Love Song Series Box Set (30 page)

Shane chuckles deeply as he releases my hand. He leans back in his seat and smiles at me. “I’ll let you play it that way if you
want. We won’t talk about it, but if you ever want to tell me what happened, all you’ve got to do is the say the word. I’ll be all ears.”

“I’ll do that,” I barely squeak out as the waitress walks up to our table and takes our order.

As soon as she finishes, I excuse myself to go to the restroom, dreading the fact that I have to walk past Brandon and Becca’s table to get there. I do my best to avoid eye contact with either one of them as I scurry past them, and then breathe a sigh of relief when I reach the restroom door without any unwanted mishaps.

I’ve just stepped through the bathroom door when I feel someone walk in behind me. I don’t even have to turn around to know that it’s Becca. Trying to ignore her, I make my way to one of the stalls. I’m only a step away from it when she finally breaks the silence. “Just so you know Brandon and I are not here on a date. He had some questions about Logan.”

I jerk my head around and look at her, wondering what questions Brandon had asked her. I know I’ve wanted to ask, more than once, why her child suddenly appeared out of no-where and where he had been all these years. There is a lot of speculation about who his father is; even Jase’s name has been battered around. For me, it only took one look at the child to know his origins. I just wonder what will happen when Kristen realizes that she has a nephew.

“He would never go on a date with me.”

I shake away my thoughts before responding. “It doesn’t matter to me. He can date anyone he wants.”

Becca places her hands on her hips and smiles at me. “I know you care. It’s written all over your face. If it makes you feel any better, he is just as upset that you’re here with Shane as you are that he’s here with me.”

I almost smile at the thought of making Brandon jealous, but I catch it just in time. I’ve got to get over this attraction I feel toward him; he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want me. He’s proven that the man from Julie’s letters doesn’t exist. “It’s none of his business who I date.”

“That may be true, but it doesn’t stop him from wanting to rip Shane a new asshole,” she says with a laugh. “Men are that way. They can’t stand to see another man with the woman that they want.”

I shake my head at her. “Brandon doesn’t want me, far from it actually.”

“Sure he does,” she replies as she removes her hands from her hips and walks toward the mirror, then she pulls out her lipstick and starts reapplying it. “He hasn’t taken his eyes off of you since you walked through the door.”

“You’re wrong,” I say, trying to ignore how good her words make me feel.

“No, I’m not,” she says while finishing up refreshing her lipstick. “I also saw the way you were looking at him.”

I shake my head in denial. “I was not looking at Brandon.”

“Listen, I know you hate me, but I’m going to give you some advice anyway.” Becca sticks her lipstick back into her purse and turns to look at me. “If you have feelings for a man, being with another man isn’t going to change that.”

Deep down, I know she’s right. Even though I like Shane, being with him isn’t making my feelings for Brandon go away. “You’re right about that, but you’re wrong about the first thing you said.”

She scrunches her forehead in confusion. “What?”

“I don’t hate you,” I explain. “I don’t know you very well, but I don’t dislike you.”

“Well, you know, we could get to know each other,” she says in quiet voice. “I’ve talked to Julie and Kristen a few times lately. I don’t think they would be mad if we hung out sometimes. I could use a friend every now and then.”

“They wouldn’t be angry,” I say with a shake of my head. “Julie has forgiven you. At least, I know she is trying hard too.”

“I know. She’s being really great about it all. I wouldn’t blame her if she never talked to me again, not after what I did,” she says in a matter of fact voice.

I could tell that Becca knew she had really messed up big time when she slept with Jase, and I could also tell that she was truly sorry for it. “Everyone deserves a second chance. We all make mistakes.”

“Not like me. I ruined my best friend’s life. If it wasn’t for me, Julie wouldn’t have ever been with that rat bastard.” The pain I hear in her voice reminds me of my own pain. 

“It isn’t your fault.” I reach out and touch her arm. “It seems like we’re all quick to take blame for what Dean did to Julie, but it wasn’t us that hurt Julie. It was my brother’s fault. You have to forgive yourself.”

If I could only take my own advice.

Becca nods. “You’re right, but it’s still hard to not feel guilty.”

Before I can respond, my cell dings with a text message. I pull it out of my purse and see that it’s from Shane.

You ok in there :)

I look up to Becca with a smile on my face. “I gotta go. Shane is wondering what’s taking so long.”

