Love Me Not (10 page)

“Where do you live? I’ll come see you.”

“No.”

“Elizabeth.” Why in the hell did she call if she wouldn’t let me help?

“She’s my baby.” A quiet sob. “What’ll happen if she…”

My voice was gentle. “Let me come see you.”

“We’re at a hotel. I took Rachel with me.”

“Which one?”

She paused. “Down the street.”

“I’ll be right there.” I hung up.

After throwing on my shoes, not bothering with a jacket, I flew out the door. I ran the whole way and was amazingly not about ready to collapse by the time I made it to the hotel parking lot. My endurance from all the running I used to do hadn’t been completely lost.

Kathy was at the front desk. I paused just outside the lobby to compose myself well enough to charm Elizabeth’s room number out of her.

“Good evening, Kathy,” I said as I stood at the counter.

“Oh, hey, Heath.”

I grinned. “Do you remember every guest’s name?”

She raised an eyebrow. “You’re not a guest anymore. You just disappeared.”

“Family emergency. Actually, it’s still going on. My…sister is staying here. She left her husband.”

“Oh.”

I leaned closer with my elbows on the counter, so the muscle in my arms flexed.

Her eyes flickered.

“She forgot to tell me which room,” I said. “Her name’s Elizabeth, and she’s here with her daughter Rachel.”

She looked at her screen. “What’s her last name?”

Fuck
. I only knew the first letter. That was all Penny required of them.

“Holt?” Kathy said.

“Yes.” Hopefully, that was it.

She looked up. “You know, I’m not supposed to give this out.”

“Do you really think I’m some psycho?”

Her lips curved a little, as if she couldn’t stop it. Then she ripped a corner off a piece of paper, wrote a number on it, and handed it to me.

I smiled. “Thanks.” I took a few steps away and then turned to look back. “You work till six?”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds like a good time to get off.”

She smiled. “It does.”

I got in the elevator and punched the button for the third floor. I figured I’d probably screw Kathy later and not charge her.

I stepped off the elevator and walked toward the room number written on the scrap of paper. Hopefully, Elizabeth was all right with my showing up. She wouldn’t have called if she didn’t want to talk, right?

Number three twenty-one. I took a breath and knocked. I’d never met Rachel before. I figured we could say her mother and I were old friends. It was part of the truth. We’d just leave out the fact that I made her squeal with pleasure on a regular basis. Okay, Elizabeth didn’t squeal, but she moaned a lot.

The door opened. Rachel looked much like Elizabeth—light brown hair and nice body, definitely a cheerleader’s body.

“Hello, Rachel,” I said. “I’m Heath. Would you tell your mother I’m here?”

As she turned to look back into the room, she opened the door a little farther. Elizabeth was sitting on the edge of one of the beds. She looked up, eyes red.

“Heath,” Elizabeth said. “You didn’t have to…”

I walked in, sat next to her, and pulled her into a hug. She melted into me and sobbed against my shoulder.

I couldn’t imagine what had happened, what could be worse than her husband sleeping with her sister. If it was simply that she’d decided to get a divorce, I doubted she’d be this upset. I had the feeling she was only waiting on the divorce for Rachel to be done with high school and away at college.

Rachel closed the door and moved closer. Then she stopped and stood there in the middle of the room, looking at her mother as if she had no idea what to do.

I focused on Elizabeth. I didn’t know what to do with Rachel, either.

Rachel sat on the other side of Elizabeth. She sat gently, as if trying not to disturb her mother’s delicate state, but she also sat very closely, as if being close to her mom made her feel better.

Elizabeth pressed her face into my chest. I held her tightly and smoothed my hand up and down her back. She didn’t speak. She only cried quietly.

Eventually, her sobs calmed. She didn’t let go of me.

She still didn’t talk.

“Elizabeth,” I murmured.

Nothing.

“Mom.”

I looked up at Rachel. Tears were falling down her cheeks, and she was staring at Elizabeth, as if watching the Great Wall of China crumble. There was confusion, fear.

Still nothing from Elizabeth.

I rested my hand on Elizabeth’s hair, made sure she knew she could hold on as long as she wanted.

