Love Bear Nun (6 page)

              “No,” Jacinda said. Her words were like a red-hot piercing railroad spike to his chest. “You’re still unfit Henson, I’m sorry.”

              “What the Hell? You can blow me after I slaughter four wolf shifters but you still think I can't hold down gainful employment?” Henson yelled in anger, glaring at Jacinda in disbelief. “You know that a job would help me out; it would help me focus my mind on something and give me something to do during the day. It would even help me sleep at night since I’d be more exhausted.”

              “I can’t sign off on your release forms yet Henson, I’m sorry.” Jacinda replied to Henson’s dismay.

              “You’re destroying my chances at a normal life!” Henson yelled, glaring at Jacinda.

              Henson starred at her for a moment, shaking with anger but just walked off. He put a cigarette in his mouth and lit it but it did nothing to reduce his growing anxiety. He sighed, trying to focus on the now as his mind just wanted to stay thinking about Jacinda turning him down. He licked his lips and headed for the bar, needing a drink after that news.

Chapter Seven

              Henson headed off for the bar, still pissed that Jacinda wouldn’t sign his release forms but started to think that really hadn’t shown any improvement. In fact, he had shown a decline by going after the wolf shifters. He punched a wall, knowing that Jacinda was going to blame it on his anger problem and puffed on his cigarette despite it doing nothing for him. Henson walked into the bar and instantly saw Darren. He looked away and got into a side part of the bar before Darren saw him. Henson was in no mood to deal with any of Darren’s crap at the moment. He walked up and sat at the end of the bar and tapped on it, getting the bartender’s attention.

              “What’ll it be?” The bartender asked as he walked up to the end of the bar.

              “I’ll just have a normal beer is all, for now.” Henson said, putting the money down for at least five beers. “Thanks bartender.”

              Henson took a drink of his beer and lit up another cigarette, seeing a half-empty ashtray near him and knew it was alright. He took another drink of his beer and listened to the band playing on stage, trying his best to calm his nerves.

              He thought about how Jacinda had called him unfit, but how if he had a job he would be Phillips to stay more focused on something throughout the day. He knew he had anger in him, but he didn’t believe he had an anger problem; if he did he would be going out causing trouble and getting into… fights. Henson took another drink of his beer and thought about the fight he had gone and gotten himself into with the wolf shifters, but justified it in his head by it being a preemptive strike. If he hadn’t of done what he did, he believed that innocent civilians would have been harmed, or at least their chances of being harmed by the wolf shifters were significantly higher.

              “What’s this? You go and sit at the other end of the bar now? Don’t you wanna hang out with your pal Darren?” Darren said as he walked into that side of the bar.

              Instantly Henson cringed and gritted his teeth, doing his best not to let his anger gain control of him. “What’s up friend? Why ya sittin all the way over here?”

              “I’m not your friend Darren, you know this so quit being a sarcastic prick and get out of my face.” Henson said in as calm of a voice as possible. Darren laughed and looked at his pals before he looked back at Henson. “Come on man, come sit with us down there and play a drinking game with us.”

              “No, I don’t feel like it; leave me alone Darren.” Henson said in the same calm voice before he went to take a drink of his beer but Darren swatted the bottom of it and dumped it on Henson. Henson sighed out a near growl as he glared at Darren who was now balling up his fist as his pals surrounded him. “What the Hell was that all about Darren?”

              “That’ll be enough Darren.” The bartender said. “You’ve gotta pay for this man’s beer now. Here’s a towel, Henson.”

              Henson grabbed the towel and tried drying himself off but Darren snagged it out of his hands. Henson breathed in slowly, knowing that Darren was trying to get him to start a fight but wouldn’t give him the pleasure. Darren was going to have to start it. Henson started to head off but Darren shoved him back.

              “That’s enough Darren!” The bartender said loudly in a stern voice as he glared at him.

              The bartender handed Henson another towel but didn’t take his eyes off of Darren for more than a second to grab it. Henson started drying off with the towel but kept his eyes on Darren, waiting for him to make another move. He could see it in Darren’s eyes, that he was still going to try something and kept his guard up. As Henson wiped himself down he felt his arms get grabbed before two of Darren’s pals hauled him towards Darren.

