do my best to take in a cleansing breath, but instead, it feels as if I’m suffocating. “What did she want?”

“She said that you were moving home, and if I tried to stop you, she would see me put in jail.”

“I’m not,” I reply instantly before remembering all the things my mother said about judges and guardianship. “At least, I hope not.”

Julie is silent for a few seconds. Jase is saying something, but I can’t hear exactly what it is. Finally, she says, “We’re heading home. We should be there in about three hours. We want you at our house when we get there.”

“You’re in the mountains. You can’t come home right now. We’ll talk about this when you get home from your honeymoon.”

She ignores me and repeats herself, “Three hours, and you better be at our house.”

Chapter Seven

I watch Jase pace back and forth across the kitchen, and I repeat myself again. “She says they are going to get some sort of guardianship over me.”

Julie shakes her head. “They can’t do that. You’re an adult. They can’t just take over your life like that.”

Realizing I have to tell the truth, I look toward the floor to hide my shame. “They may be able to.”

“What are you talking about?” Jase says, stepping up to my bed.

I choose my words carefully, not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to tell the entire truth. “There are some… umm... medical issues a judge could possibly use as grounds.”

“What?” Julie asks, shock filling her voice. “You never told me.”

“It’s nothing to worry about, but you know how my father is. He can turn nothing in to something, to get his way.”

She doesn’t answer me, just looks toward Jase. “What are we going to do?”

I shake my head at her question. This isn’t her fight. She has spent enough time battling with my family. This time, I am going to protect her from whatever they’ve got planned. “There’s nothing Jase or anyone else can do. You know my mother. If she wants to have control over me, she will do her best to make it happen.”

“There is no way they can do this to you, darlin’,” Jase says as he lays his hand on my shoulder. “They’re just blowing smoke up your ass.”

He’s trying to comfort me, but it’s not working. No one here understands. As long as I’m breathing, my family will do everything in their power to ruin my life.

I shake my head. “No, Jase. You’re wrong. They can do this, and they will. If Mother wants me in Missouri, unless I’m careful, I will be there. She will get her way. She always does. My father will make sure of it.”

Jase squeezes my shoulder. “Now, you listen to me. You are an adult. You have a home and a good job. You are a respected part of this community. There is nothing your parents can do to you. They’re just talking out their asses. You’re going to have to ignore it. Don’t let them get to you, and by all that’s holy, don’t try to run away. If you do, I will find you. You’re too important to this family, for us to lose you.”

I take a deep breath and blow it out. “There are things you don’t know about me. If those are told to the judge, he might agree that I’m unstable.”

He looks at me with puzzled expression on his face. “What things?”

The thought of telling anyone about my past makes my stomach roll. I never wanted anyone to know about the things I’ve done or the things that have been done to me.

I know I need to tell them everything, but I am so scared they will turn away from me that I can’t seem to make my mouth work. I’m trying to work up the courage to share my darkest demons when Jase grabs my hand. “Darlin’, you said there were things you needed to tell us. I think now is the time for telling. I know most of it already, and I can guarantee you that it doesn’t change the way I feel about you one fuckin’ bit.”

“What do you mean?”

He looks away, a splash of red covering his cheeks. “When I helped you move, do you remember the box that got left in my truck?”

“Yes,” I reply quietly as blood pumps loudly in my ears.

“Do you know what was in that box?”

I nod, remembering the fear I felt when I realized it was missing. The one box that should have never left my sight was the only box that didn’t make it to my new place; the box full of my journals. “Did you read them?”

He remains silent, and his non-answer is answer enough. “You read them. You read my journals.”

“Shit, Bethany, I didn’t realize what they were. When I looked in the back of my truck, they were all scattered about. I picked one up, opened it…” His voice trails off.

“What did you read? Tell me, what do you know?” I ask frantically, resisting the urge to run out of the house and away from the man that knows all about my past.

He shakes his head, deciding not to answer my question. “I didn’t tell Julie. I figured, since the bastard is dead, she didn’t need to know. But now, I think you should tell her.”