She smiles back. “Go ahead, but don’t forget what I said. You can’t replace one man for another. Shane is a nice guy, but don’t let him fall for you if who you really want is Brandon.”

“I won’t, I promise.” I nod and rush into the stall. By the time I’m done, Becca is gone. I wash my hands quickly and make my way back to Shane. I pass the table Brandon and Becca were sitting at and am relieved to see them gone.

By the time I get back to our table, our food is already there. “Sorry, I ran into someone in the restroom.”

“Yeah, I saw Becca walk in right after you. She didn’t upset you, did she?”

I shake my head. “No, she was really nice. I think we’re going to try being friends.”

A smile spreads across Shane’s face. “That’s good. Becca has made some mistakes, but I think she’s a nice person deep down.”

“Yeah, I agree,” I say before stuffing a fry into my mouth.

Our conversation slowly dies down, and we both eat. As soon as we’re done, we head to the theater. During the ride, instead of embarrassing myself with another werewolf vs. vampire debate, Shane tells me all about the car he’s rebuilding. I don’t know much about cars, but I do enjoy listening to his excitement about a project that’s near and dear to him.

We get to the theater just as New Moon is about to start. Shane allows me to pick our seats. I find us a spot right in the middle. As soon as Jacob shows up on the big screen, I point to him. “That is my man.”

Shane chuckles. “I’m not sure I can compete with a movie star, especially one with abs like that.”

I start to laugh, but the words Becca said earlier run through my mind.
Shane is a nice guy, but don’t let him fall for you if who you really want is Brandon.
I turn back to the screen and pretend to be engrossed in the movie.

Shane and I barely talk during the movies, but by the time Eclipse ends, I’m so tired that I am about to fall to sleep in my seat. As soon as the theater lights come back on, Shane grabs my hand and leads me out to his truck. He opens my door like the gentleman that he is and helps me into the cab before walking around to his side and gets in. We sit there in silence for a moment. I’m not sure what he’s thinking, but I can feel the tension rolling off of him. “What’s wrong?”

He looks at me with a sad smile. “I don’t know. You tell me. We seemed to be having a good time, all of a sudden, you froze up on me.”

I shake my head in denial, even though I know he is right.

He nods. “Yeah, you did, babe. You know you did. I made a joke about that dude’s abs, and then you turned into a block of ice. What happened?”

I know I need to tell him about my fascination with Brandon, but I hate to hurt him. I take a second and decide to take Becca’s advice. “I just don’t want to upset you.”

He gives me a perplexed look. “Why would you upset me?”

I shrug. “I’m not sure. This is all so new to me.”

Shane lets out a long frustrated breath. “Bethany, you’ve got to tell me what in the hell is going on in that head of yours.”

“I don’t know how to tell you.” I don’t want him to lash out at me when he finds out that his feelings aren’t the same as mine.

He gives me a sad smile. “I like you a lot, but I don’t think you feel the same way about me as I do you. It’ll be a hell of lot easier if you told me now instead of later.”

I nod. “I do like you, but I’m not sure if I like you, like you. Does that make any sense?” Well, at least the cat is out of the bag.

“Are you not sure, or do you know that you don’t like me?” he asks in a hushed voice as he stares out of the windshield.

I decide it’s best to just tell him exactly how I feel. “I think you’re a nice guy. You’re incredibly handsome, and I could see myself having feelings for you.”

A true smile starts to spread across his face as he meets my gaze. “That doesn’t sound so bad, babe.”

I shake my head. “No, it’s not bad, but you were right about Brandon. There is something going on with him, though I’m not
sure what it is. I’m attracted to him, and I think he may be attracted to me.”

I start to explain more, but a snort from Shane brings me up short. I look toward him and catch him rolling his eyes. “What was that about?”

“There is no doubt that Brandon finds you attractive. Shit! He finds you a whole lot more than attractive. He finds you damn near irresistible.”

“I don’t know about all that,” I whisper, afraid anything I say could hurt Shane’s feelings.

Shane nods his head. “I do. Bran wants you. He wants you bad.”

If Brandon’s behavior right after the wedding was anything to go by, then Shane is right, but there is no way I am going to tell him that. “I will have to trust you on that.”