              “I said enough Darren!” The bartender yelled angrily but Darren just looked over at him.

              “Stay out of this old man!” Darren replied before he punched Henson as hard as he could but Henson didn’t even flinch. “Oh, you’re a tough guy, eh?”

              Henson really felt the attack, but his anger had him standing straight up and glaring at him. He was fighting his urges to go at the two guys holding him and get to Darren before he could leave. He envisioned himself strangling the life out of Darren but breathed out, focusing on leaving so he didn’t have another smudge on his record that Jacinda could use as an excuse as to why he’s unfit.

              “Let go of me.” Henson said in an angry tone of voice before Darren punched him in his gut again. “Let me go. This is your last warning.”

              “You think you’re somethin’ special huh?” Darren asked with a glare before he punched at Henson, hitting him so hard in his face it sent spit flying from the impact. “Show me!!”

              “No.” Henson replied before pulling Darren’s own friend into Darren’s next punch, as Darren’s friend let go of him Henson spun around and knocked the other friend of Darren’s right to the floor. “Let me go before you get yourself hurt.”

              “Ohhhh…” Darren said angrily before he charged after Henson.

              Henson started heading off for the exit but Darren tackled him into a table, knocking the drinks and food on it flying. Darren started punching Henson repeatedly in his face but his punches were nothing compared to the punches he’d been hit by during his time in the military. He laughed and rolled to his feet but got hit in the back of his head with a glass bottle. It made him stumble forward and as Henson spun around to attack them Darren punched him in the kidney. Darren put Henson in a headlock as Darren’s friend walked up with a broken bottle. Henson felt his rage building inside as Darren’s friend got closer and closer to him with a broken bottle. Henson waited for Darren’s friend get close enough for him to kick at the bottle and as he did Darren started wrenching upwards, stopping Henson from knocking the bottle out of his friend's hands.

              “Stab him! Do it!” Darren said with a sadistic look on his face.

              The next thing Henson knew pieces of wood were flying overhead and Darren’s friend had a confused look on his face. As Henson turned, doing everything he could do in his power to keep from shifting into his bear form there in the bar. Jacinda was standing there with the broken legs of a chair she had just smashed over Darren. He was lying unconscious at her feet and two larger men were baring down on Darren’s friend holding the broken bottle.

              “Put it down; you’re under arrest.” One of them said, pulling out some handcuffs and a badge, “You’re going to jail for assault buddy. Thanks for breaking that up ma’am.”

              “What are you doing here?” Henson asked as he looked at Jacinda, walking back to a table in the back.

              “Well, I was just passing by actually and heard the ruckus. I was worried and thought you might… you know.” She said, but Henson looked over at a waitress as she walked up.

              “I’ll have a beer thank you.” Henson said, completely ignoring Jacinda for a moment before he looked back at her, “I don’t want to talk to you right now Jacinda; we’ll talk tomorrow at session.”

              “Fair enough.” She said with a nod of her head before silently walking off.

              Henson watched over her as she walked, making sure nobody tried anything as she walked through the crowded bar. He knew she was attractive and he also knew that alcohol made people do stupid things. He wondered just how much Darren had had to drink to make him attack him the way he had; he had just lost it. His mind shifted to wondering how long they were going to hold Darren and his friends for jumping him.

              A waitress came by and picked up Henson’s empty bottle before signaling with her hands and asking if he wanted another. Henson nodded at the attractive blonde waitress and watched her backside as she walked away. As he watched her walk, a flashback of the wolf shifter running off ran through his mind. He felt his pulse start to get faster and kept his mind on the now, hoping to stave off any flashbacks. He sighed, feeling his hands starting to shake and thought that he might just not need that last beer. It was too late, the waitress had already walked back with the opened beer, bar rules. He paid the waitress and tipped her, noticing a seductive look in her eyes just before she walked away. A flashback ripped through his head of clawing the wolf shifter to the ground, tearing its throat out with a single swipe and caused his body to jerk. He spilled some of his bear from the convulsion but steadied himself by grabbing the side of the table. Henson breathed out slowly and took a sip of his beer, thinking about his bed and how he hadn’t gotten good sleep in that cabin. He pulled his beer up for another swig as flashes of killing the wolf shifters made him shutter. Henson sighed, irritated that his shifting plagued him like it did and took another drink of his beer before he lit up a cigarette.