I spoke quietly to Rachel. “What happened?”

She looked at me with wide eyes that looked like clear puddles. I recognized this clearness, the innocence. “I don’t know,” she said. “They were fighting and…” She looked back to Elizabeth. “She never lets me hear them fight. She’ll just refuse to talk to him if I’m around.”

“What were they fighting about?”

“I—I don’t know…She was so mad. I went to my room, and a few minutes later she came and asked me to come with her. She
asked
…like she thought I might refuse.” She touched Elizabeth’s back, and her voice faltered. “Mommy…”

Elizabeth’s voice barely made sound. “Mommy.” She took a shaking breath. “That was her first word.”

I lowered my head and whispered in her ear. “Because she meant it.”

A long pause, and then she sat straight. She looked at me, only me, not her daughter.

“I’m here for whatever you need.” I made square eye contact. “And so is your daughter.”

Her expression twisted. “I love her so much. I can’t…”

“I love you too, Mom,” Rachel said.

“I’m here for you,” I said to Elizabeth. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

Mom,” Rachel said. “Do what alone?”

Elizabeth took a breath and exhaled heavily.

I squeezed her hand, and she turned to face Rachel. With a gentle hand, Elizabeth wiped a tear from Rachel’s cheek. “Remember when I used to kiss your tears away?”

Rachel nodded.

“It always made it all better.”

Rachel nodded again.

Elizabeth took her hand. “You look a lot like me.”

“I like that.”

The corner of Elizabeth’s mouth twitched feebly. “You look a lot like your aunt Lydia too.”

“You’re sisters.”

“That’s one reason why we did it. You would still be with family. And…” Elizabeth’s lips shook. “And…I wanted a baby. As soon as I held you, I fell in love.” She touched Rachel’s cheek with trembling fingers. “My baby.”

Rachel opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

“I’m sorry,” Elizabeth whispered.

“Aunt Lydia’s my…”

“I should’ve told you before. I just…I didn’t know what the right time was. I didn’t know how to do it right.”

Rachel stared and then looked away and down. It was like she was trying to find something that made sense. This was the kind of knowledge that touches every part of who you are, every part of your past. Knowing your mom is your mom is one of the basic things in life. You know your name, and you know your parents. The rest of the world swirls around with its own purpose, but these things, these basic facts, you can count on.

Then Rachel’s gaze zipped back to Elizabeth. “But why were you so mad at Daddy? You said he was selfish and—”

“I know,” Elizabeth said. “I’m sorry you saw that.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know…I don’t know how much to tell you.”

“Mom.”

Elizabeth froze at that one word, that one tiny yet explosive word.

“I love you,” Elizabeth said. “I’m sorry you have to deal with all this. I don’t want you to be hurt. I’d kiss the tears away if I could.”

Rachel waited, surely as lost as I was.

“I’m angry with your father because he hurt me, but you have to know this doesn’t have to change how you feel about him. He hurt me, not you.”

A pause.

“I’m not your real mother,” Elizabeth said, “but…he is your real father.”

Holy fuck
.

I sat there as if watching a murder I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t explode with rage or even pull Elizabeth into another hug. This moment was between her and Rachel.

Rachel stared as if seeing nothing. I swore I could see all the pieces slowly fitting together in her head.

Then she stood, walked across the room, and disappeared behind the bathroom door.

Chapter 18

Rachel’s Real Mother

Elizabeth bent forward like a drooping, dead flower. I leaned over her, curled around her. I said nothing. There was nothing I could say. I couldn’t fix any of it. All I could do was be her friend.

She shifted slightly, and I let her sit up.

She held her hands in her lap and stared at the carpet. I held her hand, and she squeezed it. She squeezed until her hand shook.

“I didn’t want to hurt her,” she murmured.

“You didn’t.”

“But she’s hurt. It doesn’t matter who did it.”

I had no retort for that, other than to say, “You’re a good mother.”

She swallowed.

I knew, in her mind, it was up to Rachel to decide if she was a good mother. I hoped Rachel decided correctly, wished there was something I could do.

Then I realized there was something. Only I had the insight Rachel needed.

