Love Blind (20 page)

I turned to face him.

Opposite of Chaz.

Blond hair. Bright blue eyes. A little scruffly on the chin, or maybe it was the way the light hit his tanned skin. He was pretty, with a pretty voice.

“I'd hope so.” A corner of my mouth tilted up. I'm pretty sure I didn't give it permission to do that.

“So, you looking for someone in particular? Yourself?” He did the predictable glance at my chest. Guys could be so one-track.

“A friend.” I rested my hand on the rack, unsure if I should keep thumbing through or talk to this guy.

He tilted his head, sort of looking at me sideways. “A . . . boyfriend?”

“No boyfriend,” I blurted out.

Why was I half smiling and sort of chatting and not looking for shirts because I was staring at this blond guy? I'd sworn off guys.

“I'm Jaron.”

“I . . .” I took a step back. “I'm late.”

I'm late?
Pathetic excuse.

“Uh . . .”

I turned back to the rack. “I'll let you know if I need help.”

His shadow clouded a side of my vision for a moment before he took a few steps away and started rearranging merchandise.
I tugged out another T-shirt. And then another. And another.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

My shoulders sagged, and my scarf slipped off my neck. Maybe this was stupid. Maybe having a more solid plan for Kyle's present would have been a good idea.

“I want to innuendo a friend.” I let out a breath of air. “So I guess I need a T-shirt that's wearable, but that's full of
suggestion
.”

“Ha!” Jaron again. “I can help with that.”

Great.

“Size?” he asked.

“Ummm . . . medium?” Kyle seemed medium-ish. I thought.

I walked toward Jaron, who lined four T-shirts up on a round rack.

The second I saw the bright letters on green, I knew that was it. I was right to wait until I found “it.”

“Perfect.”

“This for a guy?” he asked.

“Hmm.” Nonanswer. Kyle was right—talking was overrated. I clutched the shirt, picturing what Kyle's face would look like when he opened it. Perfect. So perfect.

“So . . . ,” Jaron said. “You
do
have a guy.”

I scoffed.

Right. Because the
only
reason I'd shoot this pretty guy down was if I had someone else. Guys and their egos. This. This was why I wasn't dating for the year.

I pulled out my wallet and handed him the shirt.

W
hat are you doing here?” I said, standing stunned and immobile at my front door. Mom's bags were cutting into my wrists from my short walk home from the store. She'd called before leaving work and said she didn't have nearly enough energy to pick up groceries.

“Freezing my ass off and bringing you a Solstice present. Yes. Go ahead and laugh, the moms celebrate Solstice. It's gotten so ridiculous that I actually think they hunt for lesbian clichés to embrace.”

Only I didn't laugh because I still couldn't get over Hailey at my house. My house. Panic cut through me worse than the bitter wind.

“I . . .”

She rubbed her mittened hands together and stomped her
snow-covered feet. Her long hair hung loose around her shoulders. “Come on, Kyle. Freezing here. Let me in.”

“You've never been to my house before. How did you know where I live?”

She laughed. “There are these amazing things called computers. Some of us can actually find shit out from them. Now, are you letting me in or am I gonna head back home?”

“Uh.” I pushed my key in, turned it, and then froze.

She grabbed the door and pushed past me. “You're not keeping a body in here, are you? I mean, seriously.”

I stepped back, the bags clutched in my hands. “Gimme a sec.”

Mom would be home any minute.
Any
minute. I couldn't imagine being in the same room with both of them.
Shit, shit, shit.

“My mom'll be home soon,” I said.

“She strict about girls or something?”

“Uh . . .” She was going to call me on that “uh” too. I was sure of it.

She groped around in her large purse and pulled out a lumpy package. “Here.”

I set the bags on our kitchen counter and released a sigh. “Come on. We can talk in my room.”

Hailey followed me to my room, pulling off her mittens and unwinding her scarf from her neck. “Your mom won't freak?”