              “You must be one tough son of a bitch.” A man said from a few tables away. “Wasn’t that you that nearly got stuck earlier? And here you sit still, just drinkin’ your brew like nothin’ happened. The name’s Pete, what’s yours.”

             
Don't really want to get chatty, my friend
, Henson thought but thought about it for a second and looked back at the man. “My name’s Henson. I don’t know what happened there, usually Darren’s a dick but not that bad.”

              “Yeah, no joke, I’ve never seen him get like that before.” Pete replied, getting up from his table and made like he was gonna head that way. Henson wasn’t in the mood for any conversation so he got up too and chugged a bit more of his beer before he sat it on the table.

              “It’s about that time.” Henson said, metaphorically saying he was about to leave. “It was nice to meet ya Pete, but I’m tired; didn’t get shit for sleep last night and my bed’s callin’ my name.”

              Before Pete could say another word Henson just walked off, heading for the door but kept his wits about him. He made sure nobody was too close to him, close enough to hit him and got out of there as quick as possible. Henson shuttered again as he walked out of the bar, having trouble seeing with flashbacks starting to become more constant. He sighed as his reality began to blur and he started having a hard time distinguishing his flashbacks from what’s real. He made his way towards home as best as he could, but some moments he was back in the woods fighting the wolf shifters and other times he was back at war.

              “Sir, are you alright?” Some lady on the streets asked but Henson heard. “You are doomed to fight.”

              “What?” Henson asked but just shrugged his shoulders and walked off.

              He started focusing on the town, knowing that’s where he really was and wouldn’t let off it. He knew his flashbacks were taking him away and focused on making it home. He stumbled through his house trying to be quiet but only ended up being much louder than normal. Somehow he managed to make it home and in his bed room, but he passed out on the floor fully clothed.

Chapter Eight

              Henson woke up with a much bigger headache than usual and sat up off the floor. He wondered what time it was and looked out the window. Henson tried to judge the time by the color of the light and guessed it to be around noon. He couldn’t believe he had gotten that drunk and thought the same thought everyone else does at that moment.

              “I’m never drinking again.” Henson thought as he forced himself to get up.

              He took a shower and forced himself to eat breakfast despite having no appetite whatsoever; he knew he needed the nutrition, especially electrolytes. There was a fruit drink that Henson bought packages of just for occasions like that and drank one with his breakfast. To him they were his miracle hangover cure; one bottle and his hangover would be gone. It was ironic. As Henson ate his breakfast he thought about not going to his session with Jacinda.

             
I mean why should I really?,
He thought as he ate his eggs, shaking his head to the sides as he chewed.
She’s just gonna say I’m unfit. I don’t even understand what I’m supposed to do to show her I’m fit. It’s just bullshit… I’m going back to Dr. Jones, at least to talk to him about what the Hell I can do about this. Is this some sort of weird trap she plays on guys? What the Hell…

              Henson sighed and finished his breakfast, feeling flashbacks coming on. He grimaced, wishing he could go just a single day without the damn flashbacks. He sighed again and put his dishes away, still undecided on whether or not he was going to go to his session with Jacinda that day. He tried watching television but there was nothing on so he went for a walk. He understood that things would always remind him of stuff he may not want to remember, but he hoped that they would lose their power. He hadn’t been so deep in his flashbacks as he had been the night before, to the point of not being sure where he really was.

              Henson walked down to the store wanting some of his favorite hangover drink. He walked in the store and just tried to take his time with everything, making himself get used to being around other people. It wasn’t really people being around that he didn’t like but the fact that he could rarely control himself when he shifted or when he shifted. The only thing he had ever figured out was that his shifting was tied to his emotions; if any of them skyrocketed he would turned into his bear form.

              As he walked through the store he could have sworn he saw Jacinda but when he glanced back it wasn’t her. He sighed, knowing he was supposed to go to the meeting and felt the urge to go to it just because he was supposed to. Living in the military for nearly a decade is how he had gotten that way, but for the life of him Henson couldn’t remember just how many years he had been in there.

