Lost in Silence (The Lost Series Book 1) (27 page)

Hudson

Missy had prepared a welcome home feast big enough to feed fifty people, and like usual there weren’t any leftovers. Between the squad and a suddenly ravenous Alice, there wasn’t a crumb. I took her appetite as a good sign.

After dinner, I noticed her fading. The nap she had taken on the plane ride home was nowhere near enough for the exhaustion I knew she was feeling. The guys noticed it too and they made their departures one by one, each hugging her tightly at the door. They knew how much this woman meant to me and this was their way of accepting her into our family. Even Bear hugged her, although it was one of the most awkward moments I’ve ever seen. Alice smiled shyly, catching his eyes for a brief moment and I knew it was because she wanted him to see the gratitude and understand she had for him.

Zero waited for the others to finish before approaching her. My body moved towards them but Alice shoots me a stern look, freezing me in my spot. She knew I was angry with him, she’d been taken on his watch but I also knew she was struggling. She carried guilt for what she did to him, convincing him to let her go home alone, for all the babysitting comments and for being the reason there was bad blood between he and I.

“Zero,” she whispers before wrapping her arms around his waist. Her head rests on his broad chest.

“Fucked up,” he grunts wrapping his arms around her. “Should’ve never let you go alone that night.”

“It’s not your fault,” she replies, pulling back to look him in the eyes. She reaches up and touches the side of his face where a large bruise had formed, the only sign of my attack. “I didn’t want you to go.”

“Doesn’t matter, it was my job to keep you safe,” he says gruffly. “Asshole would’ve never laid a hand on you if I’d done my job.”

“I know but this isn’t on you Zero, it’s on me...”

“No, it’s not. You felt safe and you had every right to feel that way, meant I was doing my job,” he cuts her off. “But I should’ve known better.”   

“Zero…”

“I’m glad he’s dead,” he cuts her off again. “Sorry I wasn’t the one to do it and you got to carry it with you but he’s gone now. You’re safe and he can’t hurt you anymore.”

I hold my breath, waiting for Alice to react. No one’s mentioned what happened to her, although everyone knows after tonight. I notice Missy and Jeanette standing off to my left, their also watching the two of them.

“I’m glad he’s dead too,” Alice’s voice breaks the silence. Her face is blank but her eyes waged a different war. “He can’t hurt anyone anymore.”

“You don’t hold onto that, you hear me?” he tells her because he sees the same war raging in her eyes I had. On top of everything she was struggling with the guilt of taking a life. “You let that shit go. You don’t, you’re just giving him power, even in death.”

She flinches from his words but he’s right and she needs to hear it from someone other than me. He pulls her to him one more time hugging her tightly before letting go and walking out of the house. She stands and watches him go, her eyes on him down the walkway to his truck. It isn’t until he pulls away she closes the door and turns, her eyes look for me. I close the distance between us and take her in my arms. She’s slumps exhaustedly against me. The night drained what strength she had left.

“You should go lay down,” I suggest, rubbing her back. Jeannette comes up beside us.

“I’m going to head home with Missy,” she explains. Alice turns her head, resting it against my chest but her eyes on her mother. “You gonna be okay?”

Alice yawns and nods, she was fading fast, “Come for breakfast?”

“I’d like that,” Jeanette smiles, her eyes bright. She steps back and looking at me. I read her eyes clearly.

“You’re welcome to stay,” I offer but I need to be clear where I stand with her daughter. “The bed pulls out and it’s quite comfortable.”

Jeanette falters for only a second, reading me loud and clear.

“I think its better this way, gives you both some privacy,” she nods and touches my arm, her warm brown eyes glisten up at me. “Thank you Hudson, for everything.”    

She turns and links arms with Missy who’s smirking at me. I roll my eyes at her and lean down to kiss Alice’s hair. They make their exit and it isn’t until I hear Missy’s car start I lift Alice into my arms and carry her to our bed. She was fast asleep even before I pulled the covers up around her.

“I love you, precious,” I whisper against her hair, knowing how lucky I got today. How lucky we all got.

*****

Alice

The last few days have been a blur, an absolute whirlwind and the people around me a blessing.  Between breakfasts with my Mom, dinners spent with our dwindling group, nights spent in Hudson’s arms, I haven’t been able to sit down and process everything. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing but I’m just enjoying the company of those I have come to know and love.