Shane shoots me another small smile and grabs my hand. “Well, you’ve been honest with me, so now you don’t have any reason to feel guilty.”

“Can we still be friends?” I ask. My voice barely above a whisper.

He gives my hand a tight squeeze. “Hell yeah, we can be friends. We can even still watch sucky movies together.”

“They were not sucky movies,” I say through a laugh, glad we can move past this awkward moment.

“Yeah, they were, but I’d suffer through them again just to get to spend time with you,” he says with a smile.

“You’ll have to come over some time to watch Twilight. Then, you’ll be able to understand New Moon and Eclipse.”

“Next weekend good for you?” he says as he pulls his hand from mine and starts the truck.

“Okay, I’ll make homemade pizza. We can pig out and get our Twilight on,” I say with excitement. “I can’t watch them with Julie or Kristen anymore. We fight over Edward and Jacob too much.”

Shane laughs while nodding his head. “It’s a date then.”

“A date?” I choke out.

Shane looks toward me and shoots me one of his killer smiles. “A friendly date and nothing more, but if you ever get ready for more than friendly, let me know.”

Chapter Six

I hear the beep beep of my alarm and roll over. Slamming my hand onto the clock, I push my feet over the edge of the bed. Shane and I ended up spending half the night talking, so I’d rather be doing anything than getting up at the butt crack of dawn to help my co-worker get her classroom ready.

I slowly make my way down to the kitchen and get the coffee started then head toward the shower. As I run conditioner through my hair, my mind comes up with a million excuses not to go, but I veto each one of them. The problem isn’t just the early hour; it’s the fact that I don’t really care for Missy. She seems like a user, definitely not a friend, but I made a promise, and I plan to keep it.

Forty-five minutes and three cups of coffee later, I knock on Missy’s door. It seems like forever before Missy answers. Her hair is a tangled mess, and her make-up is smeared all over her face. As soon as I see her, I know what she has been doing. She’s spent another night at the bar and brought home another random guy. Ever since I started working at the school, she’s been telling me about the men in her life; another reason I don’t call her friend.

“What are doing here so early?” she asks, her voice filled with irritation.

“It’s nearly nine. You asked me to come over this morning. You wanted me to help get your classroom ready. Don’t you remember?” I explain, feeling a bit irritated myself.

She smiles at me, but her smile is anything but friendly. “Sure, come on in. I just have to let my friend know that I have to leave.”

I watch her walk into the bedroom and start to get a sick feeling. I’m not sure what’s wrong, but I know that something is off. After a few moments, Missy comes back into the living room looking happy, but something about the smile on her face tells me that her happiness is about to cause me a whole lot of pain. She has the look on her face that Dean used to get before he stuck me in the closet; a look that says she has some sort of power over me. “I cannot wait for you to meet my new man. I always wanted to go out with him back in high school, but he never noticed me. He sure noticed me last night though!”

Seconds later, I hear her bedroom door open and turn toward it. I have to place my hand against the wall to stay on my feet when I see Brandon walk through it. I know he isn’t mine, but for some reason, it feels as if he betrayed me.

He’s buttoning his shirt, so he doesn’t see me at first, but when he lifts his head, our eyes lock. His body freezes, and I see embarrassment flash across his face. “Bethany,” he says stiffly.

For some reason, the sound of him saying my name causes my head to pound even harder. I want to shout at him and ask him why the hell he is here, but truth be told, it is none of my business, so I keep quiet and look toward my feet.

Missy comes out from behind him and tries to nuzzle into his side. “I’ll call you later, babe?”

He whips around to look at her with a snarl on his face. “You have no reason to be calling me, and you know it”

Missy lets out a giggly laugh, one that she uses to sound attractive, but it makes her appear childish. “Sure, baby.”

Her laugh sends a chill down my spine. I can tell by looking at her that she’s enjoying this. She is enjoying making me uncomfortable. Somehow, she knows that Brandon and I are connected, and she likes rubbing their night together in my face. What a bitch!

Brandon steps away from Missy and comes closer to me. He must see the pain in my eyes because once he makes eye contact, he winces. “Can I come see you tonight? We need to talk.”

Talking to Brandon is the last thing that I want to do. I shake my head and lie through my teeth. “Sorry, Shane and I are going out tonight.”

He suddenly looks pissed but doesn’t say anything as he moves past me and storms out the front door.

