Love Me ~ Through the Storm (7 page)

“Lizzie!” Bailey says.

“Just trust me, Oak, I didn’t overreact. Oh, oh was Megan overreacting when he did the same thing to her? Huh? Oh, that’s right, he got her pregnant.”

“All I’m saying is that you were drunk, Lizzie, and you have the tendency to see things…” How do I tell her that she sees everything in an exaggerated manner?

“Lizzie, what I think Oakley is trying to say, not that it was this way with Kane, but you can be a little dramatic,” Bailey says.

“Me, dramatic? If that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black, Bailey Reynolds. I was drunk because he was trying to get me that way.”

“It’s Bailey Wilson now and you’d had two bottles of wine before he even showed up.
Just saying
.” Bailey giggles.

“Okay, okay, whatever! You still need to watch your ass around him.” Lizzie huffs.

“I will.  Promise,” I tell her.

“We love you, Oakley. We don’t like to see or hear you hurt. Now, back to Quinn. What happened between you guys?” Bailey asks.

“Yesterday, when he got back in town, we met and he asked me to marry him,” I say a little more quietly.

“What!” Lizzie says.

“Oakley, honey, you are still so young. I know, pot—kettle, but damn, you’re younger than me,” Bailey says.

“I didn’t technically say yes.”

“What does that even mean?” Lizzie asks.

“He wants me to wear the engagement ring and think about it for the three months while he’s away in his training program.”

“Oh. You didn’t say yes and he didn’t take no for an answer,” Lizzie says.

“I guess.”

“Baby Girl, Clay is going to have a shit fit,” Lizzie says.

“So is Cash,” Bailey chimes in.

Cash is the half-brother we found after Mom and Dad’s accident. None of us had any idea about the other. Boy, was that a crazy depressing time. Good thing Margie, Cash’s mom, has a big heart and isn’t the type of person to be resentful. Why Dad did this to everyone is a mystery that died with him, and something I probably wouldn’t comprehend anyway.

Baby Girl is my brother Clay’s way of keeping me little forever, and now the girls are starting to use the name, too. I’m not liking that, but I don’t want to make a big deal about it. I’ll save that fight for another day.

“Don’t tell them, not yet. I haven’t made up my mind and there isn’t any need for Clay or Cash to go off the deep end. I really want to stay here and go to school. Q wants us to get married at the end of this semester then I’d go with him to wherever he gets stationed. Truth be told, I just couldn’t find a way to say no, without being a bitch.”

“Like hell, that’s not going to work. Why should you give up your dreams and goals for him to run off and play G.I. Joe? Nuh-uh, no way. Don’t be letting him rule you. Put your foot down, Oakley,” Lizzie says.

“Lizzie, shut the hell up and let her breathe so she doesn’t have a panic attack. Oakley, you have time to make up your mind. Don’t make any rash decisions. I’ll come up on Wednesday to see you. We can talk without Lizzie.”

“Screw that, I’m coming, too.”

“You have class.” Bailey reminds her.

“So?” Lizzie says.

“Bailey, I’d love that, but I have classes all day on Wednesdays. I’m really fine. I’ve made up my mind that these panic attacks aren’t going to rule my life anymore.”

“Then why did you sound so down when you answered? We really want to help. You’re my sister-in-law, and you’ll probably be Lizzie’s before long, too,” Bailey says.

“Not now, Bay,” Lizzie warns.

“That’s all.” I tell them. I’m not sure what all that was about but it sounds like there’s another wedding coming soon. I’ve got too much going on right now to even contemplate that.

“Okay then, call me if you need me,” Bailey says.

“Me, too,” Lizzie echoes.

“Thanks, I love you, guys.”

“Love you, too, Oakley,” Lizzie says.

“Me, too.” Bailey adds.

“I’m driving down the interstate now. I probably don’t need to be on the phone. I’ll text you guys later, okay?”

“Okay, talk to you then,” Lizzie says.

“Bye, Oakley, hang in there,” Bailey adds.

“Bye.” I hang up and feel even more exhausted and confused than before
. Thanks a lot, guys.

Pulling into the parking lot of the dorms, I see Keith walking out of my building. I hop out of the car and call out to get his attention.

“Hey, Oakley, what’s going on? Are you feeling better? Sandy said you had a stomach bug the other night.”

“Yeah I do. What are you up to?”

“I’m headed to get some grub. Are you hungry?”

“I just ate enough cookies that I’m probably not going to be able to eat for days.” I laugh.