“It's fine,” I said. It was. I'd rather no one else meet my mom. Pavel was enough.

I waited for Hailey's next question, but she was too busy staring at my walls. She stepped closer and peered at all the things I had hanging there. She pressed her glasses up her nose and trailed a hand over one of my posters.

“You have the periodic table on your wall?”

“Yeah.”

“And who's this?” She pointed.

“Cobain, back in the
Bleach
days.” God, her eyes were getting worse. My insides turned over. The reality of her future blindness hit me in the gut and winded me.

“And this? What's it a map of?”

“The Pangaea. You know? When all of Earth was still one continent?”

She nodded. “Weird. Why do you have that?”

I dropped onto my unmade bed. “To remember how much things can change.”

“Huh. Cool.”

She sat next to me and I wished I hadn't been so lazy about cleaning my room. Too many books were stacked everywhere. Clothes on the floor. Clean unfolded laundry in a basket in the corner. Papers and notepads in piles on my desk. So different from the sparseness of her room.

“Your room's kind of a crap hole, Kyle.”

I laughed. “Yeah. I guess.”

“I'm surprised. Honestly. You normally smell kind of good, and I would have guessed fastidiousness for you.”

I shrugged. “Sometimes it's hard to keep up with it all. No one sees my room, so I really don't care.”

“Your mom sees it.”

I shrugged again. Which I guess answered the question enough, because she didn't push it. My room was the one place in the house Mom never weighed in on. Too exhausted maybe. Or too overwhelmed by everything else.

Hailey took the lumpy present she'd been holding and placed it into my hand. “It's sort of a two-part gift, so don't open this one yet. Do you have your phone?”

I grabbed my phone from its spot on the side table.

“Okay. Open your contacts. Add these digits.” She rattled off numbers fast with too much excitement in her voice. Hailey excitement brought out way too much worry on my part.

I eyed her. “And this number belongs to . . . ?”

“Mariah. That's her name, right? History-now-Calc Girl, whose number you've been too chickenshit to get.”

My mouth dropped open and Hailey grinned at me.

“You're welcome.”

“You know her? How did . . . ?”

“No. I don't actually know her. I saw her mooning over you in the hall one day. You're so oblivious. Her drool was blatant enough for even me to catch it. But you were so in your head you didn't even see her following you from class. Anyway, I
asked her name and if she'd had history with you last year. . . . Wasn't too hard to put the pieces together and get her digits. I memorized them. Getting good at that, actually.”

I stared at the phone number. So many conflicted emotions pounded me from all sides. It was wrong and right all at the same time.

“I can't believe you'd do this for me.”

“Well, you held Chewbacca for me, so . . .” She slapped me on the back. “Now open the package.”

My hands shook a little as I opened the odd-shaped present. “You wrapped this yourself, huh?”

“Shut up. It didn't come with a box, and I couldn't really see what I was doing.”

I stopped and stared at her. “Hailey. Don't use your eyes as an excuse. Just say, ‘I'm a crap wrapper.' It's unlike you to accept the shitty state of your sight and use it as a reason for mediocrity.”

She flushed a deep red. “I'm a crap wrapper.”

I leaned into her. I wanted to put my arm around her, but knew I couldn't. Not after she'd handed me Mariah's number.

I pulled a bright green shirt from the paper and unfolded it.
GETTING LUCKY IN KENTUCKY
.
I made a weird
oh
sound in the back of my throat. Hailey busted out laughing and I joined her. She rested her hand on my thigh but quickly pulled it away.
Put it back
.
Please put it back.

“I think this is a little bit of wishful thinking on the Mariah front,” I said, and held the shirt up to my chest.

“You're almost eighteen, Kyle. And you aren't
so
shy anymore. I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and think you might pull off tongue-kissing at the very least. You gotta nail some things on that list.”

“Tongue-kissing isn't on my list,” I said.

“Well, whatever. Do you know how much easier your list would be if you listened to me and did what I told you?” she teased.