“How do you know him?” Missy asks, sounding somewhat peeved.

I shrug. “Oh, he’s Julie’s brother.”

“Wait, Julie? Jase’s Julie?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, I remember now. He and Julie lived with Will and Kristen, right?” she asks with a little smile.

“Yeah,” I answer with a nod.

“What a mess,” she says laughing. “I’ve fucked, what seems like, her whole family… Jase, Matty, Shane, Will, and now Brandon. I should get some type of medal for that, don’t you think?”

“You’ve been with Shane?” I whisper. For some reason the thought of Shane touching her makes me feel sick. Shane was supposed to be my good guy, the person that would make everything better, but good guys don’t sleep with girls like Missy. Do they?

“Sure. I love the Gibson boys. They are the best lay in the whole damn county.” She lets out another nasty laugh. “Well, they were. I think Brandon may be even better. Who knows? Maybe I can get them to tag team me. That would be one hell of a night.”

I don’t know what to say to that, so I walk toward the door. “I am sorry, but I don’t feel like working on your classroom today. I’ll talk to you later.”

“There’s no need to run off. I can tell there’s something between you and Brandon,” she says, laughing even harder than before. “It was a pretty big hint when he called out your name last night.”

“What?”

“Oh yeah, we were going at it hot and heavy, and he said your name. It pissed me off at first, but I figured, I got mine, so I didn’t care who he was thinking about.”

“My God,” I whisper to myself.

“Why he would be thinking about you, when he was with me, I’ll never understand.” She looks me over, taking in my jeans and tee-shirt. “You’re just so plain.”

I ignore her snide comments and make way out of her house as quickly as I can. I hear her laughter echoing behind me as I walk to my car. I’m just about to open my door when a hand lands on my shoulder. “Can we talk?”

I instinctively jump back before turning my head to see Brandon standing inches from me. I had been so lost in thought that I didn’t even realize he was there. “I don’t think we have anything left to say. You made your feeling toward me perfectly clear when we were at the circus.”

Even though the things he said are not at all similar to the things Shane and now Missy have told me.

He pulls his hand back and pushes it through his golden hair. “I shouldn’t have said that shit to you. You were there for Julie when I couldn’t be. You protected her.”

“That’s not true. If I had protected her, she wouldn’t have been with Dean in the first place. She would’ve been better off if she had never met me.”

He reaches out and grabs my arms, pulling me toward him. “No fuckin’ way. You’ve been Julie’s rock for the last nine years. I’ve heard about how you stood by her. You’re her friend, a true friend. I was wrong about everything I said to you, every-fucking-thing.”

By the time his words end, he’s breathing loudly and staring at my mouth. A second later, his lips are on mine. This kiss is different than the one he gave me before; it’s as if he’s trying to give me a part of himself. I’m more than happy to take it, until a whiff of Missy’s cheap perfume finds its way to my nose.

I slowly pull away, hating to lose his touch. “I don’t know a lot about this kind of thing, but I’m pretty sure you should at least shower off your last conquest before you start looking for another one.”

With those words, I climb into my car and drive away. I barely make it home before the tears start to fall. What in the world is wrong with me? Why can I never stop the tears from falling? I’m not with Brandon, so it shouldn’t matter who he is sleeping with. I’m not really with Shane, so it shouldn’t matter that he has slept with Missy in the past, but for some reason it does.

I shake my head at my own stupidity as I walk into the living room and snuggle up on the couch. I know nothing will ever come out of spending time with Shane, so I need to call and cancel our movie night. I start to reach for my phone, but it starts ringing before I pick it up.

I grab it and look at the screen. A cold chill makes its way up my spine as I click the talk button.

“Hello, Mom.”

She lets out a frustrated breath. “How many times have I told you, I prefer to be called Mother?”

“Fine! Hello, Mother. What can I do for you today?” I say through clenched teeth.

“Nothing. I was calling to let you know that Father worked out a deal with the district attorney in that backwater town you’ve chosen to call home,” she says, sounding every ounce the stuck up judge’s wife that she is.

My heart starts to pound so hard that it feels like it is about to jump out of my chest. “What kind of deal?”

“That is between your father and the district attorney. All that matters now is that you’re coming home,” she answers snidely. 

“What?” I ask while standing up. I start to pace back and forth. “I am home. I will never go back to Missouri. You can just forget about that right now.”