I stare at myself in the mirror, amazed at the strong confident woman staring back at me. I never thought I’d make it this far but I’m grateful for it. Now if only I could get Hudson to stop treating me like I’m a fragile piece of glass that will break if he does more than kiss me. It was frustrating and every time I tried to bring up the subject with him, we are interrupted by someone stopping in to check on us. It was making me crazy.

“Alice?” My mother’s voice calls from the kitchen.

“In here,” I call back, putting away my hairbrush and the little bit of makeup I have. I close the door to the bathroom just as she enters into the room.

“Hi sweetie,” she smiles, her eyes move about the room nervously, eventually settling on me. “I was hoping you had a moment we could talk?”

“Sure,” I sit down at the end of the bed, patting the spot beside me. She hesitates before finally sitting, clasping her hands in her lap. “Everything okay?”

“Yes,” she tells me but she’s fidgety.

“Mom, relax,” I smile and reach for her hand. She relaxes.

“I’m going to head home in a couple of days,” her voice is soft.

“Okay,” I respond, everything becoming a little clearer.

“I was wondering,” she pauses and takes a deep breath. “Maybe you might want to come back with me?”

“I...I hadn’t thought of it honestly,” I answer. My throat feels thicker.

“I figured as much but I wanted you to know I’d like it if you did,” she pats my hand, her nervousness no longer as strong. “I know you have a life here, you have friends and Hudson’s here. But I’m worried about you.”

“I know.”

“I think you should talk to someone,” she looks down at her hands. “We’re not stupid Alice. We know you’re putting up a front. A good one but one day it isn’t going to be enough.”

She’s right of course. I’d been fooling myself believing I could continue on like the last few days. I was just too frightened to face it though. “You’re right.”

“I like Hudson, don’t get me wrong, he is a good man and he cares for you deeply, it’s just…”

“You’re afraid of me getting serious with someone after everything I’ve been through,” I cut her off, finishing the thought for her. She nods. “I’ve had the same concerns and I know they’ve been on Hudson’s mind too.”

“You’ve talked with him about this?”

“No, I’ve tried but we don’t get a lot of privacy these days.”

“I understand,” she smiles sadly, bursting the happy bubble I’d been living in. “You can come home, get your life back together and figure stuff out. If he loves you Alice, he’ll understand. Give it some thought, talk to him about it.”

“I will,” I nod, suddenly torn between my mother and Hudson. I already knew Hudson would understand because he wanted what’s best for me, even if it took me away from here. If I’m honest, I want to stay, to make a life here but only if Hudson wanted me. I couldn’t imagine living in this town, surrounded by these people, without him by my side but his obligation to me was done. His promise to protect me from Erik was fulfilled. With things cooled between us, I wasn’t sure how he felt anymore. I know he cared about me but he hadn’t said anything about love or spoken about a future. In fact, he’s never talked about the future with me. I couldn’t help wondering why. I didn’t know where we stood and I was suddenly nervous to ask.

Would he want me to stay? Or would he let me go?

Hudson

Alice told me about the chat she had with her mother regarding Chicago and I felt instantly sick. I didn’t want her to go but I knew in my heart I couldn’t make the choice for her. As much as I wanted to beg, borrow and steal for her, I had to let her figure this one out on her own. I could have told her then and there how much I loved her and how much I wanted her to stay but I couldn’t do that to her. I was sure she knew what I felt for her, even though I hadn’t said the words. So I had to trust she would make the right choice for both of us.

She went to bed shortly before dinner tonight, claiming a headache but I think it had to do with the choices she was now facing. Jeanette and Missy still came by for dinner, their concern for Alice obvious. Jeanette knew Alice had told me about their talk and I couldn’t help feeling a small amount of animosity towards the woman. She had her daughter’s best interest at heart but this was the first home Alice has had in six years and she wanted her to leave it. To leave me and that didn’t sit well with me.

I wander out onto the front porch after Alice headed to bed using the cool night air to clear my head and shake off the dread I was feeling.

“You’re going to have to let her go,” Jeanette’s voice is soft, making me turn my head towards her. Her gaze is on the trees around us. She was right and I knew I would do it if Alice made the choice to go.

“I know,” panic surges through my body because I didn’t want to let her go.

“I know you don’t want to,” Jeanette’s words causing me to flinch. She places her hand on my arm in a motherly way. “I know you love her Hudson but I also know you’ll do what is right for her.”

I close my eyes, her words sinking deeper into my chest. I wanted to be selfish but I couldn’t. I conjure up a vision of Alice, her beautiful face and smile warms me. I can’t help the smile that slips into place on my lips.

Fuck, I love her.

With everything I am.

