Love Bear Nun (3 page)

Chapter Three

              The next day Henson woke up with the same headache he usually had. After a shower and breakfast it went away like normal, but the flashbacks didn’t. Those seemed to be there to stay, forever. He tried not letting it bother him and just continued about his day, enjoying it despite the dark visions he was seeing. Clawing and biting people, throwing their bodies into a mass grave… just decimating whoever he was sent after. His workouts didn’t seem to do anything to help get his mind off of things. Lifting large amounts of weight reminded his body of throwing enemies into the air, seeing the flashbacks happen as he did it and it forced him to quit his workout regimen. He had just started it anyway. He sighed and thought about what he might do throughout the day until his session.

              He sat down and watched some television for a while, hoping against hope that it would help his flashbacks, at least for a moment. He had only been awake for a few hours by that point and had had several flashbacks he couldn’t control. Sometimes he could feel them coming on and sometimes he could control those ones, but not all the time. He sighed as he started getting frustrated about not being able to go to work, seeing Jacinda as the single person standing in his way. He didn’t understand how making him incapable of getting a job was supposed to help him get back to being normal, to him it seemed like the exact opposite of what they should do. He decided to go out for a walk to kill some time until his session, feeling like possibly trying to talk to his old superiors about getting out of it.

              He walked outside into the warm breeze and just took in the sights and sounds. People clamoring all about walking every which way and going about their days. He just tried to feel normal and did as they did, he walked around. He knew most people there probably had a destination and he did too, it just wasn’t a physical destination. As he walked he lit up a cigarette just to keep with feeling normal. As he walked passed a convenient store he looked over and noticed Darren walking out. Darren wasn’t alone this time and had a group of guys with him, giving Henson a bad feeling immediately.

              “Well, lookie here!” Darren said, reinforcing that bad feeling Henson was getting, “If it isn’t the old war dog out for a stroll… careful boys, this one barks.”

              “Ugh…” Henson sighed as he tried to just keep walking but one of Darren’s boys stepped in the way and stopped him.

              “Where do you think you’re goin? I’m talkin’ to you!” Darren said in as degrading as a tone as he could.

              “You wanna…” One of Darren’s boys suggested, insinuating attacking Henson.

              Internally Henson wanted them to attack him, pummeling them would be self-defense but he was still scared he would end up killing them and he didn't need to add to his already high body count.

              “Nah, this punk bitch isn’t worth the bloody knuckles.” Darren said, glaring at Henson, who just chuckled and kept walking.

              He couldn’t let Darren get the best of him. He knew it would cost him that regular life. Darren didn’t have much of a life either so Henson figured he was just trying to make sure nobody else’s was worth anything either. He continued his walk and headed out of town, looking for any signs of wolf shifters in the area. He looked for scat or tracks that would suggest they were there but couldn’t find anything. As he walked through the field outside of town he thought about letting his inner bear out and running as fast as he could but knew that was a bad idea.

              He remembered one of the last things his superior told him before thy released him, "Remember, we didn't contain all the wolves. You may come in contact with rogue packs out there in civilian life. If so, remember your training. We can't have them. It's why you were injected with bear DNA. It's why you were bred to be a shifter and an assassin."

              He headed back for the town, feeling like he had been on a wild-goose chase and wondered why he ever put any stock into a drunk’s rumor. As he headed into town he spotted something white that caught his eye. When he looked he was shocked and somewhat scared of what he seen; wolf fur. He wasn’t fearful for his safety but the safety of other people there in the town. By the looks of the wolf fur they were in the town. He started looking for tracks inside the town, trying to pick up their track to follow them. As he searched he checked the time and realized he was a few minutes from being late so he hurried up to Jacinda’s office. He didn’t even like calling it the counselor's office in his mind.

              “You look… sweaty… Are you alright?” The attendant at Jacinda’s office said as Henson walked in.

              “Yeah, I’ve just been… working out. Went for a run outside of town before my session; lost track of time.” Henson said before casually walking over to the lobby area. He actually did feel relieved from his jog despite coughing a lot from smoking.
Gonna have to give that up eventually,
he thought.

              “Mr. Phillips?” Jacinda said as she walked out into the lobby. Henson got up and followed her into her office, unable to keep himself from looking at the way the fabric clung to every curve on her as she walked ahead of him. “So how is your day going?”

              “Pretty good. I think I found something I can do to feel better. I went for a jog before this session and it has me feeling a lot more at peace. I feel alive.” Henson said; not lying, but at the same time he wasn’t telling the whole truth either. He knew he couldn’t tell Jacinda about finding the wolf shifter hair or else she would send the authorities, making it impossible for him to look into it and at the same time he knew she would use it as an excuse as to why he wasn’t fit for a job somehow. “Yeah, it was great; I jogged from just outside of the city into the city. It wasn’t a far jog, but it got my blood pumping.”

              “It got endorphins flowing through your body, that’s why you’re feeling ‘alive’ right now.” Jacinda replied as she leaned back in her chair. She was wearing a little tighter shirt than she had worn either of the two days before and Henson didn’t know if she was doing it on purpose to taunt him or not. “How are your flashbacks going?”