“I was afraid you would say that, so I have talked your father into filing for a guardianship order. We do not believe that you are in your right mind. If you were, you would be at home where you belong. As far as I am concerned, you would be better off if your father and I were given the power to make your decisions for you.”

“No!” I shout. “You can’t do that. I’m a grown woman with a life of my own. I don’t need you or anyone else to make my decisions, and I’m not going anywhere. I like Cromwell, and I’m staying here.”

“Yes, we can. The things you have done in your past have led us to believe you are mentally unstable. Considering your medical and psychiatric history, I am sure your father can convince a judge that you would be better taken care of by your loving parents or locked in a mental institution, instead of being left to harm yourself.”

“No!” I shout again, real fear pumping through my veins.

Mother laughs. “Whatever you say dear. We will be there next Saturday. Be prepared to come home with us, or your father will make sure you are never able to make another decision on your own again.”

She doesn’t give me time to respond before hanging up. I continue to pace for a few moments, then I throw the phone onto the couch. I know they will get their way, no matter what I do, but I can’t just give up. What can I do now? She can’t do this, can she? Looking down at the faint scars on my wrists, I realize she can. In an instant, my past comes rushing back at me.

After crawling from Dean’s bed, I quickly dress. Bile climbs up my throat when I feel the stickiness between my legs. Looking down at his sleeping body, I wish I had the nerve to kill him, to run a knife through his cold dead heart. I don’t though; I have no courage at all.

As I slowly walk away from him, a pain shoots through my body, reminding me of what he had just done to me again, and a shudder runs through me. I place my hand against my lower stomach, willing the pain to go away as I walk into the hallway. I can’t keep on like this. I just can’t, but what can I do?

I tiptoe past my parents’ bedroom, knowing that Mother is still awake, waiting for Father to get home. I know she had to have heard my screams, but just like every other time, she ignored them. Still, if I make too much noise now, she will be out here screaming at me to keep it down. That would just wake Dean up, and that is the last thing I want to happen.

As soon as I step into my bedroom, I head straight to the bathroom and start stripping off my clothes. Just before stepping into the shower, I catch of glimpse of my battered body. Fingerprints are visible around the tops of my thighs, and both breasts are nearly black. Scratches and bruises cover me from my neck to my knees. Of course, not all are from tonight. Dean never gives enough time for the old injuries to heal before inflicting new ones.

I close my eyes and envision hurting him as bad as he has hurt me, but even in my mind, I’m a coward. I could never fight Dean; I learned that a long time ago. Coward or not, I know there’s no way I can handle many more trips to his bedroom, but I have no
idea how to avoid him. It’s hard to stay away from someone that won’t even let a locked door stand in his way.

My mind drifts; I imagine what life would be like without pain, one without Dean. If I could get away, I would be free, but how can I do that? My attention is drawn to the razor sitting on the edge of the tub. I pick it up and hold it tightly in my hand as an idea forms in my head.

Without taking time to think, I drop it on the counter. I grab my hairbrush and slam it down on the razor, breaking the flimsy plastic case. Carefully, I draw the blade out and look at the shining metal. I’m momentarily mesmerized by the sight, until I notice the mess on the on the countertop. Out of habit, I quickly discard the broken plastic bits into the trash.

The simple task causes me to become distracted by a moment of doubt. My entire body is shivering, fear making me cold down to my bones. I turn on the tap, filling the tub with scalding hot water, then climb in. The heat washes away the evidence of what happened with Dean, the only proof left being the bruises that litter my body.

Picking up the blade from where I sat it on the edge of the tub, I turn it over in my fingers. I spend a few minutes, watching how the light catches it, before a sharp prick on my finger brings my mind into focus. I look in fascination as a single drop of blood seeps from the wound before dripping into the water, spreading across the surface like a morbid ripple.

Gripping the blade, I feel the rightness in the moment, and I know that I have to do this. Fighting back has proven useless. No one cares to save me, so I’m going to save myself. I run the blade across my wrist, not feeling the slice until I see the first bit of blood starting to drip. Before I can change my mind, I quickly slash my
other wrist and drop the blade to the floor. The blood drips onto the perfect white tiles, and a satisfied smile turns my lips up as I think of the horrible mess my mother will be left to deal with.