“I’m glad you do because it means you’ll
always
do what is best for her, even if it doesn’t seem like it is at first,” Jeanette continues. I open my eyes and look over at her. “I want to take her home Hudson, to Chicago. I think it will be good for her.”

“What did she say about it?”

“She didn’t say anything, she wanted to talk it over with you first,” she tilts her head to the side and gives me a smile. Her eyes are brimming with understanding. She knows how much I care for her daughter and she’s counting on me to right by her. “She loves you too.”

I nod.

“You’ve given her the strength to overcome so much Hudson, to defeat so many demons. If it wasn’t for you,
he
would have won.”

“No, you’re wrong. It wasn’t me who gave her strength. She had it already, deep inside.”

“You showed her how to use it.”

“Again, wrong. She used it the night she ran and she’s been using it ever since,” my voice is gruffer than I wanted but I didn’t like anyone thinking Alice wasn’t strong in her own right, not even her mother. Jeanette turns her eyes back to the scenery, her hand still on my arm, the silence of the night all around us. After a few moments longer, she stands.

“She needs you to let her go Hudson. She needs to heal from all of this. I know you love each other and in no way am I trying to keep you two apart but Alice needs to find herself before committing to something this serious,” she pauses, takes a breath and finally continues. “You’re it for her and I know you feel the same. Just give her some time. Please. That’s all I am asking.”

She turns and walks back into the house, closing the door softly behind her.

Her words have frozen me in place.
Just give her some time.

Time. It didn’t seem like a bad idea and she had a point. Alice has a lot of healing to do. She has to come to terms with everything she’s been through, especially killing the man responsible for it all. She might seem all right on the outside but I know better. Killing someone isn’t something you take lightly, no matter the reason. Alice isn’t a killer by any means but it didn’t mean she wasn’t feeling guilty for what she did. Whether giving her time was the right answer or not, I didn’t know. What I did know was she didn’t have to be alone to get through it.

Missy and Jeanette leave after cleaning up dinner and all evidence of our shared meal is gone. I walk back into the house after seeing them off, Alice is seated in my chair, a blanket tucked around her. Seeing her there, so comfortable in her element, I couldn’t help being swept away.

“Are they gone?” she asks softly. I nod, placing my hands in the pockets of my jeans.
Time
. I wish I could freeze it, right here in this moment, when she looks so soft. “I confess I didn’t have a headache. I needed time to think, can’t do that with everyone always here.”

“You okay?” I step towards her.

“I love you,” she whispers and I stop. She looks up at me, her eyes glistening with tears. “I know you probably don’t feel the same but…”

“Are you my woman?” I ask, cutting her off. My body is in motion, stopping directly in front of her. She stares up at me confused.

“Hudson...” she starts but I sense she isn’t going to say it, so I do it for her. I take a chance giving it all to her.

“You’re mine,” the words echo through the room and I feel a shift in my gut. I pull her up from the chair, blanket and all, cupping her face in my hands. She takes a deep breath and nods, confirming my words. I want this woman, body and soul. I’ll be damned if I let her slip through my fingers without giving it to her. She didn’t need healing, she was already healed. She didn’t need time. She had six years taken from her. What she did need, I’d be there to make sure she got it. “I’ve sat here for days trying to figure out how I’m going to let you go, trying to be supportive and not pressure you in anyway but I’m done with that. You want to go to Chicago, fine we’ll go to Chicago. Together. You want to stay here, we’ll stay here. You need help, help I can’t give you or we’ll find someone to help you. Doesn’t matter what choice you make, precious, because I’m going to be there every step of the way. I’ll always be at your side.”

“Hudson...”

“You woke something inside of me, something I thought died years ago. You make me feel alive and I’m not taking any more chances. Got to keep my heart safe. Didn’t listen to my gut the first time, not going to make that mistake again.”

“Hudson...”

“Got your mother telling me to let you go, you need time to heal...the way I see it, if you needed time, you wouldn’t be in my bed every night, itching to be touched. You’ve moved past all that shit because you got a taste of something good, a taste of how a real man treats a woman. Nothing and no one will change the way I see you, because I love you too and you’re
my
woman. Not going to ask you to stay. Not going to tell you to go. Just going to be there with you when you make your choice,” I finish and her soft brown eyes spill over with tears. I can see happiness shining through at me.

“You love me?” She whispers and I brush away her tears with my thumb, pressing a light kiss on each cheek.

“I love you, Alice. I didn’t know how to say it,” I rest my forehead against hers, breathing in her air. “You’re it for me, precious.”