              He grabbed his drink and walked up to the counter, casually nodding at them and forced his face to be less of a scowl. He didn’t mean to scowl most times, he had also gotten that from being in the military, too. Pecking order is always established by confrontations of some sort and in human males that can easily lead to violence, in shifter males that nearly always leads to violence. He paid for his drink and left the store, uncapping it as soon as he got out of the store. Henson staved off flashbacks as best as he could as he just took in the sights of the town. He breathed in deeply and walked off, actually feeling good.

              “Hey, you missed an appointment the other day; what was up with that?” Stacy asked as she noticed Henson on the street.

              “I was tied up with other things.” He replied, trying to be as casual as possible but didn’t know what else to say. They both kept walking the same way down the street and Henson started trying to think up a reason to head in another direction. “So how many appointments can I miss? I just wonder; I thought it was one.”

              “Well, it is.” Stacy replied, noticing a slight jump in Henson’s step. “Jacinda just said you had a good reason to have missed it. She sent guards looking for you, ya know.”

              “Yeah, I heard about that part.” Henson replied, feeling a bit more relaxed and felt like it was getting easier to just talk to nearly random people. He had only ever really spoken to her a few times. “I did have a good reason.”

              “Not gonna tell me, huh?” Stacy said in a joking tone of voice, as if she was teasing Henson but he just faked a smile, playing the part. “Alright, well I’ll see ya later for a few. Maybe stand by my desk for a few. We can chat before your appointments. Why not?”

              Henson nodded, not really sure how he felt about it but was glad to be making friends. The only other person besides Jacinda and the bartender that Henson had gotten to know was Darren, and that wasn’t a healthy relationship. He thought about the Pete guy he had met that seemed friendly, but Henson had been too drunk and didn’t give him a chance. He hoped he would be at the bar some other time but didn’t plan on going there for a while. Henson actually felt like talking to random people but he was still too nervous and shy to try it. He wanted to be social, but he just didn’t really know how. He used to be talkative when he was younger, before the military, but even then he wasn’t a conversationalist and didn’t quite know how to steer conversations or properly end them.

              He still wasn’t sure if he was going to go to the session with Jacinda or try to get hold of Dr. Jones. The more he thought about it the more he realized that he just needed to relax again, get used to being around people and be friendly. He sighed as he still didn’t quite feel like going to see Jacinda but didn’t want to be unfit for the rest of his days. For once, his flashbacks actually helped him figure things out as he heard echoes of his superiors telling him to do what he has to do repeatedly in his head. He gritted his teeth and made his decision, knowing he had to go to the session with Jacinda.

              When it came time for the session, Henson headed for the office, looking forward more to talking to Stacy than to his actual session with Jacinda. It was so rare to talk to someone he had no interest in. He made himself continue on, feeling himself wanting to turn back and go home every step of the way. It was worse that the first time he had gone there but at least that time he had talking to Stacy to look forward to. When he walked in she flashed a smile at him but held up her finger as she finished up some paperwork.

              “Hi, nice to see you.” Stacy said. “How’s the rest of your day been?”

              “Are you the secretary or the counselor?” Another patient asked in an irritated tone of voice from the waiting room just to the side.

              “Sir, she happens to be a friend of mine.” Henson said in a calm yet stern tone of voice but squeezed his jaws shut afterwards. He could feel a bit of anger start to rise in him. Stacy didn't need people like that.

              Apparently standing up to the man was enough to get him to quiet right down. Henson did his best to keep a scowl off his face and let go of the anger. He stood there for a moment while Stacy finished up her paperwork but over the counter he could see into Jacinda’s office. She looked over at him and his stomach knotted up with nervousness.

              “So what were you doing down that way earlier?” Henson asked Stacy, looking down at her as he started to think maybe Jacinda had sent her to watch after him. He had been getting the feeling he was being watched even before the store. “I’ve never ran into you down there before.”

              “Well I’m here from eight to five every day, so it’s pretty rare to catch me anywhere else.” Stacy said with a laugh that hid a bit of misery.

              “Mr. Phillips.” Jacinda said as her last patient walked out.