“Come with me while I eat then. Corbin was supposed to hang out with me tonight but he’s bumping the nasties with Sandy.”

“I’ll go with you because I don’t want to be in the next room and hear their business going on.” I scrunch up my nose.

“Alright then,” Keith smiles and motions me to his car. “I’ll have to eat the pizza myself, but I’ll have good company.”

He’s a nice guy, I’m glad he’s giving me a chance to be his friend. I thought I blew it with everyone Friday night. Sounds like I owe Sandy a thank you for covering for me.

“Nice car,” I tell him. Mom always joked that guys normally treated their cars better than their women. I think there’s a little bit of truth in that.

“Thanks.” He walks around and opens the door for me.

I give him a suspicious glance then eye the door.

“I haven’t forgotten that you have a boyfriend, but this is a habit for me.” He points between himself and the door. “We’re just friends, Oakley.”

I laugh because he read my mind. He cracks me up, and I like that. I need a comedic break right now from all of the stress. I’m happy to be adding him to my list of friends. I can feel that I’m turning my shitty life around. What better way to get out of a funk than to be around friends
. Thank you, God, for sending me a friend tonight.

Keith keeps me laughing all through his pizza. I even eat a slice. His friendly nature puts me at ease. “When does your boyfriend get back? I want to meet him.”

“He’s not coming back. He decided that college wasn’t for him and joined the military earlier than he anticipated.”

“Bummer. What does that mean for you guys?”

“I haven’t decided.” I lean across the table and say, “Is that crazy? It’s like he makes this huge life decision without me then expects me to drop everything and follow him. One minute, I thought we were in love, the next, I’m wondering if I ever was.”

“That’s fucked up crazy shit. I’ve been told if you question your feelings for someone, like you are doing right now, then it’s not love. My dad is always,” he changes the tone of his voice, “Son, if you have to question your feelings about someone then it’s not love. When it’s love, you just know it.” He takes the napkin and wipes his mouth.

“I never thought about love in that way, that’s an interesting way to view it. It makes sense really, your dad sounds like a smart guy.”

He wads up the towel and tosses it on the table. “Ah, he was probably just steering me away from the girl I was dating. She was driving my mom crazy, which drove dad crazy. I’m sure it was for his own sanity. He makes up shit as he goes along to fit whatever he’s trying to sell me on that day. He’ll do anything and everything possible to keep my mom happy.”

“They sound great.” He doesn’t realize how lucky he is to have his parents.

“They are most of the time. You’ll have to meet them parents’ weekend. Are your parents going to come in for that?”

“No, they can’t make it.” I let out a slow breath. “The truth is they both—” I look down at the sweat ring my glass has formed on the napkin. “They passed away last year.” I said it. I got it out. I breathe in deeply through my nose.

“I’m sorry to hear that. You can just hang out with us. Mom would love to have a girl around to talk to. She gets tired of all of the testosterone in the house.” He picks up his soda and takes a swig.

He didn’t put me through twenty questions, and he didn’t push me to talk about my feelings. He simply acknowledged what I’d said and went on. The pity I get from most people was missing. The way he handled the news of my parents’ death made the whole thing a tiny bit more bearable. Right now, I’ll take that as a win. I need every teeny achievement I can get. I actually just told someone that my parents died without my throat closing up.
Yay, Oakley!
I’m counting that as a win. I can’t wait to tell Kane.

“Thanks for inviting me, Keith. I really needed to hang out with someone tonight.”

“It was my pleasure. Let’s exchange numbers so we can do it again.” He hands me his phone.

I type in my number then hand it back to him. “Okay, my number is in, just send me a text.”

On our drive back to the dorms, we get to know each other better and the more I find out about him the better I like him. He walks me to the door of the building and I give him a goodbye hug.

“I’ll text you later and maybe we can get coffee one morning this week,” Keith says.

I put my key card in the slot to open the door. “Cool, I’ll be looking for that text.” I smile at him. “See ya around.  Night.”

“Yeah, I’ll see ya, Oakley.”

I bounce into my dorm room with a renewed excitement for the semester to come. I want to talk to Kane and tell him about everything that has gone on the past two days. I pull my cell from my back pocket and fire off a quick text.

Oakley
:
Kane! Are you busy? I need to talk to you!

He doesn’t text me back all night and that’s so unlike him because he’s normally glued to his phone as much as I am. I’m going to try to not let it bother me; he is probably busy.