Oh God! He knows; he knows how sick I really am. I try to jerk my hand from his, but he won’t let me. “No, I’m not letting you go. I’m gonna hold your hand the whole time you talk.”

I stare up at his face, barely making his features out with tears filling my eyes. “I can’t. I just can’t.”

“You can tell me anything,” Julie says from across the room.

I look toward her and shake my head. “I love you. You are the closest thing to a sister I’ve ever had. I couldn’t handle it if you didn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

Julie gets up and walks to us. She places her hand on my cheek. “Bethany, you are my sister. I promise you that no matter what you tell me, I will always be right by your side.”

I take a fortifying breath and blurt out my secret, knowing that it will all come out soon anyway. “When I was thirteen, I had an abortion. I didn’t want the baby, but I didn’t want to kill it. I wanted to give it up for adoption, but Mother wouldn’t even consider that, so I had the abortion.”

As soon as the words leave my mouth, Jase pulls in a breath. Guess he didn’t know about that?

I look toward Julie and whisper. “I couldn’t get past it. I just could not forget that I killed my baby, so that’s when I tried to kill myself the first time.”

“The first time?” she asks, tears streaming down her face.

“That time, I just took pills. I don’t think I really wanted to die. It was later, when I cut my wrists that I was ready for it all to end.”

“Oh my God,” Julie whispers. “You never told me. You never told me any of this.”

I look into her eyes, and I can see the hurt she feels. “I never told anyone. When I was younger, my parents wouldn’t let me. I wasn’t even allowed to tell the counselors that the hospital forced me to talk to. As I got older, I tried to forget that it ever happened. Talking about it just made it hurt worse.”

“Who was the father?” Jase growls, standing up from his chair. 

“What?”

“Who was the father, Bethany?” he asks. His voice is a mixture of anger and compassion.

My heart starts to race as my head grows dizzy. “It doesn’t matter.”

“The hell it doesn’t! Tell me who the father was,” Jase shouts.

My body starts to shake, and I pull my hand away again. “No, please don’t make me say it out loud.”

He holds onto my hand, anger still radiating from him. “Tell me.”

My vision starts to go fuzzy, and suddenly, I am stuck in the past, reliving my pain.

It’s the second day in a row I’ve woken up sick. What is wrong with me? I start to think maybe I should go to the doctor. I feel like I have the flu, but I’ve never known the flu to only be for an
hour or two in the mornings then go away. I walk downstairs to the kitchen and see Lorraine, our cook, making breakfast.

“Hi, Miss Lorraine. Where’s Mother?” I ask her.

“Hi sweetheart. She’s in the sitting room,” she says kindly to me as she bends her head and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “She’s not in the best of moods, so you may want to stay clear of her today.”

“I can’t. I need to go to the doctor. I think I’m getting the flu,” I say and I give her waist a tight squeeze.

I walk out of the kitchen, listening to Lorraine hum as she rolls out dough for biscuits. The sound makes me smile; I often wish that she were my mom.

I make my way to the sitting room and see Mother sitting on the loveseat drinking tea. “Mother, can you take me to the doctor’s office today?” I ask her timidly.

“What on earth for? So you can spout off some more lies about your brother?” she says without looking at me.

Her words cut me to the quick, the same way they always do. When I told her Dean raped me last month, I was sure she would believe me, but she didn’t. She slapped me and said her son would never do such a thing. If I slept with Dean, it’s because I tempted him, and it was my fault.

“No, it’s because I’m sick,” I say, looking down at my hands.

She raised her eyes look at me. “What’s wrong this time?”

I shrug my shoulders. “I think I have the flu, but I’m only sick in the mornings. By nine o’clock, I feel fine.”

Her face turns red, and her hand starts to shake so hard that coffee sloshes over the rim. “How long has this been going on?”

“For two days.”

Mother sits her coffee cup on the table and fists her hands. “You go to your room and stay there. I will be home in a few minutes.”

“I’ve got to go school.”

“Do as I say.” She doesn’t say anything else as she stands up and leaves the room. A few minutes later, I hear the front door slam. I run to the window and watch her climb into her car, and then I run up to my bedroom and let my tears fall.