              “They’re flashing.” He replied with a chuckle, trying to make himself smile. “I keep seeing different kills over and over. Different ways I killed them. Different piles I stacked of corpses. Ugh… the voices… they kept me up last night despite the booze. I guess you could say the booze didn’t mask them as well as they normally do.”

              “Did the voices start at the same time as the flashbacks or after?” Jacinda asked as she leaned forward in her seat and started writing something on a piece of paper.

              “After.” He replied, unintentionally letting her know that his symptoms were getting worse, “No, wait… no… I think actually they were around the same time. Or… not… I’m not sure.”

              “Well, you’ve just got to recognize that they’re not real and you’ve already told me that you know they aren’t. You said you know they aren’t alive so how can dead people speak?” She asked.

              “Through flashbacks.” He replied while squeezing his eyes shut.

              “What are you seeing now?” Jacinda asked but Henson didn’t want to answer and clinched his jaws together. “Henson, what are you seeing now?”

              “Dead people talking. They have no eyes and their skin is shriveled.” Henson said, walking over to the window before he lit up a cigarette. He took a drag off his cigarette and felt a bit of relief. “That I know isn’t real. Why am I seeing that?”

              “It’s a false memory Henson, it’s a delusion caused by Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.” Jacinda explained as Henson tried calming his anxiety by smoking his cigarette. “I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean to cause anything.”

              “It’s alright…” Henson said, feeling his body shaking a bit. “You had no idea that would happen?”

              “No. Well, it’s possible, but rare.” Jacinda explained, “But I didn’t expect anything to happen. So you say exercising has been helping you feel better?”

              “Not lifting weights anymore; it started to remind me of throwing bodies earlier and I had to stop.” Henson replied before taking a drag off his cigarette.

              “So you jog and smoke?” Jacinda asked, looking down at the cigarette in his hand. “Those things aren’t healthy for you; they’re actually deadly.”

              “Yeah, I smoke and jog and sometimes I smoke while I jog.” Henson said sarcastically, trying again to make himself laugh but succeeded in making Jacinda laugh. “Oh, did you like that?”

              “It’s good to see you have a sense of humor. The other day I wasn’t sure if you had one or not.” Jacinda said. “You were quite angry, at me no less; I didn’t do anything to you.”

              “You’re in my way from my normal life.” Henson said, immediately irritated and angry again as all the emotions he was trying to hold back rushed to the surface, “If you’d just sign these damn papers…”

              “No, Henson.” Jacinda replied sternly, “You’ve got to get healthier mentally before I sign those papers.”

              “So you’re saying to get control over my supposed anger issue, huh?” Henson said in as calm of a voice as possible. “I’m calm right now. The number one thing that pisses people off is being told to stay calm when they’re already fine. On top of that don’t you think that having a normal job to do every day would be useful in returning to a more stable life?”

              “Prove that you’re ready for social interaction again.” Jacinda said, leaning forward in her chair.

              “And just how do I do that?” Henson asked, still keeping eye contact with her. “Isn’t not beating up the jerk at the bar a good enough show that I’m ready?”

              “Not really, no. I mean, I want to say that that’s all it would take but you’ve got prove it over and over. One time isn’t going to cover it.” Jacinda said and when she did Henson felt a weight drop on his chest, feeling like it dragged down to his gut.

              “How much longer is this session?” Henson said, looking up at the clock as flashbacks of running low to the ground and tackling people running for their lives from him started going through his head. He winced and lit up another cigarette. “It seems like it’s taking longer than usual. Why does time do that?”

              “I’m a counselor not a theoretical physicist, Henson.” Jacinda said in a joking tone. “What do you think is making it take longer?”

             
The things running through my mind about you
, Henson thought as he took a drag off his cigarette before he spoke out loud. He didn’t want to tell her about the running low to the ground flashback, not sure how she would take it. “I don’t know, doesn’t time seem to take forever to you sometimes?”

              “Yeah, usually when I’m bored.” Jacinda replied, tilting her head to the side. “Are you bored?”

              “No, I just really don’t want to be here.” Henson replied honestly. “I wanna go back out for a jog.”

              “Newfound love for jogging, eh?” Jacinda asked as she sat back in her chair and looked out the window. “It is a nice day out, but I’m not into jogging.”

              “The adrenaline rush was fun though.” Henson said without hesitation before he chuckled, “Plus, it’s healthy.”

              “Quitting smoking would be healthier.” Jacinda suggested with a half-smile half-serious look on her face.

              “Yeah, and then I could win the lotto.” Henson replied sarcastically with a grin on his face. “How much longer is this damn session? You didn’t answer last time.”

              “We only have a few more minutes left. Anything you want to talk about?” Jacinda asked.

              "Were you always a counselor," he asked, not sure why it popped into his mind.

              "No, actually I was a nun when I was younger. I left the convent and went to finish my degree and that led me to being a counselor. I guess you could say, this is what I was meant to do." She replied, looking through the window.

              "I'd have never pegged you for a nun, Ms. Liberty," Henson said as he looked at the stunning features of her.
How could anyone look like that and be a nun?