11

Kane

Work. That’s how I plan to keep my mind off Oakley. While I’m writing my script for the new girl that CJ hired, my mind keeps drifting back to Oakley. With these scenes being so sexual, of course my mind chooses to think of her. I need to get laid and this will be over.

I pull out my little black book of former conquests and thumb through the pages. None of them piques my interest. In frustration, I toss the book into the trash.

Wouldn’t you know, Oakley texts me again.

Oakley:
 
Where are you? You didn’t ever text me back last night!!

I stare at the screen;
this is for your own good
. She doesn’t need me around, fucking up her life. She and Quinn seem to have it all figured out.

I look over at the book in the garbage
. Fuck it!
I retrieve it. There has to be someone in here that I can use for the night. It never mattered to me before who I hooked up with, why should it now?  I come across a name that I know I’ll regret but I call her anyway.

“Hey, Megan, I’m coming over.”

If you told me that I’d be visiting my mother three times a week when I moved back to Nashville, I’d have called you a liar. Regardless of what Dr. Fowler tells me, Deb’s not getting better. She was always good at fooling everyone, but I don’t buy her shit, not any more.

Dr. Kristina Fowler is Mom’s therapist; she keeps encouraging me to have a weekly counseling session with Deb. I refuse to be sucked into the dog and pony show. Deb might dry out, she may get her life together, but that doesn’t mean that I have to be a part of it. She hasn’t wanted to be a part of my life the last twenty-two years. I sure as hell don’t want her in it now.

I hate making the slightest effort for her, but Ruby loves her. Ruby goes the other four days a week to see her, to help her with depression and loneliness. Ruby has always done right by me, been my biggest cheerleader and hell she is even a silent partner in SugarKane Productions. Ruby knows I’ll do anything she asks, without any complaint or argument, but she’s selective of what she asks of me for this reason.

Walking into this dry out tank that is being called a rehabilitation center makes my skin crawl. I can’t think of anything I hate more than coming here. I stand for a good ten minutes outside Deb’s door, talking myself into going inside. What I really want to do is turn around and never lay my eyes on Deb again. I look over my shoulder to see that a couple of nurses are watching me and whispering. I look up, wishing for the hundredth time she had have never come back. Deb broke my heart way before any girl ever had a chance. I knock on the door, waiting for permission to enter.

“Come in,” she says.

I open the door, but I don’t offer any greeting. Deb is sitting at a small round table by the window.  She closes the notebook that she’s been writing in and stands, holding out her arms. She wants me to hug her, offer her comfort. It’s not happening.

“Kane, you came back,” Deb says, dropping her arms. She tilts her head down.

“You have Mimi to thank for that, Deb.” I take the other chair at the table.

“I’m your mom, Kane. I know I haven’t been around much, but I’m still your mom. You could show me a little respect.” She huffs then sits back down and crosses her arms. She never lifts her eyes from the floor.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, but before I calm down, I say, “Giving birth doesn’t make you a mother, it makes you an incubator. Respect? You want respect? Let me lay this out for you, Deb. All of my life, you never once sacrificed your good times, your partying, or ever gave me a passing thought. You were always too busy chasing one band or another.” I give her a few seconds to let that sink in. “You’re the one who created this drama. It’s time for you to get what you deserve. Let me tell you, Deb, loud and clear, so there isn’t any mistake. My respect will be the last thing you get from me. You don’t warrant my respect.”

Her chin quivers. “You’re right, Kane. You’ve got every right to be upset with me. Everyone makes mistakes, Kane, but it’s what you do after them that count. I’m admitting that I was wrong to leave you with Ruby. I was wrong for never being around, never being there for you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I want to have a relationship with you, at least on some level. I’m not asking for your love, I’m just asking for a chance.”

“I think you’re too late for any of that, Deb.”

“Dr. Fowler told me that forgiveness isn’t always easy, it isn’t something you do for the person that wronged you. Forgiveness is more like a journey, it’s very powerful. When you get there, at the end of that tortuous path, you’ll find real power, Kane. Forgiveness will set you free, Kane, not me.”

She gives me a slow smile, but I can see that her hands are trembling.  

“Even if I do forgive you, that won’t automatically make us a family. It won’t erase everything. It doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget.”

“I understand.” She nods, holding up one finger. “Will you do me one favor, just one thing?”

I roll my eyes to the celling, I’m sure I’m not going to like this, but I give her a nod anyway.

“Please meet with Dr. Fowler. It can be alone. I think she can help us, please.” She leans across the table and places her hand on top of mine.