She licked her lips. I leaned forward because my body wouldn't stop. Her eyes got big for a second and I thought maybe she understood everything. When she licked her lips again, I was certain of it. I'd never wanted to kiss anyone so much in my life.

The front door creaked open and slammed shut.

Hell.
The groceries hadn't been put away. According to earlier texts, Mom was “exhausted” and needed my help tonight.

“Kyle?” Mom called.

“Just a sec,” I called back, almost afraid to breathe.

“Why is nothing put away?” Mom's voice, louder.

Hailey's eyes shifted around the room.

“Just a sec!” I called again, getting up and moving toward my door.

Hailey folded her arms. Unfolded them. “I guess I should go.”

Dammit, I didn't want her to go. Hailey was someone I actually wanted in my space.

“It's fine. She's just off shift, and—”

“Kyle?”

But this time Mom didn't wait before her footsteps came my way. I jerked open my door as she rounded the corner into the hallway and stopped at my room.

“Look, Mom . . . ,” I started, but stopped at the sight of her holding up her hand cream with a frown.

“This isn't the right stuff, Kyle. I can't do the night cream. Only the day cream. You know this.”

“They were out,” I mumbled, hating that Hailey was here for this. But talking back to my mom wasn't something that would ever work—definitely not with Hailey ten feet away.

“But I can't handle the perfume in this one, and you know how raw my hands get.”

“The label said unscent—”

“Kyle. Why do you insist on making more work for yourself? It's like you intentionally sabotage the things I ask of you,” Mom said, crossing her arms and leaning against my doorjamb. She didn't even glance at Hailey. Didn't even acknowledge that someone was here. A girl. In my room. I might get that lecture later. “My life would be so much easier, and yours so much better, if you listened to me the first time.”

Hailey flinched. I wanted to die.

“I'll go check somewhere else,” I said, my voice too soft, too fucking pathetic.

And then Mom's stare flashed to Hailey.

“The suspension was enough,” she said, obviously to me, but still staring at Hailey. When her eyes did turn to mine, I wasn't prepared for the hardness.

I flinched.
Coward.

“You'd better not get anyone pregnant.”

Even Hailey's cheeks flamed at that, but what could I say?

“I'll walk you out,” I said to Hailey, hating that our night was ending this way.

Hailey waved her hand. “No. It's not necessary. I'm sorry I barged in on you over break. I'll catch you at school. It was nice meeting you, Ms. . . .”

Mom gave Hailey a curt nod. Nothing else. And then turned and walked back toward the living room. Either she'd overmedicate and crash in front of the TV or I'd get an earful as soon as Hailey was out the door.

Hailey stared at the floor.

“Hailey.”

Her eyes began darting all over the place like they were avoiding mine. She focused on the periodic table.

“It's okay. She's tired. Anyway, I've got something for you too.” I grabbed the small present from my dresser. “You can open it when you get home or whatever.”

She nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.”

I was sort of disappointed she was freaking out about my mom. She didn't think everyone had cool, conversational lesbian moms who actually gave a shit about something, did she?

I walked her to the door. Her boots stomping too loud over the silence between us.

Mom was shoving things into the refrigerator in jerking, slamming movements.

Hailey paused for a half second, but then kept walking. When I opened the front door, she reached out and pulled me into a big hug. So tight and fierce I almost lost my breath.

“I'm sorry I put pressure on you about the list. It was super shitty of me. I'm sorry,” she said again.

“No, Hailey. It's—”

“Happy Solstice,” she whispered in my ear. Then she was gone.

“Fine,” I finished.

T
he wind and snow outside were nothing compared to the iciness in that house.

How had I not known about his mom? How had we been friends for so long without him ever saying anything about her? Was I any better than her? I mean, basically the same words came out of my mouth just minutes before they came out of his mom's.

The truth was that I'd been a shitty friend to Kyle when I was actually trying to be a good friend to him. Which was terrible, really.