I hear Mother’s car pull into the drive thirty minutes later. She comes straight to my room and throws a stick at me. At least, I thought it was a stick. “Take that, you little slut, then bring it to me. Why on earth a thirteen year old is having sex is beyond me. Children these days,” she says.

At first, I don’t understand what the stick is, but when her words sink in, my stomach starts to roll. No, no, no, I can’t have his baby.

I rush to the bathroom and pee on the stick. Within minutes, two bright blue lines show up on top of the test. I run back out to my mother and push it into her hands. “What do these lines mean?” She rears back her hand and slaps me in the face. “It means you’re a slut, just like I have always thought. Now, tell me who the father is. Tell me.”

I lick the blood from my lip as I lift my eyes to hers and give her the answer she already knows. “Dean.”

I’m brought back to reality by Jase gently shaking my arm. I jerk my eyes open and stare into his face. “I can’t tell you.”

“You have to tell me. You need to get this out,” Jase says, his voice more gentle than it was before.

“Jase, I don’t think she can do this right now,” Julie says as she grabs Jase’s arm.

He finally takes a step back, but his arms are replaced by another set, wrapping around my body from behind. “Who was it?”

As the voice registers in my head, I start to struggle. “No, no, no!”

I was so emotional, so caught up in the moment; I hadn’t even realized that Brandon had walked in the room. The man I have been in love with has just heard all my dirty secrets; well, not all, not the dirtiest of them all.

He holds me tighter, not allowing me to break away. Slowly, he leans down and whispers in my ear. “Please Bethany, tell me who the father of your child was.”

My mind wanders back to the day I told my brother about the baby, the smile on his face. Remembering the sound of his cackle sends chills down my spine and starts to pull me inside myself again. Not wanting to relive the memory, I scream out the answer they are all waiting for. “Dean!”

As soon as the name passes my lips, my body slumps against Brandon’s. A sob escapes my lips as tear after tear falls. He slowly pulls one of his arms from my waist and bends down, sliding his
now free arm behind my knees. As he picks me up, he begins to whisper. “I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you.”

I can hear Jase talking, but I don’t lift my head to look at him. “We need a lawyer. Call your boss.”

I ignore him as Brandon carries me to the living room and sits down on the couch, holding me safely in his arms. “You’re gonna be okay. I promise everything is going to be okay.”

For some reason, even after everything that’s just happened, I feel safe; safe in Brandon’s arms, knowing he will let no harm come to me. This is him, the man I fell in love with just by reading his letters. This is my knight in shining armor. “Thank you.”

He places a soft kiss to the top of my head. “Any time, Lady Bug.”

I can hear Jase and Julie whispering from the kitchen, but I ignore them and burrow further into Brandon’s arms. I’m suddenly so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. They grow heavy, and each time I blink, I lose more seconds. It feels like all of my strength has been sucked away. I’m attempting to fight the approaching darkness when Jase’s voice carries into the room. “She’s fucked in the head.”

I feel Brandon’s body tense as he jerks his head toward the kitchen. “What the fuck?”

A few seconds later, Jase charges into the room with Julie following close behind. “That bitch is certifiable.”

His words cause my heart to skip a beat. I can feel the tears starting to gather in my eyes. “I am so sorry, Jase. I never should have come here. I know you don’t want your children around someone like me, and I can’t blame you. I’ll go somewhere else, and I won’t bother you all again.”

Brandon’s arms tighten around me, not even giving me room to wiggle. “You’re not going anywhere.”

Jase jerks his head toward me. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You’re right. I am messed up in the head,” I say as I look at him, determined to meet his eyes.

It takes a second for my words to sink in, but when they do, he walks straight to me. Stopping only a foot from Brandon and I, he starts to shake his head. “I was talking about your fucked up mother, not you. Never you. The fact that she thinks she can just come in and take you away from us is fucking insane. You’re not going anywhere. I know what you did to protect Jenny. Do you honestly think I would let you walk away from us now? This is your home, and this is where you’re staying.”