I need to get out of here. My chest is so tight I’m having a hard time breathing. “I’ve got to go, Deb. I’ll be back in a couple of days.” I stand to leave.

Deb stands and closes the couple of steps between us. She wraps her arms around me, and against my better judgment, I do the same.

“Bye, son.”

I pull away from her, rubbing the back of my neck. “Bye, Deb.”

I walk out of the room without looking back. I don’t want her to see my eyes watering.

The bitch has struck again. I pull up to my garage and I see it’s spray painted in red: BEWARE OF ASSHOLE. I need to stay away from Megan because she’s getting vindictive. She’s never been this way in the past, but first my tires and now this. This time, she had to do this in full daylight, unless I didn’t notice it backing out earlier. I need to find a way to get her completely out of my life. 
A good first step is not calling her for sex.
That was a stupid move on my part.

I’ve got to get my life back in order because I can’t stand things in disarray. Everything has a place and that includes my thoughts and emotions. The quicker I can separate my feelings from my everyday life again, the easier it will be to accept things that are out of my control.

I’ve ignored Oakley’s text messages for the last few days because I can’t get over the fact that she’s going to get married soon. She might need me, but how can I continue to put myself through fucked up situations. I’ll get over this in a day or two, but right now, I want a little space and someone I can sink my dick into. I couldn’t get interested in the girl last night. There was just something about her that turned me off. She’s going to come in and audition for us so it’s better to not have diddled in that pussy anyway.

Megan wasn’t what I needed, either. She’s never been the right choice; she’s been the convenient choice. She’s basically a whore who wants money, and if she thinks she can get a few bucks out of you, she’ll screw your brains out. It’s not right to use her that way, but in the past when I’ve tried to do the right thing, it’s always blown the fuck up in my face. I’m past all of that now, focusing on ways to get free of her. I vow to not go back there.  I don’t need any more shit to happen to my stuff when she gets pissed off. Even worse than all of that is, I feel like I’ve betrayed my heart.

I was abstaining. Until the need became too strong. With as much time as Oakley and I were spending together, my mind was playing tricks on me. I almost believed that we were going to work out. Now, that little devil on my shoulder is talking again:
You can’t have what you were waiting for, being good for, might as well fuck around.
It shouldn’t matter. It’s just that here lately, I’ve craved something more than a physical release. Hell, that fucking part is easy to obtain, but the loving part, that’s not easy to find.

I’m standing in my kitchen when Oakley barges into my house without knocking. She throws her purse on the table, her eyebrows are drawn together and her gaze is searching my face.

“I’m glad to see you’re okay, jerk. I’ve messaged you all freaking day, Kane. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Nothing is wrong with me. How’s your fiancé? Did he get all shipped out?” I hear the contempt in my voice and I’m aggravated that I can’t control my reactions better.

“Is that what this is all about? You’re ignoring me because of this ring?” She holds up her left hand, showing me the small diamond.

I shake my head. “What’s with the ring? I thought you decided things were over between you guys.”

“He, uh, wants me to think about marrying him.”

I feel my face grow hard.

She hurries on to say, “I didn’t say yes.”

“But, you didn’t say no, obviously. You guys are still together, looked like he was pretty well staking his claim on you at the talent show.”

She looks away then whispers, “That doesn’t mean you stop being my friend, Kane.”

“That’s all you want from me? Friends? Oakley, I have a life, you know. I’m looking for someone to stake my claim on, too. How the hell am I ever going to find someone with you hanging around cramping my style?” I need to get back to being the big brother. I give her a smile, “Sorry, little sister, I’ve been busy.”

“Sorry, you’re sorry? That’s all you have to say about that?” She holds up a hand and closes her eyes.

“Come on, Oakley, I’m really sorry. It has been crazy at work. We had to let someone go and hire a new person.”

“Way to make me feel important, Kane. You know, you’re just like everyone else, making sure I know that I don’t even matter.”

“Oakley, you know it’s not that way. I was just letting off steam. I’m sorry I made you feel inferior.”
Great, now I feel like shit.

“That’s no excuse, mister! You promised you’d be here for me.” She walks over and jabs a finger at my chest.

“I said I’m sorry, forgive me?” I do her duck face and bat my eyelashes like a girl.

Oakley busts out laughing. “Kane, you better act right! Seriously, I was worried about you.” She puts her arms around my waist and lays her head on my chest. She lingers, swaying a little and lets out a deep breath, “Are we okay?” She leans back and looks at me.