“Stay here,” I said to Elizabeth. Then I stood and crossed the room.

I knocked on the bathroom door.

Nothing.

“It’s Heath,” I said loud enough for Rachel to hear and then slowly opened the door.

She was sitting on the edge of the bathtub. She looked like a child who’d gotten lost in a huge store. The store was enormous, each aisle another finger of the labyrinth. She had no chance of finding her way out—unless someone helped her.

I sat across from her on the toilet lid. “I know you don’t know who I am.”

“She…ripped through the phone book until she found the number for that store where she buys her bath stuff.”

“My sister owns the store. Elizabeth knew I’d be there late tonight, helping.”

“It’s really late.”

“Day after Christmas is crazy.” Then I added, “I care for your mother. She’s my friend.”

She nodded blankly.

“I can’t imagine how hard this is for you,” I said, “how complicated your feelings are right now.”

She only stared at the beige tile.

“I just wanted to tell you,” I said, “that she doesn’t expect anything of you. She knows you don’t know how to deal with this.”

She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t tell me to get the hell out, either. I took that as a positive sign.

“I was raised by my sister,” I said. “She adopted me as soon as she turned eighteen, only a little older than you. I was six.

“She did everything for me. I didn’t care that we didn’t have money. All that mattered was that she read me stories at bedtime, helped me with my homework, and hugged me when I was scared. She was all the mother I needed.”

Rachel looked up.

“Did Elizabeth do all those things for you?”

She nodded.

“Right now, don’t worry about sorting all the other crap. That’s going to take a while. The only thing you need to know is that you have a mother—you always have. Elizabeth would do anything for you, and she only needs one thing in return.”

She only looked at me.

“She needs you to love her,” I said.

“I do. I just…”

“If someone asked you this morning who your mother is, what would you have told them?”

She waited for me to continue.

“You would’ve pointed her out and said, ‘That’s my mom.’”

She nodded.

“You would’ve said it with a certain amount of pride.”

She nodded again.

“Would you have said it because she gave birth to you, or because she picks you up from school every day, watches all the games you cheer at, helped you pick out your prom dress? Or maybe because she lectures you about keeping your grades up, interrogates your boyfriends, and chaperones every single school event she can. Maybe it’s because she drives you a little nuts sometimes.”

Rachel smiled a little, very small but genuine.

“Or maybe it’s because you know you are the single most important thing in her life.” I paused. “Sounds like a mom to me.”

A tear trickled down her cheek as she nodded.

“She needs you.”

Rachel stood and walked out of the bathroom. I followed and stayed back. Elizabeth stood when she saw her, and Rachel hugged her, no hesitation.

“I love you, Mom,” Rachel said.

I could see Elizabeth’s face just over Rachel’s shoulder. Her expression distorted, and she closed her eyes.

They clung to each other.

As quietly as possible, I walked past them and paused just long enough to write a note on the little pad of paper on the desk. “Call me if you need anything.”

I glanced over and saw Elizabeth watching me.

“Thank you,” she mouthed.

I smiled and turned for the door.

Sometimes I missed when someone hugged me like that, the kind where you know the person truly needs you, only you. Penny didn’t want to lean on someone else, not even me, and Cassie was gone.

Chapter 19

Handwriting Analysis Savant

I was sure Elizabeth was going to be all right. Surely, the next several months would be challenging, but she had Rachel, the one person she really needed. I was proud I could help. My mood for the next few days was brighter. It even rubbed off on Penny a little.

Too bad I couldn’t say the same for Kimber. She wasn’t sour or even angry like she’d been. She was just kind of there. She smiled at the customers like she was supposed to, and that was it, at least when I was around.

I found myself hanging around the shop more often, more than I should. I kept my distance from Kimber and only watched her from afar.

She finished reading
A Christmas Carol
during her lunch breaks. I knew she was done with it when she went back to Barnes and Noble and continued
Oliver Twist.
I bought that book too and delivered it to her apartment. I overheard her tell Penny about it. Kimber didn’t seem to know what to think. Penny kept telling her she had a secret admirer. I hoped Kimber went with that theory, not some love-starved Peeping Tom. I wasn’t sure which one I was.