              “That’s my cue.” Henson said, nodding a farewell to Stacy before he walked off into Jacinda’s office with a smile on his face, as forced as it was.

              “Well, you look like you’re in a better mood.” Jacinda said in a chipper tone.

              “Uh, yeah.” Henson said, wondering if he should even tell Jacinda that he was faking being in a better mood. He knew he was trying to trick himself into just becoming that way but still hoped that it would work.

              “So, I wanted to ask you about some stuff because it’s blacked out in your files.” Jacinda said. With the mention of his files, flashbacks of stacking bodies flooded Henson’s head but it only made him blink slowly and sigh a little. “What unit were you with when you were in the military?”

              “It’s classified.” Henson responded instinctively before he lit up a cigarette just knowing that Jacinda was going to pry on it.

              “Henson, c’mon, it’s me. I kind of need to know that information to help understand you and what you’re going through.” Jacinda replied, tilting her head to the side. Henson noticed that she was wearing a near turtle-neck shirt and showed absolutely no cleavage. “I wasn’t even Phillips to get the information from Dr. Jones and it’s kinda pissing me off.”

              “Irritating isn’t it? Having that one thing you want but just can’t have it with just a single person standing between you and it?” Henson replied, realizing their positions were nearly identical. He grinned playfully at her, knowing that it was bugging her just as bad as wanting a normal life was bugging him and just took a drag off of his cigarette, enjoying every moment.

              “I’m not the one the lack of information hurts Henson.” Jacinda said in a little more of a stern voice than before. Henson sighed, rubbed his face anxiously and took a drag off of his cigarette.

              “I was part of a covert operation unit. That’s why everything is blacked out. I mean, that much is obvious right?” Henson said sarcastically, trying to make himself laugh even though he was frustrated and was getting more irritated the more flashbacks of his covert ops days flooded his head; he began twitching and tensed up before he put his cigarette out but then relit it. “Remember when I told you about me stacking bodies? Well that was when I was in that unit. The same goes for when I took down that village myself… ugh… Sarge said he wanted to see what I was capable of… I… I… I did too, but at the time I was in a mindset that these people were our enemies. Hell, most of them had openly attacked fellow soldiers of ours during the day.”

              “What do you mean during the day?” Jacinda asked, twirling a pencil in her fingers as Henson smoked hit his cigarette.

              “We always attacked at night. We used it for cover and for deniability. We could simply say some animals attacked them. They never had any evidence that we were there, maybe fur, but it wasn’t anything human that they could use to track us.” Henson replied, shaking his head back and forth as memories flashed through his head of the dead bodies he had killed then made the mistake of making eye contact with; he felt like that haunted him worse than killing them did.

              “You’re not there anymore, you don’t have to live like that and, in fact, you can’t keep living like that. Especially being a shifter.” Jacinda said quietly. “You could turn yourself feral.”

              “I was close to it.” Henson explained, shaking his head to the side as he felt horrible for his past actions. “I just want to have a normal life, a life without the pain, without the flashbacks… without… ugh… you’re lucky you didn’t get the shifter gene.”

              “We’re actually out of time already.” Jacinda said, looking at her clock, “Wow, time flies…”

              “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” Henson said, putting his cigarette out casually.

              “What are you doing later?” Jacinda asked. Henson couldn’t help but think of when her lips were wrapped around him and visualize taking her to bed but did his best not to let his urges control him and played it cool.

              “I’m probably not going to the bar, that’s for sure.” Henson said with a chuckle as he walked over towards the door. “Why, what time do you get out of work?”

              “Eight o’clock. I was thinking we could catch a late dinner.” Jacinda said with a smile.

              “I’d like that.” Henson replied, smiling without even trying. For once, he felt happy.

              Henson walked out with a grin on his face, unable to scowl if he wanted to; he had a date. As he walked out Stacy looked at him with a weird look on her face as if she was confused by his grin but he didn’t care and she just went back to her paperwork. Henson walked outside and headed for the store, smacking his lips together in thirst. Along the way he thought he saw Darren but knew he couldn’t have gotten out of jail already. He walked as casually as he could on his way to the store, enjoying everything from the sunlight to the mid-summer breeze.